Takes

Tom Brady shipped Jimmy Garoppolo to San Francisco because he was a Republican

I think he shipped Jimmy Garoppolo out to San Francisco because Jimmy G was a Republican. And he didn't like having a Republican as his teammate. So he's like, I'm going to send you out to hang out with all the libs out in San Francisco.

Big Baller Brand is a better investment than Nike or Adidas because it is privately owned

Nike stock down because the Kaepernick stuff obviously, Adidas stock down. You know what stock's not down? Big Baller Brand because it's still privately owned. That's how you do it. Big Baller Brand's about to have a windfall from this.

I like to root for excellence and the inevitable winner

I like the Red Sox and I like the Yankees. I like the storyline and I like teams that are great. I like excellence. I root for the inevitable. My brother Chad is a longtime Browns fan and Bengals fan and he just dwells in his misery. He's the exact opposite of me in that way. I like people who are good at what they do.

LeBron James carries the ball on every single possession

I love LeBron, but we used to call carries. He carries on every possession. Every possession. He palms and also he's got that hand out [stiff arm]. So he's allowed to hand check.

The Kobe/Shaq Lakers would destroy the Steph Curry Warriors because no one can guard Shaq

I think that the Kobe/Shaq three-peat team would destroy Steph Curry's team. Because who would guard Shaq? ... If they're going to bomb from outside and beat you, they will beat you, and that's it. But they're not coming inside, so just let them do it. Live and die by the three.

You can't have depth and substance as an actor if you are good-looking or funny

There's a sort of sense that you can't have depth and substance and also be [good-looking]... and it's the same thing with comedy.

Beards are the reason Civil War movies don't get made anymore

I also think the problem is beards. Beards are out. A lot of beards. You think, well, actually, beards are not. I'm in this room. I know there's one, two, three, four and a half. That's a lot of beards in the room. Now it's time to revisit the Civil War.

The West Wing convinced a generation of people that political compromise is the way to solve everything

The West Wing... you kind of convinced a generation of nerds that got into politics that compromise would be the way to solve everything. [Lowe responds]: The movie version, it never really works out in the real world.

If you don't have any edge as a person, you are just a Canadian

You always have a little bit of dick in you. If you don't have any edge, you're just a Canadian.

I want a movie studio to pay for me to use performance-enhancing drugs for a role

I want to get to a point where I have a studio pay for me to be juiced up with the top doctors with all kinds of performance enhancing... I want to do a Marvel movie so somebody gets me ripped and puts me on drugs that I would never do in my real life.

Rick Pitino is finished but not done with coaching

Rick Pitino says in that book, Rick Pitino believes it's unlikely he will return to coaching. He's finished. He has said it himself. He's finished. I think he's finished but not done. It will only take a little bit of time for him to come back. Give him 20 minutes and he won't be finished anymore. He'll be ready to go again.

The Khalil Mack trade marks the beginning of a Bears dynasty

The Bears are back... The best trade that's ever been traded. I'm thinking like maybe even when the Cowboys did that trade with the Vikings, this is going to be the start of a dynasty.

Jon Gruden trades away good players because he doesn't want the hassle of coaching them

If it were up to Jon Gruden, he would still have Jeff Garcia as his quarterback right now. So he sees a first-rounder and he's like, you know what? I'd rather not go through the hassle of having to deal with good players.

The 2018 Bears defense will be a top-five unit if they stay healthy

From the Bears' perspective, to get serious for a minute, it actually is a super exciting trade because the defense is now... I would say top five defense, if everyone stays healthy, they have two studs.

The Bears will win 11 games in the 2018 season

How many wins do you think the Bears actually have in them this year? ... I'm going to say they're now in like the eight, nine category. I think they're going to get 11.

Mitchell Trubisky's rookie season should not be used to judge his potential due to poor coaching

I can't stress enough how detrimental John Fox and no wide receivers are to a rookie's development. ... So I don't really think you can judge what Mitchell Trubisky was last year as anything real, because it was basically like he wasn't playing football.

