Takes

The Bucks will sweep the Magic in the first round

It's the bucks first the magic sweep

The Raptors will probably sweep the Nets in the first round

Raptors verse the Nets. Probably sweep

The NFL should schedule low over/under games at 11:00 AM to replace Big Ten football

If there's no college football on Saturday... try to replace it... by just scheduling the game that has the lowest point total over under to be the 11 a.m. Game. Have it be like Broncos Redskins 11 am.

The 5-overtime NHL game was caused by bad ice in Toronto

I personally blame the blame the ice in Toronto for the 5:00 overtime game.

Crutches are useless because they hurt your armpits more than your foot

I'm putting a man named... Emil Schlick in 1917. He invented the crutch and I'm saying the crutch is useless. It is my armpits are more sore than my foot.

Kirk Herbstreit and Chris Fowler on Monday Night Football will be phenomenal

One positive. Let's finish this with one positive Kirk Herbstreit, Chris Fowler on Monday Night Football will be phenomenal. They're a great Monday Night Football both they and they're going to call Monday night.

There are more teams 'nobody wants to play' in the NBA playoffs this year than ever before

Right now off the top my head. There are more teams that nobody wants to play in the playoffs in the NBA at this point than there have ever been... No one wants to play Toronto in the playoffs. No one wants to play the Heat in the playoffs. No one wants to play Oklahoma City... No one wants to play the Rockets.

LeBron James being a genuinely good person makes him a harder athlete to hate

My thing about LeBron LeBron is... what that guy stands for what you've done... I have a big my he's a that's the thing that kills me because I like hate LeBron, but I know he's such a good guy which drives me insane that drives me insane... I want him to be like I want something like yeah, he's a real asshole.

Devin Booker is officially 'a dude' because of how he celebrated his game-winner

I'm on board the Devin Booker train just watching his body language after he made the shot. He basically went to sleep... a person that reacts like that, that guy is a dude.

August is the 'Sunday of Summer'

My real who's back to the week is Seasons. Yeah dude, it's August. Yeah... August for me is always like oh, it's Sunday. Oh because back to school. Yeah, you're still in the mode where like I go to the department store with your mom and you see backpacks on sale.

Patrick Mahomes should be number one on the NFL Top 100

I like Aaron Donald's the guy that you put ahead of Patrick Mahomes to remind everybody that you watch football. They watch the tapes like well Aaron Donald's really the best player. Yeah, which he's awesome. Don't get me wrong, but I don't And then Russell Wilson also very good player, but come on Patrick Mahomes is coming out. Like what more does a guy need to do? Nothing? He's our number-one.

I am officially opting in to play the 2020 NFL season

I am officially opting into the 2020 season. Yes, my doors opened. My phone's open everyone knows where to find a mentor named going in the circuit and we got you.

The 60-game MLB season 'on pace' stats are going to be electric

The on pace oh I for the 60 Game season is going to be electric. It sucks though, because not as many people are doing the on pace tweets... like Bryce Harper's on pace for 350 RBIs.

The more trash bags you use, the better it is for the sanitation worker

I stay the light of the biggest the better it had to go through for bag instead of two or three. I don't mind carrying. There's two bigs was carrying an extra 20 pounds in the bag. It might rip in the street. I got to clean it up.

Dr. Fauci's first pitch was almost good because of how terrible it was

I actually think first pitches either be terrible or be incredible. I don't think Dr. Fauci had incredible in him. Might as well just go terrible. It was almost good how bad it was.

I actually like the numbers on the helmets for the Washington Football Team

I actually like the helmets. I like numbers on a helmet. People are like, oh man, that's a college thing. Yes, it is. But why not have one team in the NFL have it? Kind of cool.

The NBA Bubble won't feel weird until the conference finals

I actually think it's not going to be that weird to start. But once we get into, like, the conference finals, it's going to be fucking bizarre to have, like, games go on with no fans and just, like, big, big moments happen to, you know, 20 people in the room.

Zoom happy hours suck and the novelty wore off in two weeks

Zoom happy hours. Remember when people tried to make that a thing? Everyone acted like, oh, we don't see our friends, so let's do a happy hour on Zoom. And then I think people did it for like a week or two... Everyone realized it sucked.

