Takes

It is human nature for an injured player to sometimes root for their team to lose

I don't think you'd be human if there wasn't a part of you that was like, I hope that we lose. It's the competitive nature in you. Kyrie's probably going through the same thing. Like, I wish I was out there. I wish I was helping the team win. I think to compete at this level, you have to have that mentality.

LeBron James would be the best netball player in the world right now

How long do you think it would take for LeBron James to be the best netball player in the world? Probably he is right now already.

Kawhi Leonard is a robot who does not have emotions

He doesn't have emotions. He's a robot... he doesn't have a heart yet. He laughed, there was some laughing, him and Nick Saban laughed the same way, they both have like a button they're like it is appropriate to laugh now so I will push my tickle button.

The Chicago Bulls are an absolute laughingstock of an organization

The dysfunction at the Bulls organization. They are an absolute laughingstock of an organization... They are the most... It's like the Chiefs used to be with Scott Pioli and that whole crew. And they're such little, little people. They're so scared of any criticism... Gar Foreman is a little fucking loser.

Zion Williamson blocking shots into the crowd is effectively a turnover

But when you block a shot and the ball goes into the crowd, that's a turnover. You might as well be turning the ball over, Hank. Why doesn't he catch the balls instead of blocking them?

Markelle Fultz's injury diagnosis sounds like a specialty machine scam

Neurogenic thoracic outlet syndrome. That sounds like a diagnosis that you have to go see many doctors to get... and then the last one, you walk in and the doctor's in a huge lab coat smoking a cigarette. He's like, oh, I know what this is. It's just TOS... either that or if you go to a doctor and the first thing they diagnose you with is TOS – you can bet your ass that doctor has like a $700,000 TOS curing disease machine in his back room.

Ayahuasca could help fix Markelle Fultz's mental block

That could actually probably help Markelle Fultz because it's all in his mind. [Ayahuasca] will clear you up... his brain is broken.

LeBron James is by far the best player I ever played with

Well, clearly [LeBron James] is the best by far. I think you give D-Wade the nod [for second] because he has three championships, but T-Mac to me was the hardest cover ever.

Jimmy Butler screwed over the Timberwolves by tanking his trade value

Jimmy Butler fucked over the Timberwolves. Make no mistake about it. He fucked them over. Doing what he did gave them zero leverage. I'm going to sit out when I want to sit out. I don't give a fuck. And the Timberwolves were like, okay, well, now we're screwed.

The 76ers signing Carmelo Anthony would signify the end of The Process

If you bring Carmelo Anthony on your team, the process is over... No, you're starting to undo the process. You're stretching the process too thin. You're taking the tent down.

Carmelo Anthony's late-career decline is ruining his legacy

What's going to end up happening is he's going to keep hanging on and keep doing this, and it's going to ruin his legacy because he actually was an unbelievable basketball player... Syracuse Melo and Nuggets Melo and being an unbelievable scorer, it's all going to be ruined.

Duke could beat the Cleveland Cavaliers

Zion Williamson, R.J. Barrett, Alex O'Connell. It's the big three, and Paul Pierce told them they could beat the Cavs, and they could. Dukes, yeah.

Chris Paul is the worst teammate in the NBA

Chris Paul, worst teammate in the league... It says all of his former teammates. Ryan Hollins and Glen Davis [say it].

LeBron James moved to the Lakers to hide from his critics

Is LeBron James hiding from us? Because here's what happened. At like 12:30, I went to sleep. I missed all of the fourth quarter, missed the free throws... I think that LeBron James has moved out west because he knows... MJ people, we're getting a little older, got to get to sleep. The LeBron stans... they stay up all night... and LeBron knows he will not get criticized... Like, I should have been there hating LeBron when he missed those free throws. Except, father time has taken its hold on me, and I need to go to sleep.

Boban Marjanovic is not of this world

My who's back is Boban... His clips of him playing are, I mean, I remember people talking about him last year, but this year it's like surreal. He's not of this world. It's like he's playing on a seven-foot hoop.

Jimmy Butler's practice takeover in Minnesota was a Jordan-esque move

Jimmy Butler wants to be traded... Jimmy shows up to practice for the first time and basically emasculates the entire organization. He takes the bench players, the third stringers, and beats the first team... I'm a Jimmy Butler skeptic through and through. I'm skeptical of his top 20-ness. But this was a Jordan move.