Jim Harbaugh is officially on the hot seat if he loses to Notre Dame, Michigan State, and Ohio State in 2018

If he can't beat any of his rivals this year... that is going to be a problem. ... If you lose to Notre Dame, Michigan State, and Ohio State, you are obviously on the hot seat, whether it's fair or not.

The Miami Hurricanes should officially retire the turnover chain after losing to LSU

If you were Miami, if you were a Mark Richt, if you were a Miami fan, you can't in good conscience keep the turnover chain alive. It's dead. At some point, you just have to have it be dead because it's hollow.

The Miami Hurricanes and Texas Longhorns are on the fraud watch list

I don't think it's fair for us to put Miami on the fraud list just yet after one week. Let's put them on a watch list... questionable Miami. I would say Texas is also questionably fraud.

DC Sports is back following Elena Delle Donne's performance and the Nationals' .500 record

My Who's Back of the Week is DC Sports. DC Sports is back. The Nats are 69-69. ... And the Mystics are still in the playoffs. Elena Delle Donne... basically broke her leg in half. ... But she came back, put the team on her goddamn back.

Jim Harbaugh always tried to be the dominant male in every situation

He only knows one way to go... [Harbaugh] definitely would set [paintballing] up in a way that he would win and be the dominant male in the situation.

The 2012 49ers offensive line was the best in the NFL that year

I'm sitting in the huddle looking around at everybody like, dude, we're about to have a fucking parade... because we had like the best offensive line in history. Or not history. Of the 2012 year. Our offensive line was rolling that year.

The 2018 49ers season is the best I've felt in 12 years

I think we're going to be really good this year. I feel confident with the team, the direction we're going, the coaching staff is amazing. This is the best I've felt in 12 years as far as going into this season.

Tua Tagovailoa will be the best pro quarterback Nick Saban ever produces

Tua is insanely fun to watch, like probably the best pro quarterback that Nick Saban will ever have.

The Buffalo Bills losing four Super Bowls contributed to Timothy McVeigh becoming a terrorist

I am not saying that Timothy McVeigh bombed Oklahoma City in 1995 because the Buffalo Bills lost four Super Bowls in a row. But I'm not saying he didn't either... that Buffalo heartbreak was one of the many shadows that fell across McVeigh's life.

Stephon Diggs is going to be very good this year

Stephon Diggs is going to be good. You can't go wrong. Demarius [Thomas] is going to split him with Thielen, so go with [Diggs].

Case Keenum will throw a shitload of touchdown passes to Demaryius Thomas this season

I would take Demarius. Yeah, take Demarius. In case Keenum's going to throw him a shitload of touchdown passes.

I like Kenyon Drake a lot for the 2018 season

I like Kenyon Drake a lot this year. I like Alex Collins. Take Kenyon.

Michigan is going to be very good this year

I think Michigan is going to be very good this year. I've come all the way around. I love Jim Harbaugh, and their defense is going to be so good.

Aaron Rodgers has not won a Super Bowl because of the eight-year statute of limitations

Aaron Rodgers hasn't won a Super Bowl. He won it too early in his career for it to count for people to remember. I actually agree with that take. I think that there's like an eight-year statute of limitations where I get to forget about your Super Bowl.

Matthew Stafford stinks as a quarterback, but he is going to be a Hall of Famer

I've stopped my Matthew Stafford slander. He's going to go in the Hall of Fame. You ready for that? Look at his stats. The pendulum has swung the other way. It sucks that I'm admitting it. Matthew Stafford, if you look at his statistics and if he keeps playing for as long as he's going to be, he's going to be a Hall of Famer. He stinks as a quarterback, but he's going to be in the Hall of Fame.

Chris Carson is going to be a top-five running back in the NFL this year

Chris Carson's going to be a top five running back in the NFL this year. You're welcome.

