Takes

The Astros' sign-stealing is blatant cheating and disgusting

The Astros have been cheating and cheating a lot... it's blatant cheating. There's I like baseball when there is like a little He's been ship a little this little that... but this seems like they were actually using high like high-tech cameras in the Outfield yet relaying it to The Dugout and real time... which is so blatant lie cheat ice gusting.

The Astros scandal makes the Nationals' 2019 World Series win more impressive

This makes the Nationals world series title even more impressive. Yeah the fact that they were able to beat him. While they're eating Cheetos... 60% of the Astros runs were scored in the first inning before the Nationals would change how they were doing their signs.

Having pictures with professional cheerleaders on your dating profile is a normal way for guys to show they can act around attractive women.

Taking pictures with professional cheerleaders... and slapping that all over every single social media thing that you have is just part of being a guy. You want to show that you know how to act normal around attractive women, even if they were paid to be there.

A boyfriend yelling at kids on Call of Duty shows passion and means he's a keeper.

Keep him. I think it shows he's got passion. If he wasn't swearing at people, that means he would be good at Call of Duty and that means that he puts in way too much time. You want your boyfriend in that perfect zone where he wants to play video games but then gets smoked so bad that he's like 'Fuck this, I'm out.'

The Vikings can beat any team in the NFC

The Vikings definitely need to be taken for real in terms of the NFC. Like they are a team that could beat anyone in my mind. I don't think there's one team in the NFC where you're like, man, that team [is untouchable] besides maybe the 49ers.

The Eagles will win the NFC East because the Cowboys only beat up on the 'Sisters of the Poor'

I think that Dak Prescott is a franchise quarterback, but them as a full team, not that good. And the teams they've beaten have been bad, and they beat up on the Sisters of the Poor... I think the Eagles will win that division because they're now tied 5-4, and the remaining game is in Philadelphia.

The Ravens' win over the 0-8 Bengals was more impressive than their wins against the Patriots and Seahawks

This win by the Ravens today was more impressive than their wins against the Patriots and the Seahawks because this was a classic letdown spot, a classic spot where the Ravens were going to read their press clippings... No. They demolished them from the first play on.

The Ravens are going to win the Super Bowl

The Ravens obviously look awesome. I think that they're going to win the Super Bowl. I really do believe that.

Joe Burrow will be the number one overall pick for the Bengals

Should we start the Joe Burrow going home? He's from Athens, Ohio... Joe Burrow back to the state of Ohio as a Cincinnati Bengal number one pick... I decided the number one pick. Uh-huh.

Freddie Kitchens is a legitimately 'dumb, dumb person'

Do you think Freddie just outsmarts himself all the time? No, I think he's legitimately a dumb, dumb person.

The Bears will finish 10-6 and make the playoffs

If they beat the Rams, which they can do... They would be 5-5 if they beat the Rams. They have the Giants at home. That's a win. They have the Lions in Detroit Thanksgiving Day... That's a win... They are now going into December 7-5. Cowboys at home Thursday night... That's a win. That's 8-5. All they got to do is go 2-1 against the Packers, Chiefs, and Vikings. Easy. That's 10-6.

The Lions should realistically be over .500

And the Lions got fucked over by the refs twice. They should realistically be over .500.

The Chiefs are not going to do anything real this year

We're getting to that point of the season where the Chiefs losing to the Titans makes me think the Chiefs are not going to do anything real this year... Just my gut feeling like a divisional round letdown that type of season.

The Jets are going to run the table and have a chance at the playoffs

I'm on board with the Jets. They're going to run the table. I think that they're going to run the table. I've talked myself into it.

Frank Reich should be removed from Coach of the Year consideration after losing to the Dolphins

Frank Reich cannot be in any Coach of the Year conversations for the rest of the season. Removed. If you lose to the Dolphins, you get removed.

Brian Flores should be in the Coach of the Year conversation over Frank Reich

I think Brian Flores should be mentioned before Frank Reich in Coach of the Year conversations. [Big Cat: For winning with a tanking team.] Yes. He does more with less.

