Takes

The US not making the 2018 World Cup was the best thing for soccer in America

The U.S. not making this World Cup is actually the best thing that has ever happened for soccer in America... with the U.S. removed, you watch this World Cup... and people got to enjoy soccer for soccer and not worry about, are we good enough? Is the U.S. up there with them? They just got to enjoy the game.

Neymar's flopping is actually a profile in courage and bravery

I think it's so harsh on Neymar. I mean, I see him as a profiling courage and bravery. I just see the pain, the agony, I mean, just the savage damage that is done to his body... he loses limbs in the game... Neymar gets up when he's broken, had his leg broken, and he says, don't worry, lads, I'm going to brush this off.

Tiger Woods will have an incredible run at the British Open but lose to Lee Trevino

I predict that Tiger will have an incredible run, and ultimately, Lee Trevino will pip him.

Roger Federer should be investigated for PED use because he's been too good for too long

I'm thinking about doing a witch hunt with Federer. Has anybody ever looked into PEDs with him? Because it feels like he's been too good for too long... Roger Federer probably did PEDs.

Serena Williams is the 'GOAT' and will win another Grand Slam

And then on the other side, Serena. We know she did PEDs. She got a fetus... Serena is yeah, gonna win again so she's the goat. Everyone says best athlete of all time.

Kevin Durant is the most triggered athlete of all time

Kevin Durant, he is easily the number one most triggered athlete of all time, without a doubt. It's not even close.

The MLB should put Tim Tebow in the Home Run Derby to boost ratings

Let Tebow hit in the home run derby in the All-Star game... the bottom line is, you want a ratings bonanza, get Tim Tebow in the fucking home run derby.

France's young team might be too inexperienced to win the World Cup right now

France is actually... They're talking about possible dynasty. Well, so France... They haven't won anything. It might be too soon for these kids. The moment might be too big for them. They don't have the experience.

Croatia will beat England in the World Cup semi-final

England has a lot of experience in losing big games. I kind of like them to lose this one to Croatia. I like how scraggly the Croatian players are. They just have that element of a little bit of slime to them... I just think Croatia is going to be a little bit too slimy for the Brits to grab onto.

Cristiano Ronaldo to Juventus is a good fit because Serie A is all about defense

I think it's a good fit. You don't score goals in Serie A... In Italy, it's just all about defense. So if he gets his one free kick a game, then his team's probably going pretty good.

Russell Wilson is currently 'killing the sexy dance game'

Russell Wilson is absolutely killing the sexy dance game and dancing with Ciara... So he did a video with Ciara doing this little weird dance and he stole the show. So you would think, oh, Ciara, she's a professional performer. She's got moves. False. Russell Wilson was in the background killing it.

I'm starting to get 'football fever' and daydream about the college season

I was sitting on the couch, and I started thinking about Saturday morning and the camera going over college game day... I'm starting to daydream about football a little. I like close my eyes and I think about Illinois playing Purdue at 11 o'clock and Beth Mowins being like, 'there's another punt.'

Riptide Rush is the only good Gatorade flavor

I'll go Mint Chocolate Chip and Riptide Rush... [Riptide Rush is] the only good one. No, it's the white one.

Live streaming is causing a massive resurgence in poker popularity

Poker is back in a big way... I think partly because more people are getting into poker because of live streaming and you can watch every single hand.

Adderall is a massive problem and a PED for modern professional poker players

Is there a ped problem in poker are guys taking adderall? Yes, huge problem. No, actually there are guys who have done that. I think Adderall is something that some players are dependent on for short periods of time it works but then they become so dependent when one stops working what they end up just becoming is what we call drug addicts.

I went from a 110-golfer to shooting an 80 in just four weeks to win a $550K bet

I had a year to shoot 80. Well, I got a month to go, and I still can't break 105... with a week to spare, yours truly shot the 80 and sent it to the ATM... In four weeks, I did that.

