Takes

Jack Doherty is a '1-1' pick for people who need to be punched in the face

Jack Doherty's our pick. That guy needs to get punched so fucking bad. I several times I consume his work, I just see him on Twitter and I hate him. He goes around with his bodyguards fucking with people... as far as internet people go, he's 1-1.

TV reruns are actually actors performing the exact same script live for a second time

I used to think that when you'd watch a rerun of a show on TV, that it was an all new taping of the exact same script... I thought that like, I'd be watching Saved by the Bell... They're doing the same song, but they're just taping it again for us.

The losers of the 2023 Mount Rushmore competition will have to do a 24-hour stream with their partner

This is it. This is a finale of Mount Rushmore season... someone will be in a 24 hour stream with their partner for all of us to watch narrate.

The Nick Castellanos home run apology call is one of the greatest moments in broadcasting history

It is such a hilarious funny call. Iconic call became a meme. It's like one of those things that I can't wait till my kids are older and be like, let me show you this video... and let me set the stage for you. Apologize for the what? Call of my life.

Serena Williams did more for tennis than Tiger Woods did for golf

She did more than Tiger Woods did for golf.

The Nuclear Powered Aircraft Carrier is the ultimate piece of heavy machinery

Nuclear powered aircraft carrier... they can just go forever because they got a nuclear reactor on board... China doesn't have an actual [one]... It's why we're the GOAT.

I am in the top 1% of Max Action watchers in the world

I think I'm top 1% of Max Action. I think I would be in the world. I don't know what else I could say I'm top 1% in. But watching Max Action is there.

Pac-Man is the greatest arcade game of all time

The game of the century announced on the Tokyo game show in 1999? And that would be the one that I would have to choose. Pac-Man. Pac-Man was also the first game inducted into the video game hall of fame.

Jay Glazer 'held the world hostage' with a dud scoop about a player getting COVID

Jay Glazer held the world hostage for 24 hours thinking he was going to break the biggest news ever and then just told us a guy [Brian Allen] got coronavirus. But he was fine. Hundreds of thousands of, I think millions, yeah, millions of people have had coronavirus and he was like, big news coming tomorrow.

Kevin Durant is going to come on Pardon My Take eventually

I'll go with well i i mean i think this guy's gonna come on but i'll go with kevin durant as my first pick i think he is gonna come on but i really really want him to come on.

If you go viral on early YouTube, you become a celebrity forever

See, that's the best part about the old YouTube is like if you got viral, you became a celebrity forever.

The NBA Finals celebration was a joke compared to the Stanley Cup Finals

Sick celebration that was at the end. Looked like they won that Saturday morning men's league that Big Cat plays in. But they won their NBA title. They're checking their phones to see how quickly they're on Instagram... Vegas, Washington had people on the edge of their seats. People were sleeping at the Golden State Warriors Arena. Snoozing if they won the title. What a league. What a joke.

Nobody who writes a book actually reads it cover-to-cover

I have a working theory that nobody that's written a book has actually read their book. Do you listen to your podcast over and over? Yeah, sometimes.

Rugby is the fastest growing sport in America

I can't say rugby because rugby is definitely not obscure. It's very mainstream. In fact, fastest growing sport in America.

Wikipedia is the greatest website of all time

My number one is Wikipedia. The best website of all time. I don't think I even need to explain it. We have a Wikipedia club.

The 2003 Yahoo Fantasy Football page was perfection

Michelangelo never created anything close to the perfection. That was on the 2003 Yahoo Fantasy Football homepage.

Asking someone to come on your sports podcast is a huge dick move

Can you come on my podcast? So that's a huge – I hate it. I hate when people try to get you to go on, like, your sports podcast and, like, try to joke around with them. Big time dick move if anybody out there does that.

Lacrosse will be the fourth major sport in America in 30 years

Should lacrosse take over soccer as the fourth major sport? I think it's got to be us. I think we've got to take it upon ourselves... 30 years.

NFL Blitz is a Mount Rushmore-tier video game

All right, first up, NFL Blitz. No, I played video games a lot more when I was really young, and that was my favorite one.

Madden is the greatest video game franchise ever

I have Madden, the franchise. Just going to take the whole franchise. Fuck it. Mount Rushmore, you get to make your own rules.

GoldenEye 007 and Oregon Trail are top-tier video games

GoldenEye is number one since you didn't take it... Number two, I have Oregon Trail.

If you don't include Mount Rushmore on a 'Mount Rushmore' list, you are trying way too hard

If you guys don't put Mount Rushmore on the list, you're trying way too hard.