Takes

The Packers are going to kick the shit out of the Raiders on Monday night

My overly direct take is Monday Night Football. I hate betting on this team, but I think the Packers are gonna kick the shit outta the Raiders.

The Broncos' offensive success is a result of playing terrible defenses

Is there a chance that Russell Wilson, he's looked better, but he has not played a good defense? ...he played the Raiders, bad defense. Commanders, bad defense. Dolphins, bad defense. And then last week they played the Bears, the worst defense. So is there a chance that we see bad Russ here against the Jets defense?

Taylor Swift probably thinks Zach Wilson is the greatest quarterback of all time

If Taylor Swift, this is her second football game she's ever been to know of, she probably thinks that Zach Wilson is the greatest quarterback of all time. 'Cause he is outplaying Patrick Mahomes.

The Buffalo Bills' championship window is wide open

I think the Window's wide open. They've got, they've got like years of the window. They're, they're gonna be fine. Josh [Allen] will be fine. He stinks against the Jets. It was a shitty game. He played awful that game... the Bills are gonna get better.

The Celtics are back to being the favorites to win the NBA championship

The Celtics today acquired Jrue Holiday... And they're back to being the favorite to win the NBA championship. It's an elite defensive back court with him and Derrick White. Tatum, Brown, it's gonna be exciting.

It would take a Super Bowl win for people to start hating Lions fans

I don't think people will hate Lions fans unless they win a Super Bowl and then they would start to hate them. It's kind of like the Cubs or the Red Sox, where after they won theirs, people started to hate it. But the first one, I think people would all be about because it is a tortured fan base.

Defense wins championships

Defense wins championships. I'll go to my grave thinking that. The Bucs defense smothered Patrick Mahomes [in the Super Bowl]. That was completely a defensive effort. The Patriots' last Super Bowl was a defensive effort when they stopped the Rams.

The Chiefs will throttle the Jets because Taylor Swift is attending

Chiefs are going to fucking throttle them. The fact that Taylor Swift is going, the chiefs are going to fucking throttle them. And the chief's defense has not been talked about, has been very good this year.

The San Francisco 49ers will win the Super Bowl

Super Bowl Champ: San Francisco 49ers. It is going to be an amazing thing to see Deebo and Trent Williams walk out next to the dude with the big boombox at the Super Bowl.

The Dolphins offense is only stoppable by injuries or cold weather

What can stop [the Dolphins]? The only two things that come to my mind are injuries, which you never wanna see happen, and cold weather. You just have to, if you're a team in the AFC, you gotta be like, hopefully it gets so cold that they can't do this.

The Cowboys and 49ers might be the two best teams in the NFC

The Giants just had to play the Cowboys and the 49ers, which might be the two best teams in the NFC, might be the two best teams in the NFC.

The Giants and Vikings are suffering from a 'regression monster' after last season

Yikes. But that's also kind of what we expected when it comes to the regression monster that is biting the Vikings and the Giants right now from last year's incredible runs.

Justin Fields' best effort likely won't be enough for the Bears to beat the Chiefs

I do think they're [Bears] gonna give their best effort, but unfortunately for them, their best effort's probably not gonna be enough [against the Chiefs].

The Bengals will 'right the ship' and beat the Rams in Week 3

I'm gonna take the Bengals minus three. I actually think this is the Bengals week to right the ship. I've been the Bengals whisperer... now's the time.

The Steelers will be a perfect Mike Tomlin team that goes .500 but misses the playoffs

It does feel like the Steelers are gonna just be a perfect Mike Tomlin team that they won't go under 500, but probably also won't make the playoffs.

There are no superpower teams in college football this year

It feels like this college football season... No one's really that good... There's a lot of really good teams, but no superpower team, which I love.

Penn State is the toughest place to play in the Big 10

I'm gonna go with Penn State... that place... you're kind of like out in this middle of nowhere... and I think two out of the three times I played there was like a whiteout... that's a tough hostile environment to play.

Uncrustables are the perfect meal

It's really the perfect meal, an Uncrustables.

