Takes

Kyle Orton was a damn good quarterback and a hell of a backup

Damn, [Kyle Orton] was good... He's a hell of a backup, but I think there's a coverage that I know I could play with him that he didn't like.

I would crush Rex Ryan in a wrestling match because I am too big for him now

I'd crush [Rex Ryan]. I'm huge... We had some pretty good fights in the day, usually against other people. But I'd get him in a wrestling match. I'm too big for him now.

My go-to late-night coaching meal is two Double Quarter Pounders with extra cheese and jalapenos

I always got two [Double Quarter Pounders] with extra cheese and jalapenos, but I do that on my own ticket.

Oakland is currently the grittiest city in America

Oakland's pretty damn rough right now, so I'm going to go Oakland.

Ohio State is the toughest atmosphere in the Big Ten

I would probably say, I mean, I got to say Ohio State, you know, I mean, the great atmosphere, loud, you know, I mean, and obviously you're going to play against a good football team when you're there.

Les Miles is a unique person who truly doesn't care what anyone thinks of him

He's unique, I'll put it that way. He has a great personality. He's very personable, but he's going to do his own thing. The thing about Les [Miles] is he really doesn't care what people think of him. He's going to do what he wants to do.

There is not a better human being in the world than Brett Favre

Let me tell you, there's not a better human being [than Brett Favre]. I don't know if you guys have ever spent time with Brett.

Ndamukong Suh was a great guy to coach and is a very intelligent person

He was a great guy to coach. I mean, he worked hard every day. He's a great person, very intelligent... he plays with an edge.

Robert Griffin III would have been a better safety than Johnny Manziel

Between Robert Griffin, Johnny Manziel, who do you think would have made a better safety? [Bo Pelini]: Probably Robert Griffin.

The Mets should ban the media from reporting Matt Harvey's ERA

The Mets need to send out a release to all the press people saying, you're not allowed to cover our games. You're not getting a credential if you talk about what Matt Harvey's ERA is. So just put a moratorium on bad Matt Harvey talk.

Matt Harvey needs to start partying and doing cocaine to find his form

I also think he needs to party again. He used to be a party boy... I would say either get the Mets to basically make it a rule that no one can say anything bad about you or start doing a bunch of cocaine.

Steve Weatherford is the 'Rosa Parks' of heavy breathing at Planet Fitness

He's now taking a stand about people shaming heavy breathers... This is the Martin Luther King of breathing heavy in Planet Fitness is Steve Weatherford. Really standing up for some civil rights here. [PFT]: I'd say it's more Rosa Parks.

J.J. Watt's new logo looks like a cheap energy drink and a bad tattoo

J.J. Watt. Come on, man. He basically made a logo that looks like a cheap, crappy energy drink slash awful tattoo... symbolizing buildings getting taller because his work ethic... literally no one forgets [he was a walk-on] because JJ tells us every single fucking day.

Duff's is far better than Anchor Bar for wings in Buffalo

We unanimously decided that Duff's was far better than Anchor Bar. Anchor Bar had an unfortunate incident... but we unanimously decided that Duff's was far better.

Steph Curry is too fragile for the NBA and needs to add 30 pounds

The scouts were right. He's too fragile to play in the NBA. Needs to add another 20, 30 pounds to his frame this offseason.

The Thunder are the best team in the league when Durant and Westbrook click on the same night

When they [Durant and Westbrook] do that, you can't beat them... They, at some point, will click on the exact same night, and they're the best team in the league.

I hope Draymond Green doesn't get suspended for the nut kick because playoff basketball is better with fights and retaliation

The question is, is Draymond going to get suspended for that kick? Because it was a crane kick. It was a Karate Kid shot to the balls. And I hope he doesn't get suspended because I'd like to see some retaliation. That's when playoff basketball really takes off is when there's fights and retaliation.

LeBron James will eventually injure himself while flopping

He's going to flop at some point and do that extra thing that he does and, like, turn his ankle during the flop. And at that point, is it a flop anymore? It's going to be amazing.

LeBron James will dominate Game 4 against the Raptors and rip their hearts out

LeBron is going to come out in game four and he is going to rip the heart out of the Toronto Raptors... what he's going to do is he's going to step on their throats, and Drake is going to be crying at the bench... this is a LeBron James game, game four.

Kickers are severely disliked by real football players

I severely disliked them... as the 17th most hated person on the planet, I can't say I really hate anybody, but I severely dislike them. I would not invite them out for wings.

The 2016 Bills have a chance to make some noise under Rex Ryan

I think the continuity coming back under Rex, we got a lot of guys coming back on both sides of the ball. I think we got a chance to make some noise.

Dying as a champion racehorse is better than living as an old-timer in a pasture

I would say that that's more of a hurt [than an injury] because if you die a legend like that after winning a race, your legacy lives on longer than anybody else... You don't remember him as some old-timer getting jerked off in a pasture somewhere.

Horse racing is actually the most humane and best possible life for a horse

If these horses weren't racing, they would be obese and they would die much earlier of heart conditions and things like that. Or they'd be wild. They'd fight each other and kill each other. So horse racing is probably the best thing for a horse's life. [It is] most humane.

Anyone who supports robot umpires in baseball can go fuck themselves

Anyone who is like pro robots can go fuck themselves... The minute you start letting robots do these kind of tasks is what they're going to take over our lives... I don't need fucking umps telling me balls and strikes. There's some things you need to leave to humans.

Baseball should crowdsource balls and strikes via Twitter polls during games

You could crowdsource it... A pitch happens and then everybody responds on Twitter. Twitter poll. Strike or no? And then 51% carries the day and you get a strike or ball based on that. And then fans can't get mad at it because they only have themselves to blame.

