Takes

We are getting ripped off because guests aren't paying us $50,000 to appear on the podcast

We're getting ripped off as a podcast because that came out yesterday saying that people are paying up to $50,000 to appear on podcast. No one's ever even approached us and asked us to pay for coming on our podcast. In fact, it's only been the other way around... We should start billing people that have already been on the show.

I was the first to report that Trevor Penning is a savage

There's this dude I've been watching since early college... Trevor Penning. I kind of feel like one of those guys, like I was following them when they're small. So now basically he just got kicked out of Saints camp for going too hard. He's an absolute animal... now everyone's on it... I was there when he was doing this. Just make sure the internet knows that Billy had it first.

Neutrogena has discontinued the face wash I have used my entire life

I'm pretty sure the face wash I've been using my whole life has been discontinued... probably like middle school. And I've gone to like five or six CVSs... Neutrogena website, sorry for the inconvenience we're sold out. On Amazon it's going for $70. I've transferred to Cetaphil.

Juan Soto is Babe Ruth and Barry Bonds combined

I'm gonna miss him. [Juan Soto] is 23. He's Ted Williams. He might be better than Ted Williams. He's Babe Ruth and Barry Bonds combined.

The Washington Nationals were never going to re-sign Juan Soto

The Nationals were never going to re-sign him. So you've got a lot... the Padres aren't going to re-sign him. The Yankees are, the Dodgers are the only two teams that are going to afford Juan Soto.

The Chicago Cubs look like idiots for not trading Wilson Contreras at the deadline

The Cubs who didn't trade Wilson Contreras... he's gonna walk for a huge bag at the end of the year and then the Cubs will be like, oh, we got a compensatory pick. That's way worse. They literally dangled this guy for an entire month, they won't give him an extension and now they don't trade him and they look like idiots.

Juan Soto will get a $500 million contract in free agency

The reality of the situation is that in a couple years time, when he does become a free agent, he's going to get a contract that's far going to eclipse what the Nationals offered. It's going to be $500 million. It's going to be the Dodgers or the A's—he's going to get paid a shitload of money.

The Yankees will lose in the playoffs because they traded Jordan Montgomery

Yankees going for it, except for the Jordan Montgomery trade. That makes no sense. The Yankees are going to now lose in the playoffs because they don't have starting pitching and they traded Jordan Montgomery.

Deshaun Watson is a predator

I will go one more than scumbag. I think Deshaun Watson is a predator. And he's a bad guy, but the problem with how this all shook out is he settled with a lot of the women.

The NFL rigged the first six games of the Browns' schedule for Deshaun Watson

Also NFL rigged: the first six games that they have are the easiest schedule in the league. We mentioned that on the schedule release, that the people were saying look at this, they're setting it up.

Bill Belichick triggered the Dolphins investigation to get back at them for 'fucking him over'

Take a bow Bill Belichick, this was your masterpiece. By implicating the Dolphins in doing some backyard stuff along with the Giants, it sounds like that's what triggered the entire thing to happen with [Brian] Flores suing the NFL. They did an investigation, they found that yes, Belichick did get fucked over by the Dolphins.

Every NFL team should be tampering

I'm saying everyone should tamper in the NFL. Why not fucking go for it? If you're not tampering, you're not trying.

The 2022 Jacksonville Jaguars over 6.5 wins is a lock because of Kyle Sloter

Kyle Sloter... he excelled in the USFL. I told you guys to watch. I'm pretty sure he got the MVP, who cares? But he played really well in the USFL and the preseason is absolutely when Kyle Sloter shines. So what I'm saying is take the over for the Jacksonville Jaguars in this game... Take the Jags. Because it's Sloter. We're betting on Sloter right now.

Batman and Batgirl are siblings in DC lore and their relationship is incestuous

Batman and Batwoman were depicted as parents and Robin and Batgirl were depicted as their children. But then... Robin and Batgirl are supposed to be siblings and they're fucking, so they're like, oh, they're not gay. They're just incestuous.

The New York Jets are an absolute wagon this year

My hot seat is the AFC East today. I visited Jets camp and I have to say they are all totally on the hot seat because the Jets are an absolute wagon. And their offense looked electric. Seriously.

Elijah Moore is a step above everybody else in the NFL

I saw [Elijah Moore] today in person and he was making grabs all over the field. It was like, that guy is a different kind of player. Like he's a step above everybody else.

I would cut off Mike Vrabel's penis for a college football championship

[Big Cat]: Would you cut off Mike Vrabel's penis for a college football championship? [Fickell]: Sure. Because he's already throwing it out there and he's got plenty of kids, man. I guess he's got what he needs.

