Takes

Josh Rosen has a slightly higher evaluation grade than any quarterback in the 2019 draft class

But I still think [Josh Rosen] is slightly, in terms of my grades, I've got him rated a little bit higher than the quarterbacks in this class.

Daniel Jones will be a career backup in the NFL

Some guys like me think [Daniel Jones] is a career backup. So it's not nearly as good in terms of the quarterbacks this year.

The top of the 2018 quarterback class was significantly better than the 2019 class

Those quarterbacks [2018 class] were better than any of the quarterbacks this year in my opinion. As a group of quarterbacks, the top guys were better.

Marquise Brown is the next DeSean Jackson

I love Marquise Brown, the wide receiver from Oklahoma. He's 166 pounds... but he's DeSean Jackson, and I'll take that in the top 20.

Deebo Samuel is the most talented wide receiver in the 2019 class outside of Marquise Brown

I'll go Debo Samuel. ... I think he's the most talented receiver outside of Marquise Brown in this class. South Carolina, production, slot receiver, big guy, can run after the catch, can help in the return game... Deebo's a dude.

9 inches is the absolute cutoff point for NFL quarterback hand size to be successful

Nine's the cutoff point for usually having success moving forward. So, yeah. I think there is a validity to that. Outlier would be Tony Romo, and you don't draft outliers.

The Steelers and Raiders will not draft cornerback Greedy Williams because he doesn't tackle

The two teams that you would think would take a corner and would look at [Greedy Williams], probably won't because you think Steelers. Do you think Greedy Williams when you're the Steelers? Do you think Greedy Williams when you're John Gruden and the Raiders? ... You can't have a corner who doesn't tackle.

Baseball players should start smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey in the dugout to prevent modern muscle injuries

Yeah, I think that baseball players should start smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey in the dugout again because you never heard of guys back in the 20s tearing their ACL. They just limped around like fools for the last 40 years of their life if they were lucky.

It is a massive mistake for Bucks fans to chant 'We Want Boston' after sweeping the Pistons

It's a mistake. ... Why poke the bear? ... When you're the No. 1 seed, you or your fans can't be doing stuff like this. They're going to get them.

No other quarterback could survive in Pittsburgh like Big Ben

There's no other quarterback in the league can play in Pittsburgh the way [Roethlisberger] have played... he's just a tough son of a gun.

Joel Embiid is an absolute monster when he is healthy

Joel Embiid is a fucking monster. He is a monster. Like, watching him play. When he's healthy. But he was a monster on Saturday. When he is out there, he looks like he's playing with little kids. Like, his hands are so much bigger than everybody. He's so much taller. He gets the ball in the post. There's nothing anyone can do.

Ben Simmons will eventually develop a jump shot

I think [Ben] Simmons will eventually develop a jump shot to complement the rest of his game, but it's going to take him a while, and I think mentally it's tougher when you see an opponent giving you such flagrant disrespect to even get the confidence of the shooter.

The Bucks-Pistons series is trash

Unfortunately, the Bucks just demolished [the Pistons] again. That series is trash.

The 'Curse of Barry Trotz' will haunt the Capitals in the playoffs

Are you a little worried about the curse of Barry Trotz? Because I just decided there's a curse of Barry Trotz... where the team that fires him [gets punished]... now he's going to get his vengeance.

Demaryius Thomas beat the Steelers in the 2011 playoffs, not Tim Tebow

It wasn't Tebow. It was DT... DT gave me a mean ass stiff arm... Everybody was like, Tebow Mania. I mean, it was. But that was DT, man.

The Redskins will trade for Josh Rosen

I think that Josh Rosen is—I'm calling my shot. I think that Josh Rosen is going to be a Redskin. I think that they're going to make a deal.

The whole point of religion is to make a shitload of money

I, for one, am disgusted that anyone would profit off religion ever. I can't believe that. It's gross. The fact that Kanye thinks he can sell sweatshirts for his church, ugh. ... It's like having a religion and then owning a third of the world's land and tax-free and just making billions and billions of dollars. ... I love when people got mad about that. It's like, that's kind of the point of religion, to just make a shitload of money.

