Takes

The Vladimir Guerrero Jr. hype will get old by mid-season

MLB, I will say, they're kind of overdoing. Every time he does anything, they're like, Vladimir Guerrero, Vladimir Guerrero... I think halfway through the season, it's going to get a little old.

The visiting clubhouse at Wrigley Field was extremely small and inconvenient

Same one. It's like this. Yeah, no. It's about this big. It really is like this wide... it wasn't just not good for the visiting team, the visiting clubhouse staff. Everybody that had to be in there, it was just making life difficult.

Baseball players should start smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey in the dugout to prevent modern muscle injuries

Yeah, I think that baseball players should start smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey in the dugout again because you never heard of guys back in the 20s tearing their ACL. They just limped around like fools for the last 40 years of their life if they were lucky.

Blake Snell was actually having sex in the shower when he hurt his toe

Dude, you're having sex in the shower. Like that was a really long way of just saying, hey, I was having sex in the shower and I stubbed my toe.

Christian Yelich will ruin his swing if he participates in the Home Run Derby

Real talk. It's going to mess up his swing if he competes in the home run derby... You're going to fuck up your swing.

Chris Davis's hitless streak is actually fun to watch

Do you feel bad for Chris Davis, who is now 0 for 53? [PFT]: No, because it's so much fun to watch. And if the Orioles were going to be a threat to do anything this year, then maybe I would be. But he's helping them.

I am officially panicking about the Cubs in the first week of April

I've already taken the panic button out of my closet for the Cubs. It's April. I know. I don't care... If I have to watch Yu Darvish pitch more fucking walks and Jason Hayward hit into more double plays, I will smash the fuck out of that panic button.

I will eat PFT Commenter's ass if Christian Yelich wins the Home Run Derby.

They were talking about the Home Run Derby and if Christian Yelich ever got in it and won, that [Big Cat] would eat PFT Commenter's ass. Yes. And so when I saw that tweet, it just reminded me... I'll fucking eat PFT's ass, whatever.

The fact that Philly fans booed Bryce Harper on the first day is why Philly is great

Reacting to a 13-year contract on the first day is so fucking awesome, and that's why Philly is great. It does set a tone.

Baseball managers should be required to manage shirtless

If you're a manager, it should be mandatory that you're shirtless. Just the pants and the belt. We should do bodies of baseball, and it's just all the managers.

The Detroit Tigers will win the AL Central

The Tigers are in the Central, right? Oh, wow. Tigers... Is Vegas always right? [Vegas win total 68]

The Giants will win the NL West

And then in the NL West, we'll go with the Giants.

The Cincinnati Reds will win the NL Central

Then in the Central, I'm going to go my Reds. My Reds are looking pretty good. Central's going to be tough this year. They got Puig. People forget.

The Chicago Cubs will have a rebound year and win the NL Central

NL Central, the Cubs are going to win. This is the rebound year. I can feel it.

Bryce Harper will retire by midseason due to the Philadelphia media

I also predict that Bryce Harper is going to retire by midseason because the Philadelphia media and fans will be too much for him to handle.

The MLB retiring Ichiro at 7 AM in Japan is the worst way to stay relevant

Way to Stay Relevant Baseball, having one of the most liked superstars in the past probably 50 years retire at 7 a.m. when no one was watching in Japan... And on top of all of that, I actually woke up and... I went to Twitter to try to find some clips. Well, another one, MLB. I forgot. No one can tweet any clips from your product. So I couldn't even see Ichiro's last thing until you uploaded it on yourself. So good job, MLB.

Baseball writers will hold Ichiro's unannounced retirement against him in Hall of Fame voting

This is going to cost him some votes in the Hall of Fame. When he's eligible, people are saying that he might be another unanimous entry... but I would not put it past baseball writers to get upset about not getting the heads up about his retirement and hold that against him five years from now.

The city of Philadelphia will turn on Bryce Harper within five years

I have a prediction. I think that the city of Philadelphia is going to turn on Bryce Harper within five years. Give it four, actually. I think that given Bryce's history... He's such a streaky player. He's got a little bit of an attitude sometimes. But when you're making this kind of money, there's a big, big target on your back.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Philadelphia Phillies

I think it's pretty clear he's going to go to the Phillies. They're the last team that's willing to deal with this bullshit. It's basically he's doing a pretty good job of weeding out all the teams that would get pissed off at him if he did sign that big contract.

Manny Machado is effectively early retiring by signing with the San Diego Padres

This is basically a — he almost is early retiring. He's quitting. It's a great situation for him because they're not going to win shit, and he doesn't really care about winning shit. He's going to be able to stomp on all the feet that he wants out there. He's going to be able to dog infield ground balls.

Trevor Bauer is the smartest man in baseball, according to Trevor Bauer

The thesis that you can give after reading this is Trevor Bauer is the smartest man in baseball, according to Trevor Bauer. [Big Cat]: Jesus Christ. What a fucking wacko.

Bryce Harper is going to sign with the Philadelphia Phillies

Bryce Harper, it's alleged that he's going to be signing with the Phillies any day now... I think he's going to be a Philly.

MLB is the only All-Star game that still gets the juices flowing

I feel like MLB is the only All-Star game that really gets the juices flowing now... at least still you can't half-ass baseball. A pitcher is still going to throw their stuff. Pro Bowl, NHL, NBA, everyone's just going through the motions.

I support a three-batter minimum for MLB relief pitchers

Three batter minimum, love it... I actually think they should go further with that. I think they should have a, if you come in on an inning, you have to finish the inning. Just watch guys get fucking torched.

A ground rule double in baseball should count as a home run

I also think that a ground rule double should be a home run. Not the weird one where it gets stuck in the ivy, but just if it bounces over, I think that should count as a home run.

