Takes

Boneless wings are just big nuggets trying to be cool

Wings are not boneless. Wings have bones in them, but, this is it's big nugget that's trying to make themselves seem like they're as cool as chicken wings. You'll never be as cool as chicken wings. It's the mocktail of chicken.

Baja Blast is the best soda ever created

Baja Blast... Probably the best soda ever created. Right, Hank? Easily, easily, easily. So grab a blast. A refreshing tropical lime flavor with Mountain Dew Baja Blast.

Sugar cones with soft serve ice cream is crazy

I think sugar cones with soft serve is crazy. I think it's crazy. Soft serve ice cream will drip. ... Sugar cone's guaranteed dripping. ... Sugar cone is a classic ice cream cone [for scoops], not a soft serve cone.

I admit I was dead wrong about chickens being a nervous bird that shouldn't be eaten

Getting chickens? Raising chickens from chicks... I was eating a chicken something... and he [Brian Jennings] goes, yeah, he really shouldn't eat chicken. And then he, he, he was the one who explained to me that chicken chickens were a nervous bird... I maintained that... I went back. I was wrong. We're good. I was wrong. I, I think I, I was dead wrong.

Pie is vastly superior to cake as a dessert

I'm more of a pie guy than I'm a cake guy. I think pie clears cake all day. Birthday cake. Pretty decent pie. Vastly superior.

A bowl is a perfect delivery vessel because you never have a bad meal served in one

There's nothing really that you have a bad bowl of. You know what I mean? When you're getting, when you're getting a bowl out, you're getting just good. It's like soup, ice cream. Cereal. A bowl delivers great things.

Breakfast burritos are better than breakfast tacos outside of Austin

In Austin, you are correct [that tacos are better]. But the rest of the country breakfast burrito is always better than a breakfast taco. Where have you had a good breakfast taco outside of Austin? Breakfast tacos are good, but they're like a, they're a treat for like certain parts of the country.

Cold pizza is an elite breakfast food

I think it's an elite breakfast: cold slice of pizza. So good. It's zero calorie. Tastes great. Just put a little hot sauce on it. Yeah, it's great. I love, I love having pizza for breakfast.

Pineapple absolutely belongs on pizza

I fucking love pineapple on pizza. I love pineapple with, with barbecue chicken on a pizza... At what point did it become a thing where people are like, pineapple doesn't belong on pizza?

Pimento cheese is an overrated sandwich filling

I think pimento cheese is overrated... The problem with pimento cheese is there's absolutely no crunch or hard factor in there. It's just soft. Just soft.

One bagel is never satisfying; a backup bagel is essential for breakfast

One and a half bagels is usually the perfect amount... One bagel is never fully satisfying. A backup bagel is the most important. What about bacon, egg and cheese. Great. You need to finish it off with something. Keep it off with a bagel.

Lobster meat is definitely meat because it is a crustacean

Lobster meat is considered meat because it is a crustacean and a type of seafood. ... [To Max] You grew up in a dumb household [if you think fish isn't meat].

Colony Grill in Fairfield, CT is the best pizza in the world

Number one pizza is Colony Grill. Yes. No questions asked in Fairfield though. It's gotta be the one in Fairfield.

Any side dish works with any main course

I don't believe in in Correct the idea that one type of meal, like if you order a steak, then mashed potatoes is the side to that. But if you order pasta, guess what? Mashed potatoes is a great side for pasta too... All sides. If you like a side it works with any main course that you also like.

Ordering delivery from two different places for the same meal makes you a 'fat ass'

I would order from both places for dinner. Yeah. And just do 'em... it would be like three entrees and an appetizer from two different places. Oh. For myself... I am a fat ass and you are a fat ass if you ordered delivery dinner from two different places at the same time.

The Breakfast Crunchwrap is the greatest fast food item in America

Breakfast crunchwrap might be the best fast food menu item in America. It's that good. It is perfect.

Fruit Loops are all the same flavor regardless of color

Fruit loops don't have an individual taste. Your mind makes you think that the orange tastes like orange, yellow tastes like lemon banana. They all taste [the same].

