Takes

I left the Broncos for the Jaguars primarily to maximize my family's financial security

This game for me is about providing for my family, allowing my daughter to grow with not too many worries. No state income tax down in Florida. Florida, Texas, Tennessee... as a player, you know, we get cut every day... if [fans] had the opportunity to do what I did, they would do the exact same thing.

Tennessee will win the SEC East this year

This is the year we're winning the... SEC East. I believe in that team until we start to blow up, but I think they're going to go all the way, man.

Getting a nipple ring is a clear signal that a man wants to get down and do weird stuff

I think he's actually happy this happened so that he could tweet it out, I lost my nipple ring during practice, because that's basically saying, hey, ladies, I fuck, and I do weird shit. A dude doesn't get a nipple ring unless he wants to get down.

Pitchers must bean the next batter after giving up three or four consecutive home runs to show they have pride

I put that on the Brewers pitching staff because if you give up four home runs in a row and you don't bean the next guy up, that's a real problem. That means that you don't have pride in your craft. After three batters in a row, you've got to hit the next guy in the head.

The Nationals have the most potent offense in baseball

Shout out to future hall of famer Dan Haren because on this same podcast on Wednesday he said the nationals have the most potent offense in baseball boom so next day [they hit 8 home runs].

A .10 BAC is the minimum threshold for an underage drinking citation to be considered cool

At least a .10. That's really the threshold right there. Come on, like .04? Would you use mouthwash that morning?

Everyone who attends a small liberal arts college secretly regrets not going to a big fun state school

I have yet to meet one person who went to a small school and didn't somewhat a little bit regret not going to a big fun state school. That's just a fact.

LeBron James is triggered and definitely not enjoying his summer

LeBron James is triggered... When he hashtags 'enjoying my summer', hashtag 'you do the same', that's a pretty telltale sign he is not enjoying his summer. Because you know LeBron probably told someone to tell Stephen A. Smith, 'Hey, I want to beat Kyrie Irving's ass,' and then when it comes out, he goes to Twitter.

LeBron James' next social media move will be posting lion quotes to look like an alpha

This is going to end in a couple weeks with LeBron posting like an image of a lion that says 'lions don't concern themselves with the opinions of sheep.' His next post will be him in the gym just being like 'out here grinding, not worrying about Kyrie Irving.'

Paxton Lynch will excel in Mike McCoy's offensive system

I have the new offensive system guy. I saw this with Paxton Lynch. Mike McCoy is in Denver now. So Paxton Lynch, he's really going to excel because Mike McCoy will let him play out of the shotgun.

The Patriots might go undefeated this season

Can the Patriots go undefeated? Okay. A lot of people are saying that. Many people are saying that.

Ryan Tannehill will not be in the MVP conversation

Is this the year that Ryan Tannehill gets to the next level? He's not going to be in the MVP talk. I guarantee you that.

The Tennessee Titans are the 'Dark Horse' team that isn't actually a dark horse

I also have the dark horse team that's not a dark horse team because everyone says it's their dark horse team. The Tennessee Titans. It's the team that just missed the playoffs and has a ton of young talent.

J.J. Watt's extreme health and diet routines are a cover to hide that he uses steroids

J.J. Watt doing a new health thing just to make pretend he's non-steroids. So last year it was like nine avocados a day or whatever... he was like sleeping in that bed in the middle of the day during Hard Knocks.

Mike Vick's dog training experience will help him as an NFL coaching intern

There are actually probably some lessons from [Mike Vick's] dog training days that he could directly apply to training athletes. He's going to keep his young quarterbacks on a short leash until they're trustworthy.

Derrick Rose signing with the Cavs is sad and marks the end of his relevancy

Derrick Rose just signed with the Cavs... He's going to be LeBron's little sidekick. Is he going to be Robin? It's very sad how his career has turned out. $2.1 million to play with a guy that he absolutely despised when he was in Chicago.

If Derrick Rose stays healthy this season, the Cavaliers will win the NBA Championship

A lot of people are going to say, if Derrick Rose can stay healthy this year, then the Cavs are going to win. As a matter of fact, if there's anybody out there that's like a deadbeat dad in Cleveland... if Derrick Rose can play a full season... then I'll be your real dad.