Jimmy Butler is officially 100% a dickhead and a diva

Let's just, because we're kind of all on Jimmy Butler's side, let's just say Jimmy Butler's for sure a dickhead. Like 100%. Yes, he's 100% a dickhead, a diva... it's clear that he's really feeling himself these days.

I could convince Kyrie Irving that Australia doesn't exist in five minutes

I'm convinced that I could convince Kyrie Irving that Australia didn't exist if you gave me five to seven minutes in a room with him.

Matt Barnes is the one who looks bad in the Kobe flinch video

I was questioning Matt Barnes' toughness because I thought Matt Barnes was cool enough to like put the ball directly in Kobe's face. It turns out he was he was the one being a pussy. Why are we shaming Kobe Bryant for not flinching at a ball that was not thrown at his face? So this is actually a Matt Barnes problem. Matt Barnes is not man enough.

Injured players secretly hope their team loses so their importance is validated

I don't think you'd be human if there wasn't a part of you that was like, I hope that we lose... it's the competitive nature in you. I know you're obviously rooting for your teammates. You want them to win, but there's a part of you that always wants to be part of the winning team.

Brad Stevens is the best X's and O's coach I have ever seen

From an X's and O's standpoint, he's one of the best, if not the best I've ever seen. It's like when you watch... the Celtics games, or if you have watched old Butler games, like after timeout plays, we're getting the bucket every time.

Shaq and Dwight Howard are more alike than people realize

Shaq and Dwight Howard are more alike than people realize... Shaq is kind of a fucking loser like that too, where he can joke... but if you come at him, he's kind of a baby about it.

LeBron James carries the ball on every single possession

I love LeBron, but we used to call carries. He carries on every possession. Every possession. He palms and also he's got that hand out [stiff arm]. So he's allowed to hand check.

The Kobe/Shaq Lakers three-peat team would destroy the Steph Curry Warriors

I think that the Kobe/Shaq three-peat team would destroy Steph Curry's team. Because who would guard Shaq? Look, if they're going to bomb from outside and beat you, they will beat you, and that's it. But they're not coming inside, so just let them do it. Live and die by the three.

I am a better athlete now at 34 than I was at 22

I think just to the naked eye, it's not visible that I'm a better athlete, but I am a better athlete, even at my age than I was at 22. ... at 34, like, I feel like I move as well or better than I did at 27. I just can't leap like I used to.

Kevin Durant joining the Warriors was a great decision for player autonomy

I like seeing a player ultimately do what he wants to do, what's going to make him happy, even if he pisses a bunch of people off. ... to just take a pay cut to take a pay cut makes zero sense. And no one in any other industry does that.

I consider myself one of the greatest bench players in basketball history

I just knew that, all right, Nate, you're never going to be able to start. You're not going to be a starting point guard in this league, but we're going to make the best of it, and you're going to be one of the best players that ever come off the bench. And I think I did that, and I consider myself one of the greatest players that ever come off the bench to play the game of basketball.

Kevin Durant's social media sensitivity shows he is not at peace with his move to the Warriors

If people bring up him [Kevin Durant] going to the Warriors, he clearly is not at peace with that decision, even though it has worked out better than even he could have expected... It is because you're Kevin Durant, you're not supposed to respond to trolls in your mentions.

Losing the 2011 Finals to the Mavericks was ultimately good for LeBron James's legacy

The best thing that happened to LeBron, even though the way they lost was not great, the best thing that happened to LeBron was that Miami team losing to Dallas. Because it validated those other two titles. It made it seem hard... The fact that they had real adversity made the rest of the championships feel validated to the public.

LeBron James is objectively the greatest basketball player ever

Wouldn't change the fact that he's [LeBron James] objectively and obviously the greatest basketball player ever.

LeBron James intentionally put together a 'blame team' of flawed teammates for his first year in LA

LeBron James, the 2018-19 Los Angeles Lakers, he has put together the greatest blame team of all time. He's basically punted on this year... They have Rondo, JaVale McGee, Lance Stevenson, Michael Beasley. That team will get blamed and laughed at on Twitter every single night, and LeBron James will basically be like, well, what is he supposed to do?

Kevin Durant is thin-skinned but owning up to it makes him relatable

[Durant] can be a thin-skinned B-word, and he also can be very real and actually kind of owning up to the fact that he's a thin-skinned B-word, which I do respect. It makes him so much more relatable. The fact that he deals with the same problems that we deal with.

