Takes

The Patriots filmed the Rams Super Bowl walkthrough

Off the record. [Big Cat: Did the Patriots film your walkthrough at the Super Bowl?] Yes. I'll say yes. And I think it gave him an edge as well. I mean, you know, we were really rolling that year, and no one covered us... TMZ never came out with that tape. You never saw that tape. [But] he [Terrell Buckley] was beating us to spots and he hadn't been there that long and he was on the street.

Smitty will beat Chef Sean Latham in their Rough and Rowdy fight.

Valentine's Day Massacre Smitty versus a $20 chef Sean Latham. Who you got in that fight? I think it's going to be Smitty. Got to ride with my headquarter guy.

Markelle Fultz is the first basketball player in history to ever have the yips.

He's got the yips. He's the first basketball player to ever have the yips. I don't know. What happened? But I do know that I'm addicted to watching Markelle Fultz free throw videos.

Kirk Cousins is not a franchise quarterback because he grills steaks in aluminum foil boats

He was grilling steaks on his grill, outdoor grill, with aluminum foil boats. That right there, red flag. Not a franchise quarterback. What the fuck are you doing, dude? ... It sounds like maybe he's got a dirty grill. Just scrape that shit up, Kurt.

Josh Allen is going to be the number one pick in the NFL Draft

Josh Allen is the quarterback's quarterback. He's tall, big hands... and he is going to be the number one pick because we have endorsed him as the number one Josh Allen podcast.

2018 will finally be the year Ryan Tannehill takes the next step

Ryan Tannehill's next year is going to be the year. He's taking the next step this year. Always taking the next step.

Kevin Love was not actually sick when he left the game against the Thunder

I don't think Kevin Love was sick. I'm going to be the one to say it... I think Kevin Love is maybe like he gets more shit than any other athlete ever. Undeserved shit.

LeBron James' Instagram post to his younger self is the most unintentionally funny thing ever

Every single time you read something [LeBron James] posts, it is like the most unintentionally funny shit that you will ever hear in your life... He invented fourth person. It's him referring to himself, but in the past.

Jason Kidd was an objectively terrible coach for the Milwaukee Bucks

Jason Kidd was, by all objective measurements, a terrible coach.

Amazon's no-employee stores are the beginning of the robot takeover

Amazon opened its first no-employee store... I'm pretty sure this is exactly how the robot takeover starts... I think we're all fucked. So this is basically 1984. This is Big Brother. It exists, but it exists in supermarkets.

Patriots fans will be the classiest fan base in Minnesota during Super Bowl LII

[The Patriots] are going to be the classiest fan base in Minnesota because Minnesota people are coming back to Minnesota with tragic and horror stories about how mean the Philadelphia fans were to them. So it's going to be exciting to see if they try and do anything back to Philly fans next week.

John Gruden is a ginger, which technically makes him a minority

John Gruden's a ginger, so technically a minority. Who knows? But the bottom line is the NFL has ruled they did not violate [the Rooney Rule].

North Carolina is not actually that good and will end up as a 4 or 5 seed

[North Carolina] is like a four or five seed is what they're going to end up being... I didn't think Carolina was that good coming into the year. I feel like they've overachieved at this point. They just have like an obvious lack of talent compared to most really good Carolina teams.

Duke is cheating to land the top recruits in college basketball

I seriously do think Duke is cheating their ass off. It's amazing to me that Coach K has kind of brainwashed the rest of the country that if this happened literally any other school, people would start screaming about how they're cheating... Duke is landing the top three guys, and they're not paying anybody? No.

Jeff Capel will be the 'buffer' coach after Mike Krzyzewski retires and will be fired almost immediately

He's [Jeff Capel] going to get hired after Krzyzewski, and then he's going to get fired almost immediately, and then they're going to bring in the real coach. You've got to have that buffer after a legend.

