Takes

Brad Stevens is not on the hot seat even if the Celtics get swept

If the Celtics lose game three is Brad Stevens coaching for his job? No. Mmm. I wasn't gonna say that Hank I'm being serious is Brad Stevens on the hot seat right now? No if they get swept? No, no, he's not on the hot snot on my season.

The Bengals have officially found their franchise quarterback in Joe Burrow

the Bengals confirmed have their guy. Which is the greatest feeling in all of football when you can say to yourself, we've got our guy Joe [Burrow]. Jobber looks awesome out here.

The Bears will beat the Giants by 10 points in Week 2

I'll say it for you. I think the Bears win this game by 10 points. I'm very nervous for this game. But I'm nervous for every Bears game.

Aaron Rodgers performs better when he's playing with 'no-name' receivers

Aaron Rodgers is Aaron Rodgers the pettiest person in the world... I think he actually performs better with no name guys, because then it's like, oh look what Aaron Rodgers is doing again with these same like undrafted or like late round pick wide receivers. Isn't he? Just the greatest?

The Vikings are a very bad football team and the Colts are better than they looked in Week 1

I think the Vikings are very bad. I think they're worse than they looked last week. I think the Colts are better than they look [last week]... I still think that the Minnesota Vikings defense is going to figure out they're gonna be really good. I they're young and I know Mike Zimmer, but they're young and well, they're right now they're missing a lot of guys.

The Jets are the 'disgusting' underdog pick of the week against the 49ers

I kind of like the Jets here... Once having the same thought and everyone's betting the 49ers... this is going to be my dog of the week. It's the hold your nose. This is disgusting. You're going to hate yourself at like 1:35 on Sunday when it's 17 to three 49ers, but you're not dead yet.

The Rams are going to be spicy this year and Jared Goff is figuring it out

The Rams I think are better even than they look last year. I think the Rams gonna be good this weekend this year. I think they're going to be spicy. I think our boy [Jared Goff] is figuring out. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah [Goff].

Tom Brady will have a massive 'get right' game against the Panthers

I think Tom Brady's going to eat this week and everyone's like, oh my God Tom Brady's back. Yeah Bruce Arians did the classic Bruce Arians thing where he just spent the entire week making fun of Tom Brady.

Tyrod Taylor is a 'rebound' quarterback who provides stability but never wins games

He is the epitome of an average Quarterback, but he's somehow worse than average Quarterback... He doesn't make the mistakes that bad quarterbacks make... He just won't do anything... Tyrod is the rebound quarterback. They take right after you get done with a crazy person that just fucked your brains out.

Bill O'Brien general manager should fire Bill O'Brien head coach

Bill O'Brien general manager of the Texans is firing Bill O'Brien head coach of the Texan. I would love to see it... It's the opposite of Bill Parcells when he was in Dallas and said if you're going to ask me cook dinner, then at least let me shop for the groceries.

Pete Carroll is going to revert to his old run-heavy ways despite Russell Wilson's dominance

Pete Carroll was like that's not the game plan [to throw 4 TDs]. He said 7 and 6 carries wasn't enough for our guys and we need to get more. We were at 20 runs. We want to get more than that... Pete Carroll is going to absolutely revert back to his old ways because we're getting Pete Carroll at night and Pete Carroll at night is the very essence of Pete Carroll gum.

Bird Alert of the Week: The Washington Football Team will beat the Arizona Cardinals

I have the Washington football team and this is my bird alert of the week... the Washington football team is going to take out a second flock.

Ryan Tannehill is a fantasy lock for 250 yards and 4 touchdowns

My starting this week is Ryan Tannehill. If one thinks the Titans are running team, he's putting up forties and 250 yards minimum this weekend minimum, bro.

The 'Bigger Than Ben' documentary is better and more timely than HBO's Hard Knocks

Summer Ben Roethlisberger being able to update in faster time than Hard Knocks is really an indictment of HBO Sports. Yes, that place is really falling down hill, huh?

AP Bio is essentially the movie 'Election' on crack

What is AP Bio then? Election on crack. Mmm, that's good. I also should say AP Bio... reality is slightly different but there are rules to that reality and we try to follow those rules.

