Takes

LeBron James will announce his retirement at the All-Star Game

He's gonna announce he's retiring at the All-Star game. They're gonna rig it so that he can win the all-star MVP. It's in LA. And then he's gonna say, I'm retiring.

The New Orleans Pelicans are 'soft quitting' the season to relocate

The Pelicans are just like soft quitting and gonna probably be in like relocate... they have no promotional calendar for the season... no bobbleheads... they're just soft quitting the Pelicans.

Kevin Durant is going to be traded to the San Antonio Spurs

We also have the, the shams body language experts out being like, did you see what he, the look he gave when they mentioned the Spurs as a landing spot for Kevin Durant. So everyone thinks he's going to the Spurs.

LeBron James will announce that next season is his final year during the NBA Finals

I think there is going to be an announcement... this will be LeBron James last year. And he's gonna make us suffer through an entire year long thing. He might even do it during the NBA finals. I actually wouldn't be shocked if he does it during the NBA finals.

I am 100% confident the Washington Wizards will get Cooper Flagg

All I'm saying is I've never been as confident. I've never been as confident in my life of anything as the fact that the wizards are gonna get Cooper Flagg. I'm willing to tell you right now, I will stand on this hill and I will plant my representative banner to say that we're getting Flagg.

Ben Simmons is back to playing at an All-Star level and is set for a massive bounce-back season

Ben Simmons reportedly is in camp and or at least training. He says Ben Simmons is back to playing all star talent level basketball. Get ready for this boys big season loading. This is the year for Ben.

Kevin Durant is currently unhappy and looking to be traded to France

Maybe he's unhappy. Isn't that what we heard about Kevin Durant? Yeah. He could be. He's unhappy and he is looking to be traded to France.

The WNBA's momentum will be killed by its four-week Olympic break

My Hot Seat, coincidentally... The WNBA. They won't be playing basketball for four weeks. So imagine if, like the 1988 dunk contest. It was incredible. And then the NBA just didn't happen for four weeks. All the momentum they've gained, just nothing's gonna happen.

Kevin Durant will 100% return to the Oklahoma City Thunder

Kevin Durant is 100% going back to the Thunder. Yes. They're doing some trial balloons... it was a video narrated by KD talking about Chet Holmgren and the city of Oklahoma City... I'm absolutely for it because I think that would be a very cool, like if he won, wins a title with the Thunder. Kind of everything's forgiven.

Team USA will win every Olympic basketball game by 50 points

USA announced its Olympic roster for 2024 in Paris. And it is stacked. Yeah. They're looking to win every game by 50.

Alex Caruso should get the final open spot on the Team USA Olympic roster

It's gotta be Caruso. Gotta be Caruso. Needs to be Caruso for sure. We gotta get Caruso on this team.

Caitlin Clark should have returned to Iowa for another year instead of going to the WNBA

I still believe Caitlin Clark could have gotten a better deal for herself and a better deal for us sports fans if she returned to Iowa versus going to the WNBA. She's got a shot to change WNBA, but it's still a long shot.

Anthony Edwards missing the tip-off is a sign the Timberwolves aren't ready to win a title

Anthony Edwards lost track of time and he missed the tipoff of the Timberwolves game... This is the kind of thing that you point to when it's like, yeah, the Timberwolves are good, but your star player lost track of time.

James Harden will do something so egregious that he ends up in jail by the end of the week

I think that James Harden will end up in jail by the end of this week. I think he's gonna do something. He's gonna do something so ridiculous that someone in the front office is gonna call the cops on him. Like I think he may just like show up on the court naked.

LeBron James will eventually find an excuse to not play for Team USA in the 2024 Olympics

This is just an ultimate future me problem. [LeBron] is making a promise just to make the promise. It's like Scott's Tots. And then next year he's gonna come around. He's gonna be like, yeah, but I just got done playing like full NBA season. We went to the playoffs maybe into the second round. Do I really have to play?

Dillon Brooks has talked himself out of the NBA

I really do think [Dillon Brooks] might've played himself. Like he talked himself out of the NBA. Well and also the lack of play... he talked himself out of the [league].

