Takes

The 49ers, Ravens, and Chiefs money line parlay is a can't-lose bet

The 49ers, the Ravens, the Chiefs. Parlay them all, plus 105 on BetMGM, even money everywhere else... How does that lose? I don't see a way that it does.

The Buffalo Bills will beat the Houston Texans 17-10 on Saturday

The final score will be 17 to 10. Yep, and the Buffalo Bills will win. Whoo. Okay, put it in stone.

The Patriots will beat the Titans easily and make everyone look stupid

This feels like one of those games where everyone is going to talk themselves into the Patriots being done... they're going to beat the Titans easily and everyone's be like damn we feel stupid.

The Eagles are my lock of the year against the Seahawks

I'm taking the Eagles because it's Tony's it's my Tony Danza lock the lock of the Year. Okay. I mean, I'm not an idiot. I'm going to also take Tony Danza.

The Seahawks will beat the 49ers on Sunday Night Football

I feel like I don't have faith in either of those teams. But that just feels like a Seahawks win. You close your eyes and you just see it's probably drizzling.

The Chicago Bears will beat the Kansas City Chiefs outright

I like Chicago. I like the Bears to win outright. How do you think they will ya fuck with me? I that's my entire logic behind. This is to just give you a victory that you can't do anything with.

Kirk Cousins cannot win games in California

Cousins can't play on the Left Coast though. He is something like 0-8 in California.

The Buccaneers will finish 8-8 and franchise tag Jameis Winston

My favorites the Bucks. I think the Bucks are going to finish 8-8 I do. I think Jameis is going to get franchise tagged. I do, I hope so I really do.

I love the over in Bills vs. Cowboys on Thanksgiving

Fellas, I love this over. This is going to be my over of the day. Because you've got to have at least one over on Thanksgiving. It's a lot going against Buffalo. Buffalo on the road. Different defense at home. Very good defense on the road. Maybe not as good. And also, teams have been able to run a little bit on the Bills. Guess who the Cowboys have? Zeke.

Always bet the over when Joe Buck is calling the game

I'll tie this right into our picks for the weekend. It makes me have to take the over in the Cowboys Patriots game... Joe Buck is I'm pretty sure is going to be announcing it... you always bet the over when Buck's calling.

The Jets +3 against the Raiders is the start of a run to the playoffs

My Underdog is the Jets... Jets plus 3 the run the table. Yeah, they're good. We're in the middle the early stages the table runner. Yes, but I think that they could handle the business at home.

If the Raiders beat the Bengals by 20 points, they are a playoff team

I'm kind of in on the Raiders making the playoffs... if the Raiders win by 20 points or more I think playoff Town. Yeah. I'm on playoff Town Raiders.

Baker Mayfield has a broken hand

Baker's hand might be broken. That's why he's not playing so well... Are you reporting that Baker Mayfield might have a broken hand? From sources.

The Bears will kill the Chargers this weekend

I think the Bears are going to kill the Chargers. I do... They will win this game easily because the Chargers' offense has problems. Their offensive line has problems. The Chargers are a soft football team.

The Chiefs will beat the Packers outright without Patrick Mahomes

What do you think the line would be if Mahomes was playing?... I think they're going to win outright.

The Giants, Niners, and Seahawks will all win to complete a 'Can't Lose Parlay'

I got the Giants... I got the Niners guaranteed... and I got the Seahawks against the F-word Ravens frauds.

Kirk Cousins will have a typical 'bad' game against the Lions with one TD and two INTs

This feels to me like a Cousins one touchdown to two interceptions game, maybe get Adam Thielen killed on a cross route... a very hilarious fumble six.

The Rams, Ravens, and Cowboys moneyline parlay cannot lose

My can't-lose parlay: the Rams moneyline, the Ravens moneyline, the Cowboys moneyline. I think that's plus odds... I don't see how a single one of those losses. Grams... that is a hungry dog run fast... Rams need it. Ravens will not lose just put that one away to play the Bengals and the Cowboys will not lose their playing the Jets.

The 49ers might not be good because they lost fullback Kyle Juszczyk

The 49ers lost a very key component to their attack in Monday night. They lost their fullback Kyle Juszczyk... they're going to struggle to fill that role because Juszczyk is really, really good. Correct, and they use them in a way that is kind of key to their offense.

My 'Can't Lose' Parlay for Week 5 is the Bears, Eagles, Patriots, and Chiefs

The Can't Lose Parlay of the week. It cannot lose. Drumroll. The Bears, Khalil Mack, revenge game. Philly, they're not losing to the Jets. The Patriots, they're not losing to the Redskins. And then you get to just sit back and enjoy the Sunday night football game and have the Chiefs.

The Ravens are severely overrated

I do think the Ravens are severely overrated. ... They've done a major comeback to earth for the last couple weeks.

Patrick Mahomes will throw for 6,000 yards

He's still going to throw for 6,000 yards. When I say he's taken a step back, I mean he went from 100 out of 100 to like 99.5 out of 100.

My 'No-Lose' Parlay: Colts, Chiefs, and Rams Moneyline

This is going to be my no-lose parlay of the week... Colts, no chance they lose to the Raiders. Chiefs, no chance they lose to the Lions. Rams, no chance they lose to the Bucs... It will not lose. And if it does, pretend that you don't know me.

The Chiefs will cover -6.5 against the Ravens

I will go with... The Chiefs, minus six and a half, because are we sure the Ravens are as good as they think? I don't think that we are sure. They beat the Dolphins, who stink, and they barely beat the Cardinals on the road.

I am betting the Jets +6.5 against the Browns on Monday Night Football

I'm going to take the Jets on Monday night. Are you really? Yeah. Dude, this is a classic situation where everyone freaks out and everyone's like, oh, Sam Darnold's out. The Jets stink now. And it's six and a half points. And Trevor Simmons, he might not win the game, but he'll be good enough to keep him around.

