Takes

Tiki Barber is a loser for calling Saquon Barkley 'dead' to him for joining the Eagles

Tiki Barber, you're a loser dude. Dead to me. You are a loser. Some people, particularly radio personalities who will remain nameless, criticize [Tiki] for having a vision or a dream. Also, Tiki Barber... when we talks about like loyalty, you're not the guy to talk about loyalty. That was a crazy reaction by him.

NFL owners should pay for their own stadiums without public tax money

I think billionaires should pay for their own fucking stadiums. Agreed. That's a spicy take. I know. Bleep that out. Please.

Indiana State deserves an at-large bid over high-major bubble teams

Josh Schertz at Indiana State... you're better than all these other high majors that are just like decent to okay that are gonna get in because of their schedule. I wanna see Indiana State get to the dance. I'm all in on a two-bid Missouri Valley conference.

Men should never cry after losing a football game

I just don't think you should ever cry after losing a football game. If there was a death in the family or something that week, I apologize, but if there was not, you were crying over the football game... bad luck. There's no way you cry after a loss.

LeBron James isn't that special because he merely lived up to the expectations we set

LeBron's actually not that special because we kind of called it... he just kind of lived up to his expectations. He was the chosen one. He didn't do anything that we didn't predict. We were right, man.

70% of big men in the NBA do not actually love basketball

50% of the NBA are guys that don't love basketball... Let's raise that number to 70 then for the big guys. 70% of the big guys... it's forced upon you because you're seven feet. Something wrong happened in your life [if you didn't play basketball at that height].

Anthony Edwards missing the tip-off is a sign the Timberwolves aren't ready to win a title

Anthony Edwards lost track of time and he missed the tipoff of the Timberwolves game... This is the kind of thing that you point to when it's like, yeah, the Timberwolves are good, but your star player lost track of time.

An NFL GM should draft Joe Milton #1 overall just for his arm strength

Joe Milton's a franchise quarterback. Yeah. Is that fucking throw is so awesome. I said if I'm a gm I'm drafting this guy One one overall. And that's the thing with Joe Milton is like, you will fall. All you need to know about Joe Milton and the most impressive tape out there besides this one pass that he had today, which was like 75 yards, half a step into it. ... This man can throw fruit farther than anybody else that's ever lived. Give me that guy.

Tyler Owens is pretending to not believe in space to get a free rocket ride from NASA

I actually think it, it's not a bad thing to say that you don't believe in space. You don't believe in, in the round earth theory, if you want to get a free ride on a Rocket ship, because there's always one guy where NASA's like, yeah, fuck you. We'll show you. Yeah. We'll take you up to space and you can get a look at it. Like, yeah, you know what, I, I also believe that space is fake. NASA prove help, help me prove myself wrong.

Sydney Sweeney is bringing back the era of 'tits' over 'asses'

My who's back of the week is Sydney Sweeney. She was on SNL. ... People are saying, is Sidney Sweeney bringing back tits? Well, there's been don don't know. What would you say? A decade run where asses have been number one. ... We might look back in history and be like, when did Tits come back? Sidney Sweeney.

The 2024 Masters will have an asterisk because Taylor Gooch wasn't invited

Brooks' teammate on Smash Taylor Gooch was interviewed... and he said he's going to be an asterisk. It's just a reality. Taylor Gooch will always remember as the masters that didn't have Taylor Gooch.

Big Dom's suspension is the definitive reason why the Eagles' season fell apart

The report is essentially that Big Dom was a lot more than just a security guard. He was essentially Nick Sirianni's emotional support animal. And when he got suspended from the sideline, Nick Sirianni spiraled outta control was fighting with players. And Big Dom is the reason why their season fell apart. And I 100% believe it.

Big Dom is the most important person in the Philadelphia Eagles organization

Big Dom is the most important person in the Philadelphia Eagles organization. I think we can all agree on that. He's a leader of men. Big Dom is a leader of men.

MLB's transparent pants are a clever way for the league to stay relevant

This was smart by the MLB. 'Cause we're talking about him. Way to stay relevant baseball. Just make some shitty uniforms that have everyone's balls showing.

The NBA All-Star game should be changed to a 'White vs. Black' format

What about the Rashard Mendenhall rules? What if we make the All-Star game white versus black. So who's the white starting five? Luca [Dončić], Jokic, Caruso, Kristaps [Porzingis] and Grayson Allen. I'd put that five up against [everyone else].

Mac McClung should be ineligible for the NBA Dunk Contest because he is in the G-League

Mac McClung should be ineligible because he is not in the [NBA]... That is the NBA dunk contest, not the G League dunk contest. If you're going to do that, just bring people off the street.

