Takes

NHL players should be suspended for the same duration that the player they injured is sidelined

It does feel like an easy way to fix this in hockey is just you're suspended for as long as a guy's injured. Like, that's so easy.

Terry Bradshaw calling Aaron Rodgers 'dumber than a box of rocks' is one of the funniest quotes ever

Terry Bradshaw called Aaron Rodgers dumber than a box of rocks, which coming from Terry Bradshaw, that is one of the funniest quotes ever.

Sports broadcasting needs more emotional analysts who wear their hearts on their sleeves

Maybe this is what we need. We need a guy who just wears his heart on his sleeve and has like, you know, when his quarterback or quarterbacks screw up or want to trade, he gets emotional. I like that... We need people to care about stuff that much on our televisions.

LeBron James is laying the groundwork for the greatest underdog story ever with his injury excuses

LeBron James is laying the groundwork for one of the greatest underdog stories of all time... LeBron James came back from his ankle injury. Bron James said, on his first game back... getting back to 100% is impossible. I don't think I'll ever be back to 100% in my career. Poor little LeBron James is just out there.

Replacing snow days with remote learning is a terrible decision for the youth

The New York City public schools will have remote learning instead of snow days next year... that's just terrible. I feel bad for the youth.

Major Biden will likely attack and eat the new White House cat

Major Biden, the dog, the German Shepherd dog, is being socialized back into the White House with the help of a cat, and that cat is fucking dead. Oh, yeah. That dog is going to eat the shit out of that cat.

Russell Westbrook is so far ahead that he could record zero stats for the rest of the season and still average a triple-double

Russell Westbrook doesn't get enough respect. This is now the fourth season that he will average a triple-double for the entire season. He could record zero points, zero rebounds, and zero assists in all the rest of the games this season, and he would still have a triple-double.

Tiger Woods was transcendent because he displayed raw emotion like a football player on a golf course

What was it about [Tiger Woods] that made him so transcendent... Tiger Woods in that when I was watching Tiger Woods or when I watched Tiger Woods, I want him to dominate. He treated being out on the golf course like you see a football player... He was getting pumped up. He would yell at himself... He was just so different and exciting that it got a lot of people into golf.

The 'laugh track' is an antiquated gimmick because people don't need to be told when to laugh

Was there any pushback from people... at NBC that you heard about that were saying like, 'Hey, how are people going to know when they should laugh? How are people going to know what's funny if they don't have, you know, 200 people laughing along with them?'

Steve Carell is the greatest improviser in the history of entertainment

Steve Carell, I believe, is the greatest improviser maybe in the history of entertainment. Anytime he improvises, it's always on topic. It's always super smart, in character, to the point... never veers in a weird direction.

The Packers shouldn't win more than one Super Bowl even with the best quarterback for a decade

If the Green Bay Packers had what some would say is the best quarterback in the NFL for a decade plus, three MVPs... they should certainly win more than one Super Bowl. Right? Hypothetically, they should certainly win more than one Super Bowl.

The human brain can only master one of three domains: sports, music, or trivia

A person's brain can only do one of those three things: trivia, music information, or sports information... and music I could almost I can sing tunes of which I get about three words out of 20 correct... but sports that's my interest so like that's that's my distraction and my hobby.

The San Francisco 49ers might not actually draft a quarterback with the #3 overall pick

San Francisco is... everything they've done has been very secretive. It's all sort of come out of – it's been a surprise. And now I don't know if they're really going to take him with the third pick... I don't know if they're going to draft a quarterback.

Swimming is not a real sport, it is just a means of staying alive

I'll just say it. Swimming is not a real sport... It's a really good hobby. If you do it really fast, I'm not saying Michael Phelps isn't impressive. I'm saying swimming is not a sport... It's just a means of staying alive that you can be more efficient at.

Kyle Shanahan is a quarterback killer

He might be a quarterback killer. If you go back and you look at the quarterbacks that have played under Kyle Shanahan, they put up good stats occasionally, but then after he leaves, it all goes to shit. He's had Johnny Manziel, RG3, that's Rex Grossman III, also the other RG3, John Beck, Matt Schaub, Matt Ryan, who never won another MVP after Kyle Shanahan, and then Jimmy Garoppolo.

