Takes

Bill Belichick is interested in Andy Dalton to prove he can win with anyone

A lot of people have been saying the reverse that Bill Belichick would be interested in Andy Dalton because if you can win a Super Bowl with Andy Dalton, then everyone will say wow. This guy can do anything he walk on water.

If Tom Brady wins with the Chargers, he's officially better than Eli Manning

If he went to the Chargers and then read far back and prove once and for all... if he's able to win with the Chargers [he is better than Eli Manning].

Tom Brady will still be a New England Patriot next season

This podcast is a whole Warehouse taking our reputation that we don't really care about and if we're wrong who the fuck cares but we are staking our reputation definitively that he will still be a patriot.

Philip Rivers is highly considering becoming an Indianapolis Colt

Philip Rivers is highly considering becoming an Indianapolis Colt and that talks are kind of bubbling up under the surface. I've heard that maybe three or four Philip Rivers children have been in touch with the Colts about the daycare situation there.

Coronavirus is currently a solid 8-seed in the 'Who's Now' bracket

I'll say it to you this way in my who's now bracket. The Corona virus is a solid eight seed.

Steven Seagal can't be arrested for fraud because Bitcoin 2 Gen was obviously a pyramid scheme

I don't think that Steven Seagal is off the hook on this one because you can't get arrested for fraud If the product is called this is literally fraud, right? So he's very open about how fraudulent Bitcoin to Jin was. So it's not like it's false advertising.

Winning a foot race against your girlfriend is a lose-lose situation

I don't care how much gloating she was doing before the fact if you beat your girlfriend and a foot race, and then you're like, yes suck it bitch. I'm faster than you. That's probably going to end your relationship. So you almost have to throw it.

Tom Brady's sleeper team in free agency is the Detroit Lions

Give me a sleeper team for Tom Brady... how about he goes to Detroit. Go home to Michigan. Matt Patricia. Interesting.

The Browns were legitimately interested in talking to Condoleezza Rice about the head coaching search

Condoleezza Rice was a person that they had interest in talking to, getting her perspective... I report the Browns would like to talk to Condoleezza Rice... and an hour later the Browns released a statement. [The leak] wasn't thirsty, they initially contemplated whether they were willing to have that information go public.

Medium Rare Plus is a legitimate and superior steak temperature

PFT, you just won't believe me that medium rare plus exists, even though every time we go somewhere I order it and the waitress here... they always say yes. [Restaurants] will always err on the side of rare [when you order medium rare], so that's why I get plus.

I am taking the over on the Astros season win total because they'll get on base from HBPs

I want to find out what the line is on the amount of times that the Astros are going to get beaned this year. And I'm going to take the over on it no matter what... I feel like I might take the season win total over for the Astros just on that alone.

Coronavirus is an overrated threat with a 'trash' mortality rate

I would say that the Corona virus is overrated because it only has a two percent mortality rate, which frankly is trash. I would honestly get coronavirus just for the content. I think it would be a good addition to the show.

Testicles shrivel in the cold specifically to regulate sperm production temperature

When your balls shrivel up when it's cold is because they are seeking warmth because your sperm factory, in your nut sack, has to stay closer to your body to be the right temperature... because the optimal sperm producing temperature is a little bit chillier than the rest of your body.

The mockery of NFL Combine hand size measurements has gone too far; it actually matters for quarterback performance.

I think the pendulum has swung so far into mocking combine season. I actually hate it now... It might not directly correlate, but would you not rather have a guy with a bigger hand than a smaller hand? There is absolutely a benefit to having a big hand if you're trying to grip a football in the rain or cold.

Joe Burrow is using 'Galaxy Brain' reverse psychology on the Bengals by saying he would play for them.

I think that this is Galaxy brain [Joe] Burrow because I think that he is showing intentionally such poor vision making process that he says that he will play for the Bengals that the Bengals be like, 'oh fuck. We don't we don't want them.' Why would anyone play for us? That's not our kind.

In the modern NFL, having a transcendental offense is better than having a very good defense.

I'd say that having a transcendental offense is probably better usually than having a very good defense because it's extremely hard to put together all the pieces on defense... just one of those easy things to just be like, 'Hey, we want to have an explosive offense.'

Joe Judge is pulling an 'Andy Bernard' routine by mirroring everything Dave Gettleman wants to hear to keep his job.

I have a theory about Joe Judge, the coach of the New York football Giants. I think that he is very good at pulling like an Andy Bernard... I think he just saw [Dave] Gettleman and he was like, 'This is a mark right here. I can say everything that Gettleman wants to hear and I'll get hired.' So I think that Joe Judge is going to live out the next couple years of his life just basically trying to be Gettleman's wet dream of head coach.

Jacob Eason will be a top 10 pick because scouts will forget his bad film as the draft gets closer.

The guy this year is going to be [Jacob] Eason from Washington. As we get closer to the draft, people are going to forget about what he put on film at Washington. And he was eventually he'll be like top 10.

