Takes

The Ravens are the best preseason football team ever

Bet on the Ravens because Ravens are the best team to ever play preseason football. They're incredible.

We are banned from the Beacon Theater because of James Dolan

Part of my take was slated to do a live show in New York city at the beacon theater... I just got information that that date has been pulled from us because James Dolan owns the beacon theater. And we are the fucking bad boys of podcasting. We're banned from the beacon theater because of James Dolan.

The Denver airport was likely built by Nazis or the New World Order

Denver international airport airport built by Nazis, right? Well, it was built by the same person that or the same company that built the underground layer... There's a lot of, a lot of conspiracies about this place. There's miles of underground bunker... Something going on that doesn't add up.

The earth is 'rounded' like a vert ramp, not flat or circular

Everyone's been wrong cuz it's it's it's not flat or circular. It's rounded. Slightly angled. Yeah. It's like a, a tent that catches a little bit of wind underneath it.

A Twizzler can be used as a straw for drinking Coke

You know, what's the best part about Twizzlers? If you bite both ends, you can use it as straw. That's true... get a large Coke. Yeah. Longs, Twizzlers bite. Both ends use the Twizzler as a straw for the Coke.

I don't believe Chris Sale actually fell off a bicycle

I just don't believe it. I was gonna say like, gut, just going off my gut right now until I see video evidence. I think he was like playing basketball. I think it was something else. Yeah, no I do. I do not believe because Chris Sale... he just is the king of weird injuries. So I, I don't, I don't really buy it.

Colin Cowherd knows exactly who PMT is and is doing a bit by pretending not to

He is now going on seven years of the running gag of pretending he doesn't know who we are... he described me as a standup comedian, big guy, big physical presence. And I like, at this point I respect Cowherd for doing this because he is so committed to it... for him to pretend he doesn't know what the number one sports podcast is. I actually tip my cap. Like it's funny.

I was the first to report that Trevor Penning is a savage

There's this dude I've been watching since early college... Trevor Penning. I kind of feel like one of those guys, like I was following them when they're small. So now basically he just got kicked out of Saints camp for going too hard. He's an absolute animal... now everyone's on it... I was there when he was doing this. Just make sure the internet knows that Billy had it first.

Neutrogena has discontinued the face wash I have used my entire life

I'm pretty sure the face wash I've been using my whole life has been discontinued... probably like middle school. And I've gone to like five or six CVSs... Neutrogena website, sorry for the inconvenience we're sold out. On Amazon it's going for $70. I've transferred to Cetaphil.

The NFL rigged the first six games of the Browns' schedule for Deshaun Watson

Also NFL rigged: the first six games that they have are the easiest schedule in the league. We mentioned that on the schedule release, that the people were saying look at this, they're setting it up.

Corn is a fruit

Corn. Corn is a fruit. Can you guys believe that? An ear of corn is not technically a fruit. Instead, each kernel is a fruit. Exactly.

George Jetson was born on July 31st, 2022

My woe is on today... July 31st as we're taping it. This is the day that George Jetson was born on whoa. In the TV show The Jetsons. Whoa, whoa. That is whoa. And if you watch the Jetsons, we're like journeying throughout outer space, future conquering other solar... nothing's changed.

The Daily Show was the most dysfunctional place I have ever worked

The daily show was easily the most dysfunctional place I've worked because the network set it up the wrong way. They hired the executive producer first and then they didn't, they hired me second. And so it was very dysfunctional. I just ignored it and scored on the air and got out of there.

Wolverines are more closely related to seals and sea lions than they are to wolves

Wolverines are related to seals and sea lions closer than actual wolves.

Jeffrey Epstein was definitely a CIA asset running a honey pot operation

I'm fully, I have Alex Jones myself on, on the whole Epstein situation because I know if you, if you connect all the dots, the dude was working for the CIA. ... He cultivated all these different networks of people... befriending the most powerful people in the world got them in a honey pot operation... And he was working for the CIA as well on their payroll.

NBA players are often targeted on defense based on their appearance

When you look like the slow white guy, that's kinda like the, the worst is when someone's like pointing at you and the other guy runs up and the guy's like, no, no, no him. And if you're on the other end of that, it's it sucks.

Icing injuries is actually bad for recovery

Turns out ice is bad. I'm actually going to write a blog on that. There's tons of ice and cold is terrible for healing. It shuts down your inflammatory response, which actually is healing... ice is bad for like muscle gaining and like cold plunges are kind of good, but it's not you.

