Takes

Tom Wilson is unfairly targeted by NHL officials and the league

I would say Tom Wilson... I die on several hills for him every year. I do think that he is targeted by the NHL. I think he's targeted by refs.

Watching sports on the couch is better than being at the games

Honestly, getting to watch games on your couch is way better than being at the games usually anyways. sitting on your couch at home with your own snacks and your own food, it's awesome.

People who complain about winter are losers and should just move to California

People that bitch about winter are fucking losers. It's cold and it's dark early and also get over it. Don't bitch. Move to California if you don't like it.

Every sports player should be allowed to fight one fan per year

I have the rule that they should enact in all sports. That every player gets to fight one fan once a year. Because that solves that. [Anthony Rendon] gets to fight that guy who called him a pussy, beat his ass. He called him a bitch, beat his ass. And then no one's gonna fuck with the rest of the [players] because he'll be like, wow, Anthony Rendon beat the fuck out him.

Best action movies are essentially porn but with fighting instead of sex

In college I would do man movie Fridays and we would watch the worst action movie you can watch. Bloodsport, Under Siege, Cobra. It's basically like watching porn, but instead of fucking, they just beat the fuck out of each other because the dialogue's that bad. Best of the Best 2, maybe my favorite movie ever.

Career decisions and outcomes in your twenties are ultimately inconsequential to the rest of your life.

Don't compare yourself to [classmates]. You're going to feel like you have to compare yourself to them... it doesn't mean anything for the course of your life. What you do in your twenties can be ultimately inconsequential to what happens for the rest of your life. So don't rush into being an adult too quick.

Traveling with kids is a 'trip', not a 'vacation'

It's vacation when you don't have children with you. And it's a trip when you do, because you're not, it's not a vacation when you bring your kids... Away game parenting is so much harder than a home game.

The best way to build a youth basketball dynasty is to teach every player how to shoot skyhooks

This is actually serious. If you really want to be a dynasty and don't like be a Dick about it and run them too hard, teach them all how, how to shoot skyhooks. You can't guard it. You would not be able to guard it. Skyhooks for everyone.

Ryen Russillo would 'snap Hank in half' in a fight

Dude, he would... No offense, but [Ryen] Russillo would snap you in half. ... if you versus Russillo, you're not that guy.

I would bail any PMT cast member out of jail for killing a man, but not a woman

I think if it was another man, I'd bail all of you guys out for killing another man. Well, no, I would not bail you out if you killed a woman. I think I'd bail you guys out if you guys were like, hey, I got into beef with another man, had to kill him. I'd be like, alright, fine, fuck it, let's roll.

Swimming is not a real sport, it is just a means of staying alive

I'll just say it. Swimming is not a real sport... It's a really good hobby. If you do it really fast, I'm not saying Michael Phelps isn't impressive. I'm saying swimming is not a sport... It's just a means of staying alive that you can be more efficient at.

The OMAD (One Meal A Day) diet is going to 'kick everyone's ass'

I'm on a diet. You've got to get your stomach small, bro. Once you reach OMAD (One Meal A Day), it's a level of intermittent fasting... If I never eat again, I will be skinny. OMAD is going to kick everyone's ass.

The cancelation of Barstool Van Talk saved their lives

We would all be super mega rich film stars or dead. Dead. That's my go-to answer when everyone, if anybody asks me a question like that, it's like, yeah, I would have died within six months. We did it for fucking seven days and I was pooping blood.

Dads love it when their sons come home from college for the first time because they see them as their "party kid"

I think what you can do is, especially with your dad, dads love their sons going off to college for the first time. Cause they come back that first break and dad's like 'there's my party kid right there.' Your dad will probably drink with you on the first night. Maybe be a little hungover... and then you've already established that you drink in his house now.

Thin sugar cookies with sprinkles are the superior Christmas cookie

I just like the sugar cookies with the, the like the straight up like the thin sugar cookies with the sprinkles on it that you can eat like a thousand of them.

An Xbox is the best breakup gift to give during the holidays

What's the best gift to get someone that you want to break up with after the holiday season? An Xbox, I'm just going to say it. Like something that will keep them entertained. Because if you break up with him after giving him an Xbox, he's not going to be talking to you anyways. At that point it will just be obsessed with his new video game system.

The Fire Fest segment is a better version of the old Jimbo segment

Fire Fest sounds a lot cooler. I think that if you just keep saying Fire Fest, it will be at the beginning of when it's cool again. We're waiting it out. We're squatting on Fire Fest. Eventually people will start saying Fire Fest again and they'll be like, 'Oh wait to rip off Pardon My Take.'

It is better to be freezing inside with no heat than sweating with no AC

I'd rather be cold than hot. [With no AC] you can almost like figure it out... take off my t-shirt, wear some shorts, no underwear... [but] I had my heat die in Chicago when it was 10 degrees out and you can't move. It gets so, so cold inside.

Skee-Ball is a bizarre hobby; get a girlfriend instead

[Listener:] I'm officially addicted to [Skee-Ball] to the point where I spend my Friday nights doing so, do you have any advice to knock this bizarre hobby? [Big Cat:] I would find a girlfriend.

Winning a foot race against your girlfriend is a lose-lose situation

I don't care how much gloating she was doing before the fact if you beat your girlfriend and a foot race, and then you're like, yes suck it bitch. I'm faster than you. That's probably going to end your relationship. So you almost have to throw it.

I could outkick Jay Feeley if we were both forced to kick field goals while wearing suits and reporting on the sideline

Could PFT outkick Jay Feeley now if they were both wearing suits and reporting on the sideline and immediately got called in to start kicking field goals? Definitely. Jay Feeley's a fucking loser. He needs his two little weird gloves to be able to kick. I don't need that shit.

The first day of March Madness is the most stressful betting day of the year

First day of March Madness. Because there's just so much that can go wrong, and if it goes wrong, you're... you can be in a hole and look up out of the hole and be like, how am I going to get out of this hole? And then it's, oh, whoops, it's also a sinkhole.

Always bet the 'Under' on bowl games played on Christmas

I always do Christmas unders. Got to go Christmas time unders although it's hot on the block right [Ben] Herbert, but I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Just the first game right? No first three games.

Joe Flacco is a downgrade at quarterback from Trevor Siemian for the Broncos.

The Broncos ... they got Joe Flacco. That's a downgrade from Trevor Siemian.

Aaron Rodgers is a try-hard loser for his Canada Boys outfit

Three years after that joke was funny, and probably like 10 years after that joke was funny, Aaron Rodgers hopped on. Classic. Way to go, dude. You fucking try-hard loser.

I'm 'killing' Walgreens because of their partnership with Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos

I'm going to kill Walgreens because they partnered up with Theranos. And they took people's blood and screwed it up. [Big Cat: But she was pretty convincing.] She was. I don't blame Walgreens... [Big Cat: I would get duped too.] Okay. I'm still killing Walgreens.

Raphael is the best and only cool Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

I'm a Raphael. Raphael was the bad boy who April had a crush on... Raphael was the one who would always get them in trouble because he was such a badass. Raphael was the one, he was like the guy who kind of, the straw that stirred the drink.

Boneless wings are just chicken nuggets

A boneless wing... It's a fun fact. They're not even wings... They're chicken nuggets.

Skyline Chili is terrible and only worth eating for the laughs

If I never stepped foot into Skyline Chili again, that would be fantastic. But then whenever we're in the Ohio area, PFT's like, it would be funny if we went to a Skyline. ... [We] sit there silently trying one bite and being like, nope, still terrible.