Takes

The kickoff will never be removed from the NFL

Do you think the kickoff is going to be gone in a few years? No way. No way? No, it's football. We've got to keep the foot in football.

The NFL should replace the onside kick with a 4th and 15 conversion attempt

The onside kick is pretty much dead with the new rules, I do think they've got to come up with something. Give a team a chance. Maybe you've got to convert a fourth and 15 or something or a fourth and 12 or something just to get the ball back and regain possession.

Lamar Jackson needs at least a 60% completion rate for the Ravens' downfield offense to succeed

What does success look like for [Lamar Jackson] next year? I'd say it's minimum 60% completion rate because we're going to be throwing the ball downfield, so it's not going to be a dink and dunk offense. He can make short throws and he has to make, you know, you've got to complete those at like 85%.

Lamar Jackson's NFL success represents a 'revolution' not 'evolution'

Our job is to make sure that we do everything we can to create this offense. And I would say that, well, the league has never seen before since, like, 1950. So, like, we have to, you know, what comes around goes around. It's not evolution. It's revolution.

Joe Flacco was elite — elite guy, elite person, absolutely

Was [Joe Flacco] elite? Elite. Elite guy. Elite person. Absolutely.

The NFL should implement a 'Sky Judge' official in the press box

Let's put an official up in the box. He doesn't have to be a replay guy. Just make him the sky judge. Let him officiate the game from up there too. Just the big stuff, just the clear, obvious stuff.

Robert Griffin III's best football is still ahead of him

I think a lot of people might chuckle at this, but I would say this. His best football is ahead of him. I really believe that.

The 2011 Ravens were more talented than the 2012 Super Bowl team

Really, that was probably our best team, 2011. The most talented team. We were probably better than the 2012 team.

The subway system in New York contains significant amounts of human skin in the air

The subway has skin. You're breathing skin in the subway. ... A study reveals that in addition to dirt and other organic matter, 15% of the material analyzed was human skin.

Bryce Harper probably demanded his $330M contract be paid entirely via Cash Card

I bet you that Bryce Harper has a cash card. I bet you he demanded his entire contract to be paid in the cash card. Do you know why? Because $330 million is cool. But you know what's really cool is having the cash card from the Cash App.

Kyler Murray is officially draftable on my board because he measured at 5'10"

So 5'10", I like him now. He is draftable. He moved up my big board. He is still undraftable for John Elway, like eight inches too short. John Elway even said that. He was like, yeah, he's... You can't get him under center.

Jason Witten's return to the NFL is a genius move to save his broadcasting legacy

What Jason Witten has just pulled off... with the one year of broadcasting that he did. And he was bad. He was very bad. He is now going back to the NFL, and now he can forever be the guy where, well, he never got his second year, so we don't know. The jury's still out on whether or not Jason Witten is bad, and history will be kind to him and not mock him.

Peyton Manning's low eyes-to-forehead ratio would make him great in the booth

I actually think [Peyton Manning] would be very, very good in the booth. You talk about a guy with low eyes. He sets the record for lowest eyes to forehead ratio.

A coach trying to be someone they aren't, like Bill Belichick, is what hurts them most

Trying to be who you're not hurts you. If you try to be Bill Belichick, there's only one Bill Belichick. You can't be that guy. So if your team is practicing outside, when you have an indoor practice bubble, even though it's freezing outside and the players hate it, you're trying to be Belichick. You're not being Matt Patricia. Be who you are.

Bill Belichick now enjoys draft building and roster construction more than coaching

Somebody in the league told me this. They said, I think Belichick enjoys the draft building part of the process now more than he does coaching. Which is weird, right? Because this was his best coaching job ever. This past year.

Dwayne Haskins is the clear-cut #1 quarterback in the 2019 draft

Haskins is number one. Better than Kyler Murray. Clear cut, stand in the pocket, read the field quarterback.

Josh Allen will be the best quarterback from the 2018 rookie class

I'm all over Josh Allen. I think he's the best. I think he's going to be the best of the group.

