Takes

If the Lions beat the Packers on Thursday night, they are officially a real threat in the NFC

If they can win this game on Thursday night, short rest, watch out. They're a real team. Jared's playing well, it's awesome to watch him... If the Lions win that game, it's starting, it feels like all the hype and everything [is real].

Derrick Henry has officially hit 'the cliff'

Derek Henry, I think today was his 1800th carry... it bums me out to even say this, but part of me thinks that it might be happening... he doesn't have the same pop.

Andy Dalton is currently better than Bryce Young

Andy Dalton can still play... and I think the Panthers were live in this game and I think it was because of Andy Dalton. Like, again, I'm taking the long-term approach for Bryce Young, but Andy Dalton is better than Bryce Young right now. Like that, that's just a fact.

Swifties secretly want Taylor Swift's relationships to fail for the music

I think secretly Taylor Swift's own fan base is sabotaging her happiness... Swifties want Taylor to be happy on their own terms. They don't want Taylor Swift to find genuine happiness. They want her to be happy because she's found empowerment after a disastrous breakup.

Mark Davis hired Josh McDaniels to get Tom Brady's help with inheritance taxes

Mark Davis, we all know that he's probably not gonna be able to afford the inheritance tax on the Raiders... Do you think that he hired Josh McDaniels as the head coach to get Tom Brady involved in the ownership group so that Tom Brady could then contribute to the tax bill when the time comes?

The 2023 Chicago Bears will go 0-17

My overly direct take is that the Bears are gonna go oh and 17.

The Chicago Bears will have the first and second picks in the 2024 NFL Draft

I think the Bears might have the first and second pick in the draft. That's my overly direct take.

The Jets should sign Carson Wentz because he is better than Zach Wilson

The New York Jets should answer the phone when Carson Wentz calls them because apparently Carson Wentz has proactively reached out to the Jets... I think that I've reached the point where Zach Wilson is such ass, ass that Carson Wentz ass, although ass himself, is a significantly smaller ass than Zach Wilson.

Russell Wilson will be benched this year

I also have a direct take, overly direct take. I think Russell Wilson will get benched this year. I do, I do. Sean Payton has no allegiance to him.

The Dolphins are guaranteed an AFC Championship spot if Tua stays healthy

My overly direct take is that if Tua Tagovailoa stays healthy, his Dolphins are guaranteed a spot in the AFC Championship. Guaranteed. If he stays healthy, fully healthy.

Penn State will make the College Football Playoff this year

My overly direct take. Not NFL, but Penn State will be going to the college football [playoff].

Travis Kelce would take Taylor Swift's last name in marriage, but Taylor would take Rob Gronkowski's

I'll put it this way. If Travis Kelce marries Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce takes her last name. If Gronk marries Taylor Swift, she's Taylor Gronkowski. She takes his name. That's a fact.

Brock Purdy is more than just a system quarterback

I still like Brock. I think he's better than just a system guy.

The Cowboys and 49ers might be the two best teams in the NFC

The Giants just had to play the Cowboys and the 49ers, which might be the two best teams in the NFC, might be the two best teams in the NFC.

The 49ers would win the Super Bowl if it were played today

If the Super Bowl were today, do you think that the 49ers would win it? Yes, I think so too. I think that they were the best team in the NFL today.

The Giants and Vikings are suffering from a 'regression monster' after last season

Yikes. But that's also kind of what we expected when it comes to the regression monster that is biting the Vikings and the Giants right now from last year's incredible runs.

If the Giants only have two wins going into November, they will be the best two-win team in the NFL

If they only have two wins going into November, I think the Giants will be the best two-win team in the entire NFL going into November.

The San Francisco 49ers have already 'clinched' a playoff berth after Week 3

The Niners have clinched a playoff berth. Congratulations to the San Francisco 49ers. That's huge.

The Patriots are drafting Caleb Williams with the first overall pick

Congratulations to the New England Patriots on drafting Caleb Williams with the first overall pick.

The Commanders are a Super Bowl team if they beat the Bills in Week 3

If they [Commanders] win this game, I'm almost thinking soupy [Super Bowl] Big Cat. That's how delusional I'm getting. Why not us?

The Lions only have one player, Aidan Hutchinson, actually playing defense right now

The Lions... they've only got one dude playing defense. Yeah. [Aidan] Hutchinson and then nobody else.

Tua Tagovailoa is the betting favorite for MVP, but it's only been two games

Tua is now the betting favorite to win MVP... It's two games. I'm just stating facts. Yeah. He is now the betting favorite to win MVP.

You can't appreciate a lighthouse if you don't go out to sea

It's good to get away from the lighthouse. It makes it that much better when you see it on the way back. You know, as any sailor knows, you can't appreciate a lighthouse if you don't go out to sea.

The Patriots' lighthouse is not a 'real' lighthouse because it's not visible from a federal body of water

It's not a lighthouse if it's not visible from a federal body of water... It's a fucked up stupid lighthouse. They call it a non-traditional lighthouse. A.k.a. not a lighthouse.

Trevor Lawrence is phenomenal but lacks consistency

Trevor Lawrence is phenomenal, but it doesn't feel consistent. And we saw that against the Kansas City Chiefs.