It is possible for an elite athlete to gain muscle on a vegan diet

There you go, Colin Kaepernick. There's proof that an elite athlete who's also a vegan can put on weight and muscle. Oh, yeah. Plenty of them.

If red hits 10 times in a row in roulette, it's more likely to hit red again

Red's hot. Red is hot. You're taking the human element out of the wheel. Red's dominating... I'd say more like 85% [chance].

I can stay 'Kid Poker' for at least another 10 years as long as I don't go gray

I feel like I got a solid 10 years. I feel young, so I guess maybe up until I get gray hair, and so far I'm good.

I have crushed playoff hockey series betting for 10 straight winning years

I literally, for 12 years straight, absolutely destroy playoff hockey. I bet serieses. This year, I was like 9-1 going into the last one... But I went 9-2 this year, and I've had 10 straight winning years betting serieses.

Every vegan who says they like tofu is lying

Every vegan who says they like tofu, I know they're lying. I like tofu. No, you don't. False. All right, we settled that.

I would eat three steaks a day for 30 days for $10 million

If you've got $10 million you want to put up, I'll have three stakes a day for an entire 30 days. Wow. It's out there.

Being a virgin after age 30 is actually a good 'line' to use on women

After you turn like 30, and you say, like, I'm a virgin by choice. I feel like there's an element that the girl is like, I want to be the one. I want to be the one that makes him switch over to the other team... I think it becomes more positive after 30 than it does between the age of 18 and 29.

Juergen Klinsmann is a worse coach than the man who led the Thai kids into a cave

I think it was pretty astute that Juergen Klinsmann is a worse soccer coach than the guy that led them down into that predicament in the first place.

LeBron James is joining a terrible Lakers team as it is currently constructed

LeBron's going to the Lakers with a terrible team as currently constructed. Magic Johnson did something good with getting LeBron and then immediately followed it up with the weirdest... They got Rondo, they got Lance Stephenson, they got JaVale McGee. They basically just got a bunch of people that don't fit with LeBron whatsoever.

Kobe Bryant secretly hates that LeBron James joined the Lakers

LeBron's going to be a Laker and now Kobe is silently stewing and he's going to pretend to like this, but you know he hates it.

LeBron James will not make the Finals with the Lakers this year

I'm psyched for LeBron to be a Laker. It does throw into jeopardy his attempt at getting 10 Finals losses because he's not going to make the Finals.

LeBron James will fake an injury and tank his first season with the Lakers to wait for Kawhi Leonard

I think LeBron, this is going to be a year... and then LeBron is going to do his first year where he fakes an injury. Pretty much broken hand. tanks, and then comes back. Saves it all up. That's why they signed Lance Stevenson... he just stacked the team with a bunch of guys who aren't really going to do anything, and LeBron can sit out for a year.

Phil Jackson will return to coach the Lakers after LeBron's first year

Phil wouldn't come back this year, but maybe once they add another piece or two and LeBron gets his one year of a fake injury out of the way, that is a prime Phil Jackson move to swoop in on an already established, really good team.

Paul George has been brainwashed by Russell Westbrook

Paul George is brainwashed by Russell Westbrook. I don't know what's going on there. That was another weird one... That actually was a genius move by Russ. The night of free agency being like, hey, I threw a huge party for you, so you got to come, and don't make this awkward by signing with the Lakers.

Adding any player to the Warriors decreases their chances of winning a title due to chemistry

Honestly, at this point with the Warriors, any addition that they make probably decreases their chances on winning another title. Because it's like they're a perfect team. So no matter who you add, there's always a small chance of it fucking up the chemistry.

The Rockets losing Trevor Ariza and gaining Carmelo Anthony has a bigger impact on the NBA title than Boogie Cousins joining the Warriors

I actually have a hot take. I think the Rockets letting Ariza go and somehow making it Michael Carter Williams or Carmelo Anthony has more of an impact on the title than Boogie Cousins.

