Takes

Never draft a Bears kicker

I will say this never draft the bears, kicker ever. As long as you live ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, never, ever. It's the moose. It's what will ruin a team. It will bring down, it will bring down family. It will bring down dynasties.

The Buccaneers will repeat as Super Bowl champions

I'm probably going to pick them to win it again. I can't think of a reason not to. You definitely have to pick them to get there out of an NFC that isn't nearly as top as heavy as the AFC. The question is, can they win against the best team that the AFC has to offer?

Darnell Mooney is a sleeper for the 2021 season

Dan Darnell Moni with the Chicago bears, they got, obviously knows all about him fast. If Justin Fields take the rain sooner, rather than later, I think that offense is good enough to maybe have two relevant wide receivers.

You should kiss your boss to avoid work talk on the golf course

Just try to kiss him in the middle of your round and be like, I always get horny when I play golf. And then he'll never invite you something about the holes. Either and if, and if they don't give it to you lean in for a kiss and then if they kiss, you just say sexual harassment or 50% raise, ask for the kiss.

Nebraska football is a complete and utter dumpster fire under Scott Frost

Nebraska is a complete and utter dumpster fire. I don't know what you do. They, I don't know if you saw the graphics... but Scott Frost is now nine and 18 in big 10 football games, zero bowl games. He has the second worst record of any head coach in Nebraska history. And it's a complete failure.

Nebraska needs to run the dirtiest, most unethical strength and conditioning program to win games

Seriously, if you're the next Nebraska coach, just buy all the steroids, just get all the steroids. If you get caught, I guarantee you that Cornhusker fans will not give a shit. If you get caught running the dirtiest strength and conditioning program in the history of college sports... it would be less embarrassing if you're Nebraska to get caught cheating than it is running whatever you have been running for the last 10 years.

Brett Bielema will be a good coach at Illinois

I credit to Brett Bielema because I actually think he's going to be a good coach at Illinois. And he plays Bret Bielema ball... that drive to start the second half where he was like, I'm just gonna run the ball down your throat for 75 yards was vintage Bielema.

Chip Kelly only brought back the visor because he finally has a team that can compete

I'm a firm believer in weirdos, like Chip Kelly. Like he purposely didn't put on the visor until he knew he had a team that could compete. And now he's like, alright, I got my guys I'm ready to roll visor.

Manchester United fans should feel dirty about Cristiano Ronaldo returning just to chase penalties

Cristiano Ronaldo is back at Manchester United... he basically last, last second of the transfer window [decided] 'where can I go get the most amount of penalties? I'm going to go back to Man U.' I, I don't, you know, Man U fans, you should feel dirty. You should feel bad about it yourself.

Arsenal is a trash franchise and I'm officially 'Arteta Out'

Man U's a trash franchise, although I'd still rather cheer for them than Arsenal at this point... they stink. I'm Arteta out now. I think they should bring back Wenger.

Mac Jones is the most NFL-ready rookie quarterback in his class

One thing that I've heard and I love this line of dialogue. People saying, you know what, Mac Jones, he's not going to be the best rookie quarterback, but he's the most NFL-ready rookie quarterback right now.

The Eagles will start the season well, but will fall off once the league figures out Jalen Hurts

Philly's gonna play decent to start the season... and everyone's gonna say, 'wow, look at Jalen Hurts.' And then they're going to, because they don't have the super talented roster, then they're going to fall off and everyone's going to say, 'well, the league figured out Jalen Hurts.'

Tua Tagovailoa has to make the playoffs this year to show he's a successful quarterback

I think the Dolphins have like a playoff caliber roster... I think too, it has to show something this year. Oh, I think they need to make the playoffs. I do.

The NBA should return to best-of-five series for the first round of the playoffs

I think MBA absolutely should go back to the best of five... Dikembe Mutombo shocked the world... those are the moments that you get.

Trent Dilfer was coaching hard, not committing physical assault in his viral high school video

I hate the argument you never put your hands on a player it's like grabbing a guy by shoulder, grabbing him by the elbow. Come on. Are we really going to get upset about that. Obviously, if it's like punching choking... this, there was no malicious intent in this.

Coaches like Brian Harsin worrying about elevators is exactly why Nick Saban continues to dominate college football

Every time we hear something like this [Brian Harsin banning elevators], it makes you realize why Nick Saban just keeps kicking everyone's teeth in. Cause these guys are worrying about elevators and stairs and Nick Saban is just rolling out five star recruits... and just demolishing people.

Sam Ehlinger would have beaten out Trevor Lawrence for the starting job if not for his injury

Unfortunately, Sam Ehlinger is out with a tweaked ACL... The Sam Ehlinger beating out Trevor Lawrence prediction has not come yet for now.