Aaron Rodgers is obsessed with dating famous people

Shailene Woodley. Aaron Rodgers is obsessed with just dating famous people. He just dates... I think maybe... you'd probably want to date a non-famous person to convince them to move to Green Bay, Wisconsin.

The NFL will play its 2020 season, but college football is in a very precarious situation

College football is in more of a precarious situation to actually go off on time. If I had to bet right now, I actually don't know... I still think NFL is going to happen. I don't know if college football is going to happen.

The Washington Redskins should change their name to the Red Wolves

The Redskins are changing their name, hopefully, to the Red Wolves. Dan Snyder, if you're listening, the Red Wolves is the way to go for this.

Mitch Trubisky's 75 rating in Madden 21 is insane

Mitch Trubisky's a 75 in the new Madden. Insane. He was 79 last year. Goddamn.

Brooks Koepka will have a great Thursday and Friday at the Memorial Tournament

I think, not to put pressure on Brooks, but I expect it. A very good, very good Thursday and Friday from him. He rises up against those guys.

USC's standard should be winning National Championships, not just the Pac-12

It's not about the Pac-12. It's about national championships... Our goals is national championships. Um, and we, we can go ahead and take the Pac-12 along the way, but the echelon should be national championships all day, every day.

Naming songs after simple objects like 'trucks' or 'margaritas' is a work of genius

You are kind of a genius when it comes to the naming of your songs... My favorite is 'We Rode In Trucks' like, you know what that song's about. The simplicity of it is kind of genius... One Margarita, drink a beer. That one's about beer.

A man's singing voice reaches full maturity at age 38

I know that the male voice reaches full maturity. They say it 38 years old.

I actually enjoy staying at a Motel 6

I'm not here for the Motel 6 slander, by the way. I enjoy a good Motel 6. You're not getting any frills. I'm more of a Red Roof Inn guy, but I just like hotels. You just go in, you run the hot shower, get that hot water going for 30 minutes at a time.

I am not an NFL caliber kicker unless I make a team

I'm definitely not an NFL caliber guy. I know that... I am not an NFL caliber kicker unless I make an NFL team, at which point I am an NFL caliber kicker. There is zero part of my brain that thinks that I'm a professional caliber kicker... half a percent.

Taking deferred money like Bobby Bonilla is a better deal than a lump sum payment.

Bobby Bonilla has an awesome contract... the more MLB TV rights deals start to come in, the more you're seeing players push off and say, 'yeah, I'll take some deferred money coming down the line.' It's a good deal. It's like when that scratch-off 'Millions for Life' or whatever it is... I would absolutely take a deal like that instead of giving me all the money straight up.

I would rather take $1 million a year for 25 years than $20 million upfront because I would spend the lump sum on jet skis.

If you were to say like, PFT, I'm going to give you either twenty million dollars on your 25th birthday or I'm going to give you a million dollars a year until you're 50, I'm absolutely taking the million until 50. Because if I'm 25, I'm just going to spend it like Billy Football would—just a shitload of jet skis, essentially just my own jet ski farm.

Larry David navigating the COVID-19 pandemic in Curb Your Enthusiasm will be amazing television.

Curb Your Enthusiasm got greenlit for an 11th season... I think Larry David—Corona is going to be amazing. The corona Larry David, like there's no better wheelhouse for that guy.

New York City will have an eerie and calm Fourth of July because people used up all the fireworks in June.

Right now people have bought up so many fireworks and used enough of them already that there's not going to be enough left over for the fourth, at least in New York City. First, it'll be like a calm-ish, calmer than normal Fourth of July in New York City, which should be—that'll be kind of eerie.

The Tampa Bay Lightning will win the Stanley Cup

I've said all year that I like Tampa just because of what they went through last year and then bouncing back... I just refuse to believe a team that good isn't going to win a Stanley Cup at some point in these few years.

The fire drill is the best 'The Office' cold open

Number one is I think the fire that Dwight starts... the fire wall on them that was after a Super Bowl too if I remember correctly.

A great prank should cram absurdity into reality without being mean

a prank is about cramming absurdity into reality and distorting the truth until you like short circuit somebody's brain you want you want somebody to be pinwheeling. You don't want them like you're not I'm not trying to ruin somebody's Day Ever.