The 2022 World Cup will be the 'fall of sports' due to the overlap with the NFL season

I'm calling it right now. It's going to be the fall of sports. It's going to be nonstop sports all the time.

FIFA is on my shit list for scheduling the World Cup during football season

I love soccer, but if you make me choose between football and soccer, it's a no-brainer. So this is... You fucked up, FIFA. You're now on my shit list. The slave labor, the blatant corruption, the bribes—I can look past that. Going up against football, uh-uh. Protect the shield. You're out in my book.

The Tuesday after Labor Day is the best day of the year

I'm happy that none of us fell into the trap of saying the Tuesday after Labor Day because that actually is the best day of the year because that means all football is back. You have the Thursday night football, then Saturday college, Sunday, then double Monday night. That's the fucking best. That's like literally my favorite day of the year.

Playing mini-golf more than 10 times a year makes you a psychopath

If you play mini golf more than 10 times a year, you're probably a psychopath. Mini golf is fun on vacation, but you realize after 10 holes, you're like, I've had enough mini golf.

Loneliness has the same effect on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day

Loneliness has the same effect on [mortality] as smoking 15 cigarettes a day... so if you're lonely, just smoke a bunch of cigarettes and you'll actually be healthier [because you'll make friends].

I didn't really belong in the Patriot League

I didn't really belong in the Patriot League, so the transition [to the NBA] was a little easier for me. I was a little bit ahead of my— Just hesitant to Patriot League. Hey, crossed them up. I'm out of there.

The 2018 Cleveland Browns will win 6 to 8 games and potentially make the playoffs

I'm calling it right now six to eight wins. We may be able to go nine and seven and sneak in as a wild card.

Sean Taylor is the best football player of all time

I grew up a Miami Hurricanes fan. I was a Sean Taylor fan. Rest in peace, Sean Taylor. Best football player of all time. I had the visor and everything when I played.

LeBron James will beat up Skip Bayless at some point this year

There's a good chance that LeBron beats up Skip Bayless at some point this year.

Dwight Howard's career will end with him dominating in China

This is just one step closer to Dwight Howard's perfect ending of his career, and that's just dominating in China... Dwight Howard will go to China and be like yeah everyone loves me no one has told me to fuck off in English.

We called LeBron James signing with the Lakers before it happened

LeBron James has signed. We called that, by the way. We were way out ahead of that one, so please credit us.

There is a 0% chance I will ever return to the NFL

I'd say if it was from zero to 100, 100 being yes, I thought about it, zero being I didn't think about it, I'd say anywhere into the negative 100,000.

There is a 100% chance I am doing some sort of fantasy football or pick-em game this year

there's 100% chance I'm doing some sort of fantasy or pick-em or some fun game. I've got to do something, right?

Barry Sanders is still capable of an NFL comeback

My last one is more of a hypothetical comeback because it hasn't happened yet... Barry Sanders, always going to come back. A lot of rumors ever since he retired. I still think he could go out there and do it. I think he could.

We will travel to Baton Rouge for the LSU-Alabama game if a video of a bar singing 'Down in the Bayou' surfaces

If at some point during the fall... somebody sends us a video in Tigerland or at a bar in Baton Rouge of the whole bar singing Coach O down in the bayou to drink paint, we will come down there for that Saturday night game. I promise you.

I will win a National Championship for the state of Louisiana

I want a national championship for the state of Louisiana, for these players. They yearn for it. They work for it. And I want to win a national championship there.

I will announce my NFL retirement on Pardon My Take

Lane Johnson will announce his retirement at some point on Pardon My Take. Okay. We want to shake hands on this? Yeah. Okay, let's shake hands. We will do this.

Blogging is just as hard of a sport as playing in the NFL

I think blogging is just as hard of a sport as football. My brain is mush. ... There's going to be a class action lawsuit of all the bloggers in 30 years because we've all just been playing with a concussion for the last decade.