Takes

A sniper's most likely hiding spots are a clock tower or a warehouse

That feels like the, the two most likely places for people in Texas to hide if they're a sniper.

Every great record was unpleasant to make and involved band members hating each other

I think that every good record that I can think of was made—was unpleasant to make, you know, they all sort of hate each other. Fleetwood Mac... the White Stripes... Jack [White] couldn't get Meg to do anything... it's all kind of this struggle.

1992 to 1993 was the greatest run of movies ever

The 1992 to 1993, like the greatest run of movies ever. The Fugitive, Jurassic Park, all those. Best year of movies.

Dua Lipa and Callum Turner's 'same book on a plane' meet-cute story is fake

I just can't, I couldn't help myself but to bring up this story 'cause it's just so fake... He revealed that they were reading the same book the night they first met. We sat next to each other on a plane... it's too much. Fakest plane book story love story of all time.

Jam bands are AI-proof because a robot can never replicate a live performance's mistakes

A robot can definitely lay down some... but a robot, an AI can never play a sick live show... We should make more mistakes. It's proof that you're human.

Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Terry Funk, Eddie Guerrero, Harley Race, and Dusty Rhodes are the all-time greats

I like to say six grandfathers instead of Mount Rushmore... Brett Hart... Roddy Piper... Terry Funk... Eddie Guerrero... Harley Race... Dusty Rhodes. Six with a bullet.

Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the best video game ever made

We are gonna go Zelda: Ocarina of Time... widely known as the best game ever... It's like known as being the best game ever.

Taylor Swift Easter Eggs are stupid and overhyped

We're gonna take Taylor Swift Easter Eggs. Not Taylor Swift. The music, we understand the music... I, for the life of me do not understand when Taylor Swift just like matches a couple numbers... and everyone fucking goes full investigative journalism mode... it's fucking stupid.

Little Big League is a better movie than Rookie of the Year

Little Big League I think is a better movie than Rookie of the Year. Little Big League is legit a great movie. ... I like Little Big League better.

Happy Gilmore 1 is the funniest movie of all time

I'm just gonna get mad. I wanna just enjoy a movie and Happy Gilmore 1 is the funniest movie of all time.

Happy Gilmore 2 was just a nostalgia blast rather than a good movie

I thought it was exactly what I expected going in and that it wasn't the best movie. It was nostalgia. There was a shitload of cameos. I laughed a few times and I went away being like, okay, that was fun.

Happy Gilmore 2 would be the worst movie ever if you hadn't seen the first one

Now if you haven't seen Happy Gilmore and you just watch Happy Gilmore 2, it's probably the worst movie of all time. If you've never seen the first one... they didn't try to make a brand new movie. They were just like, we're gonna make a funny, silly movie that is basically all head nods to the first one.

Hulk Hogan was a significantly better professional wrestler than he was a person

Listen, we'll, we'll say it right now. Hulk Hogan. Significantly better professional wrestler than person.

Coldplay staged the viral Kiss Cam moment for publicity

I feel like Coldplay might have set this whole thing up because we're talking about Coldplay online. Coldplay's getting talked about more than they've ever been talked about so much.

You are naturally less funny the better shape you are in

the better shape you are in, the less funny you are just naturally. ... Unless you tell your friends in the show, I did this for you. And the friends are like, what the fuck are you talking about? Why? And he did it just to like impress them, but they're not impressed by it.

Morgan Wallen is fully back after his recent controversies

Morgan Wallen... he had some controversies, you know, throwing a chair over their ledge... I just feel like he was a fantastic star. I think he's so back.

Mark Twain was fundamentally a 'bummed out guy'.

Almost done with Chernow's latest opus thousand pages on Mark Twain... Bummed out guy though, man... That's not your takeaway. Mark Twain not so happy. Bummed out guy.

Anne Hathaway has a fixation for scouting gritty athletes like OG Anunoby and Danny Woodhead

Anne Hathaway is back. And if you look at the stats. A guy Riggs posted about this OG Anunoby ran into Anne Hathaway Courtside. He was jumping outta bounds to save a ball. Since that moment he's been, he's had 24.3 points per game. Now Anne Hathaway is leaning into it. So she's like posting pictures of OG Anunoby on her Instagram. The one other obscure ish athlete that she's developed a fixation for over her career was Danny Woodhead. She's a massive Danny Woodhead fan.

