Takes

Zach Wilson would be a better quarterback if he played slightly buzzed

I actually think Zach Wilson would be a little more relaxed if he played buzzed. Less 'Doy' plays. He hasn't had any 'Doy' plays the past two weeks, but in the beginning he definitely had some nerves.

Driving a car in full pads is a total football guy move

You're in full pads driving a car. Full pads driving a car. Wearing your helmet while driving your truck. Total football move.

Matthew Stafford belongs in the Hall of Fame for his stats and his reputation as the toughest guy in the NFL.

This is why Matthew Stafford should be in the Hall of Fame. His resume is not going to be based on playoff wins, cause he has none. It's going to be based on stats, overall touchdowns and being top five in passing all the time, and being super tough. He's the toughest person to ever exist in the NFC North.

Dino Babers is the classiest head coach in college football

Dino Babers might be leading the league right now in terms of the amount of times you have to say the word classy when you discuss him... Dino Babers is the classiest of the class head coach in college football.

Tom Herman's hand job scandal is actually a step in the right direction for his marriage

I'm not going to pretend to know what goes on behind the scenes between Tom Herman and his wife. My guess is knowing how Tom Herman acts just in general, he's probably kind of a dick all the time. And her finding out that he was getting alleged hand jobs is probably the most normal laid back thing that Tom Herman does. So she's like, this is actually a step in the right direction for a marriage.

Recruits will overlook a coach's personal scandals if the program is high-level enough

I'd say most kids probably would go play for that coach [who frequents massage parlors] if it was a high enough program. Hey, 17-year-old jock kid that is being recruited, your coach is so famous for being a good head coach that he's getting handjobs all the time... I bet you don't want to play for him.

Winning big college football games requires changing up jerseys to get everyone excited

That's how you win football games. That's how you win big football games. You change up the jerseys, get everyone excited, don't pay the players, put all that money into doing different jerseys every week. New helmets.

The Big Ten Championship game should be played outdoors to neutralize speed and favor Big Ten style football

It's kind of stupid that the Big Ten... plays a championship game indoors, don't you think? I think speed should be neutralized. That's probably why Wisconsin lost. Maybe play it in cold, like gross field. ... That's football. Nobody likes offense anyways.

Sleep is the enemy of greatness for football guys

Sleep is the enemy of greatness. Football guys would just prefer to not sleep ever if they could.

Mike Gundy and Kliff Kingsbury are too pretty to be 'football guys'

Mike Gundy's in really good shape. I don't like that... The mullet has gone to his head... Kliff Kingsbury's another one like that... where he looks too nice. You can't look that nice and that pretty and be a football guy. You're a fake-ass football guy.

Jeff Brohm is a true-blue football guy because he runs an up-tempo offense to get his heart rate going

Jeff Brohm is like everything he does. He's just such an underrated – he needs more national attention as a football guy... Very rarely do you have a true blue football guy who also likes to play a little up-tempo offense. He just does it because he gets his heart rate going.

College and high school baseball coaches belong to the same 'phylum' as football strength coaches

College baseball coaches and high school baseball coaches are under the same phylum as football strength coaches. They're very similar. They're very similar species... They share 98% of the genetics, but the 2% that they don't share makes them a little bit different.

Shaka Smart having an assistant hold a paint can to remind players to stay in the paint is a good move

You know, we make fun of a lot of things and we kind of have a good time on this podcast, but I actually buy this move. Full on. That is like a literal, you know, get into the paint while a guy's flashing a can of paint in your face. You remember to get in the paint.

Nick Saban is using Hitler-style propaganda to motivate Alabama

This is actually a real technique that Hitler used. To just make up fake news and pretend that you're oppressed. It's called propaganda. Saban's Goebbels. So you're in charge of thinking of all these bad things to say about Alabama.

Ben McAdoo is an aspirational, try-hard football guy rather than a real one

I still continue to say [Ben McAdoo] is not a football guy. He's a football guy in disguise. He's trying to be. He's an aspirational football—he's a try-hard football guy. Football guys don't even know that they're trying to be football guys. He knows.

Nick Saban would actually kill a reporter on camera if it didn't stop him from coaching the next week

Nick Saban actually would kill a reporter, I think, on camera. If he could still coach next week, if he could coach in the Iron Bowl, even though he killed a reporter at halftime, he would do it.

Bill Belichick 100% pays attention to metrics but acts like he doesn't for his brand

He absolutely pays attention to metrics. 100% he does, but he acts like he doesn't. So he's playing a double mind game... he's like I'm going to make them think that I'm even more of a football guy than I really am when behind the scenes I've got my spreadsheets set out.

It is a breath of fresh air for a Penn State coach like James Franklin to keep things in-house

I think it's a good breath of fresh air for a Penn State coach to keep things in-house. What happens in the locker room stays in the locker room. You don't need to be bringing that home.

Nick Saban views every election as a threat to his recruiting

Saban's a smart guy... Saban knows that he has to recruit Republicans from Republican and Democratic families. So he sees every election as a threat to his recruiting.

Norv Turner is a football guy for 'falling on the sword' and quitting to help his team.

Norv Turner doesn't look like a football guy for quitting, right? But... He said that he felt like he was holding the team back. So he killed himself for the betterment of the team. Fell on the sword.

NFL coaches only work out to prevent stress-induced heart attacks, not to get in shape

A very football guy move, they're not working out to get in shape. They're just working out so they don't have a heart attack. It's purely to stop the heart attack. Get through the day. Yes. Stress heart attack. Everyone knows you cure a stress heart attack by going on the elliptical for 45 minutes.

Jim Harbaugh and Nick Saban are the same person because they are so committed to the process they don't know the score

I think [Harbaugh] and Saban are the same dude... they are so committed to the process. I would be shocked if Nick Saban knew what the score was in the middle of the game.

Nick Saban doesn't have sex, he just 'soaks' and watches film

I don't think that Saban has sex. I think that Saban just soaks. You know what soaking is? Yeah, it's the Mormon thing. He just soaks it for a while. And then he's watching film, grading players at the same time.