Georgia is becoming the new Alabama

I think Georgia is becoming the new Alabama. And I actually filmed a video where I say, I think Georgia's going to win the SEC this year. Because I think Georgia, by the end of this season, they have to replace so many guys that you know. But the thing is... the guys they have coming in might eventually be better.

Clemson will win the National Championship

National champion, Clemson. I think they wind up going with [Trevor] Lawrence... if the guys are equal again, you're going to go with the higher ceiling guy.

LSU finally has a legitimate starting quarterback in Joe Burrow

I think LSU has a quarterback now. Because the Ohio State coaches and Ohio State players, I don't think they were blowing smoke when they said Burrow was fairly close to Haskins... This dude could start most places. And if Burrow is pretty good, well, guess what? It's a totally different end.

LSU will beat Miami in the season opener

I still, with the pass rush that LSU should be able to generate, I like LSU in that game [against Miami].

The over on West Virginia's 7.5 win total is a lock

West Virginia, their over-under is 7.5. Oh, wow. I want to hammer that... Will Grier is maybe the best quarterback in the country... They're going to put up sick numbers on offense.

FAU has the most talented roster ever seen at the Group of Five level

Lane Kiffin... this is as talented a team at that level [FAU] that you're ever going to see. Now, chemistry-wise, it'll be a miracle if he can get everybody to play together.

Lane Kiffin will eventually return to the Power 5 and the NFL

I would bet a good amount of money that Lane Kiffin will coach not only a Power 5 team at some point in the rest of his career, but also probably in the NFL. He'll probably go around again.

My 2018 College Football Playoff field is Washington, Wisconsin, Clemson, and Georgia

All right, Final Four. Wisconsin, Washington, Clemson, Georgia.

Evanston at 11:00 AM is the hardest place to play in college football

The hardest place to play in the entire college football landscape at 11 a.m. Oh, no doubt. Evanston, Illinois, 11 a.m., no one wants to be there. Everyone is sleeping. Half the kids played in bigger stadiums in high school with more fans in them. It just puts them to sleep.

The United States is on its longest World Cup unbeaten streak since the Reagan administration

This is the longest World Cup unbeaten streak that we're on right now since the Reagan administration. It's been over four years since the United States has lost a World Cup game.

Danny Amendola only got his contract because of Tom Brady

He said Danny Amendola sucked, and the only reason he got his contract was because of Tom Brady. [PFT]: That's kind of true. Sounds like he [Ramsey] has done his homework on most of these here.

The Jaguars can win a Super Bowl with Blake Bortles

He also said that the Jacksonville Jaguars can win a Super Bowl with Blake Bortles. Facts only. He [Jalen Ramsey] knows what he's talking about.

Todd Haley and Gregg Williams are the meanest sons of bitches in the world

My biggest takeaway from Hard Knocks is that Todd Haley and Greg Williams combined are the meanest sons of bitches in the world.

Hue Jackson has a future as the Lorne Michaels of comedy football

I actually think [Hue] Jackson has a future as a Lorne Michaels. He's just been putting together the perfect comedy troupe of a football team for the last three years.

Devon Cajuste's belief in the power of crystals and the full moon will be what gets him a spot on the Browns roster

I actually do kind of believe in the crystals, like the harnessing of the crystal power is probably what's going to get [Cajuste] on the team. Either that or the full moon. Once a month, he will give you a hell of a game.

You don't win Super Bowls by paying wide receivers big contracts

When [Odell Beckham Jr.] is healthy, [he] is you can make the argument the best wide receiver in the NFL... but you don't win Super Bowls by paying wide receivers that much. It just doesn't happen.

It is better for your career to be a meme than to be in a blockbuster movie

Do you think it is better for your career to be in a blockbuster movie that makes, let's say, $500 million or be in the badass, like the coolest meme of all time? Coolest meme of all time. Easy answer.

The Chiefs' new parking lot policy is the beginning of the end for tailgating

The Chiefs have started a new policy where after the game starts, they're just going to start kicking people out of the parking lot. I feel like it could just be the beginning of the end... They're going to slowly outlaw tailgates.