College football has the best regular season but the worst postseason in sports

We have to fix it. It's gotta get better. The best regular season, the worst post season right now in sports. So that has to be fixed. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy when teams get together.

The Jaguars already hate Urban Meyer

I think the Jaguars already hate Urban Meyer. I think that Trevor Lawrence hates Urban Meyer. Yeah. You know what Urban Meyer is doing? He's doing the old Mike Martz on offense. I'm not gonna leave anybody in there to protect you... I've heard some of the players aren't thrilled with him either.

Urban Meyer will be out of the NFL within two years

I don't think it's going to work. I think that he's going to be out of the league... This is right now a clip that we're saying that is absolutely going to be used against us in like two years. When you put your, put your, I I've said it when he got hired, I don't think it's going to work.

Teddy Bridgewater is 23-8 against the spread in his last 31 starts as an underdog

Here's the main takeaway from Teddy Bridgewater being named the starting quarterback of the Denver Broncos. He is 23 and eight against the spread in his last 31 starts as an underdog. When Teddy Bridgewater is an underdog, bet on Teddy Bridgewater.

The Broncos will be a profitable betting team because of Teddy Bridgewater's stability

This team, the Broncos this year will be a bet on team for me because Teddy Bridgewater is perfect for Vic Fangio's defense like a quarterback that's not going to make mistakes, not going to lose you the game. Let the defense win you the game.

I could easily hit a home run off a Little League pitcher throwing 70 MPH, especially a lefty

I'd love to fucking just jack home runs off these little kids... I think that Gavin Weir would strike us all out because he throws that hook... but if you go up against one of the guys that's throwing 70 miles an hour, I would absolutely be able to take a lefty. I could go yard off a lefty that's throwing 70 miles an hour.

Matthew Stafford has the most pressure he's ever had in his life and might fail in LA

What if [Stafford] stinks? Cause like everyone is expecting him to take this next step. He's finally with a franchise that can support him... but like, what if he just isn't good? Matt Stafford has the most pressure he's ever had in his life right now... would have been better to just stay with Detroit the whole time and just be like, well, it wasn't my fault.

Matthew Stafford signing a yoga endorsement deal is a major red flag

He signed two endorsements deals this off season... Second with a yoga apparel company. So no more wide nine, Matt Stafford, no more fat Stafford. He's like Hollywood now. So part of what I used to like about Matt Stafford is he had a little bit chunk going... never try to be too great at anything.

The Rams have a high bar and need to win at least two playoff games to avoid being a disappointment

What would you consider to be a disappointing season for the Rams? Not making the playoffs is absolutely that. I think they need to win two playoff games... they need to be in the NFC [Championship]... if they go to Lambeau and don't get blown out, I would consider that a win.

Watching football is 10 times more stressful than playing it

It proves that watching football is by a factor of 10 more difficult than playing football. We just, they, they are the operator of the rollercoaster. We're just so long for the ride. So we prove it our point. Yeah. I already got it. I'd like to see one of them trade positions with us for a weekend. They couldn't do it.

Pool water isn't actually blue; the lining is white and the water is clear

No, the water's clear... I think the walls, the walls are white, the bottom's white and the water's clear... This is the hill I'm dying on right now. The teas were definitely black... the water is clear and the lining of the pool was white.

I like to pick up at least one piece of trash every single day

I have a couple of rules throughout the day that I like to establish... I mean, that's not like the rule is like all I picked up one. I'm not just gonna like pass another one, but no, I mean, I have a couple of rules... pick up one piece of trash a day.

I could swim 10 miles to shore to survive a shipwreck even with a shark nearby

I can make it. I can go to, I can get 10 miles, 10 miles... if it's just on survival alone, if the shark wasn't in there, I think I could do, I definitely could do way more, but that's the only sketchy part.

I can hold my breath for over 5 minutes

I did his [Wim Hof] technique. One day I was about to fall asleep. I was like, I'm just going to try, I'm going to try holding my breath. I dude, I made it five minutes and six seconds. Yeah. In the scariest part, the scariest part is I, I felt fine.

Bobby Laing will knock out Pacman Jones

I'll tell you right now? I think you're going to get knocked out... I bet you a thousand dollars. All right. All right. So he'll win. I'm saying Bobby Laing will [win].

I will defeat Bobby Laing at Rough and Rowdy 15

The main thing I'm thinking about whooping Bobby, making sure my hand getting pulled up at the end of the belt and collecting my thousand dollars now that I know between you guys... Bobby is a bull and I'm going to be the bull master.

I am going to defeat Bobby Laing and then continue fighting in Rough N' Rowdy

I think this is going to be my platform... I'm going to win the fight, but this is not my, this is my first fight, man... if you asked me, will this be my one and last fight? Answer is no.

The breakup is the best romantic comedy because of Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston

My first one is going to be my one-one is still there, The Breakup. I love that movie. Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, Chicago. You can't get better than that. That's Vaughn at his height.

