Takes

I would never take a job that requires waking up at 3:30 AM

I am officially taking my name out of the hat... because of the early wake up time. I actually don't think that there's a single job in the world that I would do if it meant that I had to wake up at three thirty in the morning every day.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is the GOAT because he achieved his physique with fewer steroids than modern bodybuilders

Basically Arnold started talking about his steroid use for the first time and talked about his cycle and basically he wasn't on that much steroids compared to a lot of guys today in body building, which just goes to show that he is the goat.

Ja Morant's gun flashing isn't a legal issue, just a 'stupidity test' he is failing

I don't think that he was breaking any laws in this video. Was he? He was just being a dumbass, right?... Essentially there's a couple things that happened... it's almost like a stupidity test of like, can you not flash your gun and we'll be cool.

Every MLB team should be required to play a series in Mexico City

Every team should have to play like a series in Mexico City because it was awesome... The Giants and Padres played in Mexico City, which is 2000 feet higher than Denver. And on Saturday it was like a softball game. There were 11 home runs.

The MLB pitch clock makes fans feel rushed and ruins the 'fuck around' time at the stadium

I fucking hate the pitch clock... because I sit down there... I'm trying to chit chat, socialize like how I usually do... I feel like I'm rushed at a table, at a restaurant that's trying to flip table. I want there to be more fuck around time. So if I get food, I don't miss anything.

Picking someone up from the airport in a big city is a psychotic move

In New York, it's, it's borderline psychotic for somebody to volunteer to pick someone up from an airport... Instead of me paying an Uber fare, can you pay double an Uber fare? Right. To have somebody else drive you to pick me up.

Megan Fox followed Eminem on Instagram specifically to spite Machine Gun Kelly

Megan Fox is back. Her and Machine Gun Kelly broke up and she unfollowed everybody on Instagram except for three people... Eminem... I feel like she just followed Eminem just to fuck with Machine Gun Kelly.

Duke is officially back after snapping their losing streak against North Carolina

Who's back is Duke? They snap their losing streak. Their two game losing streaks [against] North Carolina over the weekend... they're one and oh in the post coach K era against North Carolina.

Novak Djokovic is officially the greatest tennis player of all time

He won his 10th Australian Open. He is now tied with Rafa at all 22 men's singles Grand Slam. ... That's the goat. That's the goat.

LeBron James is a hypocrite for supporting Shannon Sharpe's courtside behavior

LeBron has talked about fans getting into it with players and how unacceptable it is... if we're being consistent here, which I think LeBron is nothing but consistent. It should be fine next time a fan says anything, he should be okay with it, right?

Lionel Messi is the undisputed GOAT after winning the World Cup

My who's back is the World Cup. That game was awesome. Messi is the goat. I mean, Ronaldo, I mean, there's nothing left. Messi has literally won it all. It's all over. He's the goat. Also, no argument left. No debate.

Dimitri Bivol might be one of the best pound-for-pound fighters of all time

I think Bivol might end up being one of the best pound-for-pound fighters of all time in the world. Maybe in of all time... honestly, for his legacy, which he deserves, I think he needs to fight Canelo again at 168.

The Dodgers' 2020 World Series title doesn't count

The Dodgers have not won anything. We can We agree The bubble, the bubble championship didn't, didn't count.

Wisconsin would hire Urban Meyer and put morals aside for a national title

Hypothetically, would you like to put your morals aside to win a national title? Yes. The answer's yes. The answer is yes.

The Sun Belt is the best conference in sports

The Sunbelt is the best conference in America. Yep. Sunbelt east... Best conference in sports.

Tom Brady looks gaunt following his mystery absence

I'm going to be honest. I think [Tom Brady] looks gaunt like the definition of the word gaunt.

Kentucky is definitively a basketball school, regardless of football's success

What John Calipari said is not incorrect. He just shouldn't say it out loud. They are a basketball school. Like you can't change that. This would be saying like if Notre Dame basketball won a national championship, they wouldn't be a basketball school. No offense to the football program, Kentucky. When you think Kentucky, you think basketball, that's just a fact.

The 'Tony Pizza' boyfriend is a legend and it's a great nickname

My boyfriend won't stop calling me Tony pizza... it honestly bothers me that he can't even bother to find a somewhat nice nickname for me... backfire for this chick because everyone was like your boyfriend rocks. Tony Pizza is a hilarious nickname... Tony Pizza is a great nickname.