The Packers' defense is 'fraud city'

The Packers' defense stinks. That defense is fraud city... I don't think that team's getting a big stop when they need it at the end of — in a big, important game.

If the Steelers beat the Browns on Thursday night, they will finish the season 11-5

If the Steelers beat the Browns in Cleveland on Thursday night, they're going to go 11 and five. [PFT: Oh, shit.] They have Cincy, Cleveland, Arizona, Buffalo, Jets. And then Week 17 at Baltimore.

Alabama will get into the CFP over Oregon even with the loss to LSU

I think Alabama still gets in. I think they would get in over Oregon... because dude, the committee loves SEC teams.

The Pittsburgh Steelers will beat the Rams outright

And then the juicy one, the Pittsburgh Steelers are going to beat the Rams outright.

The Steelers will make the playoffs

You were addicted to saying that the Steelers are going to make the playoffs. Oh, I'm still... I put them in my can't-lose program.

Pat Shurmur's days are numbered as Giants head coach

So there is precedent here when the Giants coach says they are built for losing, their days are numbered. Ben McAdoo, three weeks before he was fired from the New York Giants, talking about losing, I'm built for this.

The Browns will beat the Bills in Week 10

I'm taking the Browns minus three. It's like you just... I'll just keep going last gasp. I think I took them last week as my favorite. So, yeah, I'll probably lose at least three more times with the Browns being like, they can't lose this one.

Baker Mayfield has a broken hand

Baker's hand might be broken. That's why he's not playing so well... Are you reporting that Baker Mayfield might have a broken hand? From sources.

The Falcons vs. Saints game will go under the point total, and the Falcons will win

My under is Atlanta-New Orleans. This is my platinum six star under... Falcons are going to be scoring a lot. They're going to win the game.

LSU will beat Alabama outright

I think LSU is going to, at bare minimum, score a touchdown for the first time in three years. I agree with that. And then I think they're going to win... I think they're going to win outright.

The most important people to recruit in a living room are the mom and grandma

It's mom and grandma. There's no doubt about that now... They want to know the man in charge, is he going to make sure that he's in good hands?

The Buffalo Bills are fraudulent because their run defense is weak

Buffalo... you can run on that defense. So I'm going to be interested to see this weekend if the Cleveland Browns can help support Baker Mayfield by running the football a little bit on the Buffalo Bills defense.

Christian McCaffrey will run all over the Packers

I think Christian McCaffrey is going to be able to run all over that team. They rank as one of the worst run defenses. This is the easiest run defense that he will have faced all year.

The Browns will play much better over the second half of the season due to an easier schedule

The Cleveland Browns face a much easier schedule over the second half of the season... their defense is going to face a much easier schedule of opposing offenses down the stretch. I don't know if they can grind their way back into the playoff contention... but they are a team that's going to be playing much better over the second half.

Kyle Allen is the best backup quarterback currently playing in the NFL

It's definitely got to be Kyle Allen to me... from an ability to make the throws at this level, he's got that ability to make those throws more so than most of those other guys that you mentioned [Minshew, Moore, etc].

The Steelers offense has no confidence in Mason Rudolph

They came out with the wildcat... to me that speaks of we don't have a lot of confidence in this guy... they spent our time teaching our running backs to throw the football in this Wildcat grouping... the team doesn't have a lot of confidence in him.

Russell Wilson is currently the best quarterback in the NFL

Russ is the best quarterback in the NFL right now from passer rating, from yards per attempt, from I think he's like second best in completion percentage above expectation when he's under pressure.

The Eagles are more likely to win the NFC East than the Cowboys due to their remaining schedule

If you look at the NFC East, the Eagles actually have the easier schedule over that second half of the season... they have an easier schedule for the NFC East than do the Dallas Cowboys the rest of the way.

James Harden plays worse in cities with high-quality strip clubs

A person on Reddit did a deep dive... and came to the conclusion that if James Harden is in a city with an above-average strip club, he has a bad performance on the court... Credit to him for doing the research. And it shows a statistical correlation.