The Bears vs. Chiefs game will be a fun game because of the circus surrounding Chicago

Even for the Bears, this is record speed for them to become a complete and utter circus... I am back to believing in Justin Fields because I have no other option... this is a complete clown gong show... and I'm excited. Yeah. This is gonna be a fun game.

Justin Fields' best effort likely won't be enough for the Bears to beat the Chiefs

I do think they're [Bears] gonna give their best effort, but unfortunately for them, their best effort's probably not gonna be enough [against the Chiefs].

Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift are not actually dating

I think that Travis Kelce is not actually dating Taylor Swift. I think that this is, listen, we've been in the podcast game for a long time. We know it does numbers. Jason Kelce's a very smart guy. I think him going on the air and saying the rumors are a hundred percent true... You don't say a hundred percent if your brother's dating Taylor Swift.

The Bengals will 'right the ship' and beat the Rams in Week 3

I'm gonna take the Bengals minus three. I actually think this is the Bengals week to right the ship. I've been the Bengals whisperer... now's the time.

Guinness is a soup

Guinness is a soup. It's soup. Guinness. And it is a soup. It's barley soup.

Rupert Murdoch is 'going to die soon' after retiring

He's [Rupert Murdoch] going to die soon. He's like Choppa, you take him out of his job, he going to die... Rupert Murdoch, he's gonna fall down some stairs and die. I'm gonna call my shot right now. He's dead.

It is a privilege to be nervous because it means there is expectation on you

I've heard that it's a privilege to be nervous. 'Cause it means that you put yourself in a situation where there's expectation on you.

Georgia is not the number one team in college football right now

I don't think Georgia's number one, let's put it that way.

I believe I can win 12 majors in my career

I feel like I can get to 12. I mean, think how many, I've already blown like... I feel like I should have nine right now.

Aaron Rodgers is having a better year than Deshaun Watson

There's a chance that Aaron Rodgers is having a better year than Deshaun Watson... Sean Watson is very bad.

The Browns didn't know how good they had it with Baker Mayfield and should have been happy with a serviceable quarterback

They ran [Baker Mayfield] outta town in Cleveland. I've been saying ever since Baker got that raw deal that they, they didn't know what they had when they had Baker. When you're the Browns, you gotta be happy sometimes with having a serviceable quarterback. And they thought that they could go ahead and break the structure of the NFL salary cap and give a sex predator $240 million guaranteed.

Deshaun Watson probably has a burner account on Twitter

He also might have created a burner account after the game... allegedly from Deshaun, I think it was called the Twitter account, was like Gainesville raised or something like that. All the tweets that he had were about Deshaun Watson replying to people... saying not his fault.

The Steelers will be a perfect Mike Tomlin team that goes .500 but misses the playoffs

It does feel like the Steelers are gonna just be a perfect Mike Tomlin team that they won't go under 500, but probably also won't make the playoffs.

Najee Harris has gotten painfully slow in the NFL

I don't know why [Najee Harris] got so slow. It's painful to watch how slow he is... He looks slower somehow. And he's getting caught. He's not able to break it to the, if he bounces to the outside, he's getting tackled.

PMT fans are better at knowing when to throw the challenge flag than actual NFL head coaches

NFL coaches aren't great at watching football. They don't watch enough... We're better at knowing when you should throw the challenge flag than NFL coaches are. If there's somebody out there that just spends all day Sunday, all night Monday, all night Thursday, all day Saturday watching football... You are better at knowing when to challenge a call is than an actual NFL head coach.

The Cape Hatteras Lighthouse is the official tallest lighthouse in the US, not the Gillette Stadium one

Per the United States Coast Guard. The Cape Hatteras Lighthouse is the official tallest lighthouse in the United States. Not your fucked up Fugazi piece of bullshit [at Gillette Stadium].

Alabama is washed and Nick Saban is a bad football coach

Alabama's washed. Alabama is so washed. Done. Nick Saban is so bad at coaching football Big Cat. He is one of the worst football coaches in college.

Alabama will not be able to climb back into contention in the SEC with their current roster

It, it doesn't look good though. Like, I don't, I don't see a way that they [Alabama] climb out into contention in the SEC with the current roster that they have with this current program that they have in place right now.

There are no superpower teams in college football this year

It feels like this college football season... No one's really that good... There's a lot of really good teams, but no superpower team, which I love.

Travis Hunter's lacerated liver is a "hurt" injury, not an "injured" injury, and is basically equivalent to being hungover

I'm gonna say it's hurt. I basically played from 26 until I was 35 with the equivalent of a lacerated liver. I showed up to work every day. Did this podcast. It's not that big of the, the liver reheals itself. It's amazing. Basically Travis Hunter's hungover.

Shedeur Sanders is legitimately one of the best quarterbacks in Division I football

His son [Shedeur Sanders] is what legitimately one of the best quarterbacks in division one football... He's legitimately awesome. He's fun to watch.

Penn State is going to smoke Iowa this weekend

I think we're [Penn State] gonna smoke Iowa.

Colorado will lose to Oregon by a lot

I think Oregon's gonna win by a lot.

Washington might be a worthy future bet in college football

Washington might be, I might have to put a future on Washington. They're so electric.

If you're not horny with the Lauren Boebert thing, you're telling on yourself for being super horny

I'm not being horny. I'm being normal. If you're not horny with the Lauren Boebert thing, you're telling on yourself for being super horny. So horny that you're afraid to admit it.