Takes

The Bears should just tank and lose every single game for the rest of the season

Just Tank. Just lose every game. I, at this point just lose every game because you gotta change everything. ... I'll take a new band-aid 'cause it'll make me feel better for a little bit.

The Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift relationship is fake and for clicks until I see physical proof

I don't buy it until I see some [physical proof]. ... Until that happens, I think it's fake. And I think it's for clicks. And I think Taylor Swift is using the NFL to try to make her star bigger.

The Buccaneers are good enough to lose a home playoff game by a touchdown

The Bucs are good enough to lose a first round home playoff game by a touchdown. Yeah. That's a pretty good team.

Mac Jones is bad and it is time for the Patriots to move on

Mac Jones is bad. Mac Jones is not the guy... They looked hopeless... I think it's time to move on. It's time... You can't get worse than the worst loss in Belichick's career. I'd rather do that with Zappe. Mac Jones, it's time to go.

Christian McCaffrey should be the NFL MVP

I think Christian McCaffrey should be the MVP... Could we have a running back that's the MVP of the league? Yeah. He's on pace for nearly 2000 yards... If the Saturday before the Super Bowl was today, Christian McCaffrey would win MVP.

Brock Purdy is a top 10 quarterback in the NFL

He is a top 10 quarterback... I think Brock Purdy's a top 10 quarterback in the National Football League in 2023. Say it, everyone say it with their chest... I feel confident in saying this as of right now.

The Celtics are back to being the favorites to win the NBA championship

The Celtics today acquired Jrue Holiday... And they're back to being the favorite to win the NBA championship. It's an elite defensive back court with him and Derrick White. Tatum, Brown, it's gonna be exciting.

I would understand if the 76ers decided to trade Joel Embiid

It's not that I want to trade Embiid, but if we were to get like a very great offer... The Sixers are nowhere near [winning a title] right now... If that did happen, I wouldn't be like devastated. It would make sense to me.

Rory McIlroy acted like a bitch at the Ryder Cup and I personally do not like him

Rory's a bitch. He acted like a bitch. I don't like Rory. He's, I know that everyone fucking loves him. I don't like him. I'm sorry. I don't like Rory. ... I personally do not like him.

The Detroit Lions are for real

The Detroit Lions are for real. They go into Lambeau, they punch the Packers in the mouth. David Montgomery was absolutely unstoppable. They've gone to Arrowhead, they've gone to Lambeau, they won both games as road teams and they are looking great.

It would take a Super Bowl win for people to start hating Lions fans

I don't think people will hate Lions fans unless they win a Super Bowl and then they would start to hate them. It's kind of like the Cubs or the Red Sox, where after they won theirs, people started to hate it. But the first one, I think people would all be about because it is a tortured fan base.

Damian Lillard is past his prime

I think Damian Lillard's a little old, a little past his prime. Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown are in their prime. Damian Lillard's washed up.

The Commanders are the best 'bad' team in the NFL

I think we might be the best bad team. Really good, bad. Like if there was a Super Bowl of bad teams, the losers. The NIT. If the NFL had an NIT, I'd put the [Commanders] as a one seed.

You must fade any team the week after they score 70 points

I might just put this in my gambling portfolio: any team that scores 70, fade them the next week. If you score 70 points in a game on 71 plays, you can't tell me you don't go into the facility the next day like, 'We're the best, we'll just run the same plays.'

NFL points are a finite resource; scoring 70 means you'll have fewer points later

I feel like points are a finite resource... They might have scored too many points last week [scoring 70]. Too many points.

Defense wins championships

Defense wins championships. I'll go to my grave thinking that. The Bucs defense smothered Patrick Mahomes [in the Super Bowl]. That was completely a defensive effort. The Patriots' last Super Bowl was a defensive effort when they stopped the Rams.

The Eagles will beat the Commanders by 25 points

Congrats Max. I'm just going to give it to you. 25 point win for the Eagles this week. The defensive line is going to eat. I blame 40% on the offensive line, 40% on Sam Howell, and then 20% on Tony P in DC.

Jameis Winston is the greatest quarterback in Buccaneers history

Jameis Winston holds all the records for the Bucs. He holds the yards record, the touchdowns record, the completions record. He's the greatest quarterback in Bucs history.