The Timberwolves are a solid bet to win the NBA championship at +15,000

I put a future on the Timberwolves. Ooh. 15 plus 15,000 Whoa. On these guys and they beat the Kings. ... No, I'm saying they win two series, then you can hedge out and make a shitload of money. ... All of a sudden I'm sitting on a gold mine over here.

John Wall will be a great player as soon as he leaves the Rockets

He's still a good player, right? He's totally healthy now. Yes, he has no lingering foot injuries. He's back. I feel like he's going to be a great player as soon as he gets off the Rockets.

NBA players who get hit in the nuts should get a free shot to kick the offender back

If you get a flagrant one, you should get to kick the guy in the balls back in center court. How awesome would that be for fans? Tonight, I might see a guy just get smoked in the nuts.

LeBron James has it in his contract that he cannot be shown in Lakers loss photos on Twitter

Every single time the Lakers lose a game and they post the final score on Twitter, they never include a picture of LeBron... I absolutely think this is in his contract. He definitely put this in his contract. So you cannot include me in any lost pictures.

I am a phonetic reader, so Jakob Poeltl's name is Jacob Puddle

We've learned on the show—I am a phonetic reader. Jacob Puddle. I said Yaka Pearl. I'm seeing Yaka Patil. Either way, he told me her name.

The Brooklyn Nets could win the NBA title if Ben Simmons plays alongside Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant

I might take a future on the next one. The title I, if Ben Simmons can play and be like decent—Kyrie and Kevin Durant—and I also would be, it would be awesome if Kyrie just got vaccinated tomorrow and James Harden's face... actually I'm all in.

Johnny Davis is the National Player of the Year in college basketball

Johnny Davis, right? National player of the year, if you had a vote, yeah. Number one, you would build on it.

John Wall to the New York Knicks would be 'fucking sick'

John Wall was injured. He's now healthy. He's trying to play. And the rockets are just saying, no. ... So John Wall to New York would, would be fucking sick.

Giannis Antetokounmpo might leave the Bucks in two years for a new challenge

Yannis is already planting the seeds to maybe leave Milwaukee... He said 'one challenge was to bring a championship here and we did.'... He said 'in two years that might change. I'm being totally honest with you.'

The Celtics need to make a trade or blow it up

My hot seat is the Celtics... Absolute kind of dumpster fire early on in the season. I don't know. I think they could use a trade. I think they have... Blow it up. Not blow it up, but like, you know, a tweak tweak.

Kyrie Irving is refusing the vaccine as part of a viral marketing scheme for the new Matrix movie

My cool throne is Kyrie Irving, because I'm pretty sure he's not getting vaccinated for an entire like prolonged ad for the new Matrix thing that's coming out in December... I think he's not getting vaccinated as part of a viral marketing scheme for the new Matrix.

LeBron James is no longer the most influential player in Cleveland Cavaliers history because of Tacko Fall

LeBron is no longer the most influential player in Cleveland Cavaliers history because they signed taco fall today. Oh, you might steal the spotlight to be a witness. That's tacos, billboard coming to town, baby.

The Celtics are getting great value in Dennis Schroeder because he'll be incredibly hungry after losing out on a massive contract

He rejected the deal. He said he wanted a hundred million dollars... Cool throne Celtics. It's good for the Celtics. Like you're going to get the hungriest Dennis Schroeder you can get.

Ben Simmons is a 'penny stock' worth investing in right now

I'm kind of low key addicted to Ben Simmons because he really is like a penny stock. If he could figure it out a little bit, it would be incredible. Like he would be, you know, a starter on the all-star team because he has all the other stuff. Defense, passing, dribbling... If he could just figure out when to shoot and have the balls to shoot, I'm telling you invest now.

Coach K will pull Duke from the season if they continue to lose bad games

I would not be surprised at all if after, like, a month and a few more bad losses, Coach K pulled his team from the season... once he gets a little losing streak going, he is definitely liable to be like, listen, we're not going to go through the motions. The most important thing is keeping these kids healthy.

Lavar Ball needs to be put on a boat and pushed out to sea so he doesn't ruin LaMelo's career

Lavar Ball is on the hot seat. LaMelo basically has to convince teams to just drown him out. They just have to put him on a medium-sized yacht, push him out to sea, no Wi-Fi, and just send him out until it's an appropriate time where he can't ruin your career.

