Takes

Coach K is essentially a war profiteer in college basketball

I think that Coach K is essentially a war profiteer. Pretending to care about our country, but really there's some ulterior motives... Coach K just getting to be friends with all of the NBA All-Stars and then when he goes on recruiting visits being like, 'Oh, you want me to FaceTime LeBron?'

Betting against the Pirates every day is a lock because they're already using position players to pitch

I'm just going to bet against the Pirates every single day. When you have a position player that pitches in a game in the first four games of the season, that's a good red flag for this season has already been sold out. So I'm just going to bet literally every single game against the Pirates.

I'm not far-fetched as a Hall of Famer, but I'm not conceited enough to say I belong yet

To think of yourself belonging with such legends and icons, I'm not that conceited and not that confident in myself to say that I belong with those people. But if they invite me to join them, I would gladly take a seat and it would be a great honor.

Tom Brady and the Patriots were using the 'Omaha' cadence before Peyton Manning

Originally, the Patriots, Tom Brady was using it back in probably 2005 and 2006. And his quarterback coach, John Huffnagle, came from the Patriots to the Giants... He had it in our playbook in 2004. So, Patriots are probably using that in 01, 02, at least... then Peyton kind of made it famous.

I'm going to be a huge fan of women's sports once my daughter is born

I'm having another child. It's going to be a girl... As of June, I'm going to be forced to do a podcast with a bunch of misogynists, and I'm no longer going to be a misogynist. For some reason, I just love watching women's sports now. That just happened overnight.

I genuinely didn't know the T in 'mortgage' was silent

I genuinely thought that's it. I didn't know the T was silent... I missed that once. I've gotten criticism in my broadcasting career. I've gotten destroyed for this... It's my fault. I messed up.

No one in the world was beating Baylor in the National Championship game

No one in the world was beating Baylor on Monday night. And I think that we spent all year talking about how great Gonzaga was, rightfully so, because they were undefeated. But the real debate now is, is Baylor an all-time great team? Because they destroyed everyone in the tournament.

Baylor is already in the conversation for the best college basketball champion of the last 30 years

Baylor is already in the conversation for best champion in the last 30 years. [They] destroyed everyone in the tournament. The only team that covered against Baylor was the University of Hartford.

Gonzaga should absolutely play in a real conference

Well, you should play in a real conference. You should absolutely play in a real conference. Yes, I'm going to say that with my chest. And yeah, a lot of it has to do with the fact that there aren't a ton of Gonzaga fans out there. It's not like we're talking shit about the Steelers... With Gonzaga, it's like free play. Consequence free zone.

Drew Timmy has no choice but to return to college after his bad championship performance

Here's something nice for Gonzaga fans. Drew Timmy played so bad in the championship game. He has no choice but to come back to college.

If a player scores while committing a charge, the basket should still count

To fix the charge rule, because this is one of those things where there's so many and it's kind of annoying where it's like there's too many charges. They should make it so that if you score, it counts. No matter what.

Every team Kevin Durant joins becomes 'whack'

Every team KD goes to, he makes them whack, you know? I love the Warriors. The Warriors were cool. They had their thing going. And then KD showed up to the party and was like, wait, guys, include me. And then I hated the Warriors. And then, you know, he went to the Nets. And now they're like, you know... If they don't win the championship, they're so whack.

The ability for players to transfer freely makes college basketball much better

I love the fact that everyone's able to transfer right now. I think it makes the whole league better, or the whole college basketball better, because I'd rather see the talent spread out, and I'd also rather see players that want to compete for a job and be a starter.

If college coaches can hop from school to school without waiting, players should be able to do the same

If coaches can hop from school to school and not have to wait, players should be able to do the same thing. I love it.

Gonzaga will never win a National Title

So, all right, to put a bow on it, Gonzaga will never win a title. I mean, they didn't play against a single ranked team in the entire year of 2021... The WCC is a – it's Mickey Mouse. That's right. It is a Mickey Mouse league.

Sam Darnold likely won't ever be an incredible quarterback and is a finished product

When does this ever work? Sam Darnold kind of probably is what he is. Even though he's with Adam Gase, is he really going to be incredible? ... It feels like a precarious way forward.