Wedding Crashers is a romantic comedy

I'll probably get some pushback with this, but game on, I think Wedding Crashers, that's a raw romcom. That's a romantic comedy... mostly a story about two bros increasing there... The main driver, the main yeah, the driver becomes yes. Owen Wilson not... when they're on the bikes in the fucking meadow and they're, you know, doing the whole scene.

Hard Knocks has taken a nosedive and is no longer essential viewing

hard knocks has taken a nosedive. It was a drone shot, which was cool. The drone shot was very cool. Very cool... but that is what hard knocks [is]. Like we're at a point now that was tonight's mojo moment. It was the mojo moment. We're watching the hard knocks because that's what we want to do. But there's also moments where we're like, why are we doing this?

Hard Knocks should be a two-hour special at the end of training camp instead of a weekly series

I think maybe if you, if you were to take the entire training camp and then distill it into two hours. Yeah, I think that would be good. We'll film a film. Yeah. Just like, guess have it, have it be two hours on HBO. Like the last week of the pre-season after the cuts, that way you get to meet everybody, you get to meet all the kids.

Ben DiNucci is at the end of his line with the Cowboys

I'm dreading next week's cuts. Cause I think [Ben] DeNucci is at the end of his line three picks. He's got the arm launch angle thing going on.

Aroldis Chapman is the sweatiest man in New York sports history

I mean, if [Aroldis] Chapman, like, if that's your closer, I can't who sweat, who's a sweaty or man Aroldis Chapman or Patrick Ewing and the history of New York sports cause a role does Chapman. He is able to accomplish Patrick Ewing, like levels of sweat in a much shorter periods.

Cam Newton's absence due to COVID protocols has opened a major window for Mac Jones

my hot seat is cam Newton... One important member of the [Patriots] organization believes this has opened a window of opportunity for rookie Mac Jones team practice today. And then with New York giant... if you fuck up your commitments to the team, like it's an advantage for Mac Jones to get playing time.

The Falcons are officially cursed because they passed on signing Blake Bortles

I just cursed the Falcons because they looked at Blake Bortles [and] didn't sign him. I realized after I cursed them that I might've actually freed them. No, it's a double curse.

Jameis Winston is the Saints' clear starter and Taysom Hill should remain a gimmick player

My cool throne is Jameis Winston. Cause he's incredible... unbelievable shut up about Taysom Hill... These [media] people were going in on how Taysom Hill didn't get a real shot. Taysom Hill is getting paid a lot of money to be a gimmick quarterback. And he should be happy with how much like he's in that sweet spot. He should never try to do too much because everyone was like, wow, what a great weapon that he is when he has to throw the ball 30 times. He's not a great weapon.

Jameis Winston is a future Hall of Famer

if you have Jameis Winston, future hall of Famer, or you have Taysom Hill who threw one pass last night, that it might've been the worst pass I've ever seen.

The Jaguars will fail Trevor Lawrence, not the other way around

I'm gonna, I'm going to switch the narrative on Trevor Lawrence. I think that it's the Jack, the Jaguars will fail Trevor Lawrence, not Trevor Lawrence failing the Jaguars because they don't put a team around him. Like I, I think he's going to be great if they can put a little bit of a team around it.

You must heat all Italian deli meats to 165 degrees to avoid the risk of salmonella

CDC just sent out... that you have to heat up all your Italian meats to 165 degrees [for] salmonella. No more like a cold Italian sub right now. Everywhere.

Quarterback 'grit' is taking a big hit and immediately moving to the next play

for a quarterback, I feel like grit is being able to take the big hit and going onto the next play. It's the men looking at you and seeing some qualities that they like. You're kind of getting away from the pretty boy aspect of being a quarterback. Maybe not sliding feet first, but diving head first into the end zone.

FitzMagic is a very real psychological 'zone' characterized by crazy eyes and weird fidgeting

There is a very real like zone that I get into at times. And you start seeing the crazy eyes and the weird fidgeting body and it just, something takes over me. And I don't know what it is, but I guess we could call it [FitzMagic].

A 10-win season no longer feels like a guarantee for the playoffs now that the NFL has moved to a 17-game schedule

We're in the sweet spot where people haven't mentally jumped over that hurdle of 17 game season. So you can say 10 wins and it's not as much even, you know, 10 and 7 is not... because you think 10 wins is guaranteed. [You] miss the playoffs twice winning 10 games. That's brutal.

Jameis Winston's legendary work ethic is so intense that it actually becomes a detriment to his performance

he really is like, my biggest advice to Jameis [Winston] was go home, like stop spending so much time in the building because he works harder than probably anybody I've ever been around almost to the point where it's a detriment and he needs to go home and get his mind off it.