Takes

The 'Crosby Theory': A team gets better after losing its best player

I think it's fair to ask now if the Penguins are better without Sidney Crosby... If you lose your best player, but your team gets better, the Crosby theory.

Sidney Crosby was only injured because there is a lack of fighting in modern hockey

The real issue is Sidney Crosby only got hit in his head like that because there's not as much fighting in hockey as there used to be. Because if this was back in the good old days, then players would know you can't go after another player's head like that. So the Penguins, they're too big of pussies. And they have no enforcer, so they are the ones that got Sidney Crosby injured.

The Capitals deserve an asterisk if they win the Stanley Cup this year

Capitals, do whatever you got to do, asterisks. Rest of the playoffs, asterisk... If they win the cup, I want an asterisk.

Marc-Andre Fleury is a 'snowflake'

Now, on the other hand, you have Marc-Andre Fleury. He's a snowflake. That's why they call him Fleury, because he's a big snowflake, and he got iced up.

The Matt Niskanen hit on Sidney Crosby was reactionary, not intentional

I think it was more of a reactionary thing from Niskanen, and Sid was kind of falling down as his stick got up... I just don't think that he's intentionally at all trying to get him in the face or the neck or the head.

Losing by four goals in the playoffs is better than losing in a heartbreaker

I would rather we lose the game by four goals than lose the game in a heartbreak or an overtime. That's demoralizing. Because now it's like you're a little bit embarrassed. You've got that chip on your shoulder in game three.

The Capitals will be worse next year because they won't be able to keep their current roster together

I'm pretty sure the Capitals, I haven't gone deep into their cap next year, but I'm pretty sure they won't be able to bring everyone back. They won't be able to make a bunch of trades. They're probably not going to be as good. So next year, you probably won't think it's your year.

The Capitals are fine and will beat the Penguins

I'm not pressing the panic button on the Caps. The Caps dominated that game. The only stat that didn't go in their favor is the score... I'm throwing the panic button out the window. I'm not going to press it... I'm not worried at all. No, if you watch the game, it was dominance by the Caps.

The Capitals have a great chance to win the Eastern Conference this year

Logan, is it the Caps year? You know what? They've got a great team. We don't really get to see the East as often, obviously. But if there's any team that can do it, I'd say I think so.

The 2017 Capitals are a different team and will get past the Penguins

This is our year. The Capitals, it's a different team. Everyone knows it.

I am more confident than ever that the Capitals will beat the Penguins

I'm more confident than i've ever been going into this [series]. We just beat a bunch of yahoos that dump gravy and cheese all over their fries. We can beat a city that puts it in their sandwiches.

Alexander Ovechkin drinks Coca-Cola on the bench instead of Gatorade

So instead of drinking Gatorade on the sidelines, he just drinks Coca-Cola. ... So he's in the training room and they're like, hey, do you want painkillers? Do you want a shot? He's like, give me Coke. Give me Coca-Cola.

I hate the hockey handshake line because people talk about it too much

The handshake line is one of those things that I didn't want to hate, but people talk about it so much that I have to hate it.

The Blackhawks have no chance to win the series after Game 2

The Blackhawks had no chance after game two. Did they score a goal? They scored a couple goals. They actually doubled. No, they scored, what, three goals in the series. That's pretty good.

The Capitals will sweep the Penguins in the next round of the playoffs

I've taken my fingers so far off the panic button. I've got ones in the air right now. I've got my finger in the air calling it. We're going to sweep the Penguins. Next round. I'm not even concerned with Maple Leafs anymore.

I am concerned about the Blackhawks' aging core and bad contracts

I actually – I don't want to get too deep into it, but I do think there are issues at hand. They were – It was one of those situations where they had a lot of old guys, a lot of young guys... And I am concerned about some of the contracts. Let's just say that.

Sidney Crosby and the Penguins have the Capitals' number

I thought if the Caps could overcome this, they would do okay. But, man, Sidney Crosby and the Pens have their number, man.

The Nashville Predators are my pick to come out of the Western Conference

I mean, I like St. Louis, too, but I think Nashville just looks too good right now. That's who I would pick.

The Capitals need the Blackhawks to win some games so they aren't the only story of disappointment in the first round

The Capitals need the Blackhawks to win at least a couple games because the Blackhawks, as it stands right now, getting swept, will be the story of the first round in terms of disappointment and people laughing at something.

The Capitals will still win their series against the Maple Leafs

I still think the Capitals are going to win the series. I do. I really do. ... I watched the Capitals versus the Leafs and I was like, the Capitals are the better team. They turtled at the end there. They look like the better team.

The Blackhawks will not come back against the Predators

The Blackhawks are the worst team by far in that series. The Predators have taken it to them every single period. Nine out of ten periods, they've just dominated them. So that's one of those ones like, Blackhawks aren't going to come back. They're not.

The Maple Leafs play hockey like kids having sex

I will say this about the Maple Leafs. They... play hockey like their kids, like the same way that kids have sex. ... kids get out there and they start fucking and they're like, I'm going to go a million miles an hour and just go fast and score. That's what the Leafs do. So they come out and they skate too fast and they go a hundred miles an hour. They'll burn out.

I am not worried about the Capitals losing home-ice advantage to the Maple Leafs

I'm not worried at all. It's not time to press the panic button. My overtime genes are still 1-0 in single overtime. I'd just like to point that out.

Overtime hockey is the worst experience in sports when your team is playing

You know what else is bad is overtime hockey when your team is in it. If another person's team is in it, it's great... But when it's your team, you just want to eat a gun.

