Takes

Zach Wilson is 'overqualified' for the NFL and that's why he struggles

The guy is so capable of throwing absolute bombs and dimes that when he can't and has to make the start decision and not make a gigantic play... he's so talented that he doesn't like other... people with less talented arms work on being game managers. They can't do what he does. He's almost, they need to create a new football league, a better football league that he could play in because he's too good for the NFL.

The 2022 Tennessee Volunteers are identical to 2019 LSU

I think that this Tennessee team is extremely close, if not almost identical to the LSU team in 2019. So far... they're comparing favorably and I think the comparisons are there for Hendon Hooker and Joe Burrow too. Both super old guys that stuck around.

The Philadelphia Eagles are headed toward a dynasty

I was the first one to say that Philly is headed towards Dynasty. That's what I said this summer in Philly... if they had the right hand on the stairwell and the right hand on the center, if these hands work out, they can be doing something for quite a while.

I would trade Zach Wilson for Sam Ehlinger right now

I'm in both holes. Very deep. ... Then Sam Ehlinger would probably go to the Jets. Give, let's give Zach. ... As a guy who doesn't throw interceptions, that's the kind of guy you want as your quarterback.

Tom Brady's marriage issues began because Gisele didn't know he was flirting with the Dolphins

There's a theory in league circles... that the issues with Tom Brady and his wife blew up when the league announced the punishment of the dolphins because of the flirtation with Brady. Cuz she had, as the theory goes, no idea he was talking to the dolphins about playing.

The Astros should start cheating again to beat the Yankees in the ALCS

If I'm the Astros, I start cheating again. Like I want, I want them to just beat the fuck outta the Yankees and then to have the Yankees just looking around like what the, what the hell just happened to us? I want spin rates to be off the chart this series.

Harambe would record at least seven sacks a game in the NFL

You gotta take Harambe, right? I mean the strength to weight ratio is just way higher than humans. That's, I mean that's a easy seven sacks a game I'm sure.

Turnovers increase the likelihood of succeeding on a 4th down or 2-pt conversion via 'vibe' multipliers

Basically the percentage of converting a two point conversion or on fourth down basically gets increased depending on what type of turnover happens before that possession... after an interception, a fourth down conversion or a two point conversion increases by let's say 110%.

I’m officially retiring from the NFL unless someone offers me a two-year, $15 million contract

I quietly, I didn't tell anybody I retired. Just didn't tell anyone... I guess you guys are kind of the first to hear it publicly... I've officially retired... [unless] two for 15 million. I'd be there in a heartbeat.

I bet a decent amount of money on the Eagles to go 17-0

I did, I did put a future on the Eagles earlier this week. I, I put, I put a decent amount of money on them to go completely undefeated... they only have to get, they have to go 17 and oh for this to hit. If the Eagles go 17 and Oh I will, I will be a rich man.

Frank Reich is an example of 'height privilege' in coaching

I think that Frank Reich is an example of height privilege in this country. I think if he was short, if he looked like Matt Rhule, I think he would've already been fired... the gray hair just gives him a gravitas. He looks studious.

Jared Goff has a Hall of Fame case based on high-scoring game involvement

Jared Goff has now been part of three of the top 20 highest scoring games. NFL history... That's pretty cool... quarterback, their job is a score points.

War should be replaced by a 'Space Olympics' where countries compete to blow up asteroids for mining rights

We drop so many bombs on Earth every day. Why don't we just throw all those bombs and blow something up and develop a point system and compete. Make it like a Space Olympics. And we like compete with like other countries and space programs. And the winner gets like, I don't know, mining rights to certain natural resources.

Jeff Bezos should buy the Bears and sign Lamar Jackson

If I were Jeff Bezos, I would buy a team... I would buy the bears. I'd just walk up to the McCaskeys and say, 'Hey, listen old people, here's 10 billion. I'm buying the bears.'... Now I'm gonna give Lamar Jackson the richest contract in NFL history, plus I'm gonna throw in like a 10th of a 10th of a percent of equity... and I'm just gonna fuck up the entire process for everyone else. Then you just get a great team instantly.

Seahawks fans deserved to lose the SuperSonics

The Seahawks take, which was correct... I think what people got really mad about is when you said like you deserve to lose the Sonics. Yeah. That Joe sports... because the Sonics like just straight up, they left, they fucked over the city of Seattle.

Andrew Luck was a 'busted chaw' and is an overrated quarterback

Andrew luck busted chaw, badge for town. Okay. Fact game over and debate. I've had people fucking bitching and complaining... Andrew luck was great? Even though he was four and four in the playoffs. And then they're like, oh, it was offensive line. They had a great offensive line and he quit.

