Takes

The NFL shouldn't punish Jim Harbaugh for NCAA violations at Michigan

It makes no sense though, to punish somebody at a new job for something they did at their old job. [The NFL shouldn't punish Jim Harbaugh for NCAA violations].

Guardian caps are doing more harm than good and encouraging players to swing helmets in fights

I think the Guardian scrum caps are actually doing more harm than good. Yeah. I think they're, their players are ripping them off and they're like, oh, it's not that hard of a helmet. I can swing it at a guy's head now. It's like a pillow fight. It's encouraging bad behavior.

McDonald's French fries are definitively yellow

McDonald's French fries are yellow. If you were to give a little kid an outline of French fries and told him to color it, they would get the yellow crayon to color it. Thank you, Hank.

Punting on 4th and 14 against the Lions in the 2023 playoffs was a mistake

I look at it and I'm being dead ass serious about this too. Some of the red zone sequencing... But that stings and and I'll tell you why. And I'm not afraid to admit I would do that differently. I would've called probably the sequence leading up to that differently. Whether it works out or goes down the way we want, I don't know. But I think to take the ball outta Matthew [Stafford's] hands and to then sit there... shame on me for that.

The 'fake punt punt' is a legitimate trick play that would confuse opposing coaches

I just want to be able to call one play... Ready for this play? Fake punt. Punt. You snapped the ball to the fullback or someone standing about five yards behind the center. And then he lateral punts or then he punts... No one expects the fake punt. Punt. Because they say, oh, fake punt. Then he punts. It will fuck everyone up. Sometimes you gotta fuck people up.

The Chiefs will win over 11.5 games this season

I picked a little team called the Kansas City Chiefs to win over 11 and a half games. He got a good young quarterback I like and a tight end. Jason [Kelce's] brother played tight end and he's pretty good.

The Saints will win over 7.5 games this season

I had the Saints over seven and a half. I think they're not as bad as people think they are.

Caleb Williams having a fat ass is good for his power as a quarterback

Caleb Williams has aura. He's also got a fucking fat ass, which is good because that's the power to drive the football down the field. I want my quarterback to have a big ass drives the ball.

Everyone outside of Chicago is hoping and wishing that Caleb Williams is a monumental bust

Everyone outside of Chicago is saying the [Caleb Williams] gonna be a monumental bust... A lot of people are hoping for Caleb Williams to be a bust and wishing for Caleb Williams to be a bust, including Hank.

Nick Saban does not have a great track record for developing quarterbacks

Nick Saban not a great track record when developing quarterbacks. He's not a QB whisperer. They were just like showing Nick Saban as like this wise, like tell all Coach, which he is. But if you were to say one thing about Nick Saban it, that he is not like a quarterback whisperer.

Using Peyton Manning's bad rookie year to justify other rookie QBs struggling is dumb logic

To see Nick Saban use that same dumb logic was awesome. Every single person has been using that since Peyton Manning being like, if you a rookie sucks. You're like, well, Peyton Manning sucked.

Brandon Aiyuk does not want to come to the Patriots

Brandon Aiyuk rumors were were hustling and bustling... a report came out today, which isn't official that it's gonna happen with the Steelers. I think it means he doesn't want to come [to the Patriots].

You shouldn't stop printing money; you should print even more to solve inflation

You gotta go through the wall. So like when you're like, oh we printed so much money that it doesn't like it's not worth anything. That's when you print even more money. Right. You can't quit printing money. You gotta be committed to printing the money.

Stadiums only release 'epic' food items to get social media impressions, not because people actually eat them

I'm convinced that teams do this just to get impressions on social media. I don't think that many people actually order them, but they're looking for the next like epic meal that is sold at a stadium. Right? And so they released a candy, was it cotton candy stuffed burrito where it was like just filling... and nobody's actually gonna eat that. Right? No one's gonna order it.

The 2024 USA Basketball team would smoke the 1992 Dream Team

Modern game. More shooting. Like if it was if you literally just took them in a time machine and dropped them in 2024. The 2024 team would smoke them.

Noah Lyles has every right to brag about being the fastest man on Earth after winning Olympic gold

She had a take, can you really brag about being the fastest person on earth if you win a race by 0.005 seconds?... I think [Noah Lyles] can if you win the gold medal.