There is no such thing as home ice advantage in the NHL playoffs

You know what I don't like about playoff hockey is that there's basically no home ice advantage. It doesn't exist. The ice is the same everywhere you go.

The Capitals' only weakness is that their red is 'Russian Red'

Tell me a weakness that the Washington Capitals have. They're not candy ass colors, their red is dominant. It's Russian red, so there's your weakness right there. You can't win a Stanley Cup with a Russian.

Betting over/unders in NHL playoffs is the biggest rush in gambling due to empty netters

My favorite part about the NHL playoffs is betting the over-unders. There's no bigger rush in gambling than the last minute empty netters.

This is the year the Washington Capitals finally win the Stanley Cup

Caps year. Caps are next. Yeah, Caps year. Everything is... it's one of those weird, this is like the sign of the apocalypse.

Hockey playoffs in Canada are higher stakes because they have nothing else

Hockey playoffs in Canada, that crowd, I mean, it's basically like live or die because they don't have anything else. Usually die, though. It's Drake and the Raptors losing in the first round. That's the only two things that Toronto has.

The Capitals will sweep every round of the 2017 postseason and won't lose a game

I'm going to need to go to some Caps games. They're only going to be four per round because they're going to sweep. They're probably not going to lose a game this entire postseason.

The Washington Capitals will win the Stanley Cup this year

I would like to see you win the Cup. I have them [Capitals] winning the Cup this year.

It is officially the Washington Capitals' year to win the Stanley Cup

It is Wednesday, March 1st, and it is the Caps year... I'm even more irrationally confident now [after the Kevin Shattenkirk trade].

The Minnesota Wild are going to have a 'mump slump' after several players contracted the mumps

So it's the [Minnesota] Wild that has the mumps, right? So calling it right now, it's going to be a mump slump. There's your headline.

The Washington Capitals are the Atlanta Falcons of the NHL

They're kind of like the Atlanta Falcons where their franchise has just never won it. The Falcons have been to two Super Bowls. I think the Capitals have been to one Stanley Cup. Basically, it's a franchise of failure. You know, they have this great regular season success. Everybody gets excited. And then when it comes to perform, they're a pop shot.

The Pittsburgh Penguins are the Seattle Seahawks of the NHL

I'd say probably [the] Seattle Seahawks where they're in it every year. ... Pittsburgh, Seattle, every year they're competitive. They've won it recently.

The Minnesota Wild and Vikings share a history of disappointing Scandinavian fans

The Vikings in the Wild, they both consistently disappoint a shitload of pale Scandinavian people. That's the history of the franchise.

The Soviet Union would have won the Cold War if they had beaten the US in the 1980 'Miracle on Ice' hockey game

I have two. One is a historical one with the Russians, which they had to do over in 1980. They would have won the Cold War if they won that hockey game. People forget that that was not the gold medal game, though. That was the semifinals.

The Washington Capitals will finally win the Stanley Cup this year

The Washington Capitals, it's their year. I think this is the year they finally win the Stanley Cup. They certainly have all the pieces. They have all the pieces.

It is dumb that the Montreal Canadiens will only hire coaches who speak French

Part of it goes into this foolish, I don't even know what to call it, that the Canadiens will only hire—you have to speak French to coach the Canadiens, which is so dumb. If you're going to win a Stanley Cup, I don't know why you have to—it doesn't matter what you speak.

The Maple Leafs and Islanders will take the final two playoff spots in the East

I like the Leafs and the Islanders out of that [group]. The Leafs are really exciting. I think they'll get in. They got a great coach... and then the Islanders have just kind of turned things around with Doug Weight as their coach.

The Chicago Blackhawks will win the Western Conference this year

No, I actually think [the Blackhawks] are going to win the West. I love their team this year. I think that they're really deep. Kane and Toews will be there when it matters. I love their team. They've got a lot of young guys that are playing really well.

The Chicago Blackhawks will win at least one Stanley Cup in the next three years

I love their team. They'll be right there. I wouldn't be worried at all. They're right in the midst of that window to win a couple more. I think they at least get one in the next three years.

Gustav Nyquist should get five to seven years in prison for his high-sticking incident

I think you should get five to seven years in prison for that. [on Gustav Nyquist hitting a guy in the face with a stick].

The Washington Capitals are too good to never win a Stanley Cup

They're too good to never win one. But, I mean, they were the Presidents' Cup trophy winners last year... They have the most points in the league.

The Bruins firing Claude Julien during the Patriots parade is the greatest PR 101 move ever

The Boston Bruins who fired Claude Julien... The morning of the New England Patriots parade and held a press conference during the parade. That is the greatest PR 101 story of all time.

The Capitals are regular season heroes who always look awesome in January

And I know not only is the Capitals year, but the Capitals in January, this is when they get hot. This is when they beat teams. You can count on the Capitals in the regular season to look awesome.

The Canadian dollar is the only thing that can stop the Chicago Blackhawks

The only thing that can stop the Blackhawks is your stupid fucking Canadian dollar... because what they do is they keep escrow based on the Canadian dollar pretty much. So they're going to get none of the 20% they were paying.

Henrik Lundqvist has flawless, dreamy hair

Mostly his hair... When [Lundqvist] is playing, he kind of either goes with the cap on or the cap off, and when the cap's off, it's... It's dreamy. Yeah, it's flawless.

The Washington Capitals will definitely win the Stanley Cup this season

This is definitely the capital season to win the Stanley Cup... No, this is the one. This is the one. This is the one.

Professional goalies lose 10 to 12 pounds of body weight during a single game through sweat

With goalies, we have more dehydration issues because we sweat like crazy. We got all the gear on, super hot... I probably lose 10 to 12 pounds in a game.