Le'Veon Bell's absence accelerated Antonio Brown's departure from the Steelers

The locker room wasn't the locker room until Le'Veon left. Le'Veon is the mediator of everything... his absence, you think, helped accelerate the Antonio Brown stuff? For me, 100%.

Greg Popovich is trying to sabotage NBA stars with wine

I truly think that he uses it as an advantage to be like, I'm going to turn LeBron James into an alcoholic so my San Antonio Spurs can still look like we're still in dynasty mode.

Arya Stark will get pregnant and Gendry will die in Game of Thrones

Which probably means that Gendry's going to die, Arya's going to get pregnant. Because in this show, basically, if you have sex like that, you're pregnant.

Bran Stark will either kill someone or is the Night King

I'm still very woke on Bran. I think that Bran is either going to kill somebody... he's the Night King... he could be the Night King.

The Buccaneers got screwed by the NFL schedule

The Bucs got fucked. The Tampa Bay fucking years. They are away from home for like two months in a row. They're taking like a semester off. They're going to away games by week, London, two more away games. That's a lot of probation officers that Jameis Winston has to notify.

The Patriots dynasty is officially ending in the 2019 season

This is the year that the Patriots dynasty is officially over. This is the end. This is the end. It's got to be the end. This is the end. I can smell it.

The Dolphins will start 0-4 and Ryan Fitzpatrick's 'magic' is finished

The Dolphins have to play their first four games against playoff teams. I'm going to do a pre-related RIP to Fitzmagic. I don't even know if Fitzmagic is going to get off the ground this year... there's no way that they win a game, they're gonna go 0-4.

The 2019 Bears having six primetime games is a bad omen

The Bears have six primetime games, and that scares the fuck out of me. That's a lot of time, a lot of time in front of the nation for people to make jokes. And it's like they'll always be in the back of my head, even though the Bears are good. Six primetime games... is way too many.

The Washington Capitals will win their playoff series against the Hurricanes in 6 games

I said, Caps in two. They said, yo, PFT, you're a maniac. That's not possible... Guess what? It's a three-game series now. So it is possible for the Caps to win in two games. I'm not worried... All we do is win Stanley Cups. I think that we're going to be able to handle a three-game series against the Carolina Hurricanes.

The Carolina Hurricanes are too small for the moment against the Capitals

Listen, it's the Carolina Hurricanes. The moment is too big for them. This is an experience. The Washington Capitals are a storied, winning hockey franchise.

The NBA should have a 'kill switch' rule for playoff games decided by 35+ points

In a playoff series, if a team wins by a certain amount... in basketball if they beat them by 35-plus, the series is automatically over right there. We just fast forward and we save everybody the time. If you get beat by 35 points, it's just the kill switch. And it would make blowouts exciting because teams would be having to try really hard in game one.

NBA Playoff teams should be eliminated if the main story of the game is players farting on the bench

If the takeaway from a game was someone farting on the bench and everyone covering up their nose like it was for the Sixers tonight, you also get eliminated because basically that means you're losing so bad that the camera's just going to show that.

Jack Dorsey is intentionally trying to ruin Twitter

I love how committed Jack [Dorsey] is to ruining Twitter. Yeah, he's just like every decision that he's ever made has actually made it worse. It's been pretty fun to watch.

Modern weed has become too good and it actually sucks now

My first personal Fyre Fest is weed. Just pot. I don't like smoking really good weed. I think really good weed has gotten so good that it sucks. I like nice, kind bud. Like a decent KB is what I'm about. If you give me something... orange crystals... I'm like, no, I don't want to smoke that because I'm going to feel like I'm on the moon and I don't want to be on the moon. I want to be like in the clouds.

Led Zeppelin is the greatest stage band of all time

Band band, like get up there and kick ass on a stage, it's Led Zeppelin. It's not even close. They invented a different genre of music... It's because they're the greatest.

The Cleveland Browns will win 12 games in the 2019 season

Browns record, 2019. I was going to say 12 wins. 12 wins is going to be my number. I feel like you're getting a little cocky. I feel like we haven't gotten 12 wins in like 10 years combined.

