Takes

The drop I had in the Super Bowl haunts me more than the catch that everyone talks about

I don't think about that catch when I think about [Super Bowl 51]. I think about right after halftime... I drop that ball and I was the guy over here, you know the rah-rah guy... I think about that third down how much harder it made it for us to go because we had a little momentum there. So, like, that's what I think about, bro. I don't even think about that catch. I think about that drop.

Jesus is the greatest comeback ever because he got crossed up and came back three days later

My first one is going to be Jesus... Jesus got crossed up, came back three days later. Pretty impressive. Saved all of humanity. So a little disrespectful on your guys' account, not picking Jesus, number one.

Kirk Cousins is the Rihanna of NFL quarterbacks

I'm just the biggest Kirk Cousins fan in the world... It's like, if you're in a relationship, you know, your girlfriend would understand, okay. You got a wandering eye. [Kirk Cousins] is like Rihanna.

Uruguay and Argentina will advance in the World Cup

I'm going to go Uruguay and Argentina [to win their knockout games].

Russia will defeat Spain in the World Cup knockout stage

On Sunday it is España versus Russia... Russia for sure.

July 4th should always be celebrated on the first Saturday of July

They should really change July 4th so that it becomes... First Saturday in July... It needs to be a Saturday. The fact that it's a Wednesday there is absolute bullshit.

Brazil will dominate Mexico in their World Cup match

I'm on the record as being a Mexico fan, but I think that Brazil is going to knock the shit out of [Mexico].

Goodfellas and The Godfather are essentially based on real events

When you go to see some of the quote unquote fictional movies, The Godfather or the other one, which I love, Goodfellas, so many of the stories that are in there are based on things that really happen.

You could walk onto an Amtrak train with a bomb and no one would stop you

I hate to say this because I imagine some people are going to hear this... You could walk onto this train with a bomb... I'm talking about a sign that says, I have a bomb, and nobody would ask any questions.

Bike sharing programs are an eyesore and will block sidewalks

In my town, you're done with it, you leave it. Doesn't matter where... Just throw it on the side of the road... You can't even walk on the sidewalk... You will eventually have to jump over these.

Soccer should replace on-field referees with booth cameras

One of the entities are proposing having cameras everywhere and having people up in the booth instead of the referees... making the initial call. They make all the calls... and they don't have a need for a referee at all.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is a fantastic movie

The new one [Jurassic World] is fucking great... It's fantastic. I'm not in it... I'm hoping that they put me in the third one.

Pam Beesly is the worst character on The Office

Very telling that no one has taken Pam [in the draft]... Yeah, Pam's the worst. Pam's the worst.

The United States should build an Autobahn with no speed limits

I think we're missing out on an Autobahn, and there's a lot of places that you could put it and just do away with the speed limit.

The day after the Super Bowl must be a national holiday

Day after Super Bowl has got to be a national holiday. That's really actually exactly what I would say if I ever stepped foot in the White House.

The national drinking age should be lowered to 18

I'd make the drinking age 18... Because everyone's drinking when they're 18 anyway, so why not just make it legal?

Social media influencers with over 100,000 followers should be legally immune

I think that if you get over 100,000 followers on social media, you should be above the law. You should be allowed to break any law. Laws don't apply to you if you're an influencer.

Federal legalization of marijuana is an absolute 'layup' for the U.S.

Federally legalized marijuana. I mean, we're halfway there... I think one day we'll look back and look at this like prohibition and it'll look really fucking stupid.

Politicians who ignored the Flint water crisis deserve severe corporal punishment

Every politician that turned a blind eye to Flint, Michigan, should have their teeth knocked out with a steelhead fence post driver.

Men should never prioritize dates or partners over spending time with friends on a Saturday

My fourth law is simple. It's just bros before hosts... if we're just trying to chill with the boys, don't be like, 'oh, I'm going on a date with my girlfriend.' Especially if it's a Saturday.

NFL players miss out on all the fun parts of the fall because of the schedule

All the cool shit happens on a fall Saturday night. All my buddies hit me up and I get the worst FOMO sitting in the hotel... I could have been having a drink with Kenny Powers [Danny McBride] and I'm in a hotel [in Buffalo].

Partnering with someone who cheats on their wife is a bad business move

Somebody said to me, man, don't be partners with somebody who would cheat like that because he'll screw you in a heartbeat... I went into business with the guy... he ripped me off over 500 grand.

People with the biggest egos usually have the thinnest wallets

Ever notice that people with the biggest ego have the thinnest fucking wallet? Because he doesn't listen to anybody. His ego gets in the way, they're typically not very successful.

Digital menus where you touch items to see pictures are the future of dining

Here's what's going to happen with digital menus... We're going to look at a menu. We're going to see stuff listed... When I touch the item, I'll see the picture... and then it'll disappear... so I can see it when I want to.

Stephen A. Smith's receding hairline acts as a satellite dish that helps him hear NBA rumors

Stephen A., his hair has been receding into that cul-de-sac that he has for the last five years. It becomes like a satellite dish of hair. So he's able to hear these whispers at a pace that you or I can't, that mere mortals can't.

LeBron James will sign with the Lakers

Kawhi's going to get traded to the Lakers. LeBron's going to sign with the Lakers. Paul George is going to stay in Oklahoma. No, I think playoff P is going to L.A.

Sitting on a winning bet ticket is one of the best feelings in the world

My number four will be when you're sitting on a winning bet ticket. So like when you bet the Capitals and win the Stanley Cup and you know that it's our year and you're just like, I have $1,500 free money.

