Takes

Game 7 of the 2016 World Series was the greatest baseball game ever played

It was maybe the greatest Game 7 I've ever watched. I mean, I'm not going to say any sport, but definitely in baseball. It was so exciting. It had a little bit of everything.

The Marlins Man curse has officially moved to the city of Cleveland

The Marlins Man curse on the city of Cleveland just kicked in last night. He called his shot. He said, guess what? If the Indians lose, they are cursed. They're cursed because they were rude to me three years ago... and they don't have seats that you can see on television behind home plate.

Aroldis Chapman being brought in for the 9th inning of a 7-run game was weird managing

The ninth was a little weird when it ended up being a seven-run game. But we shall see.

The Cubs celebration for winning the NL pennant was maybe a little too much

I actually do think that the celebration was maybe a little too much, to be honest. I feel like, I mean, it was an unbelievable night, a night I'll never forget, but there definitely was a feeling like this is the greatest moment when still got the World Series to win.

I'm pro-bandwagon; the more the merrier for the Chicago Cubs fan base

The more the merrier. Let them all on. As spokesperson for the Chicago Cubs, Big Cat has just opened up the bandwagon for everybody. Hop on.

Trevor Bauer's teammates are likely talking behind his back about his drone injury

I think they're more mad than they would lead on. Like they would probably say, Hey man, nothing, no big deal, but then you get the guys behind closed doors that are probably talking a lot of shit about him.

Clayton Kershaw gets too much hate; people focus on his last bad game and ignore that he pitched on short rest

I get a little defensive. [Kershaw] is like my son. It's like I get defensive when people get on him. I mean, the guy did—he herniated his disc. He came back short rest. He pitched three out of the five games in the first series. He dealt the first game, and then he had a bad last game, and that's all people hang on to.

Small ball wins in the playoffs

Cubs were a tremendous – they are a tremendous power-hitting team. Are they not? Small ball wins in the playoffs. Bunt, steal bases. Bunt, repeat. Contact, repent, repeat.

The Cleveland Indians can play with 'house money' for the next decade because they won a title in 2016

The [Indians] are in the championship series. So as far as Cleveland goes, the whole city could just go to shit even more for the next six to 12 years, and they're still playing with house money at this point. They've had as much success this year as they could expect to have for the next decade.

Harry Caray would beat Vin Scully in a fight because he couldn't feel pain

[Harry Caray wins in a fight against Vin Scully]. Harry Caray. Couldn't feel pain. Too drunk... Well, you know, I'm not going to be the one to say that.

Clayton Kershaw doesn't have the clutch gene

Kershaw doesn't have the clutch gene. Make sure you mention that when he pitches. But did he, 12 innings pitched, 8 in runs? Was that really clutch?

The Red Sox regret getting rid of Terry Francona

Hank, do you think that the Red Sox are regretting getting rid of Terry Francona? No. I'm going to be the first to say that they are. That's definitely a conversation that needs to happen in America starting now.

This is the year the Cubs are having the most fun

This is the year that we're having the most fun. I guarantee you that. We're having a lot of fun, guys.

We're confident in the guys we're going into battle with and if we do the same thing as the regular season, things might turn out pretty good

I don't see that at all happening. I know that we're confident in the abilities that we have. I know that we're confident in the guys that we're going into battle with, so I think we do the same thing that we do during the regular season, and things might turn out pretty good.

The Cubs would have won the 2015 NLCS if Addison Russell was healthy

People forget that you got injured before the NLCS last year... I think we probably win that series if you're healthy. Would you agree? I would like to agree. I would like to agree.

Theo Epstein is more intimidating than Tom Ricketts

Who is more intimidating when they come walking around the clubhouse, Ricketts or Theo? I would say Theo. What about Jed? Jed has some intimidation factor, but he's just kind of like a little bit short.

I can't remember a single dirty joke Joe Maddon has told me

Can't remember that.

I'm the best dancer on the Cubs — Rizzo is a liar

Oh, if he told you that himself, he's a lion.

