Takes

Notre Dame is heading in the wrong direction

If you had to describe Notre Dame for the last seven years, it's perfectly this. Are they back? Question mark. They've been almost back, sort of back, never fully back. But I think now they're going the wrong direction. Now they're set back.

I am officially not retired and looking for the right NFL situation

I guess I am officially not retired at the moment. I think I'd pick up the right call, like the right situation that came about. I'm not completely done.

Jim Trestle believed the punt was the most important play in football

[Jim Trestle] sits in the punt meeting, special teams, he said, 'Punt, the most important play in football.' And he just kept repeating that... I believed him because that's how we played. They called it Trestle Ball.

Russell Wilson will have a kid by February 2017

My new pick is Russell Wilson. Russell Wilson is deaf[initely]—now that I think about it, Russell Wilson is absolutely—he's going to have a kid. He for sure is having a kid. I'm going to call it February of next year.

Trading Sam Bradford for a first and fourth-round pick was a great deal for the Eagles

The Eagles, great trade for them. Any Eagles fan that's upset by this, I really don't know what to tell you. You just traded Sam Bradford. You weren't going to go to the playoffs, and you got a first and a fourth round.

Mark Sanchez will forever be a 'notable' player rather than a successful one

Mark Sanchez is forever just a notable. Not a bad place to be... He's not good. He's probably never going to get a full-time starting job again. But he will forever be a notable. He is a name that's there.

The selfie is the new autograph

I don't really do a lot of autographs. I do a lot more pictures. I think I've had more pictures taken by me in the last year than anybody. The selfie is the new autograph.

I don't watch the game if the ball is out of the infield because of my bad eyes

I don't sit in bleacher seats. That's what the common people say... I have bad eyes, so I can't see that far. If it's out of the infield, I don't see it. I have to listen to the crowd.

LSU does not have a good quarterback and will continue to struggle passing the ball

Turns out LSU doesn't have a good quarterback. Oh, you think? No doy. The 10,000th year that Les Miles has a quarterback that can't throw the ball.

The Washington Huskies are the #1 surprise team and a dark horse for the national title

My number one surprise team this year is the Washington Huskies... I've got Washington as my number one surprise team this year.

Northwestern will hit the over on 6.5 wins

Northwestern, six and a half. I'm going to go with over... I'm going to have to go with over the six and a half.

Ohio State will be a playoff team because they remind me of the 1986 Hurricanes

I like Ohio State. They remind me a lot of our 86th University of Miami team, Hurricanes. We had 12 players drafted. Ohio State had 12 players drafted. Everyone thought that we were gloom, doomed the next year, and we came back in 87 and won the national championship.

LeSean McCoy will have a massive bounce-back year in fantasy football

Take LeSean McCoy and your fantasy team. He was a mess last year. Philly was his home, right? He had all his boys there. Now he goes to Buffalo. I mean, I talked to him several times. I think he's got a new attitude. It's beyond him. Chip Kelly's gone. You know, everything's have changed. I look for him to have a big year.

The Royals' praying mantis should be burned to kill their team's mojo

I'm just saying it'd be a real shame if someone snuck into their dugout and dropped a match in there and watched the, what's it, a terrarium? ... If you're trying to get rid of their mojo... That's a direct correlation.

I would bet against Larry the Goldfish surviving for five months

If you were a betting person and you were to gamble on to whether or not we could keep a goldfish alive for five months, the answer is I would take no.

I only got a college scholarship because I won $1,400 in an underground poker game

I went to this underground game in Pittsburgh. I borrowed 100 bucks from one of my friends... I had jack nine... I caught a full house... I end up having $1,400. My dad spots me the other $100. I go down to the camp. I kick a 65-yard field goal... Tony Gibson from West Virginia University is there. 'You want a scholarship to West Virginia?'... without that tournament happening, [I have] no chance.

Tony Romo's injury is actually a good thing for the Cowboys

I actually think that this is a good thing for the Cowboys. I do too. Because God bless him, Tony Romo... I don't know if there's been a quarterback that's gone from utter laughing stock... you want a guy who's lucky to be your quarterback more than anything.

