Takes

A long-haired quarterback has never won a Super Bowl

I don't get the whole Jesus complex thing. When was the last time a long-haired quarterback won a Super Bowl? I can't think of one.

Trevor Lawrence loves his hair more than he loves football

I think he loves his hair more than football. There you go.

The Cleveland Browns are my pick to win the Super Bowl because they have three former #1 overall picks

The Browns are now officially, if I had to pick a Super Bowl winner today, it would be the Browns just because they have three number one overall picks in the last five years. ... Miles Garrett, Baker Mayfield, and Clowney. ... That right there just tells me from my own draft analysis, that's the greatest team that's ever been created.

Sucking is better than stinking, and stinking is better than being trash in the NFL

I think that Jadeveon Clowney kind of sucks more than he stinks. I think sucks is better than stinking. ... If a guy sucks, he can still be pretty good, but he's not living up to the expectations that come along with his name. ... If you stink, you shouldn't be on the field. Then if you're trash, you shouldn't be in the league.

Jadeveon Clowney earned 60% of his career earnings from a single hit against Michigan

How many millions of dollars do you think Jadeveon Clowney has gained in his life, in his career, from that one hit against Michigan? There has to be a number. 60% of his career earnings. Every time you think of him, you think of that hit.

The Jets were right to refuse a 1st round pick for Sam Darnold because Kyle Shanahan would have made them look like idiots

I actually am going to side with the Jets here simply because Kyle Shanahan is that type of coach that if he got Sam Darnold, Sam Darnold would be a pro bowler. ... It'd make you look bad. Like, he's the one guy I wouldn't want to trade my quarterback to just knowing that he's going to end up looking good and everyone would be like, oh, the Jets suck even more.

Vin Diesel is a really intelligent filmmaker who should direct more

When I first met [Vin Diesel], he was a director. ... I would love to see him direct, you know, because he's a really intelligent filmmaker.

Harrison Ford and Tom Cruise always play themselves, whereas Tom Hanks is a chameleon

Harrison Ford... he's not a character actor. He always plays Harrison Ford or Tom Cruise. He always plays Tom Cruise, whereas Tom Hanks has that sort of ability to chameleonize a bit.

Boxers like Floyd Mayweather and Jake Paul should honor the sport by entering the octagon

I always feel like Mayweather or Jake Paul or whatever his name is should really honor their sport, too. They talk such a big game, but they would never go into the octagon. ... Mayweather would never go into the domain of McGregor.

Roger Maris is the real home run king

[The asterisk] represents like the real home run king in my estimation. ... [Mark McGwire] apologized to [Maris's widow] for the shame that he brought to that record and breaking Roger's record and it being so well known that he was juiced the whole time.

Tony Romo is a genius when it comes to the mechanics of a golf swing

The guy is a genius when it comes to the mechanics. Like he understands people's golf swings better than I even think some coaches do with their students just because he sits there and he studies them nonstop.

Tony Romo is good enough to play at the PGA Tour level on his best days

So his good days are totally good enough to play at tour level. Um, it's just the bad is just where he's got to fix it and you know i think he's a great chipper and putter he's a pretty good iron player.

It is a 'big sunglasses on the back of the head guy' move to rip a ball away from a 5-year-old at a park

[Speaker 2]: his son was way older than mine, and he just stole the ball from our ball. And I was like, you can't take that. [PFT Commenter]: You know what that is? That's a big sunglasses on the back of the head upside down guy move.

Julian Edelman will eventually make the Hall of Fame in 20 years because the 'Patriots Dynasty' narrative will keep it alive

If I had to guess, I think [Edelman] will end up in it in 20 years because people will keep it alive and it will grow in stature... whenever 150 [anniversary] comes and they start opening the door to everyone and they clean up the Hall of Fame. That feels like a Julian Edelman [year].

Julian Edelman isn't actually retiring and will try to come back

I have a lot of faith in his work ethic, and I think he definitely is going to try to rehab it and come back. [Edelman] isn't actually retired.

The Hall of Fame has a bias against the slot receiver position

Does the Hall of Fame have a bias towards a position like slot receiver? Because it's similar to a nose tackle who doesn't get the sacks. A slot receiver might not have all the receiving yards or all the touchdowns, but he's impacting the game in another way.

You can't tell the story of football without Julian Edelman and Eli Manning

The best argument that Julian Edelman has and Eli Manning is you can't tell the story of football without those guys. Because you can't tell the story of the Falcons Super Bowl without Julian Edelman. You can't tell the story of Tom Brady's career without Eli Manning.