Golf is in good hands with Jordan Spieth as the new face of the sport

Golf is officially on the cool throne because Jordan Spieth, he is now the new face of golf. I don't know if you guys have seen, but golf is in good hands now. We're out of the woods with the post-Tiger Woods era. Jordan Spieth's the guy.

David Ross is the face of baseball because of Dancing with the Stars

One guy that his retirement went so opposite of mine that it kind of annoys me now is David Ross... He was the face of baseball when it was the Dancing with the Stars. Buster Olney or Ken Rosenthal were saying he's the face of baseball because he's what most people would recognize.

Pitching inside is the safest way to attack Aaron Judge

With those guys, like the big guys like [Aaron Judge], I think keeping the ball inside is safer because if you throw it out over the middle, there's the chance to hit it right back up the middle right at you. So keeping it inside and hope they put it on the ground.

Pitching in high altitude causes sliders, curveballs, and sinkers to have significantly less movement

They break less. Sliders break less. You know, sinkers don't sink as much. The key when you pitch in Colorado... was minimizing walks... just less guys on base.

The Diamondbacks will defeat the Astros in the 2017 World Series

I'll say Diamondbacks versus Astros then... Diamondbacks [win].

Clayton Kershaw and Max Scherzer are the best pitchers in baseball

Him [Kershaw] and Scherzer are the best ones. [Kershaw] is the best pitcher in baseball. I'm worried about his back, though. This is the third year in a row he's gone on the DL for his back.

Once a pitcher hurts their back, they are screwed long-term

It's unfortunate. Once you hurt your back, you're screwed. Trust me. [Kershaw] tried to change his workout... and I don't think it helped.

Yu Darvish is the best trade target available among top pitchers

I would take Darvish. I like Darvish. He's got great stuff. I know the Dodgers and Cubs are looking at both those guys, but I mean, they're all really good, but I'm a big fan of Yu Darvish. I like his stuff. I know Verlander's got more... control, but I'm a big Darvish guy.

Watching football is more dangerous than playing football because of binge drinking

I would even submit that watching football is more dangerous than playing football because when you're watching football, you're binge drinking. You're around buddies. You're more likely to get into a fight. You're more likely to puke, pee on yourself. You get all sorts of diseases from that.

Lucky Whitehead will sign with the Patriots and win a Super Bowl

It's very clear that Lucky Whitehead's probably going to sign with the Patriots and win a Super Bowl ring. And we're all just going to be like, 'What the fuck?' I hope that happens.

There is nothing a woman can do to make a man happy after a football loss; he only needs a physical fight

I don't think that guys – there's really nothing that a girl can do to make a guy happy after his team loses a football game. The guy just needs to go out and get in a fight. So here's what you do. Just arrange a fight for him.

Malik Jackson claims the Jaguars will win the Super Bowl this year

Malik Jackson, Super Bowl champion Malik Jackson... two-time Super Bowl champion because he said earlier this week that he's going to win the Super Bowl this year with the Jaguars.

Kyrie Irving is requesting a trade to control his own destiny like LeBron James

I love it because [Kyrie Irving]'s basically pulling LeBron in LeBron's face. He's like, I want to control my own destiny just like you have. ... Kyrie's like, yeah, I don't want to stick around for you to leave next year and fuck me over.

Kyrie Irving is going to be traded to the Knicks for Kristaps Porzingis and Carmelo Anthony

Kyrie to the Knicks today. It's happening. ... Today, sometime this week, for [Kristaps Porzingis]. ... We are hearing that it could be for [Kristaps] and Melo.

LeBron James is going to break Cleveland's hearts by leaving again

It's really, though, I'm sorry, I just feel bad for the people of Cleveland because LeBron's just going to break their hearts again.

Kyrie Irving requesting a trade proves he is a 'beta' player

So Kyrie, not an alpha, right? ... Well, there you go. So that means he's not an alpha. Current beta. He's currently robbing LeBron James Batman. He's self-admitting that he's a beta. ... By asking for a trade, you're telling on yourself that you've been a beta for the last five years.

