Takes

LeBron James has the Lakers franchise held hostage more than any player in sports history

I don't think there's ever been a player that has held a franchise hostage more than LeBron has a Lakers hostage right now. And it's maybe my favorite ongoing thing that he's pretending that isn't existing.

The Duke 'Brotherhood' is a fraud because John Scheyer and the program failed to stop Kyle Filipowski's grooming situation

Duke, do something... they clearly didn't say it strong enough. They cared more about getting points and rebounds out of the guy than his own mental health wellbeing. The brotherhood means nothing. The brotherhood is essentially the brotherhood until you get groomed as a high schooler and then gets snatched up and then, and then have your girlfriend excommunicate your family. Then guess what? The brotherhood doesn't count.

The USMNT must fire Gregg Berhalter now or give up on the 2026 World Cup

Our players didn't play that well, but our coaching stunk. And so now he's gotta be fired. We gotta fire Greg. Now's time. If we're not gonna fire him now, just might as well give up on the World Cup.

The July 4th holiday is ruined by Joey Chestnut's absence from the Nathan's hot dog contest

America's on the Hot Seat because it just dawned on me again that Joey Chestnut's not competing. That fucking sucks. One of the things that makes it the best holidays is just not gonna be there. And I think we all just need to be like ready for it because it's gonna suck beyond belief.

Ryan Mountcastle will have a massive second half because he's over his vertigo

Ryan Mountcastle. He seems to be over the vertigos, but yeah, he does hit a lot of homers. So he's been saving them. He, this is what he told me. He's been saving them for the second half. And I got him having a big second half.

I would have been a D1 basketball player for Auburn if I had prioritized it over baseball

I would like to think just my competitive nature that I could have gone and played D1 basketball. If I put as much time and effort as I did into baseball, into basketball, I felt like I had a really good chance at doing that. And being an Auburn fan, I would've loved to go to the Auburn Tigers.

Gunnar Henderson was a massive steal in the second round of the Dingers Only draft

I'll take Gunnar Henderson. Fuck. I didn't—I don't know how he lasted that long... I was hoping that PFT was gonna take judge and I was gonna take Gunner, but I had to—he left me Judge and I had to take him. I wanted Gunner. Gunner slipped to the second round.

We are going to take Dungeons and Dragons seriously and try to complete the mission this time

We're taking it seriously this time we're gonna try to complete the mission. Tim is electric as always and it's a great, great listen.

I am going to replace Hank as the person who gets killed and fucked in this Dungeons and Dragons adventure

I just know how this is gonna go. I'm just gonna replace Hank is the guy who gets killed and fucked.

Nothing is hotter than asking for consent even when you know you already have it

It was nothing's hotter than asking for consent when you know that you have it. I think a lot of problems. I agree.

I have a higher alcohol tolerance than dwarves because of my size

But I'm bigger than [the dwarves]. It will take me a lot longer to get drunk. I think [I] might just get drunk with them.

It is better to be a good guy with an axe than a good guy without one

Good guy with an axe though. Absolutely. Better than a bad guy with an ax. Would rather be a good guy with an axe than a good guy without wanting to come across.

The Philadelphia Eagles should have saved their 'double eagle' for late in the season instead of starting hot and crashing

I don't wanna double eagle too early like the football team did last year. We gotta a double eagle late in the season.

The Dwarven vault is in the western portion of the mountain, and the mentions of it being in the east are a faint switch

I think this safe is in the west. It keeps, everyone keeps talking about the east, but if it was in the east and they have the key, they would find it. I feel like it's a faint switch.

I am going to kill Max's eagle as soon as possible

I might have texted and said that we gotta kill Max's eagle ASAP.

The key to the vault is likely located in the chasm

Sounds like [the chasm] is maybe where the key is. ... Since I am a dwarf, I would assume my stepsister also has advantage when it comes to deception and persuasion.

The chief of the orcs probably has the key to the vault

I think the chief, the chief... the chief probably has the key. We gotta just, we gotta tell him. Hey dude, let's, there's five of us. There's one of you give us the fucking key and let's go.

I earn $150,000 per episode of Pardon My Take

$75,000. But actually that was three years ago. We make 150,000. Literally the truth.

The ogre likely swallowed the key to the vault

What if [Great Ulf] swallowed the key? Who swallowed the key? The the fucking guy we're trying to kill.

