Takes

NBA players will play better in the bubble because there is no away crowd or travel anxiety

The lack of anxiety is going to allow players that you probably didn't think were great players go out... they're going to play better. So if you want your things, some guys are going to average more than 10 points that typically don't.

Ben Simmons will hit a three-pointer in his first game back in the NBA bubble

I guarantee in [Ben Simmons'] first game, he'll hit a three... in this environment, he'll shoot it because the anxiety won't be there.

The NFL will play its 2020 season, but college football is in a very precarious situation

College football is in more of a precarious situation to actually go off on time. If I had to bet right now, I actually don't know... I still think NFL is going to happen. I don't know if college football is going to happen.

The next two weeks are make-or-break for the return of sports

I feel like this next week and a half, two weeks, is going to be make or break for the next six months to a year. We have baseball hopefully starting next Thursday, basketball bubbles going, scrimmages about to start, hockey, and then training camp. If these can go off without a hitch, I think we're back.

Brooks Koepka will have a great Thursday and Friday at the Memorial Tournament

I think, not to put pressure on Brooks, but I expect it. A very good, very good Thursday and Friday from him. He rises up against those guys.

The 2020 NFL season is definitely happening

All indications point that there is definitely going to be an NFL season, and we are preparing for that as the NFL... Everything that I'm told is that we are definitely having an NFL season.

Cam Newton will prove he's still an MVP with the Patriots

Cam now has a huge chip on his shoulder and he's in a position to go to a great organization and prove that he still can be Cam Newton, the MVP that we saw a couple of years ago... If he buys into [the Patriot Way], he can be a part of something really good.

Woj will only be suspended for 24 hours and will be back by Tuesday

I think he's going to be suspended for like 24 hours. He's going to be back breaking news on Tuesday. Well, how can you suspend a person who's just like reporting news?

The Ivy League canceling sports will force every other conference to follow suit

I don't know how any of this is going to work. And I guess that segues to college football feels like we're in a bad spot and fuck the Ivy League again. They started it. As soon as they canceled I was like this is gonna get everyone because the smartest guys in the room are like, 'hey, we don't think it's safe' and everyone else feels pressure.

Clemson will get left out of a conference-only playoff

I am hoping so badly that Clemson gets left out. It would be the takes that Dabo would come out with at that point. He might just secede the ACC from the rest of the entire NCAA.

College football will ultimately play a spring season

I think we're going to play a spring season. If I had to guess right now. It does feel like one of those let's delay it, delay it, delay it and then we'll say spring season.

I would hammer the under on Patrick Mahomes winning 3.5 more Super Bowls

If you though said over under Super Bowls for Patrick Mahomes, and you said it at let's say three and a half, I would hammer the under and that's nothing against Patrick Mahomes. That's just the NFL.

There is no chance the MLB's plan for reopening works

I think it's time to have an honest conversation about MLB's plan for reopening. There's no chance that it works. I've reached a point where I'm just like I've given up.

There is a 5% chance the Giants or Jets sign me as an emergency kicker if their kicker tests positive for COVID

If the Jets or the Giants lose a kicker the night before a home game and they have to put him in quarantine and I'm available... I'll drive to MetLife Stadium every Sunday morning... it's a 5% chance that it actually happens.

Kim Kardashian has a better chance of being President than Kanye West

I actually do think that I don't think it's going to be Kanye. I would actually think that Kim [Kardashian] has a better chance of being pressed. Absolutely. In like five, ten years, 100%.

The 60-game 2020 season is Mike Trout's best chance to finally make the playoffs

Mike Trout feels like he might opt out... doesn't this feel like the one chance Mike Trout has to go to the playoffs a 16-game season [meant 60]... you could just get hot for a couple months and maybe go to the playoffs and now he's just throwing that out the window.

Once 2020 ends, everything will get back to normal and be perfect

Once 2020 ends, everything's going to get back to normal to be perfect. You think 2020 is going to run up the score on us?

There is a 100% chance the NBA season will happen exactly as scheduled in the bubble.