Antonio Brown is a 'quitter' and I wouldn't give up more than a third-round pick for him

What would I give up for him? The third round pick. That's it? No more. I tend to agree with you. He quit. He quit. He's a quitter. Let me say it again. He's a quitter. If I'm on his team and the Steelers players weren't happy about it, he quit on them. So do you want that in your building?

Eli Manning didn't play as poorly in 2018 as the media portrays

Eli didn't play that bad last year. He did not. He did not. Dude, sir. The team stopped. His line was awful. I said he didn't play as poorly as you guys are portraying.

The city of Philadelphia will turn on Bryce Harper within five years

I have a prediction. I think that the city of Philadelphia is going to turn on Bryce Harper within five years. Give it four, actually. I think that given Bryce's history... He's such a streaky player. He's got a little bit of an attitude sometimes. But when you're making this kind of money, there's a big, big target on your back.

Bryce Harper is actually 30 years old and the Mormon church is hiding it

Here's a spicy take. I think that Mormons, they say that their players are younger than they really are, kind of like some of the Latin American countries that have gotten in trouble recently. I think Bryce Harper is actually 30 years old, and the Mormon church has kept it indoors.

The Boston Celtics are a complete dumpster fire

Celtics are a complete dumpster fire. I don't really have any championship spin zones. I don't really have any optimistic to say about them. I'm kind of just hoping that it's like one of those things where they're just going through the motions in the regular season.

I would still take Brad Stevens over LeBron James

Still take Brad Stevens. [over LeBron].

It is better to kidnap yourself than face people you owe gambling money to

I don't hate the move. Like if you you got to panic. You faked an entire Super Bowl pool. And now you got to figure out a move out. Just kidnap yourself. Not a bad play. I mean, it sucks now, but I'd probably rather go to jail than have a bunch of people be like, where the fuck is my money?

The Indianapolis airport bathroom is a 7.5 out of 10

I thought my stall was fantastic... handicap stall has its own sink. Lack of urinals is a problem. There's only three... overall PFT, I would give it 7.5.

LeBron James is the best basketball player of his generation and his antics are hilarious

[LeBron] is absolutely the best player of his generation. ... My problem with LeBron lies mostly in the fact that you guys fail to see how hilarious he is. ... without LeBron James in the NBA, there would be so much less laughter.

LeBron James has no friends left and even Carmelo Anthony is ducking his calls

He's such an unusual individual that he's lost all of his friends. ... Even Melo, it's gotten to the point where Carmelo Anthony is ducking LeBron James' calls because that's a toxic friendship.

LeVar Ball is right: LeBron James will never win a championship with the Lakers without Lonzo Ball

Lonzo Ball is actually the most correct of anyone because he said that LeBron will never win without him... or sorry, LeVar Ball, said that LeBron will never win without Lonzo, and the Lakers are not as good of a team when Lonzo's out.

Roy Williams has been a better coach than Coach K since 2003

Three NCAA titles as opposed to Dukes' two since Roy Williams went to UNC. ... UNC has five Final Fours as opposed to Dukes' three since Roy Williams got there. And UNC has eight regular season titles to Dukes' three since Roy Williams got there.

The world will be completely over in 150 years

I am 100% one of those people now that thinks the world's going to be done in 150 years. ... People who are saying we'll figure it out, it's too late. We have not figured it out.

The world will be over in 15 years

I think take away the zero [from 150 years]. Oh, 15. ... [The world's] done.

The word 'thick' is officially cancelled because Trey Wingo used it

My hot seat this week is thick. ... I'm actually canceling thick. Because Trey Wingo, he caught wind of it. ... the fact that Trey used a double C, it was like watching Darren Rovell kill 69 jokes in real time.

The AAF's ratings increase is actually a bad sign because it means fans want 'too good' of football

Ratings were up last week big time... Especially considering that Christian Hackenberg got benched. So they benched him. I don't actually like the fact that ratings went up when he went out. It tells me that the viewers... They want too good a football. If you don't love me at my Hackenberg, you don't deserve me at my Mettenberger.

The Columbus Blue Jackets are the winners of the trade deadline for going all-in

Columbus is a winner for me. They went out and made a bunch of good moves. ... They're trying to win one, and they never even won a playoff series. ... I think the fans kind of deserve it.