Both the Jets and Panthers will finish the season 9-8 after the Sam Darnold trade

Both teams finished this trade 9-8. That's really what it comes down to.

If Sam Darnold never gets mono, his career would have been completely different

My question is, does Sam Darnold get traded from the Jets if he never gets mono? Is that the sliding door moment of Sam Darnold's entire life? I actually kind of think it is... If he never gets mono, is he something different? And I actually kind of think yes.

The Masters is the best 'come down' from the stress of March Madness

There's nothing better, though, than the Masters come down from the March Madness. It is really the greatest... Like set up because it's high impact, high stress sports watching for three, four weeks. And then you get the most low impact, good on your knees, napping on the couch in and out the best type of sports watching.

You must eat only white cheese if you want to live to 100

I had a cab driver once from LaGuardia who was like, if you want to live to 100, you got to eat only white cheese. He's like, the minute you eat yellow cheese, you're going to kill yourself... He said it was such authority that I was like, damn. He must be right.

Paul Pierce should not have been fired by ESPN for his Instagram Live video

He shouldn't have been fired. It's stupid. Let the man live. I agree. ... Paul Pierce's Saturday night is my fucking Sunday afternoon.

Aaron Rodgers is the perfect fit to host Jeopardy!

I do think that this is the perfect fit for Aaron Rodgers. I think it's everything that he loves. I watched Jeopardy a lot, and it features mustaches heavily, and it features the host who gets to know the answers to everything and feel smarter than everybody else, which is exactly in Aaron Rodgers' name.

We should solve global warming by painting the equator black like eye black to block the sun

Let's paint the equator black. Like an outfielder wearing the stuff on their cheekbones trying to absorb the glare from the sun. To me, that seems like an elegant solution. And I think that the world would look cooler if it had a belt.

LeBron James never would have won the 2020 title if fans were in the stands

LeBron. Because he never would have won a title if there were fans. Seriously.

I hate the Clippers because they started yapping before they ever won anything

I hate the Clippers. I didn't used to hate the Clippers... It was just that once they started getting a little bit good, all of a sudden these Clipper fans, everyone wants to talk now. ... Win with grace, win with class, act like you've been there before even though you haven't.

The cancelation of Barstool Van Talk saved their lives

We would all be super mega rich film stars or dead. Dead. That's my go-to answer when everyone, if anybody asks me a question like that, it's like, yeah, I would have died within six months. We did it for fucking seven days and I was pooping blood.

Gonzaga vs. UCLA was one of the best tournament games in history

This is sports rule because we have the national championship tonight in the Final Four on Saturday and one of the best basketball games, tournament games, we've watched in the history of the tournament. I'm fine with maybe being a little hyperbolic with that statement, that game fucking ruled.

The Houston Cougars were never on the same level as the elite teams in the 2021 NCAA Tournament.

Houston, nice run, gets to the Final Four, but kind of what we always thought in terms of the elite teams, that [Houston] wasn't on that level, and that's no shame to Houston.

I am 'simp as fuck' for Miley Cyrus and her musical performance at the Final Four was incredible.

I am as simp as fuck for Miley Cyrus. If there's a scale of, like, one to infinity for my simp level for it... 90% of this is about the musical performance she put on and her song selection. Plus, when you come out there looking like Dog the Bounty Hunter mixed with Freddie Mercury mixed with Pamela Anderson from Barbed Wire, you're going to have my attention.

Miley Cyrus is the greatest entertainer of all time

I went to the one [concert] where she did the tour, and she had a bunch of... It was almost like a mini circus that she brought out onto the... She's the greatest entertainer of all time. It was awesome.

The 'horny police' on Twitter are actually the horny ones because all they can think about is sex.

You horny police, they're... They're the horny ones because all they can think about is sex. Get your mind out of the gutter.

If a play is cool enough, it should not be a penalty or a foul

If it took place in a basketball game or in a football game, if it's cool enough, it should not be a penalty or a foul. Correct. Secondly, I also think that if you are the type of person that's going to well actually a great play like that, you should have a great play taken away from you as well.

The Jalen Suggs buzzer-beater is the third-best in NCAA Tournament history

I think this makes it three... Chris Jenkins is number one because you won the title... I think that's two [Laettner], but I think this makes it three.