Randy Moss is not a top 10 Patriot of all time

Randy Moss also, it's crazy to say, but like, I don't know that he's a top 10 patriot of all time. [Because he] didn't win a ring.

Brock Purdy played the quarterback position better than anyone else this year

If you just look at Brock Purdy stats from the regular season, you'd say he was the best quarterback in the NFL this year. Lamar was the MVP, Brock Purdy played the quarterback position better than anybody in the NFL. He's a creator. He creates plays for them, not just with ball placement, but with his legs.

It's a failure if the Chiefs don't win three Super Bowls in a row

I would actually go as far as to say if they don't get three in a row, it's a failure.

If you are a streaker and you aren't nude, you're not a streaker

If you're a streaker and you're not nude, you're not a streaker. You are an enemy combatant... If you just interrupt the game and you're wearing pants, you're not a streaker. That's stolen valor.

Many quarterbacks in the NFL are 'bitches' who cry to the refs when hit

[Patrick Mahomes] is not a bitch. He's gonna keep coming back. He's gonna keep playing... [Big Cat: What quarterback is a bitch?] I won't name any names, but there's more than one. There's a lot of them that cry. Yeah. It is what it is.

Taylor Swift should have dated someone on the Panthers to learn that life isn't that easy

I don't wanna say anything negative about Taylor Swift, but that that just, it it, it's unfair that Taylor Swift was basically introduced to the NFL this year. And she's already in the Super Bowl... she should have dated someone on like the Panthers. Yeah. Go to Bank of America Stadium Week 16. That's a fact. I wanna see David Tepper pouring a drink on her.

Drake leaked his own explicit video as a flex

Drake international superstar. He was jacking off and the video came out. I actually think my conspiracy theory brain tells me that Drake leaked this himself because it's a good angle... he's got a big dick and he's got a big dick. Yeah. So if anything it like my respect for Drake increased today.

Indiana is scared to play Indiana State in basketball

Do you know that Indiana state, Indiana doesn't play Indiana state because they just embarrassed him every time they play him. Indiana State, I think last time they played 'em was like 2017 and they won by like 20. Damn. So Indiana's just scared of 'em.

Florida wide receivers have a better work ethic than receivers from other states

Florida wide receivers are probably the most one. ... I believe that Florida receivers have an entire different work ethic and grind than receivers from other places. ... They're working on their feet. Like what you looking for? They got ta ta they got some of this, they got some of that. But you know, I feel like all of them, you know, they need to get a psychiatrist and, and just, and just share with them some of the things that they went through.

Lamar Jackson should get fat because natural padding helps quarterbacks absorb hits

I think it's good if your quarterback's a little bit chunky, a little bit fat. Yeah. You get it's natural padding. It absorbs some of the hits. Peyton Manning, Tom Brady. These guys weren't in the best shape... Lamar Jackson should get fat.

The NFL is 'fixed' and a 'psyop' to ensure the Chiefs reach the Super Bowl for Taylor Swift market share

This is the most psyop, most fucking fixed shit of all time... the NFL had a lot of fucking money to make from a purely market share standpoint. Like we [the Ravens] would've cost the NFL so much money... Roger Goodell, you're a fucking joke. They get fucking little girls to buy Stanley Cup fucking Chiefs gear. Now we got fucking Travis Kelce on Stanley Cups in third grade.

US elite athletes and quarterbacks would dominate Olympic Handball with minimal training

I believe it even more [that we would win gold]. Josh Allen could be the best handball player in the world right now... Imagine trying to stop Lamar. You could just take quarterbacks and they would win a gold medal. I think like two weeks of training.

Brock Purdy is a top five quarterback in the NFL

[Option for spicy take: top five or worst?] I'm going top five. 'cause I mean, I saw something the other day that said, you know, he was leading the league in yards per attempt, passing efficiency... Patrick Mahomes, right? So don't forget about what Brock Purdy did all year... those three scrambles he made in the second half... that turned the tide of the game.

The Lamar vs. Mahomes matchup mirrored the Fields vs. Williams debate

Was it just watching the Justin Fields vs. Caleb Williams debate play out in real time? Like one guy can make all the passes. One guy can—he's a good passer, but when the things get tight, windows get tight, moments get tight, the passes aren't exactly precise.

Bill Belichick to the Buffalo Bills would be a perfect fit

Now it does feel like Belichick is gonna go to the Falcons, but Rex Ryan threw something out yesterday that I kind of, I don't hate Belichick to the bills... think of the puns... it actually makes sense. I think it may for a team that wants to win... if I'm Belichick I would, I would put feelers out there and be like, if, if you gimme a call, I will answer the phone.