Hockey is the only sport where an emergency backup goalie like a Zamboni driver can actually enter a professional game and win.

David Ayers, the NHL goalie who was like a Zamboni driver that they called in and asked him to start a game, he won the game... It's the only sport that can have this happen... it's the only sport where a goalie can be a guy just driving a Zamboni. Let's throw him in an emergency.

The Tokyo Olympics will likely be cancelled if the coronavirus isn't under control by late May.

Ioc member Dick Pound says Tokyo Olympic organizers have until late May to see if the [coronavirus] is under control. If not, you're probably looking at a cancellation. You can't cancel the Olympics... I think Dick Pound is someone, he Dick Pound is obviously now trending, so it's fun that you know when we can talk about a deadly disease that no one can get control of at least we can get the right thing trending here with Dick Pound.

If Zion Williamson is truly 300 pounds, he is the most impressive athlete of all time.

If Zion is 300 pounds, he's the most impressive athlete of all time. He's doing this as a 300-pounder... Better numbers than rookie LeBron. It's incredible watching him.

WeWork is a disaster that will inevitably go to zero.

You are a zero and you're going to zero with a bullet... It always goes to zero because what you're basically doing is taking long-term debt obligations to either lease or buy a building and then you're providing short-term leases to some really shitty companies that don't make any money... It is a disaster on wheels.

Justin Trudeau is a poor leader who should not be managing Canada because he has never run a business.

Justin Trudeau is that he's never run a business yet has no idea what he's doing when it comes to being competitive... Trump slaughtered him on energy just yesterday. Another seven billion dollars left Canada in the energy space and it's moving to the US... I like Justin as a person. I would never let him manage my money. He shouldn't be managing a country and he will lose his job soon because Canadians are just howling at the moon there.

I can sense the 'aura of success' or failure in a person before they even speak.

I can actually tell now when they step out on that carpet... and at that moment I can sense their aura. And I know exactly whether we have winners or losers. They don't even have to say anything. I'm right a hundred percent. I can now at this point sense the aura of success or losers.

Jimmy Garoppolo is not a championship-caliber quarterback because he missed the throw to Emmanuel Sanders.

I'm taking 20 percent off retail on [Jimmy Garoppolo]. He did not perform. He had a minute and a half, I said, 'this is his moment to shine.' He did nothing... he missed that throw to Emmanuel Sanders. That was it. You can't be forgiven for that.

Madison's stance on Peter sleeping with other women is normal for real life but irrational for The Bachelor.

In the normal world, the problems that Madison have where it's like, 'Hey, we might be getting engaged next week, I don't want you sleeping with other girls the week before we get engaged,' that is normal. In The Bachelor Cinematic Universe, you know what you signed up for. What are we doing here?

Tony Grossi shouldn't be fired for his hot mic comment about Baker Mayfield, but he should lose his 'word privilege' and not be allowed to talk.

He called him [Baker Mayfield]... 'and all we got was a fucking midget.' That was a direct quote... fire him? I don't want anyone fired. I don't want to get... we're not trying to fire someone just for one mistake... I actually think what needs to happen is that he just is not allowed to talk anymore. Tony Grossi. Just completely no more words ever... someone else can talk for him. He sits in the room and listens to everybody else and not open his big trap.

I 100% believe Deontay Wilder's excuse that his 45-pound mask killed his legs before the Tyson Fury fight.

Deontay Wilder his excuse for getting knocked out by Tyson Fury on Saturday night was his legs were dead because he wore a 45-pound mask into the ring. So pretty much exactly what we said on Monday... I 100 percent believe this. He's an idiot. Like he walked through the entire casino that he put on a 45 pound weighted vest before the biggest fight of his life. That's so stupid.

Mrs. McNabb is the greatest Campbell's Chunky Soup mom of all time.

Who was the best Campbell's Chunky Soup Mom? Mrs. McNabb or Mrs. Davis? Oh, I think it's Mrs. McNabb all the way. I don't even know... it's gotta be Mrs. McNabb. The great part about Mrs. McNabb was that when she was doing the commercials, that was like right when all the drama with [Donovan] McNabb and T.O. was going down.

UFC has ruined my brain for watching boxing

I have a take that UFC has kind of ruined my brain when it comes to boxing... I watched that fight and I was like why the fuck isn't he submitting him? Like, why isn't he taking him to the ground? Why isn't he kneeing him in the face? It's just there's a level of violence in the UFC that you expect when you see a fight and you're like I was sitting there watching like why isn't Fury just sit on him.

Deontay Wilder was gassed because he had to walk through the MGM Grand for 10 minutes

Watching Deontay Wilder have to walk through the entirety of the MGM Grand... it was no joke 10 minutes of him just walking through the through the back rooms. I said right then and there I was like he is going to be gassed because that is everyone knows that feeling when you're in a casino and you've been walking around.

Tyson Fury is the best karaoke singer in boxing

Tyson Fury, he [treated] American Pie like karaoke night. He is an electric guy, the Gypsy King... [he is] probably the best karaoke singer in boxing.

