Takes

The Red Sox are officially done and finished

Is it time to push the panic button? Would you say that the Red Sox are done or finished? Ah, they're done.

A manager getting ejected rallies the team like a big hit in hockey

When a manager gets kicked out, it rallies the troops like a big hit in hockey.

Joel Embiid is a bad contract because his knees won't let him play

They just paid Joel Embiid like $150 million, even though his knees are terrible and he's probably not going to play.

Eli Manning might get traded to the Jaguars to reunite with Tom Coughlin

Do you hear this one about Eli Manning maybe getting traded to the Jaguars? Because Tom Coughlin. Think about it.

Mark Ingram has officially won the lead role in the Saints backfield over Adrian Peterson

Mark Ingram... he won the battle of who's going to be the bigger head on the two-headed running back committee in New Orleans... Adrian Peterson is out in Arizona.

The 'Golden Age' of podcasts is over now that people are making wedding planning podcasts

The couple that met because one was a fan of his podcast and then they're getting married and they're creating a podcast together about going through the wedding planning. That right there is like if you could think of the most stereotypical podcast podcast. It is over, boys. It is all done.

The chicken definitely came before the egg because God just created the bird first

I think it had to be the chicken. How did that chicken get made if there was going to be an egg? ... I feel like [God] just created the chicken and boom, the egg was next.

NFL players already fear the Broncos defense before the game even starts

Before we go in the game, we're already in the heads. ... When you turn the film and you see Broncos defense play, I think that automatically gets in quarterback's heads. ... You can watch an interview and you can kind of [smell fear].

Alex Smith is playing at an MVP level this season

Alex Smith is playing MVP-type football right now. ... you go down the line and they have stars everywhere.

There has never been a quarterback better at playing the position than Peyton Manning

When it comes to quarterback, being a quarterback and quarterbacking in the National Football League, there hasn't been a quarterback better than Peyton Manning. ... coming up to the line, being a quarterback, there's not a greater quarterback than Peyton Manning.

If I played offense I would be a tight end because I know how to beat defensive coverages

I'd probably be a tight end. That's a position that I know. I guard tight ends every single day. ... I understand what works, what doesn't work, how to beat the guys on defense because that's where my foundation is.

Mitchell Trubisky is going to be a star in the NFL

Mitch Trubisky is going to be a star. Sit [Sanchez] for Mark Sanchez and run the butt fumble play every single down. ... I like Mitch Trubisky. I think he's going to be good.

Sam Bradford is officially 'injured' because wear and tear on a knee is a significant injury

I'm going to say this is actually injured. Like, wear and tear is, that's significant. That's a full injury.

LeBron James should play for the US Men's Soccer team

LeBron actually should play for us. If you were to take the best NFL athletes... could the Chiefs qualify for the World Cup under the instruction of Andy Reid?

Bruce Arena and the US Soccer front office need to be fired immediately

I'm going to say Bruce Arena. That guy's been around forever. Get the fuck out of here, man. ... GM, clean house.

The Chargers won the Eli Manning trade once and for all because the Giants are 0-5

Odell Beckham, more like 0-5, Odell Beckham. The Giants remain winless, and the Chargers win the Eli Manning-Philip Rivers trade once and for all.

The Eagles have no possible way to screw up this winning season

Philadelphia's got their blue-collar quarterback and a winning team. There is no possible way they can screw this one up, folks.

Offensive line coaches should be recreational cocaine users to stay amped for the job

I don't have a problem with an offensive line coach just doing a little recreational blow as long as it's on the job. If you use it just to get amped up before a meeting, what's the difference between that and just banging a monster?

I want all offensive line coaches to be slightly high on cocaine at all times

I want my offensive line coaches to be slightly high on cocaine at all times. Them and my strength and conditioning guys, they should just have a room. That's just like the coke room.

The Jaguars are actually a good football team

By the way, the Jaguars are actually good, which is the most bizarre sentence to say, but they are very, very close. We need actually a meter.

The Chiefs might be the best team in football

Chiefs might actually be the best team in football. They're fun to watch. I like Andy Reid's offense and how they have Alex Smith is actually throwing touchdown passes.

JJ Watt might legitimately be forced into retirement by this injury

It's a tibial plateau fracture and as somebody with Google I can now report with confidence that he's fucked... This might be like legit retirement for J.J. Watt. Not Players' Tribune fakery.

The Miami Hurricanes are back big time

My Who's Back of the Week, first of all, is a no-brainer. It's the U. The U's back big time.

Washington sports teams will win the World Series and Stanley Cup this year

Washington is back. It's the Nats year. It's the Caps year... So they're going to win the World Series. They're going to win the Stanley Cup.

Coach Ed Orgeron was never on the hot seat at LSU

I'm staying resolute in my support of Coach O. I don't think he was ever on the hot seat. Don't think he's ever going to be on the hot seat.

Jim Sorgi is the greatest Wisconsin quarterback of all time

You are probably the best Wisconsin quarterback of all time, and I'm just going to do—I'm going to say Russ [Wilson] is NC State for this debate.

Wisconsin will never have another quarterback reach the level of Russell Wilson

Ever since Russell Wilson came and spent that one year there and everything he's done, you're never going to have a quarterback again that's going to kind of get to that level I don't think.

Andrew Luck is not a Super Bowl winning quarterback because he orders chicken at steakhouses

I asked what Andrew Luck's order was [at St. Elmo's], and they said he usually gets chicken. So that's been my big red flag. My one red flag is he orders chicken at a steakhouse. That's not a Super Bowl-winning quarterback.