I would rather be 'bad on a good team' than a star on a bad team

I was on good teams, and I was bad. And I stuck around good teams that were bad for so long. Most guys, they're getting their shot and then they're out of the league. But I was like bad on good teams. ... Your moment can come at any time and you have to be able to deliver.

Modern NBA GMs prefer gambling on high-upside rookies over reliable role players

GMs nowadays are looking for, like, the next greatest thing. They'll try like an 18-year-old, see if it works. If it doesn't, they'll try another. They're not going to stick with the solid guy because that's not going to help them get eventually a steal in the second round.

Joey Crawford is the best official in NBA history because he controls the game better than anybody

Joey Crawford's the best official in the history of the game... I think that he controls the game better than anybody... In the second half, you rarely hear about him. He's going to call the right fouls. He's going to get to play the way he wants it.

Tom Thibodeau doesn't understand how to manage minutes in February

Thibodeau hasn't really kind of figured that out sometimes, whereas the Bulls will always play, you know, under the Thibs Bulls, they would always play really hard every single night, max effort. But sometimes you don't need max effort in February.

The 'Minutes Police' are wrong; Tom Thibodeau is actually a great bench coach

In the regular season, you [Thibodeau] are such a good coach that you can play any five guys and you guys can win. ... You are too good of a coach to ride your starters. Real good coaching comes in is maximizing your bench. And I think that he is such a good coach. He could do that.

Danny Ainge's goal is to beat LeBron James, not sign him

I think Danny Ainge's whole life has been about beating LeBron... Since he got to Boston, LeBron has, you know, pseudo been in the league. How do you overtake this guy?... But he doesn't want LeBron to join. He wants to beat him.

Ben Simmons' inability to shoot doesn't bother me because he's elite at everything else

It doesn't bother me that [Ben Simmons] can't shoot. He does so many other things well. Can he get to the basket and can he pass? ... Most of the NBA cannot match up with Ben Simmons. ... I'm never worried about that if I'm Philly.

Kevin Durant's move to the Warriors made the NBA better by raising the standard

I think [Kevin Durant] made the NBA better because he sets a standard for what a championship team would be like... The new championship level is what we're seeing with the Warriors.

Rookies should invest all their money into their bodies and skills rather than the market

My advice to them would be invest as much money into yourself, your body, your food. Focus on becoming a better player because there's nothing in the world that's going to be a better return on your investment than making yourself a better player. That second contract... you're worth $100 million.

The Mets should call up Tim Tebow immediately

Come on, Mets, just bring Tebow up this year. You're not going to do anything else... Tebow Tuesdays. I like it. With the Mets.

I will never race Darren Rovell in a marathon

Darren Rovell has challenged me to a marathon. It is the dumbest challenge ever... You could triple dog, quadruple dog, infinity dog dare me to run a marathon, and I'll just sit there and be like, no, because it looks awful.

Messi is the GOAT

[Speaker 0] (3:25-3:27) And Messi is the GOAT.

The Messi vs. Ronaldo debate is more contentious than LeBron vs. Jordan because they play at the same time

This debate [Messi vs. Ronaldo] I would say is like a little bit more contentious actually. Because they're playing at the same time. And they play against each other sometimes. So I don't like that as much as the hypothetical debates, because you can twist all the facts around.

Germany will score a billion goals against South Korea and advance in the World Cup

Germany, of course, is going to advance. They're going to score a billion goals against whichever team they're playing... South Korea? They'll score a million goals. Germany will advance.

Taking a game on the road and ripping the heart out of the opponent's fans is the best feeling in sports

Taking a game on the road and ripping your opponent's heart out in front of their fans, there's nothing like it in all the sports.

The PGA Tour is ridiculous for investigating Bryson DeChambeau for using a compass

[Speaker 1] (16:38-16:41) My hot seat is Bryson DeChambeau. [Speaker 1] (16:41-16:47) The PGA Tour is investigating him and trying to figure out whether it was legal of him to use a compass or not. [Speaker 1] (16:48-16:49) What century are we in? [Speaker 3] (17:16-17:21) I love this that it's a compass is now an illegal tool in golf.

Paul George is going to sign with the Lakers

[Speaker 3] (25:30-25:31) My cool throne is the Lakers. [Speaker 3] (25:34-25:38) And Paul George is going to L.A. to take a meeting. [Speaker 3] (27:55-27:58) Yeah, I think Paul George is going to L.A.

LeBron James will sign with the Lakers if Paul George goes there first

[Speaker 3] (27:58-28:02) I think if Paul George goes to L.A., LeBron is very fast behind him. [Speaker 3] (28:13-28:18) But the minute one of those two guys [George or Kawhi] goes to L.A., [LeBron] is going to L.A.

Dak Prescott clearly didn't want to be interviewed

Let's just say, Dak, I think he was okay. He just clearly didn't want to be interviewed. And then, well, you'll see.

Playing a road game in the SEC is harder than playing a road game in the NFL

[Speaker 2] (34:31-34:32) Oh, I don't know. [Speaker 2] (34:32-34:33) Probably playing a road game in the SEC. [Speaker 2] (34:33-34:38) SEC is just a little bit louder, more passionate fans.

Auburn has one of the best night game atmospheres in the SEC

[Speaker 2] (35:01-35:07) But I'll tell you, Auburn has something about it that was just always a fun atmosphere, a great atmosphere. [Speaker 2] (35:07-35:12) The fans are eye-level with you, and that can be an incredible game at night as well.

Jerry Jones is great and nobody dislikes him

Jerry Jones is a great owner. I don't think he'll find anybody that works or plays for the Dallas Cowboys that dislikes Jerry Jones. He's great.

I don't know who Chris Christie is

I'm not sure who the second person is, but I've never been in the box.