Eating 14 hot dogs over 12 hours is not an insane amount of food

The second place person should have 10 hour days. Second place person can probably get out in one day. If they just need 14 hot dogs, they have to bowl 160. I don't think that 14 hot dogs over 12 hours is like an insane amount.

Tuna is the beef of the sea and Salmon is the chicken of the sea

Tuna is the beef of the sea. Salmon's the chicken of the sea. [Big Cat: Tuna cans literally say chicken of the sea.] No, because it's red. It's the beef.

Chicken wings are not a good leftover

As a man that loves chicken wings, who would like to be buried under six feet of chicken wings when I die, I will be the first to tell you that chicken wings are not a good leftover.

A half-drank blue Gatorade in the fridge is the perfect hangover leftover

Blue Gatorade in the fridge that you didn't finish next. Really good one. You wake up, you're thirsty as hell. You might be hungover and you see that partially [drunk]... sometimes that's the perfect amount of Gatorade to drink.

The Choco Taco discontinuing was a genius marketing move and it's coming back

My other who's back is the Choco Taco. They said they're bringing it back. Stay woke. That was a genius movie. Choco Taco's going Morbin time. They just reminded everyone the Choco Taco rules and then everyone like pull it away.

Thai food is prevalent in America because of a soft power directive by the Thai government

Thai food is only prevalent in America because of a directive by the Thai government... in the early nineties [they] wanted to spread Thai culture as a form of soft power. And so there's Thai food all over completely disproportionate to the amount of Thai people in the United States.

Light beer is the only thing the United States specializes in making better than other countries

Light beer. America was like, you know what? Beer is good. I wish there was slightly less taste that you could drink 10 times as many them... Light beer is the only, like, I don't know any other country that specializes in making light beer. There's really none. Every, every other is like, we'd like more flavor us. We're like, no, we just want to get drunker.

Little Caesars pizza is trash and barely counts as pizza

Little Caesars is trash. It is trash. People forget... Caesars are just trash. It's like not pizza.

Mayonnaise is undeniably a top 3 condiment

Undeniably a top three condiment. So versatile. And I it's just people against big Mayo, but I'm going to stand behind the movement and stay strong with my position on the subject. We've made sure to kind of find a plan that allows me to have Mayo in my diet as frequently as I can.

Chicken salad is disgusting

Chicken salad is disgusting... That's just mayonnaise... That may be an unpopular opinion. That may be my calamari.

Boneless wings are slow-twitch muscles and bone-in wings are fast-twitch

Boneless wings are slow Twitch muscles and bone in wings are fast Twitch muscles. In terms of on the chicken... I think it has more higher mineral density.

Medium Rare Plus is a real and valid steak temperature

Medium rare plus, is that an actual temperature that you can order a steak cooked? Every time we go to a steak house, I say medium rare plus, they say, okay, great... I always assume that a really nice steak house... they always err on the side of like, if you asked for medium rare, it's going to be closer to rare... so I like it like a little bit more than medium rare.

Ordering a steak 'Medium Rare Plus' is a 'Karen' move

I officially accept that medium rare plus is a thing. Okay. At the same time, just kind of a Karen move to order... I acknowledge its existence as well. I personally prefer [to not be an asshole].

Restaurants should offer oversized sweatshirts for customers who want to keep eating

A restaurant should offer an oversized sweatshirt or even a blanket so that you can keep eating through that... somewhere between like appetizers maybe right after appetite is like, sir, are you, are you planning on eating past full well, yeah, always. Can we offer you this three XL sweatshirt?

Fresh Skyline Chili is absolute gas and tastes like Mediterranean food

Skyline is actually fire... Didn't have Skyline from Cincinnati before. I had it from the cans and I didn't really like it. Got some fresh Skyline. It's absolute gas. It kind of tastes like Mediterranean food. Literally. Like the chili gives off like – hero [gyro] vibes.