NFL coaches who challenge pass interference are fucking morons

If you're a coach and you challenge pass interference you are a fucking moron. All that the rule has done is just figured out which coaches were dumb and it's given more time for advertisements for the NFL.

Daniel Jones is just a slightly shittier update of the Eli Manning model

Daniel Jones, who is he really is Eli Manning if Eli Manning like he just a little bit shittier version. They updated the model and he has the same type of fumbles interceptions. He can run a little bit.

Daniel Jones needs a vice like smoking or video poker to improve his play

I think Daniel Jones biggest problem is I don't think he has a vice. I think he needs to maybe be a smoker or I don't know like video poker or something a gamer. Because it just feels like he's a little too plain. His vice is literally just throwing interceptions. So you need to shift that vice to something else.

Pat Shurmur will be fired after this season

I feel like this is probably the he's gonna be done after this year. You have to move on and yeah Pat Shurmur... it's all kind of coming to a head.

If you are down 14 points and score a touchdown, you should always go for two

I understand that when you're down 14 and score a touchdown, you should go for two. That's not a brag. I just understand the math, but I think people—coaches now—are getting [criticized] more for being conservative and it's like flipped on its head.

The Giants are officially cursed by the black cat and I will bet against them every game

If you see a cat run across your home field during a game you just gotta you cursed at that point. I am Burn It To The Ground I'm going to bet against the Giants every single game for us to seize.

The black cat on Monday Night Football was a plant by the NFL to distract the public from Conan the military dog

I couldn't help but wonder with all the news last week about [Conan] the dog that took down ISIS—he was on all the news stories, he's basically the main center of America's focus—if it was a little too convenient that the very next Monday Night Football game a cat took center stage. I think it's a plant.

Anthony Davis will sign with the Bulls in free agency next year

Anthony Davis was at like a school speaking... and he called Chicago the mecca. And he said they asked about like him coming back to Chicago to play and he said I am a free agent next year, but we will see. Door is wide open. Those are just fans already sick LeBron. Those are just facts.

The word 'Boomer' has jumped the shark

Boomer just the word Boomer has invaded like meme and American culture to a point where like I'm sick of it. It's kind of jumped the shark a little bit. But now it's at one of those things where it's like so mainstream it's like harambee after like two months where I was funny in the beginning.

Imagine Dragons music should be in the public domain

I think if it's Imagine Dragons Imagine Dragons should just be in the public domain there should not be the other attack. They got to protect their art like what those guys make beautiful beautiful art Imagine Dragons The Beatles Mozart and happy birthday.

Angela Duckworth is just monetizing the fact that untalented people are too dumb to quit

I saw who wrote the study and it was Angela Duckworth Who is the lady that wrote the grit book. She is grit exploitation. She is the big grit industrial complex. Most of us out there learn to appreciate grit because we had to because we lack talent and sports... we're also dumb enough to not quit. So therefore that's a good quality and I'm going to call it grit and she comes along and she's trying to make money off it.

Roy Williams has been more successful at North Carolina than Coach K has been at Duke during the same period

I think that Coach K is not as good a head coach as coach Williams. I think if you look at what Coach K's tenure at Duke [has been] while Roy Williams has been at UNC, by any measurement you can say that Roy Williams has been more successful.

Tom Izzo is overrated because he hasn't won a title since 2000

Tom Izzo is overrated. That's because he's other... He just hasn't won the big one. This is coasting. He's coasting.

Anthony Edwards could be the number one overall pick in the 2020 NBA Draft

Anthony Edwards could be the number one pick in the 2020 NBA draft. I had Tom Crean on my podcast last month and I asked him, how does he compare to two other guys that you've coached, Wade and Oladipo? And he told me that from a physical perspective, he's never been around any player like Anthony Edwards.

Matt Painter is the new Bo Ryan and will win 20 to 25 games every year regardless of his roster

Matt Painter's the new Bo Ryan. Regardless of who he has, he's going to win 20 to 25 games every year. So it's death, taxes, Matt Painter.