What percentage that there will be a full basketball like real... from exactly how they have it scheduled? A hundred percent. Because I'm not willing to doubt myself now. It's the only thing I've got pulling me forward to the end of the month. So call me delusional, call me insane, but I think it's a hundred percent going to happen.

The NBA will power through positive COVID tests and won't cancel the season unless LeBron is impacted.

I don't think they're going to be deterred by a couple positive tests. I think it's going to be weird. I think there's going to be guys that are going to miss time... but they're going to power through it. I think... at what point does Adam Silver say, 'Okay, we're canceling this whole operation?' At that point you're going to get all the conspiracy theories coming out and saying they're just canceling it because LeBron is not going to make the finals.

New York City will have an eerie and calm Fourth of July because people used up all the fireworks in June.

Right now people have bought up so many fireworks and used enough of them already that there's not going to be enough left over for the fourth, at least in New York City. First, it'll be like a calm-ish, calmer than normal Fourth of July in New York City, which should be—that'll be kind of eerie.

The Patriots will win 12 games this season with Cam Newton at quarterback.

I mean, we have Cam Newton now... how many wins do you think the Patriots will have this year? 12.

The Patriots are going to make the Super Bowl with Cam Newton

Cam Newton is going to be the starter. It's going to be electric. The Patriots are going to make the Super Bowl. It's going to be the Patriots and the Bucs and I'm going to be so excited.

The Tampa Bay Lightning will win the Stanley Cup

I've said all year that I like Tampa just because of what they went through last year and then bouncing back... I just refuse to believe a team that good isn't going to win a Stanley Cup at some point in these few years.

An owl or a raccoon is the likely culprit in the chicken massacre

I'm saying Al [Owl] or raccoon... trash pandas raccoons rip the heads off.

The Falcons will win 12 games in the 2020 season

I'll get roasted for it, but I'm going to say we're going to win 12 games.

A 50-game MLB season will result in an asterisk for whoever wins the World Series

I think we're all resigned to the fact that it's going to be 50 Game season, which will result in an asterisk on whoever wins this world series unless it's the Nationals or the Cubs or the Red Sox.

The lack of sex in the NBA bubble will lead to technical fouls and 1980s-style physicality

What if the just like rate of technical fouls and physicality of the game goes way way up because nobody's having sex inside the bubble? That would be great for us it be young back to real and be returned to the 80s and be a when men were men.

Stephanie Cmar will win Top Chef Season 17 because of the judge's reaction in the trailer

In the preview for the finale, they have Padma awarding the winner and saying congratulations you are top chef, but people have gone back and rewound it and they can tell by her inflection that she's genuinely surprised to be awarding it to this person. So now the internet is thinking the betting odds have shifted that it's going to be Stephanie... my money is on Stephanie.

The world will end on February 10, 2045

The world's going to end—January? No, it's going to be after the Super Bowl, February 10th. When? 2045. Okay, that's my prediction... on my 80th birthday. 2045, I'm gonna go out with a prostitute and a bad batch of heroin. Boom.

MLB owners are stalling to play the smallest amount of games possible in 2020

We're going to play games so that we can get the TV money, but we're going to play the smallest amount possible. Because this is all about a business decision from the owners' perspective. So we're going to play the minimum available. 50 games.

PFT Commenter will finally beat Hank in a ping-pong match

Tuesday tuned in, we're going to go dogs at three stool streams. PFT, I think PFT's going to win. I'm hear he's going to win ping-pong against Hank.

Baseball fans who claim they are done with MLB are lying and will be back next summer

I see people saying that if baseball doesn't happen, they're going to lose me as a fan. How? I'm still going to—you gonna do next? I'm gonna be pissed off, don't get me wrong... But what are you going to do next summer? Like there's nothing you could—Hank's doing the crossing. I love when people make this Line in the Sand where like they lost me at '94, they're going to lose me again. What are you gonna do in July?

The sighting of a white spirit bear in Canada is a sign of good things to come

Cool throne all of us because there was a white spirit bear spotted in Canada, which is a sign of good things to come. Yeah, so cool throne all of us. White bears are here. Yeah, like it's a phenotype of a Grizzly where it has white fur. Hell yeah.