Following porn stars at 8 AM is way too early to be that horny

[Kyle Kuzma] waking up this morning... Kyle Kuzma is now following Ms. Thick Overload... that's a brutal one though... that's also way too early in the morning to be that horny... 8:00 AM to be following Ms. Thick Overload.

Lauri Markkanen is not worth $200 million

They just gave Lauri Markkanen a five year, 200 plus million dollar contract... He's not worth that much money. I'd pay him 35 [million].

Dealing with Hank in the morning is tougher than childbirth

Dealing with Hank when he wakes up in the morning. That's very tough. Yeah. Probably tougher than childbirth. If you actually have to do it. Like if childbirth verse, like if you're like, Hey, every day you have to just wake up Hank, I'd take childbirth.

Mick Foley (Mankind) is the toughest person ever

I'm gonna go with Mankind, Mick Foley, toughest dude ever fucking going. When he got slammed on a bed of tacks from Undertaker from the top of the Hell in a Cell... he is literally the toughest.

Bernie Madoff was weirdly tough for living with the mental burden of his fraud for years

Bernie Madoff. Weirdly tough. Having to live with just the fact that you're a complete fraud and it's gonna be found out one day. Mentally. He's gotta be tough.

Raider DNA is genetic and cannot be converted to

It's genetic. So you have it. It's either you got it or you don't. You what I mean's no Raiders conversion... sometimes I know we're in California right now, so you can Very Hollywood around. I was waiting for your blink. I saw a little twitching in the eyebrow [at the hosts].

The 2007 Patriots were likely the best team of all time despite their Super Bowl loss

Man, listen, we just went toe to toe with probably the best team of all time. And I still think probably the best team of all time, regardless that they didn't win the Super Bowl.

The Raiders are going to win a lot of games this season

We're win a lot of games. A lot of games. A lot of grit.

The Jaguar statue's fangs work like a crab trap, which is why my head got stuck in it

I explained it like a crab trap where like you can push your ears backwards... but then it gets caught. Can't go forward. And so that was like the simplicity of it. But everyone... was like, how is that even possible?

You only need grit when you are competing, not 24/7

I think it's all about where you are... If you are between the lines in the Galen Center, you gotta have grit, you know, and then maybe tonight at the Manhattan Beach Pier, you don't really need the grit know. And so it's a, it's all about your environment and where you're at at the time. You know, but you don't need grit 24 7. Right. You just need it when you're competing.

A basketball roster needs exactly three moxie guys and the rest grit guys to win

I don't think you can have a lot of moxie guys. Okay. So I would say moxie guys three. Okay. Right. And the rest grit. Yeah. And then you're gonna win. I think that's right because If you have too many moxie guys. Everyone, there's only one ball.

The Bengals at 13 to 1 are the best value on the Super Bowl odds board

Super Bowl odds. Bengals 13 to one. That's what jumps out. Ooh, I like it. That's what jumps out.

The Chargers' new training facility is worth at least five wins per season

Chargers training camp was awesome today... I think that building is worth five wins at least just on building alone for the Chargers.

Noah Lyles' 100m gold medal win officially puts him on the Mount Rushmore of track and field

Noah Lyles... won the 100 meters... I'm envisioning myself returning home as a gold medalist and that puts me on Mount Rushmore.

Djokovic is the undisputed GOAT of tennis after winning Olympic gold

Djokovic is the goat. One gold big deal. On Clay beating Nadal. Beat, beat the whole country of Spain.

The 4x100m relay is the one Olympic event Team USA should always dominate

I feel like for as long as I've been an adult person watching the Olympics, we always dominate the four by 100... that's our thing, that we should dominate that. It's sad to see [the loss].

Any NFL Top 100 list that doesn't have Patrick Mahomes at number one is insane

Tyreek Hill was named number one NFL player... And Patrick Mahomes is number four... I don't understand this list... You can't have a top 100 list of NFL players and not have Patrick Mahomes number one. Correct. Right now Mahomes should be number one.

NFL fans will hate the new kickoff rule at first simply because it is new

My prediction for this NFL season, I think people are gonna really hate the kickoff. 'cause we hate new things until like, we just get used to it and then we're like, oh, it's fine. It's basically the same.

Team USA failing to medal in 3x3 basketball is a national disgrace

Our three on three basketball team got eliminated. Didn't medal... Disgraceful so bad... I don't even know. How the fuck is this possible? Also, why don't we just send our, why isn't Jalen Brown in three and three?