Stephen A. Smith taking a month off for a shoulder injury in August is a 'soft move'

Stephen A. Smith is, but I do think, I do think he's talking about anything because he's taking the entire fucking month of August off with his shoulder injury, because he's not man enough to go on the air in August and talk about sports. This is, this is actually what really separates the good take Smiths from the bad ones. ... this is a soft move by Steven A. Smith.

LeBron James only played in the Drew League because he wants to be like Kobe Bryant

The Kobe one was awesome when he hit that game winner and everyone just mobbed him and LeBron just wants to be Kobe. So that's why he [played in the Drew League].

LeBron James and Steph Curry would beat Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson in a 2v2 because of the three-point shot

I think Steph Curry, he doesn't let LeBron touch the ball except to rebound. And then Steph, if he hits 40% of his threes, two is 50%... 100% more than one. I think mathematically they would dominate that game.

People who wear SPF 50 sunscreen should just stay inside

I judge you if your SPF is 35 or plus... I want to put it on 50. I'm just immediately like, dude, just go inside. There's no reason to be outside. If you really can't handle this, just say you're not that guy pal. That's what I say to anyone who puts on 50.

The new NCAA Football video game should be simple for the 'common man'

I just hope they make the game for the common man and not for like the dudes that are playing for like a million dollars... I want it for the regular guy who's going to play, you know, a couple hours at night when they get home from work.

Tennessee Baseball are clowns for missing the College World Series

I don't think... it's a fine line between being a bad boy and being a clown. I think if you don't actually make it [to Omaha], then you're a clown. Yeah.

The world ended in 2016 and we are currently in an afterlife simulation

There's a theory out there that the world ended in 2016. When that [Large Hadron Collider] opened up a massive black hole on earth and everything got sucked into it. And so everything you've experienced since then has been your particular version of heaven or hell, depending on if you were good or not prior to 2016.

Danny Woodhead is better at golf than Tony Romo

My guy Danny Woodhead... He is very close to qualifying for the U.S. Open in golf. ... He's better than Tony Romo at golf.

It is not Ryan Tannehill's job to mentor Malik Willis

I've got a couple of things to say about this first thing, is it he's right. It's not his job to like teach another man how to take your job. I don't think there's a workplace in America where that's your expectation to train somebody to make you unemployed.

Gerrit Cole is a loser for blaming a four-minute delay on a bad start

Garrett Cole said that the game being delayed four minutes was an unforeseen challenge for him. He said the festivities got a little away from the schedule... he's just a loser. Before he came to New York, everyone just assumed he was like the bad-ass dude... then he comes to New York and he's just, he's like sweaty. And he can't answer questions correctly.

The Masters at Augusta National is tarnished by letting Dude Perfect and Bryson DeChambeau film content there

The course at Augusta National Georgia... tough look over the weekend. Bryson DeChambeau and Dude Perfect got together... and they went to Augusta's Amen Corner... I actually am on the side of golf hardos that like, if you say that exclusivity is your thing and it's sacred, you can't have this.

LeBron James only cares about breaking the NBA scoring record now

LeBron dropped 39 tonight... and they lost... literally all he does is score points for the record... classical LeBron, Hey fellows. Remember one thing a woman will always love and vibe with a real true player.

MLB should adopt the Savannah Bananas rule where a fan catching a foul ball is an out

Banana ball rule number nine, if a fan catches a foul ball, it's an out and it happened and it went viral... I feel like the majors should consider... if they did that to the majors, that'd be, that would change the game with home field.

Amari Cooper is perpetually not as good as his hype

Amari Cooper is firmly in my mind, a guy who like just is perpetually, not as good as his hype. He's a guy who you will forever want to be a clear cut number one. And he will never be that. So you know what I'm saying? Like, you're always wanting Amari Cooper to be the guy. And I don't think he ever will be the guy. I mean, CD lamb's better than him.

Once you mentally transition into wearing shorts for the spring, you can never go back to pants

Once I mentally transitioned into shorts, I just don't go back. And so I'll get caught with like wearing these shorts when it's freezing outside, looking like a fool... but I can't go back and officially made the mental transition. I'm a short, skinny.

The Waste Management Open is the best sporting event crowd scene in the world

Waste management opening was this weekend. One of the best, I think sporting event, crowd scenes, that I've never been to that looks so, so, so much fun... you know, I went to showers, beers, throw beers, have to delay and clean them all up. It looks unbelievable.