The Bengals fans were right to boo their team in the first half

The Bengals fans were booing the Bengals in the first half. Do we think that's a appropriate... I actually am in favor of the booing because it felt like it wasn't a boo 'you guys suck.' It was a boo 'be better.' There's a difference in the boo. They expect it was more like, we want you to, we know you're better than this boo.

The Ravens are one of the best teams in the entire league right now

The Ravens are one of the best teams in the entire league right now. So I I'm very much looking forward to seeing how they operate with an awesome passing offense.

Justin Jefferson is currently the best wide receiver in the NFL

And also Justin Jefferson kind of has a case. He's the best receiver of the football right now. It would be nice if he won some games. It would suck to be that much better than everyone else and be like, why are we 0-2?

The Buffalo Bills must win convincingly against the Raiders to get their swagger back

It feels like the Bills have to win this game and they have to win it convincingly to get their swagger back a little bit. It does feel like it's kind of, I don't want to sound the alarm so bad, but the bills just, they need to win. They need to win this game and they need to do it well and they need to win by a lot.

Victor Wembanyama is the real deal but will face early growing pains

He got the whole, you know, he's like, kid's the real deal, you know, left pull up everywhere. Left. Right. You know, handle seven foot three. I mean, we haven't seen anything like that. I think there's gonna be, you know, some growing pains. But he got the perfect coach with Pop who's gonna just sit him down and be like, yo young fella, just take it easy.

Announcers need to stop saying 'asterisk' on wins

I don't know why it's become a thing that announcers are now saying asterisk. They did it for the Lions game too. Tarico did the asterisk for No Kelsey, Chris Jones. And then last night they're like, well, asterisk there was tripping on the part return. Who the fuck cares. The Wind's a win.

The PAC-12 is currently the most dominant conference in the country

The lead story right now is the PAC 12 is the most dominant conference in the country. They have eight teams in the top 25 right now... It's insane to me that the PAC 12 has been around for a hundred years and they just timed it two years too late.

Calvin Ridley is on a mission and is going to 'ball' this year

Calvin Ridley is going ball. That's a man on a mission. And some corners are gonna have to deal with that man being on a mission.

The Bengals will still be there at the end of the year despite their slow start

I fully expect the Bengals to be there at the end of the year. It's just ex like, I also expected this to be a slow start for them. And they played about as bad as you can play.

The 49ers have the best roster in professional football

When you watch the 49ers play defense, and when they're humming they are so violent and so fast. Everything like every hole is just, is completely stuffed in a second. They're flying around. It just was a nice reminder like, oh yeah, the 49ers when they have a quarterback who can actually, who has an arm and I'm talking about literally an arm because Brock Purdy didn't have won the NFC championship game. They're the best roster in, in pro football.

The Steelers will be a nine and eight team because Mike Tomlin finds a way

I still think the Steelers will be a decent team. They just played a really fucking good team. I think they'll be like seven and 10. No, it's Mike Tomlin so they'll be so correct that to nine and eight. 'cause they'll find a way.

I'm betting Commanders minus 7 against the Cardinals in Week 1

Commanders minus seven. Can I just say that? Will you allow me to take Commanders minus seven?... This, this is my makeup for Texas Tech. I'm doubling down. Commies or bust.

The Ravens are a sleeping giant in the AFC

Ravens I think are a sleeping giant. I think they are at this point, you can't call 'em a sleeping giant, but a team that probably is not discussed as much as Buffalo, Kansas City and Cincinnati I think is awesome. I love the Ravens this year.

Jordan Addison and Zay Flowers are going too late in fantasy drafts

Jordan Addison... he's a first round pick, but he's going like way too late in drafts right now. Zay Flowers from the Ravens as well.

The AFC will be an offensive juggernaut because everyone is chasing Patrick Mahomes

I think that the AFC is going to be an offensive juggernaut. And I think that really comes from Patrick Mahomes and everyone chasing him.

Chase Claypool is a great late-round flyer in fantasy

Chase Claypool. I actually think that he could... he's playing for money. He slots in better now that DJ Moore's there. Just a flyer [in the 13th or 14th round].

Bob Barker is the GOAT game show host

In my mind the GOAT game show host. Yeah. I mean I know Trebek... Trebek's great. It was, it was the GOAT game show. Right. And he was the host for so long... Just the perfect amount of kind of horny, you know, made sure that everyone got their pets spayed and neutered would get a little pissed off when people were dumb. He just was the best.