Bet the Nuggets to win Game 1, but the Lakers will ultimately win the series

Here's my prediction for game one ready tonight bet the Nuggets every other game bet the Lakers. Yep. LeBron's going to stink it up in that game so that everyone forgets [game one].

Jimmy Butler is solidly a top 10 NBA player.

I've moved I've leveled [Jimmy Butler] up. He is solidly in the top 10. But yeah, we're I'm just waiting for Jim we respect Jay but on this podcast and Jake was was very happy with the result.

The Clippers cannot bring Paul George back next season after that performance.

I actually don't know how you bring playoff P back next year. I like that. Like I don't I don't know how you have what you'e just watched. Yeah and be like, let's bring back the same core and hope that it's kind of the James Harden thing.

Paul George is a third piece at best on a championship team

I'm doing playoff P your you're not a second dude, you're you're a third piece. I you're a third piece at best.

The Lakers will gentleman sweep the Nuggets in the Western Conference Finals

I'll say right now Lakers... it's a gentleman sweep. I'm calling it a sweep four games to one. They're gonna gentleman sweep their way. I think the Lakers like I think they're going to win the series. I just don't I'm not going to say there. It's going to be sweep or five games. Yeah.

Bam Adebayo's block on Jayson Tatum was better than LeBron James' chase-down blocks

Definitely better than the chase Downs by LeBron. Those are just brought. Those are just be LeBron being lazy and like waiting for his moment. This is actually an impressive block it really it's more the Celtics part 14 in the fourth quarter

The Lakers will win the NBA Finals in five games against the Celtics or six games against the Heat.

If it's Lakers Celtics. I think the Lakers win 4 to 1, it's Lakers heat. I think they went for two to this series is my personal finals because it is personal final cause it's gonna be fun to watch.

The Celtics will win three of the next four games against the Heat

I mean I feel like we should have won that game easily. We're gonna fight back and when like three of the next four, yeah, that's for me to feel good.

The Big Ten will officially announce its return tomorrow

I do think the big Ten's going to be back. I think they're gonna announce it tomorrow. There's a there's a mini power play inside the power play that Nebraska was feels like Are the team that spearheaded this

Aaron Rodgers will shave his beard into an ironic waxed mustache by Week 10

I have a prediction to make about Aaron Rodgers facial hair this year. So he's growing out the big hipster beard... at least by week 10 or 11, he's going to shave it into an ironic mustache. I even think he might do the curly cues. Yeah the cowboy he's gonna do the waxing thing at the end.

The Big Ten will likely miss their target return date of October 10th.

The target date is October 10th. That allow them to play 10 games and then they could get into the playoffs whether they get to the October 10th date, which I doubt they are. That was what their plan was.

The Pac-12 will not play football this fall.

The Pac-12 is not going to play this fall just You know, I don't want you have your hopes up. If even if your hopes were up before they're not going to play football. This this fall. It's gonna be they're gonna try to play in January.

Pete Rose will not and should not get into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

He shouldn't get in the Hall of Fame he won't get in the Hall of Fame... he was betting on his team. Right but but now that on your team, but now you can manipulate money but they're taking gambling money. That's hip right? I know but he could manipulate the lineup.

The Green Bay Packers will make the 2020 NFL playoffs

Packers are going to make the playoffs there. I gave you mine.

The Carolina Panthers will be in the wild-card conversation as late as mid-November

I think that I think that the Panthers will be in the wild-card conversation as late as mid-November Teddy Bridgewater. Wow.

The Denver Broncos will make the 2020 NFL playoffs or I'll let a chick from Instagram shit on my chest.

Broncos are making the playoffs this year. If they don't I'll let some chick from Instagram shit on my chest.

Giannis Antetokounmpo is a fraud who needs a signature move to succeed in the playoffs.

I had no problem saying the Miami Heat would win that series against Milwaukee had no problem saying that whatsoever because in the in that playoffs, you can't just run up and down the floor like they do during the regular season. Miami has had a great philosophy here, but I think the Greek Freak has got to get a signature move.

The Chicago Bears must sign Allen Robinson immediately

Ryan pay stop being a fucking idiot and sign out Robins dude... Any New York team would love Alan Robinson the Jets. That would be such a Jets move... I just it's just such as so class. Like bears like doesn't even give you to 48 hours to enjoy win.