A wasp and a bee are the same thing

I'm a wasp. It's the same thing [as a bee]. ... I'm a wasp. It's the same thing. It's not. Yeah, I would like to go into that chest.

We are definitely going to kill Hank in the next Dungeons and Dragons episode

But I, it was good team building and we're definitely gonna kill him in the the follow up episode. 100%.

The NBA needs to fix how they announce draft-day trades

Do your fucking trades like a normal league. Correct. Do your trades normally don't... Announce them normally... Via, via via. No. Just put a different logo on there. I'm dumb. I can't understand. I I see the first team and then I'm like, oh, there logos everywhere. That must be who this player is getting picked by. Do it normally.

The NBA should not have a two-day draft because they aren't the NFL

NBA I like it. I I love basketball. I I love the NBA. You're not the NFL. You don't get two days. Okay. Like the, the, the first round was already a bunch of French guys and people that we didn't watch play basketball last year. And now you're gonna make us do two days of this.

There are too many French players in the NBA draft

That's another thing. Too many French. Too many. This kind of, the takeover is, is happening. Dr. Naismith is rolling over in his peach basket.

Jared McCain is the best shooter in the draft and the best shooter since Steph Curry

I like Jared McCain. I think he's good... he's the best shooter in the draft. He's the best shooter since Steph Curry. There have been two freshmen in NCA history with a 0.611 plus true shooting percentage, two hundred ten three-point attempts and 150 plus rebounds. And that's Jared McCain and Steph Curry.

America loses the presidential debate because the only candidates are two 80-year-olds

America loses. Alright. We have a country of 360 million people and all we can find is two guys that are fucking 80 years old and America loses. Two 80-year-old guys with Cokehead sons. America loses.

CrossFit is the ultimate hobby that consumes a person's life and language

CrossFit. It consumes your life. You have to start recruiting other people to go to CrossFit. You put stickers all over your cars, stickers on your laptops... The one that they, they speak in CrossFit language. Yeah. And they, they ask each other constantly. How'd you do on the workout of the day?

Swifties are the number one hobby that becomes an entire personality

Obviously my one one or I guess one two Swifties. I mean, they're the cra they're the number one. Yeah. Right now they're the number one. Yeah. That is their hobby. That becomes their entire personality. Swifties If. you If you see a swifty online. That's all they want to talk about is Swifties.

Disney Adults are the weirdest people in the world

Disney adults. They're the weirdest people in the, the world now... There's a lot of people out there that get married at Disney World. Yeah. Get propose at Disney World. Yeah. They dress up as Disney characters. And I actually think... Disney adults, their hobby becomes their personality traits because the rest of the world no longer accepts 'em.

Wishing yourself a Happy Mother's Day or Father's Day for owning a dog is the craziest thing ever

When a person wishes themselves Happy Mother's or Father's Day when you have just a dog. That's the craziest thing I've ever fucking seen in my life. The craziest thing was actually our guy Tony P in DC... 'what Father's Day means to me as an aspiring father.' That one was a little too much.

Being a 'wife guy' or significant other enthusiast is a hobby that becomes a personality

I was gonna just do like significant other, like when a guy gets a new girlfriend or a girl gets a new boyfriend and they just start posting about them 24/7... significant it plays together is more that's, that's more hobby-ish.

The Sonos app is terrible and needs to be completely fixed

I got something to say about Sonos. Figure it out guys. Ooh, what's up with this app? Why do I need the app to, to play the, the music? I agree. And if you're gonna require me to have the app to play music, at least make the app good. You know? Yes. I gotta be able to go on my Spotify and just click a speaker. Yep. You can do it with everything else.

The Lakers shouldn't draft Bronny James just for the novelty

I just don't wanna be the team that drafts Bronny just for the novelty... I know, but you know, and it's, it'll be cool for like a game and then it's like, well fuck, did we just ruin our future just to have Bronny?

The world needs straight comedy movies that aren't trying to be serious or deep

I see the movies coming out that are kind of comedies and I watch 'em. I feel like they're mid and lacking in comedy... When you put a comedy on, you drop your guard, right? Yeah. When you put on like The Hangover or some shit... And I'm ready to just immerse in this last year.