Squids have the largest eyeballs in the animal kingdom

Squids had the largest eyeball in the animal kingdom. Bigger than elephants. Oh yeah. I guess that would make sense. Right? There's just giant squid. ... Colossal squid. He's right. Damnit he's right.

I was the last person to talk to Dale Earnhardt before his fatal crash at the 2001 Daytona 500

Dale Earnhardt came up to me and he goes, 'I just have to say, you've brought me and my daughter so much closer, your show.' ... Other than his crew chief essentially, I was the last person to talk to him.

The story about Zach Wilson sleeping with his mother's friend is a lie

The reason why it was never clarified is because it's a lie. It was said by a [Sod] lover... They just threw out that slander. Homey hopper. Exactly. I think that Zach is an outstanding man on and off the field.

Jack Nicklaus' name is actually pronounced 'Jack Naus'

First thing, Jack Nicklaus is pronounced Jack Naus... I think that those clips were the original way they pronounced his name and just over time it's been butchered.

60% of bank robberies go unsolved

My theory about bank robbers is I think you get away with robbing banks way more than we're told... I think like 60% of bank robberies go unsolved. It's a great business model.

I can reach 90 hot dogs in 10 minutes if someone pushes me

The best way for me to get to 90 hot dogs would be somebody else eating 88... that's how you make some gains... the most I've ever eaten in in 10 minute practice is 82.

Thai food is prevalent in America because of a soft power directive by the Thai government

Thai food is only prevalent in America because of a directive by the Thai government... in the early nineties [they] wanted to spread Thai culture as a form of soft power. And so there's Thai food all over completely disproportionate to the amount of Thai people in the United States.

The US government stores 1.4 billion pounds of surplus cheese in caves in Missouri

There are just caves in America with cheese in them... 1.4 billion pounds of cheese... Springfield, Missouri... deep and converted Limestone mines caves kept perfectly at 36 degrees Fahrenheit store stockpiles... hundreds of feet below the ground.

The term 'glow up' was created by Chief Keef

The term glow up, came from Chief Keef when he was like 16 [with] Glo Gang and his friends... he created that, but now it's like a very mainstream term.

The lighter was invented before the match

The lighter was invented before the match... that's crazy... it'd be like, let's make this worse [with the match].

PFT is the ultimate winner of the campaign after outlasting everyone

I'd like to just, I'd like to piss all over everybody... Everyone and there are some people making, saving, throws. They may live or die... but they're getting pissed on no matter what. And that is where we would finish up our game for today then.

I am the Neil Armstrong of Pac-Man

What's absolutely gorgeous about [the perfect Pac-Man score] is other people can do it. Friends can play, we can learn. We can teach. We can have fun. They can do it. But they're simply repeating what I already did. Right. There's only one man who stepped on the moon first... so it's fun being Neil Armstrong.

The Deshaun Watson suspension could have been more but probably couldn't have been less

Put that on a quote board. Pardon My Take's official statement. It could have been more. Probably couldn't have been less. That's our take on the Deshaun Watson suspension.

I am ready and training for Year 10 in the NFL

I'm always feeling it. I think right now it's work as hard as fucking possible... training every day, that's staying in shape, that's eating enough meat... the boys always going to be ready.

The 'Drive to Survive' series fakes rivalries and misrepresents F1 driver personalities

I think there were a few things yeah where I was not really happy with. And especially, you know, faking rivalries between drivers. That to me is a tough one because of course it did wonders in America. But also I think sometimes they portray a few drivers differently to how they actually are. And then of course the people who are new to F1 think, oh, this guy is a bit of a Dick or whatever. Which in real life is not.

The Colorado Avalanche were one of the most dominant Cup winners in history

The avalanche incredible team, like an absolute wagon of a team... they went 16 and four in the playoffs. They had, they had a four game sweep [of the Predators]... the Oilers [sweep]... 4-2 against the lightning. They, if you combine it all and he'd take out overtime losses and the regular season, they had, they won a 78% clip, which is insane. It's pretty like dad is just, thrills are just awesome. Awesome hockey team that deserves to win the cup.

MLB has been secretly switching to more 'lively' baseballs during specific games

I think they've like secretly been like switching in some good balls. Cause certain games, like on certain times, I don't want to say anything specific, but Or a lot of hard hit balls and they're going out of the park... off your bat... sometimes like there's balls that we hit and we're like, oh, that's gone. And then next thing you know, it's caught.