Boxing at the professional level is the most difficult sport in terms of coordination and stamina

Boxing on top. Yeah. Agreed. Because you could suck at all these sports pretty easily true. But some sports are more difficult to suck at... Boxing at the highest level, I think is the hardest difficulty in terms of everything that's involved: hand-eye coordination, fast-twitch muscles, stamina.

We need to end the stigma around men dyeing their hair

I want to get out there and let people know it's okay to dye your hair as long as you're honest about it. I have gray I get the grades around the temple... Let's end the stigma. I dye my hair and I'm not ashamed of it.

Every man should try to be the best version of himself, including skincare and manicures

I believe that every guy should try to be the best version of themselves. Not just with how they look but with everything manicure and pedicure... you know I started a men's skincare line because their egos... guys need to take care of the skin.

Every real meal must include meat

I just think you need to have meat if you're eating a meal. There has to be meat. I'm trying to think of what meal I would eat without meat... mac and cheese I think is better without meat, but every single meal is better with meat.

Ages 21 through 26 are the 'prime stains' years for a man's clothing

I would expect that at 23 years old, you would have some just random stains on you... I'd say if you're 23, I would expect that to. It's like 21 through 26 is that's Prime stains.

Tearing twins apart at birth causes permanent psychological separation anxiety

I think the reason they didn't open up the study is that they realize that by tearing twins apart actually made them crazy. Remember when they said they had separation anxiety? I think that's what they found out... you tear apart two twins they get fucked up from it.

Tom Brady in a Buccaneers jersey makes him look like a Sith Lord villain

Me personally I think that him in the Buccaneers Jersey makes him look like a total villain because it's just the color schemes like big like Sith Lord Vibes... he went from blue and red which is like you know like I feel like Synergy good Jedi and then it's like Sith Lord but that's just me.

A girl taking forever to get ready is actually a positive for guys

Taking forever to get ready to go out... as soon as you like as you get older you realize like the timing of things and that's just free time. that's a rain delay that you get for going out that's you know what that time is that sit on the couch and refresh Twitter every two seconds right and not have to feel bad about not feel that at all.

Managing will be more important than ever in a 50-game season

This will be interesting because this will probably be the hardest season for a manager and the most that managing will come into play a game to game because like you said, first sign of trouble we got to win this game. It's not going to be like a Sunday in the middle of July where you hey, we can let's get the fuck out of Cincinnati we can lose this game and recoup tomorrow.

I'm genuinely happy that Chase Stokes and Madelyn Cline from 'Outer Banks' are dating in real life

John B and Sarah Cameron dating in real life. Yes. Fuck. Yes. That is so hot. That's awesome. Oh fuck. Yes. All right. I need all the Deets on that... Chase Stokes and Maddie in real life. According to—get stoked—Ria's already—Ria's where's my heart is about to burst.

PFT Commenter will finally beat Hank in a ping-pong match

Tuesday tuned in, we're going to go dogs at three stool streams. PFT, I think PFT's going to win. I'm hear he's going to win ping-pong against Hank.

Brooks Koepka should keep his mustache forever

[Brooks Koepka] looks so good though, that mustache. I hope he doesn't shave it because he is one of those guys that if he committed to the mustache life, he could be a mustache guy forever.

Authenticity is the key to comedy because real people are naturally weird

If you're authentic in your credible. People are funny. Anyway, right like you could if you're real people are weird like in real life people are just nuts. So you can if you telling you know, the story about someone's life and some lesson they learned or how they got through something hard if you take it seriously, it's still going to be funny.

We have officially become the 'dads' of the podcast

I think what's happened here, you know when whenever you have a family right and there's that point in time when the 10-12 year old kids turn into teenagers and the dads start becoming the butt of every single joke... We are the dads now. We have become the dads. I'm getting roasted on Twitch. You're getting roasted by Hank and ping pong. Billy is just roasting me. Just mentally we are the dads.

The sighting of a white spirit bear in Canada is a sign of good things to come

Cool throne all of us because there was a white spirit bear spotted in Canada, which is a sign of good things to come. Yeah, so cool throne all of us. White bears are here. Yeah, like it's a phenotype of a Grizzly where it has white fur. Hell yeah.