Baylor will win the National Championship

I'm going against Joel. I'm going with Baylor. I'm going with our guy Jared [Butler].

Gonzaga will win the National Championship

I'm going to take Gonzaga. I think they're going to win. I think it's going to be an awesome game.

The media treats Jordan Spieth's return to form like a miraculous medical recovery when he was actually just playing bad for a while.

Watching somebody overcome a situation that you've put them in... They acted like he was... He battled back from having a severe back injury or he was paralyzed and now he's learned to walk again and he can win... They were acting like it was a feel-good story like that, not just a guy that was good, then he was bad, now he's good again.

The keto diet is 'neuroprotective' and can help ward off diseases like Alzheimer's.

I read this study that when your brain runs on ketones, it's neuroprotective. So it wards off stuff like Alzheimer's.

WWE fans will initially complain about any major change

I'm of the opinion that no matter what you do, people are going to, in their initial take on it, their initial thought is to question or criticize... nothing is perfect in its first iteration. And there'll be a lot of changes that are made... i think this is going to be a great thing for people long term.

NXT has more passion than the main roster because they are still proving themselves

NXT has morphed into becoming sort of its own brand... it's sort of like college football where you're still playing for the love of the game. It hasn't become about just money yet or just position yet... I think in NXT that passion comes across harder. They're still trying to prove a point.

Shohei Ohtani is the modern-day Babe Ruth

Shohei Ohtani is fucking electric. He throws one-on-one in the first inning, and then he hits a fucking ball... bomb in the bottom of the first... he's like the modern day Babe Ruth.

Skip Bayless's brain should be studied because he genuinely does not care that everyone hates him

Skip Bayless's brain should be studied just because he truly does not care that everyone hates him. And I think he might be the only person on it that actually feels that way.

Major colleges shorten their tracks to fake faster 40-yard dash times during Pro Days

I think that the major programs out there are making a section of their practice fields where the hash marks are slightly closer together. So the place where they have them run the 40-yard dashes at their own pro days, it's actually slightly less than 40 yards, which would make them time out better.

We should start a 'Crafty Camp' for kids who aren't great athletes to teach them old-man tricks like bank shots and hitting to the opposite field.

We should create a crafty camp where we teach kids who are clearly not going to be great athletes how to do just enough to get by. So it's like be able to shoot a bank shot from the baseline extended. Be able to hit opposite field in baseball... We can give you enough that when you're playing, people are like, ooh, look at that.

You should never post a picture of cooked meat or your thumb online because they always look bad on camera.

The two [things you should never post] that come to mind is always your meat. Don't post any picture of meat. And then don't post your thumb because your thumbs always look bad... just when people see a thumb on picture, it looks weird no matter whose thumb it is.

I am going to be a major Major League Baseball fan this year

I've decided to own a fantasy baseball team in a $0 a year league on ESPN with random people. I am going to be a major league baseball fan this year. Just like of the entire league. Just of the stats.

Gabe Kapler's 'win time of possession' strategy for the Giants might actually work in baseball

The Giants manager, Gabe Kapler, he has a message that's written on his whiteboard in his office that says, 'win time of possession.' ...controlled the pace of play and keep the defense on the field as long as possible so they get bored. I actually kind of believe that.

The Justin Fields slander is a smokescreen by teams drafting in the 5-10 range who want him to fall

I just assume whenever we see like Justin Fields slander, it's a team somewhere in like the five to ten range that's hoping that Justin Fields will fall to [them]. It's definitely smokescreen season.

Kyle Pitts should be the number one overall pick in the NFL Draft

I think Kyle Pitts should get drafted, number one. He runs like a deer. He is a chess piece mismatch. And then he keeps opposing defensive coordinators up at night. Those are the three things that he does.

The tight end is the new quarterback in the NFL

I think if you look at teams that won Super Bowls recently, you can go through the list. They all have dominant tight ends. Is the tight end the new quarterback? They're game changers because tight ends are the best.

A Gonzaga-Baylor championship game won't appeal to casual sports fans as much as Blue Bloods

If we can get Gonzaga-Baylor, it would be great for intercollege basketball fans, but the casual sports fan, maybe not. They won't set aside the time if it was Duke versus Kentucky in the championship.