Tom Cruise used Top Gun: Maverick to make people forget about his Scientology controversies

Tom Cruise... Scientology thing is very weird... He just was like, yeah, I'm gonna put out a new Top Gun and everyone's gonna forget about that. ... It felt like the block was getting a little hot with the documentaries and everything. He's like, I know. Top Gun two. People won't care anymore.

The show 'The Librarians: The Next Chapter' looks like the dumbest show of all time

The librarians, the next chapter. They're showing these commercials in all these games. It like it. I can't believe it's a real show that is being made. It looks like this is the best whose guy ever dumb this fucking show of all time.

Season 1 Tony Soprano is the hottest man who has ever lived

Season one Tony [Soprano] is the hottest man ever that's ever lived, dude. Like the, and that's all I want. The girls who wanted to fuck him, that's who I want to fuck me. That's how I live my life.

White Lotus Season 3 is the worst season of the series

I'd put it clearly number three. I think clearly number three, I think season, I'm gonna go season two. Yeah. Then season one. Barely. And then clearly season three.

The twist of Walter Goggins killing his father in the White Lotus finale was 'cheap'

Walter Goggins in like the last 10 minutes kills the guy. And then the other woman's like, why would you do that? He's your father. It's like, come on... It was just a little cheap.

The WWE Championship is essentially a de-facto office position with leadership responsibilities

What I really quickly found out is that it is almost a de-facto position in the office. It's a bigger position than just man and tights wrestling. There's a layer of responsibility, like a team captain. And especially for being a good guy character, to have the title this long is rather unheard of because everyone just tries to murder you every week.

Audi Helly was the character we saw at the end of the Severance season finale

The real theory is that it's Audi Helly at the end of the episode. Because she brings him in back and smiled at Gemma. And Irv said Audi Helly was never cruel. And it was kind of a cruel looking smile when she looked at Gemma and was like, I won.

Binging a TV show is much better than watching it week-by-week

This is my big, i I like binging shows. I like just diving right into 'em. I don't know how people can watch a show like I gave up on House of Dragon. Yeah. Because I watched the first season and then it was four years and I was like, I don't remember fucking shit. I'm out.

Timothy Chalamet will be one of the greatest actors ever

He won a SAG award and then I, I just liked, I liked his speech... He kind of was just like, yeah, I wanna be one of the greats. I'm going hard.

Shredder and the Ninja Turtles appear in every episode together but never actually kill each other

If you've ever watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Shredder is in every episode. The Ninja Turtles are in like every episode. They never actually kill each other. They just fight.

AC/DC should be the next Super Bowl halftime show performer.

I'm gonna agree with our good friend Michael Greer. He has a great idea for the next halftime show. AC DC. AC DC at halftime would fucking rock... just banger after banger.

Kendrick Lamar vs Drake is the biggest blowout in subjective art history

That the Kendrick Drake thing turned into — obviously art is entirely in the eye of the beholder... but in this one thing where people can interpret it either any way they see fit, like this is as big of a blowout as you'll ever see. Ever.

Taylor Swift would never allow Travis Kelce to propose to her on the field after a Super Bowl.

I was just thinking he wouldn't actually, after I said it, I realized Taylor would never allow it to happen. But I was thinking of like confetti. No, I just that that thought of all that scene disgusted me, but I don't think, I think they would do it in a little more classy way.

I will play the role of Chris Farley with such love that I won't let his fans down

I love Chris so much that I'm incapable of letting Chris, and I mean, I, I can't, I'm not incapable of letting his fans down... I love Chris so much that I'm not worried about keeping his memory alive in a, in an authentic and loving way. I know I'm going to do that... some people are just supposed to play certain people.

I find myself actually liking LeBron James after watching the 'Starting Five' show on Netflix.

I have been watching, there's a lot episodes, so I'm, I'm not finished with it. But the NBA starting five show on Netflix. ... I do find myself like liking LeBron... He's funny. ... Like he's just, it's just the, he's funny. He's just a big goof.

Nikocado Avocado's two-year weight loss reveal was a genius strategy

He's been posting videos for the last two years where he's large... then this week he posted a reveal stating that he prerecorded two years worth of mukbangs and has been putting them out periodically and just losing all the weight... this is actually incredible.

Jay-Z picked Kendrick Lamar for the Super Bowl halftime show just to spite Drake

Jay-Z doesn't like Drake. So he basically did the opposite. He took Kendrick. Also, Kendrick Lamar. Yeah. They're just gonna make it to the Drake can never watch a Super Bowl again.

