Takes

The Eagles, Seahawks, and Ravens moneyline parlay is a lock that cannot lose

The Philadelphia Eagles at home against the our words [Redskins] win. Seahawks at home against the Bengals. The Ravens in Miami. All the money line parley even money. How does that lose? It cannot lose.

The Knicks will make an Eastern Conference Finals in my lifetime

Will the Knicks make an Eastern Conference Finals in your lifetime? I'm gonna say yes, but I think I'm being too optimistic about that.

The Yankees will win the World Series this year

Yankees gonna win the World Series? I really think they are. This feels [right]. I feel like in couple of years past last two three years, we've been optimistic... I feel like we're [due].

The Vikings will finish 25th in the NFL and stink

Vikings at 14. Vikings are going to finish 25th. Kirk Cousins is on a perfectly average... I think they might finish even lower because the slaughter curse.

Jonathan Taylor will win the Heisman Trophy

Jonathan Taylor's going to win the Heisman. That's not biased.

The Minnesota Vikings are officially cursed for the 2019 season after cutting Kyle Sloter

So he [Kyle Sloter] got cut, and now the Vikings are cursed. They're cursed this year. Kirk Cousins might not win a big game. He won't win a big game. The Vikings, who historically have been clutch in the playoffs, aren't going to win the Super Bowl this year.

The Miami Dolphins will win 6 or 7 games in 2019 despite the tanking narrative

I think the Dolphins are going to go 6-10, 7-9. I'll take the under on that [Big Cat's 4 wins]. I've tricked myself into thinking Daniel Jones will be a very good NFL quarterback. That one I could see happening. Because the Dolphins winning seven games is the most insane thing I've ever heard.

The Seahawks will win the NFC West

I like the Seahawks out of the West before before Jadaveon Clowney got traded there just because I think the Rams still make the playoffs. But I think it's very hard to come back from losing in the Super Bowl. It's going to take a little time. I think the Seahawks are going to be a tough, tough team.

There is a 100% chance Andrew Luck plays another snap in the NFL

I'm going to say there's a hundred percent chance that Andrew Luck plays another snap in the NFL. Oh, that's good. You know, why because I can basically keep saying it for the next ten years and by that time I'll be dead and yeah and just be like, oh why I put an expiration date on my own life and Andrew Luck's like potential of who you know, who's out there Andrew Luck. Mmm that will last far longer.

John Gruden will move on from Derek Carr in a year

Derek Carr, you're a weirdo, dude. Chill out. Dude, you're going to play for a year, and then John Gruden's going to move on.

Nathan Peterman might take Derek Carr's job by the end of the year

Nathan Peterman, I'm going to say it right now, he might take Derek Carr's job by the end of the year... In at least one game, John Gruden will just get pissed off at Derek Carr.

Wisconsin will never win a national title in football or basketball

Personal one, Wisconsin will never win a national title in football or basketball... I accepted it when Coach K paid off the refs at halftime [in 2015], but that was the moment. It will never happen.

Rob Gronkowski will return to the NFL to play in the December and January games

I would say he [Gronkowski] probably will be back because he'll do the thing where he can basically play the important games in December and January and have fun and not have to deal with all the bullshit.

I am betting the over on the Colts' season win total now that it has dropped to 6.5

I'm taking the over on their season total right now. I think it's at eight and a half... no six, six and a half. I'm taking the over on that big time.

I want to play in the NFL until I am 40 years old

If I'm enjoying this game and I like the game, I'm going to keep playing the game. And if I feel good and I can play at a high level, you know what, we're going to keep riding... That's a narrative. I want to play until I'm 40.

Brooks Koepka will win eight majors next year

Well, he's going to get five, six, seven, eight next year. He's going to get eight majors next year. Yep. Yep. Yep.

The Turnover Chain is officially dead because Paul Chryst mocked it

I mean, the turnover chain. Paul Chryst killed it... Real swag is no swag. And he said, 'Turnover chain my ass.' I think when the Wisconsin head coach... says turnover chain my ass, it's over. And they tried it last year and it was weird and awkward. So I think it's over.

Baker Mayfield is going to be a stud

I got to say, there's this running back named Nick Chubb... And we have Baker actually. By the way, he is going to be... a stud. Oh, a stud.