Patrick Kane is the greatest American-born hockey player ever

Kane, holy shit, he keeps getting better. It's the best I think it's the best he's ever been. It's just he's the best American-born player ever. That's my hot take of the day.

The New York Islanders are not 'for real' and cannot win the Stanley Cup

I'm going to say, like, no, right? [to are the Islanders for real] ... I understand, too, they think this is the beginning of what will be a successful year... But I don't think they can win the cup.

The Washington Capitals have a 20% chance of repeating as Stanley Cup champions

Pittsburgh did it for the first time in like 20 years... I'm going to say 20%. They're a good team, right? ... I just think that it's tough because guys are exhausted and they've ripped it up extra hard.

LeBron James is a piece of shit teammate and a bad look for the sport of basketball

Big Cat, I know you love hoops, but what he's doing right now... It's actually pathetic. It's just so embarrassing. He's the worst role model I've ever seen. ... He is just a shitbag. He's such a shitty teammate.

Pot Coin will take off in the next six to twelve months

My guys that came up with this idea of PotCoin back in Canada... It's going to take off. I mean, yeah, it's going to take off. I think in the next, say in the next six to 12 months, it should be popping off.

Phil Jackson was more of a friend and mentor than a strict coach during my time with the Bulls

Phil just came at the tail end of the fact that my career was on a down slope... and he just wanted, like, 'okay, Dennis, we're going to finish this shit off right.' And he gave me an opportunity to go out there and just try to finish my career off... He's more of a friend, too, anything.

Michael Jordan never took days off or missed games whereas LeBron James does

Michael, no matter what, he compete, no matter what. LeBron, you can see LeBron, what he's doing. He don't even play defense anymore. He don't give a fuck. Michael played every fucking day, every day, every game. LeBron's taking days off.

If you died before the year 2000, you are essentially a caveman compared to people today

Essentially as much has changed in the world in the last 20 years. Correct. Where if you died prior to the year 2000, you're basically a caveman if we were to bring you back. ... Zero clout. They're fucking idiots.

If you take a private plane to a strip mall in suburban Florida, you aren't doing it for a good reason

If you take a private plane to a strip mall in suburban Florida, you're not doing it for a good reason. That's my big takeaway. Definitely a place that, let's just say, didn't look like the day spa of a billionaire.

Robert Kraft's punishment for the solicitation sting should be jerking off every other NFL owner

As much as I would like to see the Patriots get their entire draft this year and next taken away from them for the actions of the owner, I feel like the punishment should fit the crime, and [Robert Kraft] should have to jerk off every other NFL owner.

Adam Schefter is helping Robert Kraft by reporting there is a 'bigger name' in the prostitution sting

Adam Schefter says there's a bigger name involved, and somehow we don't have the bigger name, which leads me to believe that Adam Schefter is doing Robert Kraft a favor by basically sending everyone on a wild goose chase to figure out if Tiger Woods got jerked off.

Prostitution and sports gambling should both be legal

Prostitution should be legal because gambling should be prostitution and we take all the bad things out of the shadows so that people don't get harmed. [PFT]: Yes, and you should be able to do both on sports.

The Oscars are better without a host

No host is the future. Way better. No stupid gimmicks, you know, when they deliver pizzas or do the selfies or whatever the fuck happens when you run out of bits two hours into the Oscars.

The Minnesota Timberwolves will never win an NBA title due to the Ja Rule curse

The Minnesota Timberwolves will never win an NBA title. It has been declared. You just jinxed yourself talking to the God [Ja Rule] this way. You're cursed now. You won't win a championship for the next 30 years and [Karl-Anthony Towns] is leaving.

Eating out of bowls is superior to eating off plates

Bowls are way, way better than plates. Would we all agree? There's nothing that you can eat out of a plate that you can't also eat out of a bowl. Everything's getting put in a bowl these days.

Joey Logano is a 'baby back bitch' for blocking me on Twitter after I called him 'Slowy Slogano'

My other who's back is that baby back bitch, Slowy Slogano, who blocked me on Twitter for calling him Slowy Slogano. How soft is that? He basically tweeted and said, 'I had a great car, but sometimes it doesn't break your way,' which is a classic... So I filled it in for him, and then he blocked me.