The 49ers did an incredible job of keeping the Trey Lance pick a secret from everyone, including their closest friends

I listened to [Chris Sims'] show on Friday with our internet uncle... it was very clear that Kyle Shanahan and the 49ers did do a good job of telling absolutely no one because I think Chris Sims was like, this is really fucked up. I have this guy's initials on my ankle, and he didn't tell me that they were taking Trey Lance. It actually proved that Kyle Shanahan was right to lie to his best friend.

The Cardinals are dedicated to rebuilding their franchise using 'short kings'

I've noticed that the Cardinals are kind of dedicated to rebuilding their franchise using short kings. So, Andy Isabella... Rondale Moore, that's the guy from Purdue, right? He's awesome. Short king that squats like 700 pounds or whatever. It's partially that you don't want Kyler [Murray] to be shorter than all of his receiving options.

The 'Nate Sudfeld game' from Week 17 will have a massive impact on the NFC East for years to come

If you look at the Nate Sudfeld game, the impact that that game is going to have in the NFC Beast for years to come is actually kind of crazy. It's just rolling Nate Sudfeld out on the game in Week 17.

Trevor Lawrence will be good enough to make Urban Meyer's NFL career look successful in hindsight

I keep going back and forth, and I don't like Urban Meyer, but I think Trevor Lawrence is going to be good enough to make Urban Meyer's NFL career appear successful in hindsight.

Running back is the one position you don't take in the first round

Running back is the one position you don't take in the first round and I know there's obviously people can go back and forth... it just feels like the running back position you can usually find a guy who's 90% the abilities of a first round guy in the third and fourth.

Aaron Rodgers should go on a public hunger strike to get traded

Aaron Rodgers, I know you listen to the show... do a public hunger strike. Have a live cam on you, do a stream and prove that you're not going to eat anything until either they fire this guy [Gutenkunst] or you get traded to whatever. If anybody's the type of personality to try doing like a Gandhi technique, it's Aaron Rodgers.

This summer will be the 'Summer of Fake Butts' due to people getting surgery while the world was on pause

I have a theory. This is going to be the summer of fake butts. The Roaring Twenties. My theory is that a lot of people got elective cosmetic surgery during this year that the world hit pause. And this summer, you're going to see a lot of fake asses that come out of nowhere.

Lou Dort is the best on-ball defender in the NBA

He is absolutely the best on-ball defender. He will lock you down. Lou Dort, he's the best. Dort-your-chamber.

The Diamondbacks 'first date' viral moment was a set-up between a YouTuber and multiple brands

I also have a big stay woke on it. The fact that it was a famous YouTuber that was setting this up in conjunction with three separate brands at once, it set off a lot of alarms for me.

Lorenzo Neal belongs in the NFL Hall of Fame

I personally do [think he belongs in the Hall of Fame]... I don't know what the credentials or the criteria is for a fullback, but the man has blocked for me, LaDainian Tomlinson, who's in the Hall of Fame, Corey Dillon, who's in the Hall of Fame, Adrian Murrell. I think everybody that ran behind Lorenzo has had a breakout year. And he would do things that most fullbacks wouldn't do.

Being the first Madden cover athlete is a more iconic accomplishment than winning the Heisman

I'd never thought of that as an accomplishment. But now that you mentioned it, you're absolutely correct. That is an iconic game... If you go back to that first game that I was on, I mean, everybody looks the exact same. Running backs look like linemen. Linemen look like corners... I'm one of one.

Writing an article about what is 'cheugy' is the most 'cheugy' thing you can do

I think the most cheugy thing you can do is to write an article about whether something is cheugy or not.

Everything is 'cheugy' if someone dislikes you enough to label you as such

I think everything can be cheugy. Everything can be cheugy if somebody dislikes you enough to want to force you into a cheugy category.

The 49ers created the best smokescreen in NFL draft history

I would not put that past Kyle Shanahan because this is the best smokescreen that I think I've ever seen in the NFL draft [leading people to believe they wanted Mac Jones].

The 49ers shouldn't have traded up to 3 for Mac Jones if he was available at 15

The point was the 49ers traded a lot to get up to 3, and you shouldn't take a guy at 3 that you could potentially have at 15 like the Patriots got.