Adam Schefter's sentimental Matthew Stafford/OBJ photoshop made no sense

I have a whose back of the week is stupid tweets that try to be sentimental because Adam Schefter's tweet after super bowl makes no sense. He said to all those who said it couldn't be done, and it's a picture of Eli Manning, Calvin Johnson, Jarvis Landry, looking on as Matthew Stafford and OBJ celebrate the super bowl.

Five years is the official amount of time for a meme to become funny again

It's the perfect time for it to come full circle. Cause we've, we've predicted, we've had this conversation off air many times. Like when do you think Harambe jokes are going to be funny again? I think five years is now officially the amount of time when something can become fun again.

Athletes only get into fights at 'nightclubs,' never at 'bars'

Have you ever noticed that when it's an athlete getting into a bar fight, it's always a nightclub. Yeah. And it's never like, they never just say like at a bar it's like at, at a local nightclub establishment.

Emily in Paris is a genius show despite being terrible

Emily in Paris is the worst show ever by the way, never watched it... it is mind-numbingly bad, but it's one of those shows that's so bad. It sucks you in... It's a genius show. It's a genius show and it's terrible. But it's genius.

I want to get rid of replay in sports and go back to just the human element

I want to get rid of that. I want to get rid of replay sports. You just argue that the robots machines are hacked... I actually think it would solve a lot of things if they just decided everything on the field, dude, no replay. Replay has gone too far.

Adam Schefter is an information broker, not a journalist

I think that Schefter over the last couple of years has gotten—he's not a journalist anymore. Right? We can agree. Yes. He's—he's an information broker. He's essentially just like a guy that collects dirt and will play to whoever the highest bidder is... He should stop pretending that he has any sort of journalistic integrity at all.

Breaking your ribs feels the same as being shot

You know, Rob Gronkowski is stealing more valor. He said that when he broke his ribs, he's never been shot before. But when he broke his ribs, he thought it was like how it feels to get shot.

Vegans have nothing to look forward to in life

Vegans gross. Like what do you do? What do you look forward to? Bread? Ice cream? If you're a vegan, tell me what you look forward to? The day you die and you get the sweet release of this hellhole of a life.

Beating Alabama in the SEC is as meaningful as winning a national title

Beating Alabama, if you're in the SEC, if you beat Alabama, that's almost as good as winning a national title in terms of like, you'd be like, well, we beat Alabama a couple years ago.

Urban Meyer's wife sent him to the bar to get his charisma back

I think Shelly Meyer might win wife of the year... led me to believe that she was like, 'Urban, go out and remember why you're Urban Meyer. Go out and hit on some chicks and get that swagger back. Get that charisma back. Get that fucking confidence back.' I think she actually sent him out to be like, go out, pick up a chick. Don't have sex with her, but pick her up and remind yourself why you're the alpha.

Trent Dilfer was coaching hard, not committing physical assault in his viral high school video

I hate the argument you never put your hands on a player it's like grabbing a guy by shoulder, grabbing him by the elbow. Come on. Are we really going to get upset about that. Obviously, if it's like punching choking... this, there was no malicious intent in this.

High-fiving the opposing pitcher after hitting a home run is over the line

The high five of the opposing pitcher is over the line and I don't support it. The pitcher runs up to home plate, high fives the batter as he's running around... That's too much for me.

You shouldn't be allowed to coach Little League if your children aren't in that age group

You should honestly should not be allowed to coach Little League if your children are not in that age group. Agreed. That's not a career, but you can stay on a Little League. Coach is not a job that you have for the rest of your life. You don't retire from becoming a Little League coach.

Ed Sheeran is 'not football' and shouldn't play the NFL Kickoff

Roger Goodell needs a guy that hangs out with him that's like, 'Hey, that's not football.' Ed Sheeran is not football. Not opening night football. Coldplay, not football. Imagine Dragons is way more football than Coldplay.

The Utah Jazz is the dumbest team name in sports

The Utah Jazz, it's the dumbest name in sports. It really [is]. ... If it was just the Boston Red Sox, the Knickerbockers... so many team names you're like, 'this doesn't make any sense'.

USA Basketball losing to Nigeria is actually good for the sport

This is good for basketball. I like, I love those people. I don't care. You know, it's, it's, it's shown the, all the good that the United States has done on an international level. The fact that these teams who used to just look up to us and get autographs from our players after the games are now able to compete, it really goes to show you what a great job United States basketball has done in spreading the game.