Takes

I am officially worried the Capitals will lose Game 7 to the Lightning

I am worried. I am very worried. And the reason why is I saw this coming a mile away. I knew the Caps were going to lose Game 5. I knew they were going to win Game 6 just so that they could lose Game 7 in my face.

I am officially not worried about the Capitals

I told you ultimately I haven't been worried once this entire playoffs for the Caps because I don't actually care, so it doesn't really mean anything... So I am not worried. As a Caps fan, I'm not worried.

Lauri Markkanen will average 50 points per game by his eighth season

Dirk's peak was 26 points per game. If you do the math, by Lauri's eighth season, he's going to be averaging 50 points a game.

Lamar Jackson is the most intriguing quarterback of the 2018 draft class

But the guy that really intrigued me was Lamar Jackson. I mean, I saw you where the league's heading... him and David Johnson in the same backfield and put some speed outside. How much fun would that be coaching?

Ben Roethlisberger will play another five years

And I think with Randy Fichtner as the quarterback coach now and coordinator, [Ben Roethlisberger] will play five years.

Possession time in football means nothing

The clock don't mean shit. People that talk about it, it's production time... Possession time, nothing. You get no points for possession time.

The best Hall of Fame strategy is to tell them to purposely mess up your plaque so it goes viral

If you ever get inducted into a Hall of Fame, tell them to purposely fuck up your plaque to start... have it go viral and then they'll fix it. But everyone talked about you.

I am way better looking than Ed Sheeran

I'm way better looking than Ed Sheeran. A million percent... The dude can't even pee next to me.

A girl who can throw a perfect football spiral is a major turn-on

A little secret for all the chicks out there, a chick who can throw a sick spiral, that's a turn-on... When you see a girl just throw one just deep in a perfect spot, you're like, oof.

Raisins are just rotten grapes

You've been had just like raisins are just rotten grapes.

You should never hand someone your phone to show them a picture

You have to be an absolute psycho to hand someone else your phone. You've got to do the holding your phone and scrolling for them. You never give anyone anyone your phone.

I will get a tattoo of Blake Bortles' face if the Jaguars win the Super Bowl

I proclaimed tonight that if you win the Super Bowl, I will get a tattoo of your face somewhere on my body. Wrist, preferably.

James Harden looks like he is taking weird designer drugs every playoffs

I don't understand James Harden. I don't understand how this is supposed to be different, and then he goes to another playoffs and looks like he's taking some weird designer drug the entire playoffs.

The Rockets and Warriors series has the weirdest bodies in peak sports

The fact that these are the two best teams in the NBA playing each other in the Western Conference Finals and if you had them all take off their shirts you'd be like I don't know are these guys peak athletes... Eric Gordon has a full on gut.

Charles Barkley would get his ass kicked by Draymond Green

Charles Barkley would get his ass kicked so bad by Draymond. Oh, so bad. So bad. He's not, like, so bad.

The Cavs will win Game 4 against the Celtics

I fully expect the Cavs to win game four as well. I think this series is gonna go seven because I do really think that like Kyle Korver and J.R. Smith and Tristan Thompson they just need to be... sleeping in their own bed and then they can make shots.

Brad Stevens and Danny Ainge are better at coaching and management than LeBron James

Brad Stevens and Danny Ainge are better than [LeBron] at coach and GM. Brad Stevens is so much better of a coach than LeBron. But at the end of the day, LeBron, like, you don't want to get into Game 7 against LeBron.

I'm putting money on the Cavs to win the series now

I would say that if I'm a betting man, I'm putting money on the Cavs for the series now.

No one is beating the Golden State Warriors

The Celtics aren't going to be able to beat the Warriors. No one's beating the Warriors.

If the Warriors and Cavs play, I'm putting all my money on the Warriors in five

If the Warriors and the Cavs play, I'm going to put all my money on Warriors to win in five. Because I feel like that's exactly what's going to happen. LeBron will win one game, game three or four, and then that will be it.

The Capitals will win Game 6 and then lose Game 7 in heartbreaking fashion

I'm not worried because it is our destiny to win this game [Game 6] and then go to a game seven and then lose that in heartbreaking fashion.

Johnny Manziel is in it for the long haul in the CFL

[Johnny Manziel] signed with the CFL. He's going to the Canadian Hamilton Tiger-Cats... I think he's in it for the long haul.

I'm not trading lives with Prince William because his hair is so bad

That guy, William, that is the worst bald guy I've ever seen. You got to pick it. You're a fucking prince, man. His hair is so bad, I wouldn't trade lives with him. I would not trade lives with the Prince William.

Predicts Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will get divorced

I saw a lot of people tweeting like, oh, my God... they love each other. I can't wait for them to get divorced. It's going to be awesome. I hope she takes them for all of Sussex.

A Chrissy Teigen and John Legend divorce would melt down Twitter

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. It would be incredible. It's like sometimes I sit up at night being like, if they got divorced, I think I'd stay up for a week straight on a meth binge just looking at Twitter and getting high off that.

Riley Curry is a fraud for not facing the media after a loss

My problem with Riley [Curry] is she's always the first one to show up after a big win, and she never steps to the podium and faces the music after a loss... Like a fucking coward. Like a fraud. Riley Curry's a fraud.

Sack fumble is the best play in football

You know sack fumble is the best playing football, right?