Oklahoma and Trae Young will not make the Final Four because of their defense

Is Trae Young, like, can Trae Young take Oklahoma to a Final Four? No, I don't think [so]. One, I don't think the defense is good enough... In a single elimination, they just don't play good enough defense.

The Big 12 will struggle in the NCAA Tournament and might only send one team to the Sweet 16

The Big 12 is the best conference in college basketball, but every single team has a fatal flaw. It wouldn't surprise me if they get seven teams into the tournament and get one team to even make the Sweet 16.

Villanova is clearly the best team in the country

I think [Villanova] is clearly the best team in the country, and they have like six guys who would start on virtually any team, which is kind of incredible to think about.

Kentucky stinks and might actually miss the NCAA tournament

Kentucky, hot take. Kentucky might miss the tournament. They stink... Kentucky is terrible, and if they continue on this path they're on, they might fall out of the tournament at the last second.

The Patriots will win Super Bowl LII because they are wearing road white jerseys

The team wearing white jerseys has won the Super Bowl in 12 of the previous 13 seasons... Patriots are 3-0 with wearing white jerseys... Should we even watch the Super Bowl? Probably not. I'm just going to bet Patriots money line.

My rule for peeing is that the closest hole available gets the pee

My rule of thumb here is closest hole gets the pee. So whatever hole is closest to you at that moment, you pee right into it.

A drinking straw only has one hole

I think it's one hole... Straw is the sphere... the hole starts and it just goes on forever. If you go in a tunnel, are you saying there's no hole in a tunnel? No, the entire tunnel is a hole. That's one hole.

The Patriots' mental toughness is superior to every other team in the NFL

The Patriots, the mental toughness they have is just insane. They are a mentally tougher team than every other team they play. You just know that they're not going to get phased. They're down two scores at home... and they're just nothing's going to change. They're just going to keep doing what they're doing.

Zion Williamson is basically LeBron Jr.

They landed Zion Williamson, who's basically LeBron Jr., has the craziest mixtapes of him ever.

Zion Williamson has high school explosiveness, not NBA explosiveness

I'm going to squat on a Zion Williamson take. I'm going to say he doesn't have NBA explosiveness. Even though he has like a dunk video where he's just dunking. I'm going to say he has high school explosiveness, not NBA explosiveness.

Freddie Adu is back and American soccer is officially saved

Freddie Adu is back, and therefore U.S. soccer is back... News soon. Oh. Yeah. So he's back. He's the future. He is the future of American soccer. Yeah. He is American soccer.

Tom Brady's mother being from Minnesota will be a massive Super Bowl storyline

Tom Brady's mother is from Minnesota. Wow. That's actually pretty good. Big storyline there. So coming home, kind of, I don't really know where we're going to go with that, but it's going to be good.

The Patriots have a psychological edge over 'bird' teams in Super Bowls

The Patriots have beaten a lot of bird teams in Super Bowls. The Falcons, the Eagles before... Seahawks. Yeah, you never know until you try.

Josh McDaniels and Matt Patricia's imminent departures will be a major Super Bowl distraction

The coordinator's last games. So Josh McDaniels is going to be a head coach of the Colts. Patricia is going to be the head coach of the Lions... this is going to be [a storyline].

Vontae Burfict is an 'on-the-field gangster' and not a real tough guy

I didn't like Vontae Burfict. I didn't like that motherfucker at all because I felt like he was one of those dudes that—I don't believe in on-the-field gangsters... sometimes when you play guys, you can tell it's like a WWE character. They're big bad. But once you get off the field, and we're in the parking lot... they're like, oh, I don't want to do that.

Rex Ryan's downfall as a coach was being too loyal to his staff

I think he's too loyal. And I think that's his biggest downfall... all his guys and his coaching staff, he's been with those guys for years... he should have left them on the side of the road and kind of recruited better coaches to, one, deal with young talent, two, guys who are better equipped for the role.

A player will not have a long NFL career if they don't love football

If you don't love football, you won't have a long career. You just won't. I remember when I was playing, I would watch, not only myself, but I would watch other linemen around the league... there was guys that were digesting what was going on around the league... and it pays off, man.