Steph Curry belongs in the NBA GOAT conversation

I put Steph Curry up there. He's in the Go-cart. I'm putting Steph Curry in the GOAT conversation right now.

David Tepper should sue the S2 cognition test people for ruining his operation

I think that David Tepper should sue the S2 people because I am studying for the bar exam and you have to prove that you have financial damages and liability. David Tepper could very easily be like, 'You fucked over my entire operation.'

Chase Young's lack of production is glaringly obvious and disappointing

Chase Young stinks... he looks so intimidated. He looks like such a good football player that when he doesn't put up any stats, you're like, 'what's going on with this guy?' ... He leads the league in tackling non-ball carriers.

Patrick Mahomes might be the best quarterback to ever play

He might be the best quarterback to ever play. He's on pace to be. Fact or fiction, Hank? ... He's on pace.

The over in the Packers vs. 49ers game is my nuclear missile whale play

I also love the over in this game, it's my nuclear missile whale play.

The Cowboys should extend both Dak Prescott and Mike McCarthy

I still think with the, you know, benefit of hindsight, another day to think about it. You gotta extend both Dak Prescott and Mike McCarthy. Yeah, I think listen, you won 13 games, right? ... sometimes stability is your best stability.

C.J. Stroud needs to win at least three Super Bowls or his career will be a disappointment

I think now it's our responsibility as media figures to set some unrealistic expectations. ... How many Super Bowls can he win in order for his career to not be a disappointment? ... You gotta get three or else you suck or else this or else you should have been bad from the get go. But you were so good at the start. Now you have to get three Super Bowls.

If Alabama hires Dabo Swinney, I will set myself on fire on the 50-yard line

If it's Dabo Swinney, I'm pulling gasoline on my cell and setting myself on fire on the 50 yard line. You can guarantee it. If it's Dabo Swinney, I'm pulling my arm off and taking that contract fracture and beating the hell out of myself. No damn Dabo!

College football is ultimately about who is the best at cheating

I also think this proves that cheaters win, like in the, in the long term, everybody cheats. All right. This is not just Michigan. Every school, every major school in the country, they cheat in certain ways... college football is about who is the best at cheating. And Michigan was really fucking good at cheating.

Cutter Gauthier is a 'pussy' for refusing to play for the Flyers

That guy's a cutter's a pussy. That's a, that's a fact. Because... he told Philly that he wanted to play for Philly and then change his mind two months later.

Only four NFL teams would say no to trading their QB for CJ Stroud right now

How many teams would say no if they asked if you called him up and was like, CJ Stroud for your quarterback? The Bills. The Chiefs. I think it's four. I think it's the Bengals and the Ravens. I think that's it. I think every other team would probably say yes. Especially given his contract.

The Eagles are legitimately the worst team in football right now

The team's bad football team right now. I don't care what they were doing at the first 11 games... They're legitimately the worst team in football right now.

Coming back from playing for the New York Jets is more impressive than coming back from the dead

Coming back from playing for the New York Jets is more impressive than coming back from the dead [than DeMar Hamlin]. And then taking the Cleveland Browns to the Playoffs. He's basically the next Jesus.

Michael Penix Jr. should be the first quarterback taken in the NFL Draft

Michael Penix [Jr.] should be the first quarterback taking the draft. Michael Penix is so fucking... He was good. Tonight, this might be the best college football performance from a quarterback I've seen in a very long time.

The Chicago Bears are building a winner identical to the 2022 Detroit Lions

The Bears are building something. I don't care what people say. I know people are gonna trash me. The Bears are building something. They're basically identical to what the Lions did last year and the fact that they almost made the Playoffs... Justin Fields. We're keeping Justin Fields. We're taking all the picks.

Connor Stallions has been working for the Baltimore Ravens since resigning from Michigan

Do you think that there's any chance at all that Connor Stallions has been working for the Ravens since he resigned from Michigan? I think it's not a 0% chance... I'm just gonna float it out there with absolutely no backing behind it. Besides the fact that McDonald's used to coach at Michigan. And Connor Stallions is a hardball guy for life.

The Chiefs might be done

Are the Chiefs done? The Chiefs might be done. Is Travis Kelce, has he lost all of his skills? A lot of football to get to.

The Dolphins and Cowboys are both frauds

The Cowboys are frauds. Frauds, but the Dolphins are also frauds because all they prove that they is that they can beat a fraud... we didn't learn anything from this game whatsoever.

Taylor Swift ruined Santa Claus for thousands of children

Taylor Swift probably ruined Santa Claus for thousands and thousands of children across America today... my four-year old son Chris walked in and he saw Santa... Santa was in her box, and he said, dad, we just opened presents... how come he's on TV right now?