Takes

The Chargers are the worst tackling team in the NFL

I think the Chargers might be the worst tackling team in the NFL. They just don't tackle. I feel like every Chargers game you'll just watch guys just running around like broken plays. Guys not being able to get tackled.

Kyler Murray's biggest problem is that he is fundamentally a baseball player

Not to be Colin Coward here, but I feel like Kyle and Murray's biggest problem is he's a baseball player. Baseball players, they care about themselves. They have individual accolades. Football is a team sport. Kyle Murray's a baseball player.

I would rather have Tom Brady's career than Patrick Mahomes' career

I'd rather personally have Tom Brady's career than Patrick Mahomes' career.

The Chiefs are entering 'candy ass' territory and could struggle in the playoffs

The only thing I don't like about the Chiefs this year is they don't even pretend to have a run game... the Chiefs might be falling into candy ass territory as we get into the playoffs.

Mike McDaniel is not a coach who can turn a locker room around if things go bad

Leading into this season, we all had to take that if things go bad for the dolphins, [Mike McDaniel] is not the guy that's gonna be able to like turn things around if the locker room starts to turn... I need like a three game losing streak outta the dolphins so I can be like, this guy is soft. This guy's not a football coach.

The Bears officially fleeced the Eagles in the Robert Quinn trade

Can we say officially that the Bears won the Robert Quinn trade? Yes. Fleeced. Officially. You got fleeced Max... he's dust now. He's stink now. In Ndamukong Suh, I knew he stomped... just fleeced Howie coming off the street.

Aaron Rodgers is legitimately bad right now and it is not a fluke

I think that this is like, it's not a fluke that [Aaron Rogers] sucks right now. If he wants to, this is a perfect excuse for him. Just be like, 'Yeah, my thumb is extreme. The doctor said that he is never seen a worse thumb than mine.'

Never bet on Tom Brady in a night game

The Tom Brady day verse night thing is very real and he is old. And so since he's gone to the Bucs, he's 22 and 12 against the spread at daytime and he's two and 11 against the spread at nighttime. So we gotta just make sure we never bet on Tom Brady at night again.

Sam Ehlinger is a gamer like Taylor Heinicke and looked amazing on tape

I actually watched his tape from Sam Ehlinger like play by play every snap he took and he looked amazing... He's a gamer bro. He's like what you think [Taylor] Heinicke is.

The Panthers will play hard for Steve Wilks because the locker room wants him to keep the job

The locker room is talking about how [Steve Wilks] got screwed in Arizona and they want him to have the job and they're playing for him and they're like, he means a lot to this franchise to the city... I was like, what do they care? They're out of it. And then I was like, Wait, are they out of it? ... You can delude yourself in being like, we're not out of it because mathematically we would be in first place on Sunday afternoon.

Kyle Shanahan owns Sean McVay

I assume that was who you're gonna be if you were basic. Yeah, no, I agree with you. But also at some point, I feel like every time this happens... we've known for a while that Shanahan owns McVay. He's eight and four against McVay overall. Straight up.

Pete Carroll is not a good in-game coach

I feel like D'Amico is a very good endgame coach. And Pete Carroll, I don't think is a very good in game coach. I think Pete Carroll is, he has got a lot of strengths, but in terms of adjustments and being strategic with things like challenges, time out, stuff like that. He's not even in my top 10.

The Jaguars being 3-point favorites over the Giants is a trap line

Take the Jaguars minus three, the line makes no sense. Yep. Yep. Zero sense whatsoever. That's Vegas being like, take the Giants, they want you to take the giants, which means the jaguar's gonna win win handily. Don't fall for the trap. Take the jaguars.

The Bengals have turned a corner because they are using more shotgun and throwing on first down

I feel like the Bengals might have turned a little bit of a corner... it feels like they're starting to throw on first down more, which they should be doing a lot more. The Bengals also their second half defense, they haven't given up a touchdown in the second half this year.

The Lions will play to the level of their opponent and lose every game by three points

I think the Lions will lose to every team by three points. That's been my theory on the Lions all season long... the Lions can be competitive with any team in the NFL no matter how good or how shitty their opponent is. They will play exactly to that level.

The Green Bay Packers are currently a bad football team

Are the Packers not very good this year? The Packers might be bad, although I'm, I'm not going to fall for that trap... [but] as they stand right now are bad.

The Bengals are just not a good team right now

I don't think the Bengals are good and it's, maybe they'll figure it out, but right now I just don't think they're playing good football... nothing looks easy for them.