Cincinnati will play for a championship in 2022

[Big Cat]: Predict Cincinnati's schedule and what their final record's going to be. [Fickell]: We'll play for a championship.

Pineapple is a tier-one fruit

Next pick, our next pick is pineapple. Great fruit. Tier one. Pineapple makes everything taste good. It's big and strong.

Corn is a fruit and it will win the Mount Rushmore for Team Billy

Corn. Corn is a fruit. Can you guys believe that? An ear of corn is not technically a fruit. Instead, each kernel is a fruit. Exactly... I'm talking to the corn lovers of America. You're gonna vote for Team Billy because of corn... Trust in corn.

I will eat a pound of corn if the Billy/Jake/Memes team wins the Fruit Mount Rushmore

If you lose, I wanna see you eat five pounds of corn... Alright, how about a pound of—I'm talking about by the way, loose corn? Not ears of corn. A pound of corn. Deal.

I'm betting the Jaguars over their win total because Urban Meyer is gone

I think I might sell myself on the Jaguars this year. Like take their win total over just by Urban Meyer not being there. I think the Jaguars are gonna get a bounce just by not having that fucking asshole around finger of the year... I think I'm gonna buy the Jaguars. I'm calling my shot right now.

Bill Russell is the most 'Mount Rushmore-able' NBA player ever

[Bill Russell] might be the most Mount Rushmoreable professional basketball player of all time. Like on various Mount Rushmores. Yeah. As far as like what he did obviously for the Celtics, he's maybe the most clutch postseason player of all time. He was 10 and 0 in elimination games in the playoffs.

The NBA should retire Bill Russell's number 6 league-wide

Retire his number. Yeah. All across the league. He was, I like, let's go Hank. He's got the MVP trophy right? So yeah. I agree. Retire his number. Yes. Good call Hank.

George Jetson was born on July 31st, 2022

My woe is on today... July 31st as we're taping it. This is the day that George Jetson was born on whoa. In the TV show The Jetsons. Whoa, whoa. That is whoa. And if you watch the Jetsons, we're like journeying throughout outer space, future conquering other solar... nothing's changed.

The Flintstones and Jetsons live on the same earth at the same time

There's a theory that the [Flintstones] live in a post-apocalyptic prehistoric land on earth while the [Jetsons] live in the sky. Also, not to be horny, but Jane Jetson should get it. She was a fox.

Mike Tomlin will find a way to get the Steelers 10 wins despite the QB situation

I don't know what's going on [with the Steelers] because Mitch has the job, but then there was a report that Mason Rudolph might be winning the job... I just know that Mike Tomlin will somehow find a way to get the Steelers to 10 wins.

You cannot go to Antarctica if you still have your appendix

Fact, you can't go to Antarctica if you have your appendix. ... because they don't have medical technology down there. So if it starts to rupture, you're gonna die.

Dan Campbell is the NFL Coach of the Year if the Lions win five games

Dan Campbell coach of the year if they win five games. Lions should get comeback franchise of the year. If they win like six games, we need to grade that on a scale.

Derek Carr will win NFL MVP in 2022

MVP 2,500. Oh wow. Jersey Jerry... Jersey Jerry gave it to me. I put it in. It's the first future I have. MVP the whole league... With one of the best wide receivers actually. And one of the best offensive coordinators. And they had a lot of promise last year.

Russell Wilson will win NFL MVP in 2022

I think I'm gonna pick Russell Wilson because it's like, you know that the narratives there... If the Broncos are incredible, Russell Wilson will get all the credit. Yeah. All of it. Everything... Peyton Manning his first year in Denver what happened? He went fucking nuts. Exactly.

Flying private is the coolest thing you can do if you are rich

We've been lucky enough to fly private every now and then—it is pretty fucking awesome. If you have the means to do it, like these people do, it's probably the one coolest rich thing you can do.

College football would crumble without private planes

We have to defend private planes because without private planes, college football crumbles. Nothing would happen to coaching searches, recruiting, all this shit.

The 'Tony Pizza' boyfriend is a legend and it's a great nickname

My boyfriend won't stop calling me Tony pizza... it honestly bothers me that he can't even bother to find a somewhat nice nickname for me... backfire for this chick because everyone was like your boyfriend rocks. Tony Pizza is a hilarious nickname... Tony Pizza is a great nickname.

Guardian caps are the pussification of America

I think it's the pussification of America. ... I think it just looks funny. I'm gonna start doing the big head pictures with those, it's gonna be fucking sick.