Telling a woman you've had a vasectomy is the ultimate pickup line

I can't think of a better pickup line, actually, than telling a woman, I'm physically incapable of getting you pregnant. ... That would get the panties dropped immediately. ... I might just lie and say I've got a vasectomy.

Ole Miss will return to sucking at football now that they can't cheat under Hugh Freeze

Hugh Freeze is out, and it looks like Ole Miss is going to have to start playing it above the board here. No more cheating. So they're going to suck at football again.

Visiting prostitutes should be an accepted and understood part of being a head coach in Mississippi

I'm of the mindset that if you're in Mississippi and you're a head coach, it should be understood that you will visit prostitutes. That should not be a fireable offense.

Conor McGregor is going to get 'killed' in a boxing match against Floyd Mayweather

[McGregor]'s going to get kicked. He's going to get killed. ... [McGregor] put his dumb ass in a position where he's going to get knocked out because [Mayweather]'s been doing this all his life.

I could take a full-strength punch from Floyd Mayweather without getting knocked out

Floyd Mayweather, he doesn't knock people out. He's got soft hands. ... [I] could take a full wind-up punch from Floyd Mayweather and not get knocked out.

Floyd Mayweather is a 'small little boy' and that's why the media glosses over his past

Hey, Floyd's a little boy. That's why. He's a small little boy. He's not this big heavyweight guy that everybody's afraid of. He doesn't come across as a woman neither because he's a little guy.

McGregor only stands a chance against Mayweather if he can kick and use knees

McGregor have to be able to kick. ... He has to be able to kick and use his knees. ... [Otherwise] he's not going to stand much of a chance.

Clayton Kershaw is 'hurt' but not 'injured' and will play through the pain

I'm going to go with hurt because he'll be back. He'll just ignore the pain. ... He has that special like lizard part of his brain that he can just activate where it just blocks all of his pain sensors and he can just get back in there.

The Seahawks locker room hates Russell Wilson

The Seahawks all hate Russell Wilson. ... It's the worst kept secret in football. If you go back two years ago when they were really, really good and people were saying that the Seahawks' defense doesn't respect him because he's not black enough, at that point you're like, okay, this is a really screwed up locker room.

Bunnies will not chew on power cords if they have an electric current

Bunnies won't chew on a cord if it has electric current going through it. Because they just know. ... Because they're just smart.

There are more wild camels in Australia than in the Middle East

There are more feral camels in Australia than the Middle East. ... In Dubai, they buy their camels from Australia. They import them.

Prisons are dangerous because inmates aren't allowed to masturbate

That's why our prisons are so dangerous, because there's a bunch of guys that can't crank it. They just got testosterone going out their eyeballs.

I disagree with firing an SEC coach for seeing an escort in Tampa

I disagree with firing an SEC coach for going to see an escort, though, especially if it's in Tampa. That's home of that situation. That's a boys be boys situation.

I used to think my testicles were made of Play-Doh and eating more would make them bigger

My number one, I used to think that your testicles were Play-Doh. So I thought if you just ate more Play-Doh, you'd have bigger balls. I used to eat Play-Doh. For sure. I mean, it's kind of like the Bruce Arians drinking paint there. You got to try all things if you want to have bigger balls.

If you eat tuna fish before you go swimming, you will drown

The old wives' tale, if you eat tuna fish before you go swimming, you'll drown. I really, really thought that. I used to think it, for some reason, specifically tuna fish... basically it was mixing, you know. It makes no sense. You consume a fish to get better at swimming.

Mark Trestman was a smart hiring choice for the Chicago Bears

I said that the Bears thought outside the box when hiring Mark Trestman, and it will pay big dividends as they have one of the smartest coaches in the NFL now.

I genuinely thought I was an elf for two years because of my pointy ears

When I was a kid I actually I thought I was an elf for a while. Because I had pointy ears, right? They're super pointy. It was the pointy ears... this is all inside my own head. And I never told anybody about it. And then like two years later, I was like, oh, thank God, I guess I'm not an elf.