Drake is a bad musician and generally sucks

Here's a hot take about Drake, but I truly believe this. Drake sucks. Drake is not good... There's nothing good about Drake... Old Drake, before he became a musician, was good [on Degrassi].

Johnny Manziel should get fat to regain public sympathy

Fat Johnny Manziel is actually a good way to get some sympathy back... You can't... It's just different when you're fat. People won't call him a scumbag as much... You're lovable when you're fat.

People are more lovable when they are fat, and losing weight makes the public hate you

People who are fat are better. When Seth Rogen lost weight, everybody hated him. When Jonah Hill lost weight, everybody hated him. When you eventually lose weight, [Big Cat], you're going to be public enemy number one.

Having four grown men taking Viagra together in an RV is a bad idea

We've decided that we're not going to all take Viagra because it's a really, really weird thing to have four dudes with, like, raging hard boners in an RV.

Viagra creates 'robotic' boners that feel like a lead pipe in your pants

I've heard they're robotic boners. I hear you have a lead pipe in your pants. I'm curious to see if it's something that happens.

Taking Viagra and going to Niagara Falls ('Viagra Falls') is a classic comedy gag

It seems like the perfect classic joke. You know, Niagara rhymes with Viagra... So we all take Viagra, we get on the boat, and then we see who the first person is to get rid of their boner without touching it, just like through the power of mental concentration and meditation... That is like a classic comedy gag right there.

Clevelanders just yuck it up, be sad, do weird shit, and puke on themselves

We're going to watch with the Clevelanders. We're going to yuck it up, be sad, do weird shit, puke on ourselves, do what Clevelanders do.

Youngstown, Ohio is likely the grittiest city in the world

Youngstown is like the grittiest city in the world, probably. Home of Boom Boom Mancini. Little known fact about Youngstown there for you.

Grit Week participants should only pack underwear and laptops, buying all other clothes daily from thrift stores

Since it's Grit Week, we got to go out there. We got to scrap. We got to hustle for everything that we earn. So every morning, we're going to go to a thrift store, buy our clothes for that day, depending on the weather.

Roger Goodell is guaranteed to be on the show because of Eric Winston

Eric Winston guaranteed that Roger Goodell is going to be on the show this week.

We should buy a shotgun for the van to survive the Indy 500 Coca-Cola lot

We need to figure that out because it might be worthwhile buying a shotgun for the van... [to deal with] bands of marauders going through there? Like Vikings?

Every single person in the state of Indiana takes Carb Day off to drink all day

Friday is Carb Day, which... they described to me. They said every single person in the state of Indiana takes a day off and comes and drinks all day.

There is no industry in Indiana important enough to keep people at work on the Friday before the Indy 500

That's like a normal Friday in Indiana, isn't it? Like what industry in Indiana that makes you come to work on Friday [of Carb Day]?

Grit has been co-opted and ruined by Harvard researchers and psychologists

I've seen over the past, like two years, the pussification of grit in America. Like grit has been co-opted by Harvard researchers, by doctors, by psychologists... It's people trying to teach grit. People who have like a silver spoon in their mouths, a doctor in front of their name, trying to tell me what it means to be gritty.

Buffalo, Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and Cincinnati are the backbones of America and the only places worth visiting on vacation

These are the places, these are the backbones of America... people will say hey when you go on vacation where do you go? Oh I go to California, I go to Florida, I go to Arizona. When we go on vacation, we go to Buffalo. We go to Cleveland. We go to Pittsburgh. We go to Cincinnati.

The Cavaliers are Kyrie Irving's team now

I'm going to go out on a limb and say the Cavaliers are Kyrie Irving's team now... Kyrie's awesome. He put up more shots, had more points. I think it's safe to say this is Kyrie Irving's team. And he is the missing ingredient that was not there last year in the finals.

The Raptors are a disgrace to basketball and to Canada

The Raptors are just a disgrace, disgrace to basketball, disgrace to Canada... I don't want to be in the Eastern Conference Finals if you get swept like this.

The Miami Heat-Toronto Raptors playoff series did not actually happen

This backs up my theory that the Miami Heat-Toronto Raptors series did not actually happen... I cannot imagine this Raptors team beating anybody in a seven-game series right now. I don't think that the last series happened. I think that it was just something that they sent the stats online and people saw what the final score of the game was.

The Cavaliers will sweep the Raptors

It's going to be a sweep. I don't think the Raptors can steal one in Toronto even.

There is a greater chance of America taking over Toronto than the Maple Leafs winning a Stanley Cup

I think that there's a greater chance of America, like slowly encroaching into Canada and taking their land away and taking Toronto, than there is like the Maple Leafs winning a Stanley Cup before that time.

Canadians actually hate Sidney Crosby

Canadians hate Sidney Crosby. That's actually a fact... Everyone hates Sidney Crosby. It was just decided upon, and that's how it is. He doesn't have a man card.

Nyquist is not a slam dunk to win the Preakness due to potential rain

There's a probability that it's going to be a hellaciously rainy day on Saturday. [Nyquist] has never run in conditions like that before... Whereas Exaggerator, the horse that he beat in the Derby... he won very impressively in conditions like that.

The horse Lani is a good play for third place in the Preakness

There is a horse that is going to be double digits that I think is set up to run pretty well here and is a good play for third behind the top two, and that would be the Japanese horse, Lani.

American Pharoah was more talented than Nyquist

American Pharoah was a brilliant kind of horse... American Pharoah [was] like a wild horse. Nyquist is sort of like the consummate professional... I think at this point, I would take American Pharoah. I think he has more overall talent than Nyquist.

Regular assault and battery laws could and should apply to baseball fights

Being on the field like that in a baseball game especially, I don't think in my mind that in a baseball game that this is something that you could say, well, they assume the risk. I think the regular rules of assaults and battery could and should apply in this situation.