Pay-per-view shamers need to get a life

You pay per view shamers. I see you you guys get get a fucking life the people who pre complain about the fight there like I'm not going to buy the fight because probably the last like three rounds and the undercard sucks. It's not about the fight. It is about the fight but it's also about the experience of buying the pay-per-view and being like, holy shit.

Brad Stevens being too nice to referees hurts the Celtics

Brad Stevens like his face and the fact that he treats refs was so much respect hurts him because if he just raises his voice a little he gets a technical foul. That was a bullshit technical foul. What kind of just calling a technical foul with a minute left in the game is also who does that?

Sean Miller escaped the FBI because his constant sweating makes it impossible to tell if he's lying

Sean Miller escaped the FBI because when they interrogate him you can't look at a man and be like, 'Oh, he's pouring sweat, he must be lying.' That's just his natural homeostasis. He rolls out of bed sweaty. Just leaks. He's got all these tiny little holes in his body, just leaks like a strainer.

Larry the Goldfish was a much bigger winner than the Browns' mascot Swagger

Larry all due respect, but Larry was like 17 million times the winner that Swagger was... Larry won, Swagger lost. He was a loser dog. I'll put it this way: it would have been more appropriate for the Browns to put Swagger's [body] on a little pontoon boat and light it on fire.

The Heat, Thunder, and Nets are the most forward-thinking NBA organizations

I look at you know, you got to look at the Thunder I They've done a good job the Nets on the obviously getting KD and Kyrie. I think a lot of the Nets is situation has to do with creativity but also information... Indiana. I think has a great kind of culture already set... I like what Miami is doing right now.

John Beilein failed in Cleveland because he treated NBA players like college kids

I think he thought that what his methods were in college. Were going to work at the NBA level and it just wasn't even close... one person described him as a dictator and that's not the way you talk to NBA players... once that Thug comment was made and he went back and said nah, I'm at slugs. I think the players knew that that was never said.

I don't see any scenario where Anthony Davis is not a Laker next year

Anthony Davis any chance he goes anywhere, but the Lakers in this offseason? I don't see it. I don't see it... Could he take a meeting? Yes, but I just I don't see a scenario where he's not a Laker.

The Bucks might win 70 games this season

The Bucks... they might win 70 games this year.

Markieff Morris is signing with the Lakers following his buyout from the Pistons

Pistons Forward Markieff Morris has agreed to a contract buyout League sources tell athletic... I do think it's the Lakers of the Raptors and the but... [Later] Now it's confirmed, it's the Lakers.

Jayson Tatum's back tattoo is grammatically incorrect

He did get a new tattoo on his back huge tattoo God's will God's will mmm. No apostrophe though, God's will God's will is God's will... if he wants to be the best player in the league. He cannot have grammatically incorrect tattoo. Kind of sucks has been Kevin Durant people like didn't know he had tattoos till he was like five years ago. They were all grammatically correct.

Jim Boylen uses timeouts to delay the inevitable loss because he's a football guy

I think Jim Boylen is so disgusted with losing. He is a football guy in a basketball guys suit. He's so disgusted with losing. I think he uses timeouts the end of a game to literally stop time to delay the inevitable loss. I got you like he can basically say look, it's almost like it's almost like the end of Sunday Night Football when you're like, I don't have to go back to work.

Short guys wearing high heels is an alpha move compared to wearing lifts

If you wore lifts in your in your shoes. That's a clown move if you were heels, that's a I'm so confident in myself. I don't give a fuck. It's an alpha move, right? I will dress up as a woman Checkmate and be six feet tall Checkmate.

Duke has already lost the last game of the year

Duke has already lost the last game of the year, guys. I said it. Sorry. It already happened.

Jameis Winston is a future Hall of Famer because he throws so many interceptions to learn from

If you learn more from a loss and interception than you do from throwing a touchdown or winning a game like [Jameis Winston] is going to be—that's why he's a future Hall of Famer. He's just storing up all the knowledge right now.

More football is always better

I'm technically in favor of this [expanding the schedule] because it's more football and more football equals better.

The perfect NFL schedule is 17 games over 19 weeks with the Super Bowl on President's Day weekend

I have the perfect NFL schedule... 17 games, 19 weeks, two buys, and you stretch it out so that the playoffs start in mid-January and Super Bowl Sunday is now President's Day weekend. Boom. So you get the Monday off... All Christmas week, just eliminate that week on the schedule of NFL football because you can watch bowl games.

A 17-game NFL season is just a bridge to an 18-game season

17 seems like a weird number. It absolutely feels like it's just a bridge to get to 18 games. Like that's the finish line. It's going to be 18 games. No one's going to want a 17-game season.

The NFL should guarantee cross-conference rivalry games like Giants vs. Jets every year

What I would want them to do as well is make a cross conference like guaranteed game every year. The Giants and the Jets should play each other every single year... there are certain rivalries that you could create out of this extra week that you play every single year and I think people would really like [it].