Jameis Winston will be a Hall of Fame quarterback

Jameis Winston has told himself that he is one of the best quarterbacks... 'I know what I'm worth and I know day in and day out without publicly coming in and saying it that historically I'm one of the best quarterbacks to play the game.' ... Janice Winston has told himself that he is one of the best quarterbacks. According to history, Jamis is a hall-of-fame quarterback... Jameis Winston is going to be a Hall of Famer.

I will have the greatest gambling season of my life because of clovers in my new yard

I'm moving and I got a little patch of grass, shrubbery at the new place... Talk to the previous tenant, he said if you look close enough, there's a bunch of four-leaf clovers in there. So I'm about to have the greatest gambling season of my life.

I am going to win the National Championship with Tennessee

I am so scared, so, so scared, but I also feel confident that I'm going to win. I'm going to win. I'm going to win this game. Right in blood.

Conor McGregor's retirement is not real

But I'm sure he's not coming back. No way. In like October. No chance. Or November. Whenever Khabib's next up to fight him.

NBA players will be mostly fine and ready once the playoffs start in Orlando

I feel like once they get to the actual playoffs, like I think guys will be fine. The only thing I'm really worried about is like injuries. But I think they put enough time in to allow guys to be prepared as possible. But, yeah, there will be some rust, but I don't think it will be too bad.

Carmelo Anthony will thrive in the Orlando bubble because he's a pickup basketball legend

Carmelo is probably going to be awesome because he loves playing in those gyms. The lifetime fitness all-stars. Those are the guys I'm going to betting on.

September 20, 2020 will be the perfect sports day

September 20th is going to be a hell of a day in sports. Yeah, it's going to be the day when all the sports line. We're going to have NBA playoffs. We're going to have hockey playoffs. You've got also golf the US Open that's the final round of that on that day.

The Bills should win the AFC East this year

the bills should win the afc east this year

The Cardinals will be everyone's dark horse team this summer

Cardinals, right now, I'm just calling it, they are going to be everyone's dark horse team. Yeah, because it's going to be like they can't be as bad as they were last year, plus year two with a new coach.

The Browns will be the 13th best team in the NFL and will make the playoffs

I'm actually going to put the Browns at 13. I'm a Browns believer. They're going back to the fullback game this year.

The Giants are the most likely team of the bottom five to make the playoffs

I actually think the Giants could, of those five bottom teams, if I had to pick one of those five bottom teams to make the playoffs, I would throw in the Giants. Just because the NFC never makes sense. Daniel Jones, maybe he stops fumbling all the time.

Forrest Gump 2 will never happen

No, that won't happen. I mean, I'll tell you some things that were in it, but I did write the script and I turned it in on 9-10. The day before 9-11 and Bob and Zemeckis... and Tom Hanks and I sat together and we looked at each other and said, that's the end of this.

The NFL will move full steam ahead with the season regardless of protocols

Al Michaels felt pretty serious if football is going to happen, what you like it or not... They're just going full steam ahead. That's what I wondered. Don't they have any protocols? No. What virus? ... Rub some dirt on it. That's their protocol.

I want Tom Brady to play the Chiefs in the Super Bowl and win his seventh ring

I want to see Tom Brady take the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to the Super Bowl and play Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs. And then he wins seven. He's got one more than Jordan. I think that would be unbelievable.

Baseball faces a lack of interest if the 2020 season is canceled

If they stare each other down and nobody blinks and then the whole season dissolves in the midst of this... Like people are just going to say to baseball, hey, man, no one cares. We had nothing. You guys could have filled the void. You didn't because you fought about money. Now we've got all this other stuff. Have fun being over there and us not caring about it.

A golf match featuring OJ Simpson and Tiger Woods would be the highest-rated television show of all time

Tiger Woods and OJ Simpson as a team? Who is not watching that? I do believe that that would be the highest-rated television show of all time.

Jameis Winston's unorthodox off-season training (baseball, boxing) will work because playing actual football is what's bad for him

Jameis Winston. He is practicing football by practicing baseball. And I feel like that's going to work. He's just in that phase of his career where he's going to just do everything that's not football to get better at football because playing football is bad for him. I think this is going to work for him.