Juan Soto will be traded to either the Cardinals or the Padres

I heard Jake Peavy give a take on the network about him potentially ending up in San Diego. And I could also see St. Louis... I would love to see Soto in San Diego for the simple reason that the Dodgers have just dominated the NL West forever. And if the Padres are serious about taking that next step, what better way to make that statement than to bring in a guy like Juan Soto?

MLB owners are cheap and players aren't greedy

Does it bother you when you hear billionaires complaining about spending money for their team? ... If you don't like it, I guarantee you there's a hundred other billionaires that'll line up to buy your team. ... People always hate on the players though they're greedy. No, the owners are cheap.

The pitcher-catcher chemistry is overrated; catchers are pros

I think it's ridiculous when guys have to have a certain catcher behind the plate. I think it's stupid. As long as you got a catcher's mitt behind the plate and you've gone over the hitters with me in the pre-game meeting and we're on the same page, I don't give a shit... some of these starting pitchers need to take a step back and maybe take some of the blame... If you're in the big leagues, your job description is the same as the next guy.

The Mets will win the NL East if they can just score a few runs

If they can find a way just to score a few runs of the game, they're gonna win that division. There's no doubt in my mind because Max [Scherzer] is a freak, we know [deGrom] is a freak when he's healthy.

Jacob deGrom is the best starting pitcher to ever put on a uniform

I've blown the guy for years. I just think he's the best. And I've said this, I think he's the best starting pitcher to ever put the uniform on. If he stays healthy people might think that's crazy. Some people love it. Just watching him live and on TV... he struck out nine out of ten. It's the best shit I've ever seen ever from any pitcher.

O'Neil Cruz has a chance to be the best baseball player of all time

Someone told me that I trust who has good baseball knowledge said that there's a 5.5% chance he could end up being the best baseball player of all time... think about it, you're like, oh fuck, I gotta pay attention. He's six foot seven... is it true that he runs like Tyreek Hill? He's so fast. And then he threw from shortstop to first base... 97 [mph].

The Mets and Yankees will meet in the World Series (Subway Series)

I like a subway series. Yes. I like the New York Mets against the New York Yankees. I think with deGrom and Scherzer back and 100%, I think the Mets find a way to separate themselves even further and win that division. And I don't see anybody slowing down the Yankees. I just really don't.

The ceremonial first pitch should count in the game as a ball or strike

The first pitch should count. It should count as a ball or strikes. How great would that be though? So the home team always gets to pick the first pitcher and someone will like air mail it... so the first batter gets up there and it's a 1-0 count. It wouldn't actually change any outcomes... but it would add a fun wrinkle.

The manufacturing and preparation of MLB baseballs is a giant conspiracy

It's a giant conspiracy, man. It's a huge conspiracy. ... What pitchers don't like is when balls are just taken out of the wrapper and put in the ball bag... it's inconsistent... if they're changing the balls with the way they fly and more drag, less drag, just let the players know because we don't really care. Just be transparent about it.

Kyler Murray's performance drop-off every fall is directly caused by the release of new Call of Duty games

Kyler Murray, before Call of Duty is released in the fall, he averages 22.5 fantasy points per game. And after it's released every fall, he averages 17.4 fantasy points per game. The new Call of Duty is supposed to come out the end of October. So it feels like the Cardinals were like, Hey, this is actually the Call of Duty clause here.

The Cardinals specifically leaked Kyler Murray's contract to cover their own asses

I really do think the Cardinals are trying to cover their own ass because like you said, like they're, they have to sign Kyler Murray... but they also wanna cover their own ass and be like, well, if it doesn't work out, here's probably why giving themselves an escape clause.

Russell Wilson is becoming more of a robot every day

Russell Wilson is just becoming more and more of a robot every day. The fact that he like, he actually is, you know, when people say like, I'll give 110%, he truly believes that there is something more than a hundred percent.

Jim Harbaugh's adoption stance is actually a long-term recruiting strategy to build a super team

He's essentially just opened the doors being like, I will take any babies that my team produces. And guess what? It's a lot easier to recruit your adopted sons than it is some random kid that you have no connection with. He's building a super team for 20 years from now.

You shouldn't be called a streaker unless you are fully nude

You shouldn't be allowed to be called a streaker unless you're fully committed and you go totally nude on it. I wanna just tip my hat to that individual... and not just running out there in a t-shirt having Al Michaels be like, and we're not gonna show you the streaker on the field. Cause I think that's bullshit.

Julio Jones has gone downhill and no longer looks explosive

I feel like he's gone downhill as a player. Like he didn't look explosive last year at all. Well, the fact that he's 33 and he's like old and at the end of his career is just very, it's like a bummer just to think about.