Aaron Rodgers will go to the Broncos

I think [Aaron Rodgers] is going to go to Denver, and it's got to be an awesome life to be a Broncos fan. Because it's like, yeah, you get a couple seasons that are mixed in here and there, but then you just get good quarterbacks that just want to come to you. And Aaron Rodgers sounds like he wants to go there.

Justin Fields is better than Aaron Rodgers

I don't fucking care. Justin Fields is a better quarterback than Aaron Rodgers anyway.

Tim Tebow is only returning to the NFL for attention

He is such a fucking attention whore, annoying piece of shit... He's 33 years old, by the way... I wouldn't be surprised if Tim Tebow just became an astronaut after this year.

The 2017 Alabama recruiting class is the best of all time

The 2017 recruiting class that Nick Saban put together will probably go down as the best of all time. They are now—that is now eight first rounders from that class alone.

Justin Fields will be a great quarterback

I honestly think Justin Fields is going to be a great quarterback. I had him third on my list, on my power rankings list.

Rashawn Slater is going to be very good for Justin Herbert

I do like the Chargers pick. I think the offensive tackle, Rashawn Slater out of Northwestern, is going to be very good, and they need that for Justin Herbert.

Cornerback, offensive guard, and safety are the safest positions to draft to avoid being mocked

You take a cornerback, a strong safety, and then a guard. A guard from Iowa. And no one's going to second-guess you, at least until it comes time to make the decision if you're going to give that fifth year to him or not.

I would not trade Bill Belichick for Aaron Rodgers

I said no. [Hard no]. Belichick's got a longer lifespan. He's pretty old. And he's a better proven winner.

Aaron Rodgers will stay on the Packers as an emotional hedge

Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm going to change it to, yes, he will be a Packer, just for an emotional hedge. Because, God, I hope he goes to the AFC and goes far, far away. But now that I'm thinking about it, the fact that he wasn't traded right before the draft feels like it's going to be harder to trade him now.

Kyle Pitts is the safest pick of the 2021 NFL Draft

I think the safest pick of the draft, Kyle Pitts.

Essential Quality is a machine but hasn't run a fast race yet

He's just a machine so far... The one knock on him... [is] he's yet to run what most people would consider to be a fast race by Kentucky Derby favorite standards.

Bob Baffert is the most successful horse trainer of all time

When Bob retires, I think he's in his late 60s, but he's going strong. He'll be the most successful horse trainer of all time.

The #1 post position at the Kentucky Derby is not a disadvantage

There's this bs out there that's been out there for years that the number one post position is this horrible disadvantage and it's not... the advantage of saving ground being on the inside around the turns makes the horse run better than his odds would indicate.

Essential Quality will NOT win the 2021 Kentucky Derby

I can't tell you who I'm going to pick, but it's not Essential Quality.

Bet on Endorsed in the 10th race at Churchill Downs on Saturday

There is a horse running Saturday in the 10th race... His name is Endorsed and I will endorse betting on Endorsed... I think the horse is an excellent play.

I am going to blog seven times a week

Probably like seven [blogs a week]. I'm not going to blog about anything unless I seriously have a good opinion on it, and that's something I'll promise you.

Sarcasm is the best way to prepare a child for life

I'm going to weaponize [my son] with sarcasm. That will hopefully get him through life.

This is officially the end for Jimmy Garoppolo on the 49ers

This is the end for Jimmy Garoppolo, I think we all can agree. We always joke about the vote of confidence that a coach will get, and that usually means the end... [John Lynch] said he has been a pro... That is such a bare minimum thing to compliment a guy.

I will give Chris Simms my spleen if Justin Fields is drafted 32nd overall or lower

I will say, I will give Chris Simms my spleen if [Justin Fields] gets picked 32nd overall or lower. Exactly 32nd or lower. If it's 32nd or lower, Chris, my spleen is yours. It's probably in pretty poor condition.

The Patriots 'smoke' regarding trading up for a quarterback in the first round is for nothing

I feel like when it comes to the draft, there's always smoke. There's always, always, always like, 'this might happen, this might happen,' and then usually nothing crazy that happens. I feel like they're not going to do it.