Aaron Rodgers is going to be incredible for the Jets

[Rodgers] is gonna be incredible. Yeah. I watched the first two drives and then it was college football. That's all I needed.

The Jaguars will take another step forward because Doug Pederson brings a calm influence to the quarterback

Jaguars I think are, are gonna be a team that, you know, I remember that that game down there in the playoffs... I like what they're doing down there. I like Doug. I think Doug brings a, a calm particularly to the, the quarterback room.

Notre Dame will cover -20.5 against Navy in Ireland

I kind of like Notre Dame to cover against Navy. And I realize it's 20 and a half. But I, I'm, I'm excited to see Sam Hartman in that Notre Dame offense. You have the buffer... hopefully they don't run out of beer like they did last time.

Christian McCaffrey's versatility makes him worth a high running back salary

I think the backs that bring that true three down versatility that you're gonna use him as much throwing in the ball as you are hand, those are the guys that are gonna get paid... you look at what Christian [McCaffrey] can do, he's a dual weapon. You can line him up in the backfield, you can split him out. He's a return. He just brings so many different elements.

Charles Haley was the final piece that shifted the NFC power from San Francisco to Dallas

That was the final missing piece to those teams. And it shifted the power in the N F C from San Francisco to Dallas for a number of years once we got Charles.

The New York Jets are legitimately a quarterback away from being a contender

Obviously everybody's looking at the Jets. ... It's hard to say that a team is one player away, but I tell you what, you watch the Jets last year, they had a great defense. ... They legitimately are like a quarterback away. I mean, that was the thing that held them back last year. And, how much does Aaron Rodgers elevate that team?

Donald Trump weighs 255 pounds

I think he's 255. Like a linebacker. He's a Hoss. He's basically Brian Cushing.

Fans are usually wrong when they criticize NFL play calling

A lot of times you get fans talk about play calling. Why didn't coach call this play? But they don't understand like it's all situational... It depends on what they're lining up in... certain plays that we plan for, we can't really run and practice. And then the fans... might be looking at a play totally different than the offensive coordinator.

Doubling the first hole of a major is the best time to do it

If you're going to make a double bogey right. Might as well be that the first hole of the tournament when you have 71 holes to make it up or like Scottie [Scheffler] did the year before, do it on the last hole when you already know you've won and you can afford to do it.

Hosting the World Cup or Olympics is a massive waste of money for a country

Hosting the World Cup or the Olympics. ... Hosting a massive world event. I think Qatar spent like $2 trillion or some bullshit hosting the World Cup. ... At the end of the day, they're gonna have stadiums all around their country that are never gonna get used again. ... Have you seen the Chinese stadiums? They're like, I think wolves live there now.

Anthony Richardson's first preseason tape will decide his fate in my eyes

That tape is going to basically decide Anthony Richardson's fate in my eyes. If he throws one touchdown pass I'm in. Or one cool like stiff arm or long run. I'm all the way in.

Game speed is much more important than 40-yard dash speed

I think game speed is a completely different than 40 speed. ... There's guys that can run 4.3 but they go out there and they don't look 4.3. And there's guys that run 4.5 that when they go out there, they're playing fast.

Conference realignment is the least appealing part of college football

The conference realignment discussion that we have—and it seems like it's every offseason—it's like the least appealing part of college football to me. I love it, and at it's a bummer, at the end of the day we're gonna watch the games, but it is gonna leave some people out.

The Browns defense will lead the league in swag this season

A stat that we'll have to keep our eye on this upcoming season. Jim Schwartz from the Browns said that their defense may not lead the league in points against, but they will lead it in swag. Okay. So we're gonna have to keep a running tally on whether or not the Browns are actually leading the league in swag.

Aaron Rodgers looks happier in New York than I've ever seen him

Aaron Rodgers looking as happy as I've ever seen him in his entire life. I'm so happy he's found a new home. The pre-game rundown of what Aaron Rodgers has been doing since his time in New York was hilarious. Yes. I don't know if you heard it, but they were like, he's been going to Broadway shows every week.