Putting milk in eggs makes them better and more like pancakes

What you do is you put like, I have put milk in my eggs and then they're like, almost like a pancake when you do them. But apparently the nice browning of the outside of the eggs... it's better than gooey icky eggs.

Putting mayo on a turkey sandwich is the most American thing you can eat

A perfectly normal amount of mayo on a tuna fish sandwich or a turkey sandwich, that's the most American thing that you can eat.

Mayonnaise is objectively delicious and hating it is a media trend

I actually think that mayonnaise recently has gotten a bad rap in the media because it's become cool for people to be like, ew, mayonnaise... Mayonnaise is objectively delicious. Don't overdo it. Don't eat gobs of it. I'm here to be a mayo stand.

Mayonnaise makes the most moist chocolate cake

I had this chocolate cake once in Mississippi... Mayo. It's mayo. It makes the most moist chocolate cake you've ever had in your life.

A 600-foot cheesesteak made of individual subs is a total fraud

It's a bunch of regular cheesesteaks, footlong cheesesteaks stacked up next to each other. It's ridiculous to say... If you make a 600-foot... it has to be connected.

Wraps are just shittier, guiltier versions of sandwiches

The wrap is just a shittier sandwich. It's not like you didn't do anything great. It's more portable and it's like slightly healthier, but it's not as healthy as people want you to believe it is... you can't tell me that a wrap is better than a sandwich with like good bread.

Pie is better than cake

One of my hottest takes, well, just facts in the interest of fairness, Pi is better than cake... Apple pie, blueberry pie, peach pie. Those are all better. Cheesecake is even a pie... if you take out ice cream cake, I think that that's easily, that's almost a blowout.

Mark Davis orders orange chicken and fried rice at P.F. Chang's

I know Mark. Mark's a wonderful guy. I think Mark would play it right up the middle. I think he would go orange chicken, chicken fried rice, egg roll. Right up the middle. I don't really see him diversifying it.

Never trust meat made from plant proteins

My hot seat is McDonald's they're releasing a McPlant... never trust a man made a plant proteins.

The Popeyes chicken sandwich is better than Chick-fil-A

I think the Popeye's is better. Yes, it's a little bit bigger, it's a little crunchier. Popeyes is better but Popeyes also will set you back a little.

Cheese pizza and mac and cheese are essentially the exact same thing

I just realized it cheese pizza and mac and cheese are essentially the exact same thing. Correct? So is yeah given to you differently cooked harder.

You cannot eat soup while wearing shorts; it's a fundamental rule

It's either short season or it's soup season. I thought about ordering soup yesterday, and I was like, it's a little too hot out. I'm wearing shorts. There's no overlap there. You can't eat soup while wearing shorts. You just can't. It doesn't go together. You can eat a popsicle.

Dasani is the worst bottled water in the world.

My first one I'm going to go straight forward and say Dasani. Dasani water is trash, all of it, it's the world's worst water. It just tastes like shit.

Calamari is a trash appetizer

Calamari. Everyone always orders it. I'm always at tables where they just like, oh, well, just get calamari, assuming I want calamari. I'm just like no... if you don't have sauce, it's disgusting.

The Bloomin' Onion is a disappointment; just order onion rings

Whenever you order it, it's always disappointment. The Bloomin' Onion. Think about it, like why? Just order onion rings.

Milk Duds are a trap because they get stuck in your teeth for four hours

I fucking hate Milk Duds. You never eaten a Milk Dud it didn't get stuck in your teeth for fucking hours? The most annoying candy to eat... It's like a fucking trap every time.

Hot dog water is a top-four worst type of water

I've got hot dog water. It is the equivalent of juicing a diet. Remnants of bathroom hot dog water... that's the most disgusting thing you've ever said in your entire life.

PB&J on hot dog rolls is a superior sandwich method and I'm never going back

I've been making PB and J's and hot dog rolls and honestly, I'm never going back. Yeah, PB&J doesn't fall out of the sample. It falls out of sandwiches in the hot dog roll. It's like a taco, you know.