I will get shot in the ass with a bow and arrow if the Bears win the Super Bowl

I also will get shot in the ass. If the bears were the Superbowl this year, I'll let Jake shoot me with a bone arrow.

I may be allergic to red meat and dairy for the rest of my life due to a lone star tick bite

Turns out I must have stepped on a lone star tick nest... and I got bitten by a bunch of lone star tick larva... which the good news is the larva don't transmit Lyme's... but they can give you an Alpha-gal allergy. That means that Alpha-gal is in all red meat and dairy and I, I might be allergic to red meat and dairy for the rest of my life. I had to go vegan for a month before I get the test... I contracted veganism.

Dabo Swinney would be a serial killer or a Scientology leader if not for football

If it weren't for football, like Dabo Swinney would be a serial killer. Like he's, he's unhinged. He's an unhinged human being. He's not a well-adjusted human being... He probably would take over for David Miscavige and just be the next fucking Scientology guy.

The Detroit Lions will finish the season 1-16

I have the Detroit Lions going 1-15... excuse me 1-16... I'm gonna be rooting against him every fucking game for rest of my life because of Tom Kennedy... fuck them where they bring this scumbag back.

The Kansas City Chiefs will miss the playoffs entirely in 2022

Chiefs 10 and 7 do not make the playoffs. Okay. So fuck the Chiefs. They're the most overrated team ever. They suck.

Cade Klubnik is a future Hall of Famer

This kid for Clemson is a future Hall of Famer... I've seen five passes from him. Hall of Famer, talking gold jacket folks. Where were you when we said this? [Cade] Klubnik. He's legit.

Bill Clinton definitely hooked up with Dr. Ruth at the US Open

Bill Clinton was at the US Open too. And he was best term for it—he was noodling with Dr. Ruth. They were getting very close... bill Clinton was getting real horny with Dr. Ruth. And I think he fucked her. I'm going to say he fucked her.

Albert Pujols' late-career home run surge is suspicious and 'not normal'

Albert Pujols, 42 years old. July 4th he was hitting .189. And since then he leads the league in batting average and has like 11 homers. That's totally normal... Why does Sam Querrey not do fucking drugs before he retires? He should have done some fucking Winstrol.

Hasbulla is a bigger living legend than Michael Jordan

One-one is Hasbulla. He's a living legend. He walks in the room, everyone stops. You go to any country in the world and they're like—Hasbulla. He's got international [fame]. Hasbulla objectively is way bigger [than Michael Jordan].

Aaron Rodgers should be in jail for his admissions on Joe Rogan

Aaron Rodgers should be in jail. He went on Joe Rogan... he admitted to playing games on Percocet... I'm going to have a lawyer go through the transcript and just get an entire list of all the things that are felonies that he admitted to.

I could kick Dan Campbell's and Mike Vrabel's asses in a fight

[Do you think you could kick Dan Campbell's ass?] Yes. And Mike Vrabel also, I'd throw Mike Vrabel in there at the same time... I just can tell you, if you pull 10 wrestlers, they're gonna tell you, take the best wrestler over the best boxer. So it's debatable, but us wrestlers stick together.

Cold pasta has no carbs or calories

Here's a, here's a little fun fact for everyone as a nutritionist, pasta cold pasta has no carbs. So that's just a fact for everyone out there. No carbs, no calories, cold pasta. You can, whenever you eat cold pasta, the next day you could just eat so much of it.

I take PEDs, but PEDs stands for 'Prioritize, Execute, and Dominate'

I take PEDs. Yeah. I prioritize, execute and dominate every, every fucking morning. Every morning... I'm completely fucking around guys.

I would eat a human liver if animal sources were unavailable

I got no problem taking a liver from a human. Well... if I needed to, I would. I would've no reservation of eating... When I can't get liver from something else... if all the animals have been hunted... and I need my liver, I got no problem taking a liver from a human.

Being a youth women's gymnastics coach without a daughter on the team should be an automatic jail sentence

If you're like a youth women's gymnastics coach and you don't have a daughter, you should automatically go to jail a hundred percent. Like without doubt, fucked up you have to be to be a gymnastics coach in general.

MLB should cover up steroid use for players who are great for the game

David Ortiz was like, they, they just shouldn't suspend him because he's so good at baseball. And he is a face of the game... That's actually that's that makes more sense than what his own dad is doing. David Ortiz is right. It's like, if you're awesome at baseball, they should just cover it up.