I want Jim Harbaugh to coach the Bears and draft Caleb Williams

I want Caleb Williams. I have said the names Caleb Williams and Jim Harbaugh probably a hundred times in the last four days. I want to bring back man football. Let Jim Harbaugh just stuff all the dorks in Halas Hall into a locker and just go back to being a man football team.

The NFL is officially bigger than Taylor Swift

Travis Kelce went to a Taylor Swift concert, right? Taylor Swift has gone to two Travis Kelce's games after this week. Seems like I was right. The NFL's bigger than Taylor Swift.

The Chiefs will throttle the Jets because Taylor Swift is attending

Chiefs are going to fucking throttle them. The fact that Taylor Swift is going, the Chiefs are going to fucking throttle them. And the Chiefs defense has not been talked about, has been very good this year.

Justin Fields is finished as the quarterback in Chicago

It's over. Because I think we've seen a big enough sample size to know that there hasn't been enough improvement to say I want to see more. Justin Fields struggles to make layups and free throws. If you can't make the layups and the free throws, I'm not concerned that you can make the Alley-OOP dunk. Anytime a quarterback is living by running a football, that quarterback can't survive.

The way to stop the 'Tush Push' is to physically assault the quarterback

How do you stop it? It's really simple. The defensive tackles have to get down very, very low and take out those offensive linemen. And then you have to have linebackers that are willing to come over the top with forearms and elbows and just go right at the quarterback. You have to physically hit the dude. If you bring bodily harm, then he'll tell his coach, 'Hey man, we might want to cancel that.'

Mac Jones is a dirty player who ending fights by hitting guys in the crotch

I don't even know how as a teammate to respond to Mac. Are you okay? Guys who do that usually are guys that if a real fight broke out, they can't win. So they're looking for a way to end the fight early. Mack has probably been in a couple fights and the way he ended those fights early, he just kind of gave the guy a nice little four fingers and a thumb to the place that no guy wants to get it.

The Dolphins are like the Golden State Warriors; teams need to play them like the 'Bad Boy' Pistons

The Dolphins are kind of like the Golden State Warriors. They want to get out and fast break and no-look three and no-look shovel pass. Make it a fist fight. Hit him in the mouth. You need to play Miami like the 'Bad Boy' Pistons. You need Rick Mahorn just kind of slapping the hell out of somebody to disrupt what they do.

The Washington Huskies will win the National Championship

I'm going to give you [a future bet] and I want you to go put whatever you want to put on it. On the Washington Huskies. Michael Penix is legit. I think their schedule is very favorable. They're going to score 40 on everybody. This is the most wide open season we've ever seen in college football.

The San Francisco 49ers will win the Super Bowl

Super Bowl Champ: San Francisco 49ers. It is going to be an amazing thing to see Deebo and Trent Williams walk out next to the dude with the big boombox at the Super Bowl.

The Cubs will not make the playoffs after their September collapse

The Cubs have had just an epic collapse. The Cubs are most likely not going to make the playoffs because they don't have any tiebreakers. Suzuki just missed a ball, it went right by him. Easy catch. There's nothing worse than a September collapse.

Wisconsin will beat Ohio State in Madison

Luke Fickle is building a monster. I stand by that. We're going to beat Ohio State. You hear that right now? Halloween weekend, night game, Madison. We're going to beat Ohio State.

The NFL should not ban the 'tush push' play

I love the tush push. I think if you don't like it, then stop it. Figure out a way to stop it until then. If you don't like it, you can either try to figure out how to make teams stop doing it to you or do it yourself.

The Eagles would still be 97% successful on the QB sneak even if the 'tush push' were banned

I actually think that if they ban this play, I think the Eagles will still do it. And it will go from like 99% success to like 97% success... 90% of the time [Jalen Hurts] is getting those yards himself.

The Eagles vs. Dolphins game on October 22nd will be the ultimate clash of football styles

I would love to see that matchup though. The Dolphins against the Eagles—two distinct styles of offense. [The Eagles] tush pushing all over the place... the best offense right now in football is a team that plays with everyone out wide in the Miami Dolphins.

The Gillette Stadium structure is the largest lighthouse in the continental U.S.

The Patriots built the largest Lighthouse in continental us. It was, you know, discussed, promoted... Let's make the biggest Lighthouse in the continental US Asterisk. No big deal.