Kevin Love has the perfect career because he has a ring and now has zero pressure playing for the Cavs

I feel like Kevin Love has finally reached happiness... now he gets to just be on the Cavs and hang out and not make the playoffs and shoot the ball a lot... make a lot of money. Hang out. Put up stats. Live a good life. I kind of love it.

Dwight Howard is the ultimate locker room cancer because he ruins every team he joins

dwight howard is my number one in like the world to me he is everywhere he goes he is terrible... he's been with all those teams. He's ruined all of those teams. I honestly think if you put him on your team, you're just basically... trying to destroy your team from within.

I would take five LeBrons over five Michael Jordans in a prime matchup

[Big Cat]: Five MJs, five LeBrons. Who you got? Both in their prime. [Dan Patrick]: I'll take five LeBrons. LeBron's going to be as accomplished. The fact he went to eight straight NBA finals.

Michael Jordan could not survive in today's social media environment

Mike, Mike couldn't survive in today's social media. He wouldn't have done well with social media.

The Michael Jordan statue is the most iconic sports statue in the world

I'm going to MJ's statue, iconic statue. It's a logo that everyone, you know, it's basically the coolest logo in the world. That's the number one sports statue in the world in my mind.

Kevin Durant is the most triggered athlete of all time

Kevin Durant, he is easily the number one most triggered athlete of all time, without a doubt. It's not even close.

I'm tired of the NBA being 'too in our face' during the summer

I don't need the NBA Summer League. I don't need it in my face. The NBA gets like 10 months now. I can take a break. I love the NBA... but I just don't need to talk about every single thing that happens in the NBA Summer League... I feel like the NBA is way too in our face. Like, just chill.

Kobe Bryant secretly hates that LeBron James joined the Lakers

LeBron's going to be a Laker and now Kobe is silently stewing and he's going to pretend to like this, but you know he hates it.

Modern NBA GMs prefer gambling on high-upside rookies over reliable role players

GMs nowadays are looking for, like, the next greatest thing. They'll try like an 18-year-old, see if it works. If it doesn't, they'll try another. They're not going to stick with the solid guy because that's not going to help them get eventually a steal in the second round.

Joey Crawford is the best official in NBA history

Joey Crawford's the best official in the history of the game... I think that he controls the game better than anybody... In the second half, you rarely hear about him.

Danny Ainge's goal is to beat LeBron James, not sign him

I think Danny Ainge's whole life has been about beating LeBron... Since he got to Boston, LeBron has, you know, pseudo been in the league. How do you overtake this guy?... But he doesn't want LeBron to join. He wants to beat him.

Kevin Durant's move to the Warriors made the NBA better by raising the standard

I think [Kevin Durant] made the NBA better because he sets a standard for what a championship team would be like... The new championship level is what we're seeing with the Warriors.

Carmelo Anthony has staying power because he has the coolest basketball name ever

Have you guys heard the theory why he [Carmelo Anthony] has so much staying power? It's just because he has the coolest basketball name of all time. Like if his name was like John Brown, he would have been benched years ago.

Michael Jordan is the GOAT, followed closely by Kobe Bryant

I still have to give it to MJ. With a close Kobe second. It's hard for me playing the game right now to give a guy [LeBron James] that crown because I'm still in the game. And he's still in the game, too. I cannot do that.

Super teams threaten to water down the NBA

The only thing I just hope that doesn't happen is the league becomes watered down because so many teams are trying to create a super team to where you have 10 teams of the 30 having all the best players. And then what does that do with the rest of the league? Everyone else is tanking. That just hurts the NBA at the end of the day.

Donovan Mitchell and Dante DiVincenzo are the grittiest backcourt in history

I'm also psyched about the grittiest backcourt, perhaps, in NBA history with Dante DiVincenzo and Matthew Dellavedova. Ooh. Try driving to the hole and not drawing a charge with those two on the court.

Colangelo's burner accounts are the weirdest NBA storyline of the season

I still got to go with a general manager in the NBA getting fired for someone in his family, possibly him, burner tweeting his own players. Collar gate.

LeBron James playing all 82 games at age 33 is highly suspicious

LeBron James, 33 years old, 15 years in the league, played all 82 games. Seems like his durability's going up at 33. Most athletes, their durability goes down. [Implying HGH use].