New Washington Football Team tight end Sammis Reyes is a future Hall of Famer

My Washington football team just signed a collegiate basketball player to play tight end. He's never played football before. His name is Sammis Reyes. He's 6'6", 260, runs a 4.65. He's the baby Gronk, the next baby Gronk... in my mind, he's already a Hall of Famer.

The Nuggets are 'cooked' for the season after Jamal Murray's injury

Jamal Murray tears ACL. So the Nuggets are cooked and that does suck because they actually were like one of those teams like, oh, maybe if they get a nice run going. So we're going to be Jazz fans now.

Ronald Acuña Jr. is officially the face of baseball

My cool throne is baseball because we do officially—I'm ready to call it—Ronald Acuña fully the face of baseball already. I just think Ronald Acuña, like, did you see what he did? He beat out the very routine infield hit... scores tagging up from third on a pop-up to the second baseman.

24-hour news networks should be tried for treason for dividing the country

I am a firm believer that there should no longer be 24-hour news networks because just the sheer panic of having to fill up all that time. I just find that CNN and Fox News, they should be tried for treason. All they do is divide the locker room.

Overloading dumb fans with statistics actually makes them dumber

Overloading dumb people with a lot of statistics makes them dumber. It just makes them more confident in their ideas and their conclusions they were going to reach anyways.

Julian Edelman belongs in the Hall of Fame for his big game performance

Whenever we needed a first down, whenever we needed a big play, somehow that guy got open. I would put that [Atlanta Super Bowl] catch arguably as one of the greatest Super Bowl catches of all time. I look at him like he was on the modern day Steelers of the 70s and he was our Swan or Stallworth and both of those guys are in. I put him in there.

Every airline landing where you don't die is a 'great' landing

If you didn't die and they didn't break the plane, it's a fucking great landing because you also don't know what they're dealing with. They can be coming in at the last second... and you got like 300 people and your own life on the line. I don't know how they do that.

Clapping when a plane lands is good because it puts everyone on the same team

I do like to clap. Why not? It's incredible that we landed. It puts you all on the same team, Bill... When an entire plane gives a round of applause for a safe landing, you feel like you're all in this together.

The OMAD (One Meal A Day) diet is going to 'kick everyone's ass'

I'm on a diet. You've got to get your stomach small, bro. Once you reach OMAD (One Meal A Day), it's a level of intermittent fasting... If I never eat again, I will be skinny. OMAD is going to kick everyone's ass.

Tiger Woods would have won the 2021 Masters if he had been able to play

I think Tiger [Woods] would have won this Masters, I'll be honest with you. I agree.

Hideki Matsuyama should serve blowfish liver at the Champions Dinner next year

If I'm Hideki, I serve blowfish liver and let the chips fall where they may maybe thin out the field a little bit. See who gets poisoned.

Brooks Koepka is a hero for playing the Masters on one leg

We should also say the real winner of this Masters is Brooks Koepka. Competing on one leg like a warrior. Walking paralyzed man. Exactly. So the fact he was even able to get out there and play two rounds of golf. That's impressive.

Nick Faldo has a more 'nappable' voice than Jim Nance.

I like your take, by the way, that Nick Faldo might have a more nappable voice than Jim Nance. I think he does... when I hear Faldo, it's like you just hit me in the face with a gram of Dramamine.

Will Zalatoris is ready to join the PMT 'stable' of golfers

Will Zalatoris was my guy. I was riding him like a horse. I was hoping that he was going to come through. He is – he's the one to watch. I think we need to get him on the show. I think we need to add him to our stable of Brooks [Koepka], Max Homa, and I think Will Zalatoris is – I think he's ready.

Augusta National is the Kardashians of golf courses

I think that Augusta National is the Kardashians of golf courses because everyone talks about it all the time. It's perfectly manicured. It always makes sure that it's presented in its best light. Even with the papers that they give you, they give you a wrapping paper for a pimento cheese sandwich... That's green, so even if it falls on the ground, you don't see all the trash getting blown around. It's always got its best foot forward, and they will go out of their way to make sure that it is never presented in a frumpy light.

Hideki Matsuyama's 2021 Masters win was the most successful run ever for a guy wearing sunglasses upside down on the back of his hat.

I also think that [Hideki Matsuyama] is the most – that was the most successful run that someone has ever had wearing their sunglasses on the back of their hat. That move is usually for a guy with truck nuts who's going to road rage... And so him doing that... there's got to be a group of guys who are probably way too sunburn... cheering in their trailer being like, he did it for us.

Hideki Matsuyama will light the Olympic torch in Tokyo this summer

Sir Nick [Faldo] had an awesome take... He said, I think that if he wins, Hideki will be the one who lights the Olympic torch this summer.