Italy will win the World Cup this year

I like Italy this year... America's my second team behind. Behind Italy. I'm gonna root for Italy. I think Italy. I think this is Italy's year... Italy's just too good.

The Denver airport was likely built by Nazis or the New World Order

Denver international airport airport built by Nazis, right? Well, it was built by the same person that or the same company that built the underground layer... There's a lot of, a lot of conspiracies about this place. There's miles of underground bunker... Something going on that doesn't add up.

The earth is 'rounded' like a vert ramp, not flat or circular

Everyone's been wrong cuz it's it's it's not flat or circular. It's rounded. Slightly angled. Yeah. It's like a, a tent that catches a little bit of wind underneath it.

Mekhi Becton's shattered kneecap could be good for his career

I think maybe this time will do him well, mature, and we'll see him this year. The shattered kneecap could be really good for his NFL career is what I'm trying to say, trying to be optimistic.

I would cut off Mike Vrabel's penis for a college football championship

[Big Cat]: Would you cut off Mike Vrabel's penis for a college football championship? [Fickell]: Sure. Because he's already throwing it out there and he's got plenty of kids, man. I guess he's got what he needs.

O'Neil Cruz has a chance to be the best baseball player of all time

Someone told me that I trust who has good baseball knowledge said that there's a 5.5% chance he could end up being the best baseball player of all time... think about it, you're like, oh fuck, I gotta pay attention. He's six foot seven... is it true that he runs like Tyreek Hill? He's so fast. And then he threw from shortstop to first base... 97 [mph].

Jim Harbaugh's adoption stance is actually a long-term recruiting strategy to build a super team

He's essentially just opened the doors being like, I will take any babies that my team produces. And guess what? It's a lot easier to recruit your adopted sons than it is some random kid... He's building a super team for 20 years from now. Embryos are getting an offer letter to Michigan.

Jack Nicklaus' name is actually pronounced 'Jack Naus'

First thing, Jack Nicklaus is pronounced Jack Naus... I think that those clips were the original way they pronounced his name and just over time it's been butchered.

Crown Prince Muhammad bin Salman is the most annoying guy in golf for ruining the game

One crown prince Muhammad bin Salman. He's an annoying golf [guy]. He is annoying. He's taken. He's just ruined the game of golf for everybody. Really. He's probably the most annoying golf guy. And if he hears me say this, he probably saw my arms off. Yes.

I bet $40,000 on the Orioles to win the AL

I made a bet on the Orioles to win the AL at 400 to one... I just got caught up in the buzz and I was like, fuck, I think I want a ride. I want, I want to ride with these guys.

Albert Einstein is an idiot because he married his first cousin

Einstein. Smartest guy alive, fucking married his cousin. What a foe... he F fucked his cousin. That makes no sense... He's not that smart. In my opinion. He's an idiot... he was like, yeah, you're not this isn't too incestuous enough for me. I need some fucking [cousin].

I would be the best in the world at any profession I chose to obsess over

I believe whatever I did, I would be the best at, just because I only want to be the best... I wanted to be at one point in my life thinking I wanted to be, you know, I'm a Navy pilot. I mean, I would have been the best because I would have been so obsessed with it. I wanted to be, you know, a crime fighter. I mean, I put every bad guy in jail because I'd be the best.

The NHL beat writer who celebrated with the Stanley Cup should be fired for a lack of integrity

There was a Colorado Avalanche beat writer that picked up the Stanley Cup and celebrated with the team and called it one of the best nights of his life. And frankly he should be executed. Yeah. Send him to the LIV tour. They should chop his head off. That's not what journalism is supposed to be in America. It's supposed to be fearless truth tellers, impartial scribes.

Jerking off is low-key gay

One, one is jerking off so easily. You're literally touching... Constantly touching it... Looking at it. Caressing it... You look forward to it.

A quarterback taking snaps under center is low-key gay

Our next pick is a quarterback under center... Pro-style offense. What does that mean? Putting his hands in you basically. The ass. Tom Brady has a very specific way that he likes his center's ass to be... he makes the center put a specific type of towel like in his ass cheeks.

The new lacrosse movie will be as impactful for the sport as Drive to Survive was for F1

The sport was honestly amazing. It was like, I think that it's going to be as huge for lacrosse as DRS [Drive to Survive] is revive was for F1. It was an amazing feature.

Blogging was easier in the early 2010s because there were fewer bloggers and more unique topics

I think you blogged a different era. I will say... I mean, there was less bloggers and there was more topics to blog she could get... I mean, there was less bloggers and there was more topics.

The Warriors are dead

My fire Fest is obviously a, the warriors is dead. I truly believe that.