The Bengals will beat the 49ers and cover -2

I like the Bengals, minus two. I think the 49ers, a little bit of a fraudulent win week one. Their defense played well, but Jimmy Garoppolo did not... I think the Bengals, you saw it. They actually run a 2019 offense now... I think the Bengals are going to cover at home. Minus two.

The Lions' defense will 'fuck up' the Cardinals in Week 1

I think the Detroit Lions are Going to be a little bit better than people expect. I think their defense is going to be very good and I think their defense will fuck up the Cardinals week one. Kyler Murray not-ready-for-prime-time Detroit - two and a half.

The Dolphins will beat the Ravens in Week 1 because of 'Fitzmagic'

My dog is the Dolphins plus 6.5 against the Ravens at home. My seven-win Dolphins. Ryan Fitzmagic. It's early in the season. ... All I'm going off of is last year Ryan Fitzpatrick played well when he first got in.

The Celtics can beat the Bucks in the playoffs

I was wrong about the Celtics-Bucks series. I said there was no chance in hell that the Celtics make it a series. I'm going to jump off that take now... I'd like to say I think the Celtics can beat the Bucks.

The city of Philadelphia will turn on Bryce Harper within five years

I have a prediction. I think that the city of Philadelphia is going to turn on Bryce Harper within five years. Give it four, actually. I think that given Bryce's history... He's such a streaky player. He's got a little bit of an attitude sometimes. But when you're making this kind of money, there's a big, big target on your back.

Jimmy Butler will go 'alpha' and have over 30.5 combined points, rebounds, and assists vs the Timberwolves.

I got a pick for you guys... Jimmy Butler's playing the Wolves for the first time... over 30.5 points, rebounds, and assists. He's going to do the same thing that he did in the practice. He's just going to go off. He's going to alpha the fuck out of him.

I'm taking the Colts +5 and the Over against the Chiefs

I would take the Colts plus five, and I would take the over. The Colts are 1-0, by the way... the over in this game, I love the over in this game because I don't - the Chiefs defense is so bad.

I'm taking the Cowboys to win or cover against the Rams

Cowboys at Rams. Rams are minus seven... I'm taking the Cowboys. And I'm just saying it out loud. I do this every single divisional round. I always overstate what I've seen from wildcard rounds. So in my mind, I always go to divisional round and say, well, the Cowboys are 1-0 in their last one, and the Rams haven't played in a week... So the Cowboys are hot.

I'm taking the Chargers to beat the Patriots

I love Phil Rivers in this game. I like their running game. I like their defense... I'm taking the Chargers, baby.

I am taking the over on the Alabama-Oklahoma game regardless of the total

Alabama playing Oklahoma. I'm taking the over no matter what. It's like 80, but that's one of those ones they're challenging me. Let's do it. They're telling me you won't do this, and I fucking will.

I think Notre Dame might beat Clemson because I can't bet on two favorites in the same night

I can't take both favorites, so I'm taking Notre Dame, and I think they might win the game. Solely because of the other game [Alabama-Oklahoma].

If the Texans get a first-round bye, they will go to the Super Bowl

I firmly believe that if the Texans get a bye, they will probably go to the Super Bowl. If they don't, no.

The 2018 Bears defense is statistically better in every category than the 1985 Bears

What I found was this team [2018 Bears] is statistically better in every single defensive category than the 1985 Chicago Bears. This is the best defensive team that Chicago has ever seen.

If Green Bay beats Chicago, they are going to the playoffs

Green Bay wins this game, and they're going to the playoffs. Because there are a lot of things that have to happen for Green Bay to make the playoffs, and they're all going to happen. But the big question mark is, can they win this game?

Mike Tomlin gets fired if the Steelers miss the playoffs

I think Mike Tomlin gets fired if they don't make the playoffs.

The Buccaneers will cover +7.5 against the Ravens

My walk of the week is going to be the Bucs. Maybe even sprinkle a little bit. The Bucs. [Against] The Ravens. Plus seven and a half.

The Panthers should cut Cam Newton if they lose to the Browns

Panthers, by the way... if you lose this, maybe cut Cam Newton. Cut him. Straight up cut him.

NFL punts into the end zone should be worth two points if the punter weighs over 300 pounds

If you should have a guy who's over 300 pounds punting the ball and if they can punt it into the end zone, it's worth two points no matter where you are on the field.

Adam Thielen is better than Calvin Johnson

Adam Thielen's better than Calvin Johnson. True. Fact. His best record just got broken by Adam Thielen, bro.

I'm taking the Redskins +7.5 against the Cowboys on Thanksgiving

Listen, 7.5 is a lot to give to Colt McCoy. Colt McCoy, he's a cowboy killer... I'm going to take the Redskins.

I'm taking the under in the Redskins-Cowboys Thanksgiving game

I think the under's the way to go here. 40 and a half? Yeah, I feel like both these teams are going to struggle often. They both have good defenses.

The Redskins will win the NFC East

Now I want to point out that Mike Tanyer... ran a simulation of the rest of the season... And the R-Words still won the division. So don't jump the gun on the Eagles just yet. Now I'm 100% back in on the R-Words train after learning about the simulation.

The Houston Texans are a legitimate Super Bowl contender

I've talked myself into the Texans are a legitimate Super Bowl contender.

The Redskins will finish the season with at least 10 wins

The bottom line is the R-words [Redskins] are going to go 10-6 minimum. Maybe 11-5.

The Lions are not sure they're bad and could win their division

I actually think the Lions could be okay. They could win that division, you think? Are we sure they're good? We're not sure they're bad.