Crushing oyster shells and putting them in a chicken coop is good for their eggshells.

If you crush up oyster shells and put them in your chicken coop, it's actually really good for the eggshells.

The Rams are going to be very good this year

I think the Rams are going to be pretty good this year... the Rams, they look great in the uniforms. I love those helmets.

The Cowboys are destined to be the world's best 8-8 team every single year

I think that I'm numb to the Cowboys because they're just destined to be the world's best 8-8 team every single year... sometimes they'll make the playoffs going 8-8 and then they will be like, well, maybe this is the actual time they put it together, but I think that this is classic Cowboys.

Russell Wilson should be the MVP

I'm calling it right now, Russell Wilson, I don't care what he does for the rest of year, he gets the MVP.

Sam Darnold is not a franchise quarterback and Josh Allen is much better

Twitter kills Josh Allen and yet they think Sam Darnold is some prospect... how can you say Josh Allen is holding his team back and also be like Sam Darnold's going to be a franchise quarterback. Just you wait... I just don't see it with Sam Darnold.

The Jets will never be good until they prove otherwise

The Jets are the Jets and will continue to be the Jets until they're no longer proven to be the Jets. That's just they are. The Jets are never going to be good. Maybe I'm being harsh on Sam Darnold, maybe I should be more harsh on Adam Gase, but I don't think Adam Gase actually practiced.

The Bears are all the way back

Bears, Lions, the Bears are all the way back kind of... I'm not going to go crazy. Well, fantasy stud Mitchell Trubisky... he was three touchdowns zero interceptions... next week I'm legitimately excited to watch the Bears again.

Aaron Rodgers is going on a 'fuck you tour' this year

I think he's going on the fuck you tour this year. It pretty much couldn't have worked out better for Aaron Rodgers today... Aaron Rodgers is pissed off and Aaron's got those two moods: disengaged and then mad at everyone. He seems to be in mad at everyone mood.

The Lakers will lose every Game 1 and then gentleman sweep their way to a title

I have a prediction... I think the Lakers might go through the entire playoffs losing the first game and then gentleman sweeping. We got a bet on them against... whoever they're playing. It was that not the most predictable thing ever though, the Rockets like meekly going out of the playoffs the gentleman sweep.

The Patriots are Super Bowl contenders with Cam Newton

Patriots are really, really good or the Dolphins suck. I think the Patriots are as good as they ever were. I think they're Super Bowl contenders. No reason why they won't win like between 11 and 14 games. AFC Championship, Super Bowl contenders barring injuries.

Fumbling the ball out of bounds in the end zone for a touchback is the worst rule in all of sports

N'Keal Harry fumbled the ball and like the two-yard line and it went out of bounds for a touchback and [Belichick] fucking hates that. Still the worst rule in sports. It's just stupid that if you fumble out of bounds anywhere else on the field, that's just out of bounds, but the play is never over. I hate that rule.

Kyler Murray is the real deal

Next week will be a real test against the Cardinals and Kyler Murray who I'm now a full believer. I'm done. I'm officially on the Kyler Murray hype train.

The Panthers will be a scrappy underdog in every game this year

I'm circling the Panthers as my Scrappy Underdog. They're going to be in every game team because Joe Brady's an awesome coach... and Teddy Bridgewater is not going to lose you games.

This is the 'make or break' season for Derek Carr

This is it for Derek Carr. This is it. This is the best situation because you know how we oftentimes do it with quarterbacks... if you could have everything right? I feel like this is just about as right as you can get.

The Ravens are the second best team in the AFC

The Ravens are really, really fucking good. I'll say they're the best team not named the Chiefs in the AFC. That's very, very clear.

The lack of fans in stadiums will negatively affect kickers more than any other position

I think that the lack of fans I think is going to affect kickers more than it's going to affect anybody else. Kickers not having those preseason reps, I think it affects them way more often having actual under-pressure kicks. There were a lot of miscalculated miss-kicks today.

Tom Brady looks old and slow in the Buccaneers offense

How do you think your boy Tom Brady looked? He looks pretty old. It's the truth... he looked pretty old today. It actually proved that Tom's Drew Brees-about-it.