I believe in ghosts but I don't believe in curses

I believe in ghosts, too, but I don't believe in curses at all.

The Pfister Hotel in Milwaukee is haunted

The Pfister Hotel is haunted.

In a one-game win-or-die scenario, Clayton Kershaw is the best choice

if you had one game to win and you could have your pick of, let's call it Scherzer, Arrieta, and Kershaw, who are you taking? Kershaw, no doubt. Yeah, but you're friends with him. Yeah, so.

The Rangers' stadium really sucks

That stadium in Texas really sucks. I don't like it. It's just, I just don't like, I don't know, I don't like the setup. Yeah, I mean, the fans always sing, I don't know, it wasn't the toughest place to pitch.

Toronto has the best atmosphere for baseball playoff games because they act like hockey fans

I love Toronto's atmosphere for these games. It feels like the Thunderdome, Terrordome, the Coliseum, if you will, best of the best. They are a bunch of hockey fans watching a baseball game.

David Ortiz definitely used steroids in his final MLB season.

David Ortiz... obviously did steroids in his last year. It's not even a witch hunt, really. I'm rubber stamping it. Witch hunt confirmed. He hit .317. That's the third highest average he's ever had. Connect the dots, Hank. You can't get suspended for steroids if you retire.

You should only celebrate if you win a World Series, otherwise the game is just a chore.

Only celebrate when you win a World Series. Other than that, the game is a chore.

Bryce Harper's thumb injury and Daniel Murphy's buttocks injury are definitely connected

Bryce Harper with a thumb injury and Daniel Murphy with a buttocks injury... got to connect those. I'm not a conspiracy guy. The butt goes in the thumb. There are a lot of dots out there. This seems like it's a nice fit.

Theo Epstein needs to chill out for following people home to observe them while wearing a hat

Theo Epstein... said on a few nights when things felt bleak, Theo would wander the internet, linger on macabre things like air traffic controller recordings from plane crashes. He went on to say... 'I just like being anonymous so much that I would follow people home because they didn't know who I was and I could watch them... I could put on a hat and follow them.' Just chill out, man.

Baseball was officially neutered when Rich Hill was pulled from a perfect game

September 10th, 2016, the day baseball was officially neutered. RIP... He was pulled during a perfect game because he had 'heat on his finger,' which is a sign of blisters... the point of baseball is to pitch perfect games, not to keep people healthy.

Little League World Series pitching has become too dominant because the mound is too close

The mound is so close to home plate. The games are so low-scoring. If you have one asshole that can throw 70 miles an hour, you're going to win the World Series, basically. We need to do something about that.

A sports team needs their mascot dog to die in order to win a championship

I'm a firm believer that the dog needs to die for your team to do well. Seriously, you need to get the dog, love the dog, have the dog die, win one for the dog.

The Little League World Series is losing its way because the mic'd up coaches are too soft

I think the Little League World Series is losing who they are. I think the mic'd up coaches saying that they love all their kids too much... I'm here to watch kids screw up and cry. If you're going to make me feel bad about that, I hate you.

Mark Teixeira is one of the most forgettable great players of all time.

Mark Teixeira, I think, goes down as the most forgettable great player ever. Like one of the most forgettable great players of all time. He has over 400 home runs. He was great at first base. He won a title. And do you think there is a single Mark Teixeira fan out there?

Alex Rodriguez never truly earned his pinstripes.

Did A-Rod ever earn his pinstripes? I would say no.

Mark McGwire is the top steroid user, and his 1998 home run title should have belonged to Sammy Sosa.

I got Mark McGwire. It's a shame what he did to Sammy Sosa that season because that should have been Sammy's home run title. So Mark McGwire is my number one.

Aroldis Chapman should have issued a stronger public apology after his domestic violence incident

I would have liked him to make a stronger statement of apology publicly because I think that not only is that important in sort of the evolution of him and how fans might want to feel about him, it's important for kids who put those little Cubs uniforms and caps on every day and come to the park. ... I would have liked to have seen more of that from him personally.