I will win a national championship for the state of Louisiana

I want national championship for the state of Louisiana, for these players. They yearn for it. They work for it. And I want to win a national championship. Now I got it [the job], but I got to do something with it.

There is nothing better than the deep touchdown bomb

I want to be physical, but there ain't nothing like the deep pass, man... I like the touchdown pass. I like the bomb. I like it, you know, like the Oakland Raiders go deep.

I count the LSU bowl game against Notre Dame as a win because I hate Notre Dame

And I count your bowl game [Citrus Bowl] as a win. That was a weird game. I count that as a win. I hate Notre Dame, so I count that as a win. So just in my record book, you went 7-1.

Stephen A. Smith is using the N-word on air to get ESPN to fire him so he can reunite with Skip Bayless

I also have a theory that Stephen A. Smith is just trying to get broken up with at ESPN because he misses Skip Bayless so much... God bless the broken road that will eventually lead Stephen A. Smith back to skip. And if he has to drop the in-bomb a couple times on the air, so be it.

The NBA was 'asking' to be prank called because their security is so bad

Not to victim shame, but the NFL knows how to stop us. The NBA, they were kind of asking for it... There were some elements of provocation that the NBA gave to us.

I expect the Celtics to eventually get fired by their employer

Brad Stevens... completely honest and genuine being like, you know, when you get in this profession, you know that you're someday going to get fired. All right. So actually, Brad, we were just talking about the fact that it's your job to coach. So you're coaching for your job.

Todd Haley and Baker Mayfield on Hard Knocks will be incredible television

Todd Haley dealing with Baker Mayfield, that's going to be incredible. There's definitely going to be a scene where Todd Haley's walking Baker through the playbook, and he's like, okay, so here's our basic formation. He clicks the slide. Oh, that's a picture of my wife's tits. Sorry, I don't know how that got in there.

Outside of the Bears, the Bills and Browns are the two teams I most want to be good

I think that I mean, obviously, I want the Bears to be good again. But like after the Bears, it's like the Bills and the Browns. Those are the two teams that I would like to be good again, you know, or good period.

The Rockets winning a game doesn't mean the series with the Warriors is competitive

The Rockets have made it a series, although I don't think it's a series... They looked so sloppy and like, we don't really care [the Warriors].

Steph Curry is definitely hurt because he's incapable of having a bad game otherwise

Oh, he's definitely hurt. Because there's no way that Steph Curry could have a bad game. No, this is Steph Curry we're talking about. He doesn't play bad. If he plays bad, it's because he's got a messed up MCL or an ankle injury.

The Warriors will sweep the Rockets in the Western Conference Finals

Yeah, the series is over. I predicted a sweep, and I stand by that.

The Cavaliers will blowout the Celtics in Game 3

It's going to be a blowout in Cleveland. Yeah, by the Cavs. [Confident?] Yes.

I am not worried about the Capitals despite the series being tied 2-2

Listen. We just wanted to say, as a team. It's our year. We're not worried. So the Capitals lost... But we didn't win. We didn't win, but we're the better team. We injected money into the local economy... Not worried.

Josh Allen can throw a football 92 yards

He can throw the ball 92 yards. 92s, exactly.

LeSean McCoy is the best cold-weather running back in the world

You do have the best cold-weather running back in the world on your team. LeSean McCoy, for some reason, when you put him in the snow, he gets better traction.

I am not fully convinced on the CTE science yet

I'm not fully on the CTE thing... I think there's a lot of studies that need to be done. I didn't make a knee-jerk reaction off of one study where they only tested NFL players that thought that they had CTE.

I would still let my son play football, but I would delay pads until age 12-14

[If I had a son], I still would [let him play football]. I would just probably delay when he actually was in pads to like 12, 13, 14. It's just some kind of balance... Football's really fun and enjoyable. I don't want to rob my kid from that.

I plan to play three more seasons in the NFL

I'm aiming for like three [more years]. That'll put me at 12 and i think that's you know that's a good [career].

The CHL Fortnite addiction story is a hoax created by an old-school GM

I'm a little bit woke on this... I'm a little bit woke that some grumpy Canadian GM was like, all these kids are playing their video games all the time, so we're going to make up a scare and make up a player and say that he's not going to make it.

A person can be judged by how they get ketchup out of a Heinz bottle

Basically, [Paul Alexander] decides that a player can be judged by how they get the ketchup out of their Heinz 57 ketchup bottle... 'When I see a large football player turn a bottle of ketchup upside down and pound at its heel with tremendous force yet with limited success, I immediately make the mental note he must either play defensive line or if he plays offensive line, he can't play for me.'

I am a full-blown Manalytics guy now

I have to say, boys, I hate to do it, but I'm going to give a little hat tip to Colin Cowherd. Because I am a full-blown Manalytics guy now. It's all Manalytics in the playoffs.

The Celtics are just a better team than the Cavs

The Celtics are just a better team than the Cavs. I still think this is going to be a series because it's LeBron. LeBron has kind of got that Aaron Rodgers thing where when the Packers are eliminated from the playoffs, you're like, but he'll probably throw a Hail Mary and they'll end up in the playoffs.

LeBron James got a concussion in Game 2

I'm going to LeBron stand for real for a second because I think he did get a concussion. I think he did get knocked out. He got clipped on the jaw pretty good. He was definitely dinged up. He looked off when he first came back.