The 2018 Cavaliers' panic is real and they won't recover this time

For the first time ever, I think the LeBron-like freakout that everyone goes through with every team LeBron's in... I think it's real this time because they gave up 148 points to the Thunder... I don't think he talks to Isaiah Thomas. I think it's like a cold shoulder situation.

The Cavaliers will be the best team in the East by May

Replay that for us in, like, May when the Cavaliers are by far and away the best team in the East.

There should be a Tinder-style app specifically for finding people to fistfight

It's Tinder, but for people that want to get into fistfights... I just want to have a gentlemanly... I just want to punch somebody and get punched... find somebody who is my approximate height and weight, so it would be a nice fair fight.

Yolked: A gym that serves gourmet egg breakfast sandwiches

All in my notes, it just said, Yolked, and it's a gym and egg sandwich breakfast combo... Y-O-L-K-E-D... you can get yolked and then you get an egg sandwich.

There should be a 'Hammered' gym where you build bars while drinking beer

What about a gym called Hammered and it's like kind of one of those obscure like CrossFit type of gyms where it's just all you do is hammer things in for your workout while you drink beer... build a bar so that you can drink at it.

Josh Allen is number one on my 2018 draft big board

I made my first big board today. Josh Allen's number one, and then I don't have anybody else until like six... Just remember he's tall. He's tall? That's all you've got to do. Hey, guess what? He's got a big arm... he looks good in shorts.

Josh Allen stinks and doesn't pass my eyeball test

I personally think Josh Allen stinks. I've watched him play every time. He doesn't pass my eyeball test, which is, as most people know, probably the hardest test to pass.

No short quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl

If you are walking on the street and someone says, hey, I love Baker Mayfield, you say, hey, Josh Allen's tall. You've got to see over your offensive line. No short quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl.

The media is inflating the severity of Tom Brady's hand injury to give the Jaguars a reason for people to watch

If the Patriots are playing the Steelers and this hand thing happened, they wouldn't even be talking about it. But they know that the Jaguars, they need a storyline, they need a reason for people to watch, they need a reason to believe, so they're inflating the severity of his hand.

James Harrison is a Steelers sleeper agent activated to sabotage the Patriots

It's James Harrison. The sleeper agent has finally been activated. Tomlin sat in his office and pressed a button and Harrison came alive.

Tom Brady will throw for three touchdowns and 350 yards against the Jaguars despite his hand injury

I think it's pretty obvious. Brady's going to come out. He's going to throw for three touchdowns, 350 yards. I don't think it's going to really make a difference.

If the Jaguars get two sacks in the first quarter, it will be a three-point game

If the Jaguars get two sacks in the first quarter, I think it's going to be a three-point game... The Jaguars, they play a perfect game. They can win this game.

The Patriots are a bigger lock this week than they were last week and they'll hit the Over

I'm going to take the Patriots. I'm going to say that they're more of a lock this week than they were last week... I would take the over. I probably won't, but I'm just going to load up on the Patriots.

I'm taking the Jaguars and the Under against the Patriots

After I thought about it for a while, I'm going to take the Jaguars in the under.

The Vikings have acquired Team of Destiny status

The Vikings have now acquired Team of Destiny status. After last week's win [Minneapolis Miracle], that is a win that you only get if you have a horseshoe up your ass.

The Vikings will win the NFC Championship game easily

I think the ultimate Vikings is them losing the Super Bowl at home in front of their fans. I think the Vikings are going to win easily, actually... the only difference is the Vikings have a quarterback that can throw a straight ball.

I like the Vikings and the Over in the NFC Championship

I like the Vikings, and I like the over. Over-under is 39... I think there's going to be a couple big plays that are just random.

The Vikings will win the NFC Championship but the game will go Under

I'm going to take the Vikings, but I'm going to take the under. I like Philly's defense, I think, a little bit more than you.