Urban Meyer will definitely coach again at Notre Dame or USC

I think he'll coach again, yes. Notre Dame or USC. They'll pay him a ton of dough to go somewhere, and I'm sure he's got a couple circles.

The Dolphins will hit the Over on their 2019 win total

The fact that there was only one person that picked their team to finish with a worse record than Vegas, that means that we have to take the over for the Dolphins. We got to fucking hammer that over on Dolphins.

Jon Snow and Arya Stark will have sex and then one will kill the other

Jon Snow and Arya? They're brother or sister. So they'll probably fuck. Yeah, okay. Jon Snow and Arya. They're actually cousins. One of those two is going to kill the other one. He's going to have to kill the other one at the end. But after they fuck. They're definitely fucking.

The Hound is actually the Many-Faced God and will kill Arya Stark

I think the Hound is actually the many-faced god. He's gonna kill Arya and then rip his face off and be like haha got you bitch. Arya left him for dead and he did actually die and then they took his face.

Bran Stark can actually walk and is just faking it for the long play

What if Bran can actually walk and he's been faking it the whole time? He's been slow playing it. And he's actually secretly been doing like a shitload of squats in his room and everybody's gone. So he's actually jacked up from the waist down. And he comes and kicks everybody's ass.

Kevin Durant is leaving the Warriors the second the season is over

I'm of the mindset that Kevin Durant's gone the second the season's over.

The Magic are going to beat the Raptors and win the NBA title

The Raptors stink. The Magic are going to win the title. They beat [the Raptors'] ass so bad that Magic Johnson logged on to congratulate his Magic counterpart in Orlando.

There are only three quarterbacks in the NFL worth a 4-year, $140 million contract

There are three quarterbacks in all the NFL that you would give this deal to... Aaron Rodgers already got it. Russell Wilson just got it. Patrick Mahomes is the third. There's not anyone else. You can't think of any other guys.

Ryan Tannehill will finally take the 'next step' this year

Time for [Ryan Tannehill] to make that next step. He will make the next step this year. And Mariota will get hurt. Yes, he will.

Capitals losing 5-0 is better than a close overtime loss

If it was a 4-3 overtime loss, I would be a little bit more worried. But the fact that I was rooting for it to get worse... 5-0, you can just wipe that one off. You can just say, wasn't our night, fellas.

The Chargers will never win a Super Bowl in their Baby Blue jerseys

They're never going to win a Super Bowl in the Baby Blues, but it looks great. I'm done believing in the San Diego Chargers.

Daniel Jones will be the second quarterback taken in the 2019 NFL Draft

Daniel Jones from Duke, 6'5", 220, 6'5". John Elway just took off his pants, is rocketing up the mock drafts... But he might be the second guy taken.

Archie Manning is behind the Daniel Jones hype to protect Eli Manning's job

Very clearly Archie Manning [is behind this] because the Manning family is fucking in love with Duke's coach [David Cutcliffe]... And this guy is just somebody that's been around Peyton and Eli for long enough that Archie's like, he's my third boy... He knows how to keep this guy under control and not be good enough to take Eli's job for at least five years.

New Orleans was God's calling for me, and Nick Saban belongs at Alabama

I think we can only recognize that it's worked out for both of us. That New Orleans was where I belonged and... I was there for a reason. That was truly God's calling for me and my wife and for [Nick] Saban. I think that he's done pretty well for himself at Alabama, so it's all worked out for everybody.

Neil Armstrong is a more significant Purdue alum than I am

I'd say that's pretty significant, though, what Neil Armstrong accomplished. So I'd have to put him up there [above me].

The Columbus Blue Jackets are going to sweep the Tampa Bay Lightning

The Blue Jackets are up 2-0 right now on the Lightning. The Lightning about to get swept. Yeah, insane.

Blake Snell was actually having sex in the shower when he hurt his toe

Dude, you're having sex in the shower. Like that was a really long way of just saying, hey, I was having sex in the shower and I stubbed my toe.