Zach Wilson is looking extra crispy in Jets training camp

Cool throne, Zach Wilson has been having great training camp. He went for nine 11 on 11 drills. So we're saying that he's looking extra crispy in camp. It's a pretty serious.

The Squatty Potty is the medically superior way to defecate because of human evolution

I got it, bro. I got it. Okay. This is not a plug, but a Squatty potty... We sit regular, right? And that messes up our bowel movements. Right? So if he's leaning for a while... it could be coming out the wrong angle, but the Squatty potty lifts your knees to your chest. And the angles is downward. That's how we evolved to actually defecate.

Late-night TV news commercials for products like CarShield are frauds

When I see them up there, those products are fraud... I mean, they wouldn't be advertising there if they weren't a fraud. I have an occasional check with the FTC site and the Better Business Bureau to see various of these companies have all sorts of consumer complaints against them. And what a shock!

Brooks Koepka is just messing with everyone and won't join LIV

Brooks, he did the eyeballs emojis. It actually was a good test run for us just in case any of our friends do joined the live tour because the part of my take group chat Brooks was fucking with everyone. He's not joining the live tour.

Scousers never tap out in a fight

Bitches. Scousers don't tap... I'm like a fucking salmon going upstream. [I blacked out] and I look up [at] me coach and I staff coming rounds. And I go, I didn't get the top. I didn't stop. I didn't stop. I promise you it didn't stop.

Red Bull is cheating in Formula 1

I've found my perfect niche niches that I don't watch any second of the race. And then just say someone cheated after. Cause it was great. It was like, I didn't watch a second a Monaco. And then I was like red bull cheats.

The Warriors would have made eight straight NBA Finals if not for injuries

I'm willing to make a giant excuse for the Warriors for the two out of the eight years that they did not make the finals. It's all because of injuries. Like the Warriors should have been in the finals eight years in a row.

Tom Brady's drone-shot hole-in-one video is definitely fake

Tom Brady posted a video... it looks like he hits like a whatever 200 yard hole-in-one. And I saw it and was like, holy shit, this is the greatest shot of all time... and then I watched it a couple more times. It was like, this is clearly the most fake video of all time.

Every Super Bowl-winning team has an elite tight end

If you look at like the last or ever, how many Superbowl winning teams, every team has had like a really, really talented Titan on their team.

The standards for tight end production have shifted significantly

When I first came in the league, if you want to be a top 10 tight end in the league, if you had five, 600 yards, you would be in the top 10. Now you get five, 600 yards... you're an afterthought.

Ndamukong Suh was the most dominant defensive player I've ever coached

For that about the last half of his senior year, [Ndamukong] Suh was probably, he was as dominant as you could possibly be.

The Preakness is historically a better race for fillies than the other Triple Crown races

I do think that the Preakness is usually a better race for fillies. We haven't had a Kentucky Derby, a Philly that's won the Kentucky Derby since winning colors in 1988... But we saw Rachel Alexandra, for example, beat the boys in the Preakness. I think that was 2009, very impressively.

Jack Nicklaus' name is pronounced Jack 'Nick-Klaus' because of his German ancestry

Jack Nicklaus [pronounced Nick-Klaus like Santa Claus]... He rejected a hundred million dollars to not go to the Saudi golf league... I've only read his name. I only know... because I always watch golf on mute... Nikolaos. Changed it to make it [more American].

I invented the sports podcast in 2011

I invented a sports podcast with John Wood, spider and a henchman in 2011. Did I ever know that it was going to turn into everybody having a podcast? And I left mine go... I feel like little Richard, I invented [the podcast].

Caucasians have only been on the planet for 6,000 years and were originally cave dwellers

Black people have been on the planet for 16,000 years. They say the Caucasian has only been on the planet for 6,000 years... light hair, light color, skin, light eyes, obviously a cave dweller. And it's because you had to come from you couldn't deal with the sun, your nose was elongated because it was cold.

A bone bruise stings at first but then you are fine because bones don't move

Yeah, no, like a bone bruise. Just like stings at first. ... And then it's like, it's a bone, so it doesn't really move. So it's like not really sore. So just to go with it. ... bones move, but muscles are moving the bone, the bone doesn't actually move