Charlie Woods is on pace to win 40 majors

Charlie Woods just won a tournament. Charlie won a tournament... right now he's on pace to win 40 Majors, which is pretty incredible.

Tyreek Hill will become a porn star after he retires from the NFL

Tyreek Hill... came out today and said that when he retires he wants to just kind of get outta the limelight and enjoys retirement in peace and also be a porn star. I would watch.

Alabama will win the SEC West now that they have committed to Jalen Milroe

Alabama, we buried Alabama. Unfortunately for us, we didn't look at the schedule because they are gonna win the SEC west... now that they've decided on Jalen Milroe as their quarterback and they're actually building an offense around him running plays that work for him.

Texas is a legitimate National Title contender because of their improved line play

Texas... I think they're very good now. I think they're legitimate college football playoff legit. The difference with Texas this year versus Texas really since 2009 is there are legitimate NFL players on both sides of the line of scrimmage... they've developed them and these dudes can play.

Miami is 'back' as a 10-win caliber team this year

Miami... Mario Cristobal was singing the praises [of his O-line]. And then you saw 'em against A&M and they protected Tyler Van Dyke very well... I'm thinking maybe Miami's pretty good. I don't think they're that team [from last year] anymore.

Caleb Williams is the most 'can't-miss' QB prospect since Andrew Luck

Caleb Williams is the most can't miss since Trevor Lawrence or Andrew Luck... Because the man makes magic. Mahomes-esque. Very, very similar. Different arm angles that sort of thing.

The Bears should draft both Caleb Williams and Drake May and have them compete

We should draft both. Draft both and have a competition... I'm saying that, run two quarterbacks in the same offense. Do the old Lloyd Carr, just switch back and forth.

The 'tush push' feels like gladiator-style football and should be run every play

I'm here for it. It's such a cool play to watch. It's like major rugby vibes, like the scrum... It's like old school gladiator style man. They should do it every play. Average three or four yards per carry... bleed the clock, like a 12 minute drive.

The Chargers should consider firing Brandon Staley regardless of their win over the Vikings

I actually think it was the wrong call [to go for it on 4th and inches on their own 20]... I think they should think about firing him anyways, even though they won this game. I'm serious, like, they tried to give away the game. The end of this game was like the Chargers and the Vikings both competing against each other to see who could be the Falcons.

The New York Jets should trade for Kirk Cousins

If you're the Jets, you gotta at least make a call about Kirk Cousins right now. I know they probably won't do it, but you have to ask the question... the Vikings have to admit, like, right now you're rebuilding.

Mike McDaniel should have kicked a field goal to break the NFL scoring record

Mike McDaniel should've kicked the field goal at the end of the game. This is chicken shit by McDaniel. I get you want like karma on your side... He should've kicked a field goal to score 73 points. Bullshit that he... it's more disrespectful to the Broncos that they just took a knee.

The Dolphins offense is only stoppable by injuries or cold weather

What can stop [the Dolphins]? The only two things that come to my mind are injuries, which you never wanna see happen, and cold weather. You just have to, if you're a team in the AFC, you gotta be like, hopefully it gets so cold that they can't do this.

Jameis Winston will dominate the Buccaneers and make it impossible for the Saints to return to Derek Carr

Jameis gets in for this [Buccaneers] revenge game and dominates the Bucks like we all know that he can. You can't go back to Derek Carr. No, you can't. You gotta ride the hot hand right now.

The Washington Commanders are likely a .500 team

The Commanders are probably about a 500 team. We ran the ball five times at the first half. Sam Howell was addicted to throwing interceptions today... burn the tape on this one. It got out of hand.

Justin Tucker is washed up

I think Justin Tucker's washed up. He missed a 61 yard field goal. Everybody thought it was in... but yeah, it was like a yard short. He's washed up.

The Jaguars will not move to London and the talk is just leverage for a new stadium

Jacksonville, the Jaguars are not gonna leave Jacksonville for London. That's a lot of smoke and mirrors... It makes no sense for the Jaguars to play in London. I know there's all the vibes about the franchise. Yeah, it's Florida baby.

The Falcons are just a competent quarterback away from being a dangerous team

I'll say it, the Falcons are too [on the right track] because the Falcons are now set up where if you can just get a quarterback... they have everything else. Like, they play tough. They can run the ball. Their defense is pretty good. They need a quarterback.