Colin Kaepernick will get Baseball Hall of Fame votes

Colin Kaepernick hasn't been offered a job in baseball... As a contributor to the game, I think he would get Hall of Fame [votes].

Tim Tebow will be called up to the Major Leagues this year

Tim Tebow is going to get called up to the Mets this year... You'd have to be a major league idiot to not call Tim Tebow up.

Kyler Murray should choose baseball over the NFL

Hell yeah. No doubt. I just think his size and his skill set, I just think it's just a smoother path to baseball. He can play baseball forever. Make more money. Exactly.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Philadelphia Phillies

Bold prediction. Phillies.

Adam Ottavino could strike out Babe Ruth every single time

Adam Ottavino says that he can strike out Babe Ruth every single time. Well, he definitely can right now, Babe Ruth's dead body... [But seriously] Adam Ottavino, I agree. Well, I definitely think so.

The late 90s Mariners are one of the best teams to never win a World Series

The sad thing is that I found out very quickly the difference between good and great is very small... That's a great – I think that's one of the best teams that's never won... very seldom do you have a team that you have the best pitcher in the game in Randy Johnson, the best player in the game in Ken Griffey Jr., the best pure hitter in the game in Edgar Martinez, and the scariest, baddest motherfucker in Jay Buhner.

I earned my Yankee pinstripes by the 2009 season

[Speaker 3]: Have you officially, do you think you earned your pinstripes? [A-Rod]: Yes. 100%. Not even a flinch... To 2009.

I hope to get into the Hall of Fame despite my mistakes

Look, I really hope and wish that I get in. But ultimately, that's not my decision. But I do think that I have a great opportunity... if that cost me the Hall of Fame, then I have no one to blame but myself.

Mike Wilbon thinks analytics have hijacked baseball

Wilbon... actually thinks that we're under an analytics hijacking... Analytics have hijacked his sport, baseball. And he says that we've gone so far and we undervalue wins. He doesn't care about ERA... He cares about wins.

Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hitting streak is likely the most unbreakable record in sports

I agree. My longest hitting streak was 16 games. And so to think somebody could go 56 games without going 0 for 4 is amazing to me. And I think the pressure of the consecutive games hitting streak... because of the media coverage and the scrutiny, that creates more pressure. And so I think that's almost unattainable.

Certain players have an intangible value that isn't captured by modern sabermetrics

I think that certain players have an intangible value that's not measurable in the way that they're measuring everything nowadays. But, I mean, it's like Eddie Murray was our fourth hitter. He could be 0 for 50... But if Eddie was not in our lineup, we felt like we didn't have a good lineup. He stabilized the whole lineup.

Players should act like they've been there before and avoid bat flipping

I don't like that [bat flipping]... you were considered more of a sportsman. So your entertainment value was in the quality of your sport and how you competed... but I always felt that and maybe it's John Riggins like if you score a touchdown, you know, act like you've been there before.

Gold Glove is the dumbest award in sports

Gold Glove is the dumbest reward possible. And I'm not saying that just because Javi Baez didn't win one he should have. It's still the dumbest reward. ... I feel like if you get one gold glove you just end up getting gold gloves for life.

Clayton Kershaw is still kind of a bum in the playoffs

Clayton Kershaw still kind of a bum. Whew. That was tough. If [David] Price had done what Kershaw did, you'd be killing him. Bum is hard. But today was a moment... when you give up a two-run homer in the first inning, that's tough.

Manny Machado is the perfect villain for baseball

Manny Machado, the world's biggest jerk. I love Manny Machado. I don't want him on the Cubs, but I love this guy... It was his coming out party as a real asshole, and I love it. Because the world... we need villains. And Manny Machado was the perfect villain.

The Dodgers' bullpen would be their undoing

I said that the Dodgers' bullpen was going to be their undoing. From the start. I also said Red Sox in five. So not to brag, but I called it.

David Price officially has the clutch gene

Does David Price have the clutch gene? That is the question. That is the segment. And I'm going to say yes. He does. When it matters the most.

Tommy Lasorda will die if the Red Sox win the World Series

I'm still going with Tommy [Lasorda]. He's going to die if the Red Sox win.

David Price's postseason demons won't be fully exercised until he wins in the World Series

I'm not ready to declare the demons exercised. The demons are warmed up. They're jazzercising right now. To be fully exercised, it has to be in the World Series.

David Price's good postseason game was actually mediocre by normal standards

Strive in life to be like David Price where you set the bar so impossibly low for yourself that pitching four and two-thirds and four earned runs is actually, people are saying, you were dominant.

The Red Sox will beat the Astros in 7 games in the ALCS

Hank, are you worried at all about the Red Sox against the Astros? The Astros are a wagon. [Hank:] I think it's going to go seven games where the Red Sox are going to win.

The 2018 World Series will be a Dodgers vs. Astros rematch

I think it's going to be a repeat. Dodgers, Stros. I think the Dodgers are going to – Rich Hill is going to do something. But playoff Kershaw.

Giancarlo Stanton is a bum

Giancarlo Stanton, I'm ready to say he's a bum. No pinstripes for you, Giancarlo. If it were an April game between the Miami Marlins and the Atlanta Braves, I'm sure you would have hit a home run in a big spot.

The Yankees should fire Aaron Boone because anyone would be better

You probably should fire Aaron Boone, and you will get someone better than him because everyone is better than him. Anyone. Luis Severino bringing him out for the fourth inning in game three on Monday night was maybe the most inexcusable thing I've ever seen a manager do.

The Yankees will win their playoff series against the Red Sox

I actually think the Yankees will win this series because you need—the Yankees to be full Yankees. They need that guy who everyone's like, whether even like the Yankees fans would die for him and everyone else universally is like, that guy's the biggest scumbag in the world.