The Minnesota Vikings are not a good team despite their 4-1 record

Are we sure the Vikings are good? ... The only real good team they've played is they got absolutely Curb stomped by the Eagles. Are we sure the Vikings are good? ... If you're good, you don't have to, you don't have to, you don't have to tweet at Billy Football being like, Bro, we're good.

It is a mistake to bet against Patrick Mahomes as a home underdog

Mahomes never been an underdog at home. And he's also seven Oh. And one all time is an underdog against the spread. It's, this might be one of those games we look back and we're like, Wait, Patrick Mahomes is an underdog at home. How didn't everyone not hammer that?

Eating 14 hot dogs over 12 hours is not an insane amount of food

The second place person should have 10 hour days. Second place person can probably get out in one day. If they just need 14 hot dogs, they have to bowl 160. I don't think that 14 hot dogs over 12 hours is like an insane amount.

Adrian Peterson ruined the 2,000-yard rushing benchmark for everyone else

Adrian Peterson ruined the 2,000 yards because he did it right after he was coming off an ACL surgery. So everybody else from that point, if you got an ACL injury, it's like it's not that bad.

The Packers are not that good

The Packers are not that good. Brian Hoyer is due for a win. They'll, no, they won't be in the hungry dog because I'm not putting the Patriots in anymore.

Kyler Murray looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone

The greatest description I saw of Kyler Murray is that he looks like a toddler running around with a stolen phone.

The Ravens defense is absolute garbage

My over is the Patriots Ravens over 44. The Ravens defense is absolute garbage. It sucks. It stinks. It's trash.

The Raiders and Derek Carr are on different pages regarding 'how to win'

I think we might have a little bit of Josh McDaniels and Derek Carr on different pages watch... Josh McDaniels says 'you can't win until you learn how not to lose.' But now Derek Carr last week said 'we have to learn how to win.' It feels like they're on different pages. It's a red flag.

Gisele Bündchen is furious that Tom Brady decided to un-retire and play another season

Gisele gave a very interesting interview earlier this week. She said like, 'I've been a good supportive wife now, it's my time.' Pretty much. She's so mad at Tom Brady for coming back, so mad. He was supposed to just be babysitting this year... then two weeks in the off-season, Tom's like, 'You know what, can you just watch the kids for another year?'

Tom Brady would have stayed retired if Adam Schefter hadn't leaked the news early

I am—I know it sounds crazy, but I do think [Gisele] should not be mad at Tom Brady. She should be mad at Adam Schefter. Because I think if Tom Brady was allowed to announce his own retirement, he might have stayed retired. Schefter ruined everything.

Sean Payton is still the 'shadow coach' of the New Orleans Saints

I stand by my take that Sean Payton is like a shadow coach of this team because he didn't expect to not be coaching this year. I think you saw the Taysom Hill touchdown run that had Sean Payton's fingerprints all over it.

The 2022 picks punishment should be the loser having to beat Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's all-time scoring record

Loser has to beat Kareem's all time point record. So we just put 'em in a gym and they have to score 38,388 points... You can't, you can't shoot in the paint. Oh fuck. So you can't take layups and the second place person has to rebound.

The 2022 picks punishment should be the loser has to complete a half marathon with no training

I might retract my veto on the marathon because it's not as bad as some of the other ones. Right? And I think it would be pretty funny to have to go to the Super Bowl and run a marathon with no training... [I am] now bowling kind of endorsing it.

Malik Willis has the most fuckable spiral in the 2022 draft

Number one. Malik Willis. God damn moon bomb. And the thing is, I love how the ball turns over on his long balls. It points up when it's going up and when it's going down, it points down and it looks like an absolute cruise missile.

Malik Willis is a combination of Lamar Jackson and Josh Allen

Malik Willis has been said to be, in my opinion, a combination of Lamar Jackson and Josh Allen. This is what the people are saying. If you look at Malik's throws from the combine, insane, absolutely crazy type stuff.

Intentional losing is a valid strategy for the PMT road trip competition

I want to miss all these picks. So feel free to fade me. I'm taking the over though. Colts Jags 44 points... I don't know why you're upset that I want to go on a road trip.

If you don't bet the Ravens against the Rams this week, you're a moron

You would be a fucking moron if you're listening to this right now and you don't bet the Ravens. Five out of six of us having the same pick [Rams -3.5]... If you're listening to this right now and you don't bet the Ravens, you're a fucking moron.