Joey Bosa should condition his contract signing on the Chargers agreeing not to move to Los Angeles

I've got some really good PR advice for Joey, though. Here's how you get the public back on your side. It's very easy. You release a statement saying, 'I will accept the Chargers' offer under the condition that they agree to not move the team to L.A. next year.' Instantly, all of San Diego loves you, and there's nothing that the team can do about it.

Charlie Weis hacked life by getting paid $24 million specifically to not work

But if you really look at the facts, what Charlie's done with his career is what we should all strive for. And that's he's getting paid $24 million to not work. And in what world – he's basically hacked life, OK? ... He has figured out how to design an offense that's so bad that people will pay you not to implement it.

Charlie Weis will never get another coaching job unless he gets rid of his aggressive pet parrot

My biggest takeaway from the article is that he's not going to get another job until he gets rid of the bird in his house. ... It's a sun conure that dive bombs anybody that walks into his house. ... I think he got the parrot to get himself fired quicker at Kansas.

The NFL should be criticized for not suspending Aaron Hernandez while suspending Hope Solo for six months

Don't let this distract you from the fact that the NFL has yet to suspend Aaron Hernandez. ... Aaron Hernandez gets nothing and Hope Solo suspended for six months for talking.

Peter King will inevitably 'eat the trash' again and tweet something offensive

Peter King... he's like a dog that keeps eating the trash and getting sick... Within a few months, Peter King will eat that trash again. He knows he shouldn't eat the trash, but the trash is there and it's delicious.

Rio's Olympic venues will be abandoned ruins with graffiti and skateboarders almost immediately

I'd say it's probably already dry. I'd probably I'd say it's probably already got graffiti on it and there's like skateboarders in it.

UFC 202 was the best main event fight in a long time

UFC 202, I want to mention it quickly because as a sports fan, that was one of the best main event fights I've watched in a long time. It was one of the most hyped ones probably since Mayweather Pacquiao, but it was so, so good.

SportsCenter highlights of twins games are obsolete in the mobile era

If you just rolled tape from one of [Dan and Keith's] shows and watched it now, you'd say, man, that Twins highlight was pretty long. You just can't do a minute 30 of a Twins highlight that people have already seen on their phones.

It is incredibly difficult for media personalities to leave ESPN and find the same level of success

There's a pretty strong track record that leaving, you know, it's hard to go out there and take on, as Dan Patrick labeled it long ago, the mothership and win. ... People are lazy, man. ... If you make me memorize a new number [on the cable box], I hate you a little bit more.

Bill Simmons struggled on TV because he is a writer competing against trained performers like John Oliver and Marc Maron

Mars [Marc Maron], the other guy they compare to him... you're a stand-up comic for that many years, you have balls the size of pumpkins because you talk for a living. ... He's a performer. ... Bill is a brilliant guy on a lot of fronts and TV is still a relatively new thing for him.

LeBron James's post-Finals interview in 2016 was one of the most authentic athlete moments in years

LeBron after the finals was really cool because our show was the post-show, and it was him after an iconic thing that happened in sports. ... He was human and he was honest. ... memorable with a guy who's as big a deal as there is in sports after doing something that had never been done in sports before.

The number one lie in sports is a coach claiming they aren't interviewing for other jobs

Number one [lie] is every time any coach anywhere says they're happy with their job and they're not interviewing. That's number one lie in all sports.

UFC 202 will break the all-time pay-per-view record and hit 1.6-1.7 million buys

I had already said and gone on record as thinking that this is going to break the pay-per-view record because it has the biggest name in the sport, Conor McGregor... I think it's interesting with not a ton of star power to see if he can break the record and do 1.6, 1.7 million pay-per-view buys with Nate Diaz largely on their own.

Conor McGregor will win the rematch against Nate Diaz on points

I think Conor is going to fight a more disciplined fight. I think he might have to win on points. But again, I got to be on that side.

DeAndre Jordan values an Olympic Gold medal over an NBA ring because he'll never win a championship

I like it because Carmelo [Anthony] and DeAndre [Jordan] are both guys who are kind of talented. But they're probably never going to win a championship unless they change teams. So what better way for DeAndre to capitalize on the surge of patriotism... than to say, yeah, you know what? It's all about the medal.