Kristin Cavallari is lying about having the best sex of her life

Kristin Cavallari said that her boyfriend, Mark Estes, Montana boy, who's 13 years younger than her, she's having the best sex she's ever had. It is, but it's also if you have to publicly say you're having the best sex you ever had, you're lying. The minute you say you have the best sex ever, everyone's like, dude, that's a lie.

Paul Walter Hauser should play Andy Reid in a movie about the coach's life

One [project] would be him [Paul Walter Hauser] playing Andy Reid in the Andy Reid story. I think he'd crush that.

Swifties are the number one hobby that becomes an entire personality

Obviously my one one or I guess one two Swifties. I mean, they're the cra they're the number one. Yeah. Right now they're the number one. Yeah. That is their hobby. That becomes their entire personality. Swifties If. you If you see a swifty online. That's all they want to talk about is Swifties.

Disney Adults are the weirdest people in the world

Disney adults. They're the weirdest people in the, the world now... There's a lot of people out there that get married at Disney World. Yeah. Get propose at Disney World. Yeah. They dress up as Disney characters. And I actually think... Disney adults, their hobby becomes their personality traits because the rest of the world no longer accepts 'em.

The world needs straight comedy movies that aren't trying to be serious or deep

I see the movies coming out that are kind of comedies and I watch 'em. I feel like they're mid and lacking in comedy... When you put a comedy on, you drop your guard, right? Yeah. When you put on like The Hangover or some shit... And I'm ready to just immerse in this last year.

The Joker is more dangerous than Batman because he is willing to do whatever it takes

The issue with Batman is like he's not willing to do whatever it takes. Like he has a chance to throw [Joker] off the cliff at the end of the second one and he doesn't do it. He saves his life. And so like the scary thing about Batman is like is he willing to go the extra mile to do what's necessary for the greater good? And that's the danger part of Joker is like he's willing to go the extra mile to get his point across.

Joey Chestnut is the best eater of all time in the history of the world

Everybody eats. Joey Chestnut is the best person, the best eater of all time in the history of the world. He needs to be rich for that fact.

There is no way on earth Lenny Kravitz hasn't had sex in nine years

Lenny Kravitz said that he hasn't had sex in nine years. Yeah, he hasn't fucked in nine years. That must be really, that's impossible. Difficult for Lenny Kravitz to do that. That's insane. ... Lenny Kravitz is so hot that there's no one on earth that can make him come.

Kendrick Lamar is winning the beef because he is speaking for everyone who hates Drake

Drake is responding to Kendrick Lamar, but Kendrick Lamar is, the way he's dropping these things is basically he's speaking for a lot more people that just haven't said anything to Drake in a long time... It essentially talking for a bunch of people being like, we've been saying this shit behind your back.

J. Cole is the real winner of the Drake-Kendrick rap beef

The smartest person, the real winner of this entire beef is J. Cole because J. Cole was in it. And then he went on stage and he was like, no, I'm kind of a pussy so I don't want to do this. Smart. He's the goat for recognizing that he did not want to be anywhere involved in this.

Nikki Glaser was the best roaster and Ben Affleck was the worst at the Tom Brady Roast

I thought Nikki Glaser was the best because anytime you have a roast, like the professional comedians, you could just see why they're professional comedians... I thought Ben Affleck was the weirdest and worst. It was really strange. He spent 10 minutes yelling about like an anonymous Bills fan.

Queens of the Stone Age are the best American rock band of the last 40 years

I could argue they're the best American rock band in the last 40 years. ... And I'll go album for album with anybody. They're album because they evolve. ... You wanna see people evolve. You wanna see people try stuff that maybe sometimes doesn't work, but then you get to see 'em try stuff that does work. And you're like, yeah, this shit rules.

Beyonce's 'Jolene' cover is not good and should be skipped

Beyonce's Jolene sucks. That's, she covered it on this album. She did it. And it's a skip. Oh, it's a big skip. It's skip. It's not good. Boy.

Hollywood won't cast a ginger as a lead actor

I just think they don't, they're never gonna make a, a ginger a lead... something about orange men, they just, it's hard to lead a movie... if Bill Burr can't do it, I don't think I've got a shot.

Boobs are officially back in pop culture

I told you Sydney Sweeney has done it. I think boobs are back guys. Yeah. That, that picture all time... Sydney Sweeney has done it.