John Gruden is secretly advising the Chiefs and is effectively on their coaching staff

John Gruden was at Chiefs practice today... he was wearing a Chiefs uniform and he was advising Chiefs coaches. Whoa. So I think John Gruden might be secretly on the Chiefs' coaching staff now. He's like Mid-hat right now with the Chiefs.

The 2024 White Sox are a historically bad anomaly, matching a dentist-managed team from WWII

The Chicago White Sox who are on a 20 game losing streak... If you just erased their 14 game losing streak and their 20 game losing streak, they would still have the worst winning percentage in baseball... Only two managers in baseball history have... a winning percentage under .333: Pedro Grifol and a guy named Dr. James Prothro, who was a licensed dentist, who managed the Phillies during World War II.

The Sherrone Moore NCAA text deletion scandal won't be a big deal in a week

He [Sherrone Moore] deleted a couple text messages in regard to Connor Stalions and his possible knowledge on the situation... 52 text messages... I don't think anyone's gonna talk about this in a week from now.

Nothing makes you feel more like a man than winning an away game in terrible weather

To overcome an opponent, overcome them in their stadium and to overcome them in their stadium with the elements, then I would say Yeah. There's nothing that would make you feel more like a man than that.

Joe Hortiz is the best talent evaluator in football

Joe Hortiz, my brother said, I would love Joe... He undersold it, he undersold it. I, I, I, he's the one of the best evaluators in the game. I don't think there's anybody better after going through this off season in draft with Joe Hortiz.

I admit I was dead wrong about chickens being a nervous bird that shouldn't be eaten

Getting chickens? Raising chickens from chicks... I was eating a chicken something... and he [Brian Jennings] goes, yeah, he really shouldn't eat chicken. And then he, he, he was the one who explained to me that chicken chickens were a nervous bird... I maintained that... I went back. I was wrong. We're good. I was wrong. I, I think I, I was dead wrong.

Attacking each day with enthusiasm unknown to mankind is the 'SpongeBob' way of life

When you talk about attacking each day with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. Yeah, that's SpongeBob. And it's unknown to mankind, you know? It's not of mankind. It's sponge.

Success in the NFL is 100% about having the best players; coaching is secondary

It's only because you have good players. I mean, there is no good coaches with bad players. I mean, it's all about the players... you gotta coach 'em better, or you gotta [acquire] better players... you can't be a good coach without great players.

My plan is still to coach football and then die

All you cared about was, I wanna play football for as long as I can play football, then coach football, then die. Has there been any change in that? [Harbaugh:] No. Still on track. Still on track. God willing and the, and the creek don't rises. You know, we're, we're on track. That's it.

I wish I were still young enough to have wet dreams because they were like awesome virtual reality

Having a wet dream... I wish those rocked. It was basically virtual reality and it was awesome. But you can't do it anymore... I haven't had a wet dream since I was 12 years old.

It is unpatriotic to take the under on the NFL Hall of Fame game

So great to hear the music. So great to bet the over, which I'm probably gonna lose, but I'm gonna take it anyways because it's unpatriotic to take the under on the Hall of Fame game.

Roger Goodell's push for guardian caps is a calculated move to blame players for safety issues later when the league pushes for a 19-game season

I think Roger Goodell was like, tell you what, in the effort of player safety, I will allow you to wear a giant helmet that makes you look like a clown. And no one's gonna do it. And then Roger Goodell could be like, oh, I gave them the option of wearing the big red clown nose on their face. But they chose not to do it. I guess they don't care about player safety. Let's do 19 games.

Jordan Love deserves every dollar of the massive contract extension he received from the Packers

Jordan Love got paid and he made a lot of money and Tua got paid. He made a lot of money... [Jordan Love] deserves every dollar that he got.

Jim Harbaugh is going to win with the Chargers because winning is all he does

Jim Harbaugh, he's gonna win. That's all he does. He wins everywhere he goes. He's gonna figure out a way to win.

Joel Embiid is still a top three player on Team USA

He's still the top three player on this team. Steve Kerr has said that himself. Sometimes there's matchup things and guys who don't know Ball are going to try and criticize Joelle Embiid... he's gonna drop 30 against Puerto Rico.