Ronald Acuña Jr. should be the face of baseball.

Ronald Acuna Jr. Face of baseball? Face of baseball. He should be... He had like a 420-foot home run, and he beat out an infield single on the same game. He's got it all. Five tool player.

NFL wide receivers wearing single-digit numbers is a 'there goes the neighborhood' moment

The NFL is just, I guess, giving clearance to wide receivers to wear single-digit numbers... It's a major There Goes the Neighborhood moment. I think it's going to happen. Peter King leaked it out, and when Peter King has a scoop like that, it's Roger Goodell just being like, Peter, you are my trial balloon.

James Harden is the best player on the Brooklyn Nets

The Brooklyn Nets this year, they are 36-17. They are 27-7 with James Harden playing, and they are 9-10 without. James Harden is the best player in the Brooklyn Nets.

Alex Rodriguez is buying the Timberwolves specifically to move them to Seattle

It's definitely a move, though, for A-Rod. He is buying that team to move it. To Seattle.

Bryson DeChambeau struggled at the Masters because he lacked specific yardage books

Augusta National, they don't provide [yardage books]... I almost wonder if it kind of jams up [Bryson DeChambeau's] airspace, so to speak, because you've got to sort it out completely on your own, and I think that's why you hear people talk so much about local knowledge and about playing here for years.

Winning the Masters will eventually be worth over $1 billion to Hideki Matsuyama

Andy North kept saying to me, you cannot comprehend the amount of pressure that's on this young man's shoulders... He's like, this is worth a billion dollars to him... This guy's 29 years old. He's got to have, you know, give him 40 years of being able to be, I'm the Masters champion in Japan. He's like, you could be a nine figure a year guy... David Duval... told me this morning, he goes, look, that's not, that's not crazy at all. He said, it might be conservative.

The chicken salad on brioche is the best new food item at Augusta National.

That's not the play, though, by the way, fellas. That's not the play. Chicken salad on the brioche. That was new for 2021. I ate about 11 of those today.

Maryland basketball's success is cheap because it's built on transfer portal 'mercenaries'

Do you think that your success next year, which I'm sure you guys will have tons of success at Maryland, is cheapened by the fact that it's all transfers? ... Classy and honorable to talk to a kid when he's 12 years old and keep talking to him until he goes to your college, and then you win with him as opposed to getting just a mercenary from another school.

Maryland basketball has to win the national title by at least 20 points for their transfer-heavy success to be valid.

They [Maryland] have to win the national title by 20 points plus.

Wisconsin basketball fans are delusional because they think their team never fouls.

You guys [Wisconsin fans] think you've never fouled anybody because you coach not to foul. And then if someone calls a foul, the entire building acts like an outrageous crime against humanity has taken place.

Augusta National pipes in bird noises for the Masters broadcast

I'm more convinced than ever that the birds are actually piped in crowd noise. Agreed. There's one bird in particular. They play its call over and over and over. It's a cardinal, I think. They're getting sloppy with it. I think it might be a whippoorwill. But whatever it is, it's very obvious.

Bryson DeChambeau looks fat when he is playing poorly

When you're bigger and you're doing well, you're strong. And when you're doing poorly, you're fat. And he looks fat today. Not to body shame, but there's something about the plus four next to his name that the strength now becomes a little pudgy.

I like Patrick Reed more than Bryson DeChambeau because Reed is a genuine villain

I somehow like Patrick Reed more because he's more of a villain than Bryson is... He's the ultimate heel in golf. Bryson is like, he's an aspiring heel. [Reed] knows everyone hates him, and he kind of has just accepted it.

Brooks Koepka playing the Masters on one leg is the most heroic thing in sports history

Brooks is playing on basically one leg. It's probably the most heroic thing I've ever seen in any sport ever. This is like Willis Reed. This is Kirk Gibson. Everything that you can think of where someone just triumphs over all these injuries and hardships, that's Brooks shooting plus two today.

Sean Miller will take an assistant coaching job in the NBA next

Did you see that Sean Miller, apparently he's going to get an assistant coaching job in the NBA. So that seems like his immediate future. Which is hilarious that someone who was... under sanctions and alleged sanctions and all these things and bad dealings with agents and everything. And then someone owes him a favor in the NBA?

Coach K's role with USA Basketball is a major gray area for recruiting

Coach K just, you know, getting to be friends with all of the NBA All-Stars and then, like, when he goes on recruiting visits being like, oh, you want me to FaceTime LeBron? Again, not cheating, but I would say that's a gray area, a major gray area.