Arizona basketball will never go back to a Final Four

Arizona like this. You guys are never gonna go back to a final four. So this is the [end]... I went to Wisconsin so we stopped two of those. Damn. Yeah. I don't hate many schools. I hate Wisconsin [too], but we had this debate a while ago.

Mark Pope is an excellent teacher of basketball and will succeed at Kentucky

Mark Pope is, is a... excellent teacher of basketball. He also has, you know, He was also a terrific basketball player that got the maximum of his abilities because he gave it all... I think the fans are gonna fall in love with Mark. 'Cause the thing about him... It's always about team. It's always about Kentucky.

St. John's is much bigger and faster this season and I'm bullish on the team

Well, we're much bigger. We're 7-1, 7-foot, 6-10, 6-9... I have a young man from Utah, Deivon Smith, who is faster than, as fast, if not faster than Peyton Siva... I'm really bullish on this basketball team.

Connor McDavid cannot win the big one

[Connor McDavid] cannot win the big one. That part is unfortunately true unless you count the Conn Smythe trophy as the big one.

NHL goalies should be pulled from the ice with at least four minutes remaining

I think the goalie should have been pulled with like six minutes left in the period... no, I think they just like four and a half... I think you pull the goalie super early... it should definitely be more than one minute 45 seconds.

Dog influencers use their pets' social media accounts to get dates

How often do you think fucking happens between two dog owners or a dog owner with that Instagram handle of their dog and uses the DMs to fuck? ... She slid into my goldendoodle's DMs... not Ms. Peaches because Dave is famous in his own right. I'm talking about like the people who have no fame, but their dog has insane fame. You definitely use that dog to fuck, right? A hundred percent yes.

The Conn Smythe Trophy is the cruelest gift you can give a player who just lost the Stanley Cup

Fuck off on giving me that trophy after I just had my guts ripped out and was on the brink of a historical, historical comeback... why would you want to accept it? It's cool that he won it. He was the best player in these playoffs. He broke all these records, but fuck off on giving me that trophy... I would say it's probably the meanest gift you can give to somebody.

Jaylen Brown's necklace bio-streams caffeine and melatonin into the body digitally

It's caffeine and a necklace... use its patented technology to bio stream compounds like caffeine and melatonin digitally without you having to ingest them... It's thousands of dollars.

Jayson Tatum has no aura

Jayson Tatum has no aura. I have no aura. Perfect. Exa—great. Find it. That's, I have no aura... If you see it, you can tell, you can use, you don't have to know the definition... [Tatum] has no aura.

Caleb Williams has too much aura

You can't say that Caleb Williams doesn't have aura. He has so much. If anything, he's got too much aura.

Three beers is the perfect amount for playing a round of golf

Drank three beers and then the round ended and he ended up in a playoff and won the playoff... he was like, three beers are gonna make me play perfect. Like yes. It's the perfect amount. It is... for the people that say like, I need, you know, you hit a bad shot or you have a couple bad holes. You're like, I need to drink three beers.

The French plan to shit in the Seine to protest the Olympics is an awesome move

I stand with the French on [shitting in the river to protest]. I think it rocks to say we're gonna take a shit on our president. Yes. I think that's a very fun thing to do.

JJ Redick is officially banned from Pardon My Take until he starts podcasting again

[JJ Redick] is no longer in the content game. He's not doing any podcasts anymore. He turned his back on the podcast community that built him up... I think we should ban him from Pardon My Take. JJ is banned from Pardon My Take... unless he decides to do podcasts again.

JJ Redick's coaching experience is basically limited to being a fourth-grade volunteer

Everyone [is] talking about JJ Redick's coaching experience [being] fourth grade volunteer. That was a bad graphic they showed... fourth grade volunteer head coach.

JJ Redick used his podcast with LeBron James as a 4-month job interview for the Lakers

He used podcasting... it's a stepping stone job... LeBron, you can have conversations with people and be like, I think this guy would be a good coach... just say what it was. Yeah. We decided, we realized that podcasting is the greatest loophole ever. And we did a podcast about the philosophies of basketball... I was essentially interviewing him for the job and then we hired him.

The Phillies are a lock to reach the NLCS

The Phillies would have to really fuck up not to be in at least the NLCS because the NL is trash... they will be in big playoff games... there's no way that they're not gonna be in big playoff games... it's a lock.