There are six or seven definitively good teams in the NFL right now

I like how everyone's like there's parity. There's no one [good]—I totally disagree. There are like probably six or seven teams that are definitively good. It's the Cowboys, the Bucs, the Packers, the Chiefs, the Patriots, and then throw in the Colts... maybe even the Rams.

Bill Belichick controls the game by keeping it low scoring when he 'needs' to win

My favorite under is Bills, Patriots 43 and a half. I think it's going to be another under game. Belichick likes to keep it low scoring when he really needs to win. And I think this is a need to win for the Patriots.

Jake Fromm has a noodle arm and the Giants won't score many points if he plays

Giants either got Mike Glennon or Jake Fromm. [Fromm] hasn't started a game in the NFL yet. He's got a noodle arm. He might have a noodle arm... I don't think there's going to be many points there for the giants.

The Seahawks need to force-feed DK Metcalf early in games to keep him engaged.

They're going to have to force-feed the ball to DK Metcalf early in the game. The way that he was checked out, like he didn't want to be on the field anymore. You know, a top three receiver in the league, he should probably get the ball in his hands occasionally.

I am done with the Seahawks; they are a miserable team of has-beens and losers

I think that the Seahawks are just a miserable football team filled with has-beens and losers. ... I hate watching the Seahawks on television. It's probably way worse in person.

The Falcons are a bad matchup for the Cowboys because they cannot exploit the Cowboys' run defense

What the Cowboys' weaknesses are, they were exposed last week against the Broncos because the Broncos were able to run all over them. Falcons can't really run the ball. And they also don't really have a pass rush. So I think Dak [Prescott] will have a ton of time.

The Chiefs are officially in the 'prove it' category before I believe they can return to their old form

The Chiefs are officially in the 'they-have-to-prove-it-to-me' category before I believe that they are going to be the team that they have been in the past.

The Washington Football Team's strategy is to bring good teams down to their level and make every game a 'shit-fest'

The Washington football team [is] being like, hey, we're going to bring a good team down to our level and just make you play a real shit fest.

Tom Brady killed the Chiefs dynasty before it even started

The Chiefs are so bad... Tom Brady killed the Chiefs. I think not enough people are talking about it. He ended their dynasty. It wasn't really a dynasty, though... He snuffed out, he traveled back in time, baby Hitler'd the Chiefs dynasty.

The Minnesota Vikings would be 5-1 right now if not for a couple of fluke plays

The Vikings... I hate doing the like, oh, they should've could've woulda, but they really did play... they really could have beaten the Cardinals and the Bengals... they were a fucked up fumble and a misfield goal against the Cardinals away from being five and one.

The Titans and Colts feel like they play five times every year

The Titans and Colts... it feels like they play five times every year. Kind of like Portland and Seattle and MLS. I feel like every time I turn on my TV... it's the fucking Timbers in the Seattle football team.

I am officially buying back in on Carson Wentz being an elite quarterback

I'm starting to buy back in on Carson Wentz... I'm very confident in the Colts this week because I think Carson Wentz is back to being Carson Wentz of 2017, 2018, whatever that was.

I am officially on my 'last straw' with the Washington Football Team's organization

My announcement is I am officially on my last straw. Washington football team last straw. In fact, I went out, I bought a straw... If it gets anything bad, happens to the point where I, I lose faith in this organization again. Well, what, what Hank you, what else could they do that during my soul to you? They're only good players dead. And they fucked up his retirement ceremony.

The Bills are the #1 team in the league right now

My current BCS rankings have the Cardinals and the Bills, one and two. [But] the fun fact about the Bills, they have double the point differential than the second team not named the Cardinals... The Bills are plus 108. They are fucking killing people. We can agree. Bills should be at the top.

If Urban Meyer were a winning coach, nobody would care about his off-field behavior

If Urban Meyer... was 3-1 at this point, nobody really would give a shit. He could be making out with Tim Tebow's girlfriend or his wife or his mom, and nobody would give a shit about that video as long as he was a winning coach in the NFL. But if you lose, then every time you stick your finger close to a co-ed's butthole, it's going to become news.

I am officially 'standing my ground' on the Steelers against the Broncos

My personal stand my ground game where if the Steelers don't win this game, I am done not only with the Steelers this season, but done betting on them, just pretending they don't exist. This is the game that if they have any pulse left, it's a pulse check. If they have any pulse left, they will win this game.