The NBA will never play again in 2020

I don't think they're going to play again ever. I heard a nasty rumor today... I've canceled sports for 2020 you guys got mad at me for that.

An NBA owner could theoretically marry a player to circumvent the salary cap

Could an owner theoretically marry a player in order to circumvent the salary cap? It's actually brilliant, isn't it? I don't think [there are] any holes in that.

Anthony Davis will sign with the Bulls in free agency next year

Anthony Davis was at like a school speaking... and he called Chicago the mecca. And he said they asked about like him coming back to Chicago to play and he said I am a free agent next year, but we will see. Door is wide open. Those are just fans already sick LeBron. Those are just facts.

Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant's relationship will work because of their 'Jay and Silent Bob' dynamic

I kind of like that Dynamic though. It's a little Jay and Silent Bob ish, right? So you've got Kyrie that never says anything and then you got Kevin Durant that just says everything, right? Yeah, I'm fine with that.

Zion Williamson won't be an explosive dunker anymore because he measured at 6'6"

Zion's on the hot seat because I don't think he's going to be able to be an explosive dunker anymore now that he measured in at 6'6".

LeBron James only supports NCAA likeness rights to keep elite competition out of the NBA

He wants to players to get paid. So they're more likely to stay in college the elite players so they don't come to the NBA and compete against him. That's what's really happening.

Michael Porter Jr.'s spine is made of dust

My hot seat is Michael Porter Jr. You guys remember him? Remember he's in the NBA? Has yet to play a minute. His spine is made of dust.

Adam Silver intentionally leaked his own phone number so he could smash his phone and hide something else

Do you think he actually planted that? Like he was cool with being doxxed because he's the accessible commissioner. Ooh, maybe he's got something to hide. So he deliberately got his phone [doxxed] so that people aren't sniffing around the other stuff.

The NBA should suspend LeBron James for his role in the Rich Paul agent rule controversy

I think the NBA should suspend LeBron. We're on Team Rich Paul, not Clutch. Just Rich Paul as a person... If Rich Paul, he's an agent of chaos.

The Los Angeles Clippers should change their team name to the 'Los Angeles Lil Nas X's'

Or they could do what the Raptors did back in 1994 or whatever and just name your team after whatever pop culture phenomenon. The Los Angeles Lil Nas X's. Perfect.

James Dolan will eventually find a way to ruin a Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant pairing

You know what I'm really excited for? To see how James Dolan can fuck up Kyrie Irving and KD together. Yeah, that's never going to work.

Steph Curry might leave the Warriors for the Lakers

Aisha Curry recently followed Vanessa Bryant on Instagram. So what if Steph was the one to leave the Warriors, go to the Lakers, and leaves KD to deal with Draymond and all the trash in Golden State?

The Cleveland Cavaliers will make the playoffs as a 7 or 8 seed this year without LeBron James

I think the Cavs are going to make the playoffs. That's my hot take. I think they're going to be like a 7 or an 8 seed.

Paul George is going to sign with the Lakers

[Speaker 3] (25:30-25:31) My cool throne is the Lakers. [Speaker 3] (25:34-25:38) And Paul George is going to L.A. to take a meeting. [Speaker 3] (27:55-27:58) Yeah, I think Paul George is going to L.A.

Lauri Markkanen will average 50 points per game by his eighth season

Dirk's peak was 26 points per game. If you do the math, by Lauri's eighth season, he's going to be averaging 50 points a game.

LeBron James will probably lose to the Pacers in the first round (but maybe not)

Not only is [LeBron James] about to lose to the Pacers in the first round, which will be embarrassing for him... Probably not.

The Rockets can take down the Warriors if they stay hot and the Celtics steal one on the road

I am officially saying, as of this date, January 31st, I'm a believer that the Rockets, if they get hot for a couple games... Hank was explaining how the Celtics can beat the Warriors in the NBA Finals... you just win two games and then you just get lucky for two games... I'm a believer if they get hot at the right time, they're going to take down the Warriors.

Dirk Nowitzki is just a poor man's Lauri Markkanen

Fastest player in history to 100 3-pointers, Lauri Markkanen, the Finn Reaper... I actually think it's reversed now. Dirk is just a junkyard Lauri. He's a poor man's [Lauri].