The White Sox are an embarrassing organization run like a mom-and-pop shop

I think White Sox fans have a level of embarrassment because I think if your organization is having uniform issues and your star pitcher is cutting up uniforms because he doesn't want to wear them, that's embarrassing. It's called Jerry Reinsdorf runs organizations like a mom-and-pop shop, and incompetent people get pay raises and promotions, and no one ever gets fired.

Chris Sale is a psycho, partly because his best friend is 13 years old

And also Chris Sale is kind of a psycho. Yeah. He's a little bit of a psycho. I think the biggest story out of all this is Chris Sale is kind of a psycho because it's not just the jerseys. It's that he also has a best friend that's 13 [Drake LaRoche].

The 'Mystery Team' in MLB trades is always just a fabrication by agents

The mystery team... could be anybody. It's a made-up team from the mouth of your agent just trying to work you up. The mystery team never gets their guy.

I can't believe Joe West is still an active MLB umpire

I can't believe that [Joe West] is still an umpire. You know, I know at some point you retire, everybody retires. I'm still amazed that he can still see the ball... because your legs go and then your eyes go.

Zack Hample Belongs In A Garbage Can

First name Marlins, last name Man, I'll stuff Zack Hample in a garbage can.

The MLB All-Star Game should either decide home field with no fan vote, or be a meaningless exhibition, but the current middle ground is the worst of both worlds

I actually don't hate that the all-star game decides this. I hate that they're kind of stuck in the middle. So if you're going to have the All-Star game decide where the World Series starts every year, eliminate the fan vote, and treat it like a real game.

The MLB All-Star Game is the best All-Star game in sports

I do think the mlb all-star game is by far the best all-star game there is it's not really close.

It is acceptable for elite pitchers like Jake Arrieta to skip the All-Star game to stay fresh for the second half

He's locked 350-plus innings in the last year and a half. So, I mean, if the guy [Jake Arrieta] doesn't want to pitch in the All-Star game and take an extra two weeks to be fresh, I think that's okay.

Home Run Derby participants always screw up their swings in the second half of the season

My other favorite part about the Home Run Derby is predicting which one of the participants the Home Run Derby is going to screw up their swing in the second half. Whoever wins.

Carlos Zambrano would win a Home Run Derby between the best-hitting MLB pitchers

I think it might be Carlos Zambrano that might win that one [a pitchers home run derby]. It'd be close between MadBum [Madison Bumgarner] and Zambrano, but I didn't want you to hit Zambrano... He's broken more bats than any man I've ever seen.

Clayton Kershaw loses his man card for getting an epidural

I saw that Clayton Kershaw had an epidural. So I'm going to take his man card. Yeah, chicks get epidurals. Right. I don't even know what – I had to ask you before the show what exactly is an epidural because I thought it was something to do with childbirth, which it is. But I guess Clayton Kershaw – is Clayton Kershaw pregnant?

Madison Bumgarner is a manlier pitcher than Clayton Kershaw because he DHs for himself

Madison Bumgarner is DHing for himself. That's actually one of the coolest things I've seen in a while... Madison Bumgarner now is not only a man, but he has Clayton Kershaw's manhood as well.

Yankee fans are the most knowledgeable in baseball, but Cleveland and New York are tied for fanaticism

I think number one in terms of knowledge would be Yankee fans... I think I would give a tie in terms of just overall fanaticism between Cleveland and New York. The reason why I say Cleveland is because I played there basically four years, and we sold out every game. And Cleveland's weather is terrible... they're showing up.

George Steinbrenner was the greatest owner in sports history

Best owner ever. I had the utmost respect because I don't think I've ever seen an owner that wants to win as much as George Steinbrenner wanted to win. Like, literally, we played 162 games. I really think that he wanted us to win 162 games, like not one loss.

Ichiro's hits in Japan should not count toward his career total vs. Pete Rose

Sabermetrically speaking, do hits in Japan count the same as Major League Baseball hits? I would say no... Those hits don't count in the United States. Neither should Ichiro's.