I would have liked my chances to get a starting job if I were still with the Colts in 2011

I got released after the 2009 season... and then 2011, [Peyton Manning] ends up missing the whole season. That would have been a nice opportunity to kind of get in there and play some games and show what you got and maybe get a pretty good contract from somebody else.

I will never come out of retirement, no matter the offer

No amount of money will make me move from retirement... Physically nothing is wrong with me. I've been playing football for 20 years. I think it was time for me to give it a break and give it a rest.

The early 2000s Miami Hurricanes defense could have beaten NFL teams

I agree. I mean, it was some, we could have beat some NFL teams, absolutely. [Could you have taken the Browns?] Absolutely.

I am still faster than Tom Brady in a foot race

[You once said that you were faster than Tom Brady. Is that still true?] Oh, yeah, of course. [Foot race, no question?] Yes, no question. [Is he that slow, or are you that fast?] No, I'm that fast.

The Patriots defense is never better without JJ Watt

When you have the best defensive player in the league, your defense is going to never be better without him.

Ben McAdoo is about to be fired after taking away the team's practice music

That is the last thing you do before you get fired. Take away the team's music. No more fun on this team. The ping-pong table, they take that out of the player's room, and they're like, it's over.

Roberto Aguayo will return to the Buccaneers to replace Nick Folk

What's that sound I hear? All that wrestling in the distance. That's [Roberto] Aguayo coming back to claim what was once his, the prodigal son returning to Tampa.

Dirk Koetter is a trash head coach

I think I officially am saying Dirk Koetter's trash. And I'm basing this off one game that I watched. It was a primetime game... Dirk Koetter, you are in the trash pile.

There are only two tiers of NFL quarterbacks: those who suck and those who can win a Super Bowl

NFL quarterback situation, there's no tiers. There's no elite and non-elite. It's just either you suck or you can win a Super Bowl. And Jameis Winston will, in my estimation, will ever be a really good sucky quarterback.

Tom Brady is basically the Washington Capitals of football because he only wins meaningless regular season games

Tom Brady, congrats, I guess, on winning a bunch of meaningless games. When are you going to win the big one, dude? Regular season quarterback. He's basically the Washington Capitals of football.

Rooting against Tony Romo in the broadcast booth is as fun as rooting against him on the field

Rooting against [Tony Romo] in the booth is actually becoming as fun as rooting against him on the field was. He's like, now this could be a screen here. In my head, I'm like, throw the fucking ball deep.

The Indians will sweep the Yankees in the ALDS

The Indians and the Yankees. The Indians are up 1-0. I think they will sweep.

I love the Packers moneyline and spread against the Cowboys

Love, love, love the Packers. Plus two. I love Moneyline. I love them straight up... Love the spread, love the money line.

I love the 49ers as +1.5 road dogs against the Colts

My pick, I'm taking the 49ers as Road Dogs plus 1.5 over Indy. That's my team... Love the Niners. Love betting on them. Love Shanahan. Yep. I mostly just love betting against Chuck Pagano in his permanent hot seat.

The Cleveland Browns will win at least two games this season

Could the Browns go two and 14? The Browns could... they could win two games... I'm going to cross my mind on the Will They Win 4 games, but two games? Still could do it.

John Lackey is the alpha of the Cubs clubhouse

Who's the alpha on the Cubs right now? [John] Lackey. I would say... This dude's an absolute animal... He's going to be pissed [if he doesn't make the postseason rotation], and rightfully so.

The World Series hangover is a real psychological and physical phenomenon for players

I think what you're seeing in baseball with the Cleveland Indians and the Chicago Cubs... is that the World Series hangover is for real, and these guys needed a little bit of an all-star break and now have hit their stride... It's as much mental as physical.

A quality Latin player who can bridge the language barrier is the most important part of a good clubhouse

The biggest part of a good clubhouse is a quality Latin player that's able to communicate both sides... Like a Pedro Strop. Awesome dude... And he can mix and match. Like he can help me understand maybe if a guy doesn't speak English... The personality is hard to break when you have that language barrier.

Successful pitchers need to have a bit of an 'asshole' streak to be effective on the mound

No doubt [pitchers need that streak]... the day [John Lackey] pitched, he's the biggest asshole on the team. You love him for it because he brings... an edge that we didn't have. He brought that F-you to the other team... sometimes putting a chip on your shoulder or having a way to get yourself going when you're older... that's important so you may need to take your mind to a different place.

You only need to pick off or throw out one runner to scare an entire team out of trying to run on you

It takes one, and then everybody thinks they can run on you, and then you throw one guy out, and everybody stops... I just talked to A.J. Hinch, and he's like, you threw out George Springer... we were going to run everywhere, and everybody got scared... throw out one guy or pick one guy off, and it's over with.

Philadelphia Phillies fans are the worst in baseball to play against

[Worst city fan-wise?] Philly. That wasn't even a hesitation. They get on you with a hatred... Literally wanting to like anger in the face. Like they mean it... I really like I want to fight you right now.

Teams should not shift their defense when they have a large lead

If the game's out of hand, do you still let them bunt? You shouldn't shift. You're taking away half the field for me... I'll stop trying to get a hit as soon as you stop trying to defend a whole side of the field... If you're up 9-1 and you're shifting, that's a dick move.