Shaunae Miller crossed the finish line faster because she dove.

Like, why would you not dive? Right. It doesn't make any sense. Like, she crossed the finish line faster because she dove. David Eckstein... That guy used to dive into first base all the time. Nobody ever said he wasn't fast.

Josh McCown is the perfect backup quarterback

Josh McCown is the perfect backup quarterback. Because he doesn't rock the boat. He's just good enough to maybe show a little flash here and there. But then if you have to have him play more than a couple games, you're like, okay. He looks good in a set of front pleated khakis.

Tim Tebow does not have a chance to make it in the Major Leagues

I i love to root for tebow i'd love to see love to see him get it done but i i don't know if that's possible

Michael Phelps is the all-time best Olympic champion

But it was a great performance. Michael Phelps, all-time best Olympic champion. I think we can safely say that, right?

Ed Hochuli wears extra small jerseys to make his biceps look bigger

I'm saying if you think a guy that buys extra small jerseys and cuts off the ends of them, if you think and does 100 push-ups before he goes out on the field to make them look bigger, if you think that's a show-off, I think it's a show-off.

The regular NFL officials 'beat the league' in labor negotiations because the 'Fail Mary' gave them massive leverage

And the second thing is, they beat the league. The officials beat the league. They got more than what the league wanted to pay... because of what happened with the fail Mary play, you know, the thing was saying quickly and beat the league at their own game. They got more money than the league was planning to give. And they got extension of their pension, which the league wanted to bust.

Giancarlo Stanton's season-ending injury is definitive proof of the Home Run Derby curse

He had the home run derby curse... so we actually predicted this. Not to brag, but we called it. Like a month ago, we said whoever's going to win is going to be out for the rest of the season. So sometimes it's tough to keep track of how right we are all the time.

The Warriors window will open in a year and a half and they will be set for the next 5-10 years

This is basically a free agent signing for the Warriors. Like, getting the Cavaliers to commit this much money to [LeBron] right now... So the Warriors are going to be – their window is going to open up in like a year and a half. And then they're going to be set for the next like five, ten years.

Saints rookie Michael Thomas is a massive fantasy alert catching everything at camp

Mike Thomas from the New Orleans Saints has been catching everything, and he's an Ohio State guy too... Definitely a fantasy alert there.

Michael Phelps is the greatest Olympian of all time

Michael Phelps, the greatest Olympian of all time.

Tim Tebow has a better playoff record than many 'great' NFL quarterbacks

People forget Tim Tebow is 1-1 in the playoffs. .500. That's a better record than a lot of great quarterbacks out there... That is the same amount of playoff wins as Tony Romo.

Prince Fielder will finish his career with the exact same number of home runs as his father

If Prince Fielder never plays another Major League Baseball game, he will end his career with 319 home runs. Same amount of home runs as Cecil Fielder.

LaRon Landry is the number one steroid user because he is 'half Hulk.'

Number one [steroid user], I got LaRon Landry. Oh, you're going outside of baseball. Okay. There were a couple pictures of LaRon where it was like, this dude is half Hulk.

Jay Cutler will never make 'the leap' at age 32.

I'm not scared of Cutler... I don't think [him putting it all together] is going to happen.

LeBron James is going to leave Cleveland a second time

Well, I also saw on SportsCenter today people were saying they were using the phrase like this was almost as bad as LeBron the first time he left Cleveland... So would that imply there's a second time? Huh. Huh. We're just connecting the dots, people.

Instagram Stories will be a massive threat to Snapchat's market dominance

Originally, Snapchat completely had the market, but now Instagram is coming in hot... Instagram, Mark Zuckerberg literally took Snapchat and just added it on Instagram... It's going to be a battle.

The Cleveland Indians won't win the World Series this year

The Indians, they're not going to win the World Series this year.

The Cleveland Indians' name and logo will face massive media scrutiny now that the team is successful and in the spotlight

I have a prediction, though, because the [Indians] are now officially going for it with the Andrew Miller trade. We're going to get a lot of think pieces about the Indians logo. It's going to happen. The Indians are about to get [redskinned].