Society will eventually reach a point where football is played every single day of the year

Eventually, we're going to get to a football season that just goes the entire calendar year, and I'm here for it.

Josh Gordon will be on the Patriots for the entire 2019 season

He's [been suspended] for zero weeks. [How many weeks will he be on the team?] All of them. [If he gets cut or leaves] Hank gets a cat.

I will record 5+ touchdowns for the Packers in 2019

[He's going to score touchdowns. Oh, how many?] I put the over-under at five. [John Kuhn: All-time record for a superback].

The Jets will win the Super Bowl this year

Jets are going to win the Super Bowl. Jets look great. Guys, all my hot takes, all my Jets have an awesome color scheme this year.

The Packers will utilize the fullback position as a weapon this year

Danny [Vitale]'s been awesome. We want to be able to run everything out of 21 personnel. And a lot of teams don't see that anymore. So it is a little bit of an advantage, especially if you get a guy that can catch the ball out of the backfield.

Andrew Luck's injury might be way worse than reported

Andrew Luck has a weird random injury that might keep him out for a lot longer than everyone expects. Calf strain has turned into a high ankle issue... That's like being like, oh yeah, my sniffles turned into the flu.

I will get an NFL 100 logo tattoo if the Browns and Lions meet in the Super Bowl

If it's Browns-Lions in the Super Bowl, I'll get the tattoo for sure. Yes.

I will get an NFL 100 logo tattoo if Blake Bortles wins Super Bowl MVP

If Blake Bortles wins Super Bowl MVP, I will also do that [get the tattoo].

Odell Beckham Jr. will eventually bring back his old hairstyle

I predict that the old hair is coming back... I do too.

The 2019 Browns are guaranteed to win 11 games and the Super Bowl

So I'm thinking 11. Are we guaranteeing 11? ... Okay, so that's a guarantee... Double down, guaranteed. 11 wins. ... What if you guys just say fuck it and win the Super Bowl this year? ... Full send. Guaranteed full send.

The Buffalo Bills will win the AFC East and finish 11-5 in 2019

Prediction on the Bills season? Easily 11-5. Oh, he's going to win the AFC East this year? We'll be right there.

Jon Gruden will prevent anything interesting from being shown on Hard Knocks

It's very obvious that Jon Gruden is not going to let them show anything that's remotely interesting. We just have to hope for next week with Sean McVay trying to out-Gruden Jon Gruden.

Tom Brady selling his home is 'Trouble in Paradise' for the Patriots

Tom Brady. He is putting his house up for sale, which is always sign number one that he might be the new coach of Alabama... Anytime any celebrity gets involved in selling their house, you have to connect that dot just a little bit. It's kind of weird.

The Red Sox season is over because they have no pitching

I'm putting the Dunchain on the Red Sox... I mean, it's about time. They got no pitching.

Antonio Brown's foot injury is likely serious because the reports say it isn't

Every report about Antonio Brown's feet says, couches it with, they don't think it's going to be serious. That means it's probably going to be serious.

LeSean McCoy's release from the Buffalo Bills is imminent

I've been hearing many rumblings from Leroy that LeSean McCoy's release is imminent. Just saying could be done within the next two weeks. Big time news.

Caris LeVert will be an NBA All-Star at some point

Karis [LeVert] is arguably up and coming, maybe all star at some point. Young, really good developing player. Spencer [Dinwiddie], Jared Allen. I mean, you can kind of go down the list.

I am officially running for President of the United States in 2020

I'm hereby declaring myself... I'm opening my candidacy for president of the United States of America. All I need is 125,000 individual donors. If 125,000 of you gave me $1, then I would qualify for the next debates. So I don't see why not.

Jerry Jones will sign Ezekiel Elliott once he gets drunk enough in early August

I think Jerry Jones, no, I think he does have a plan. It's just get drunk before noon every day, and then at that point, everyone's got a plan until your liver gets punched in the face, and he will just change his mind. At some point during early August, Jerry Jones will get drunk enough that he'll say, fuck it, let's just sign him.

The Bachelorette winner Jed and Hannah B. will break up within a month of doing a People magazine feature

I think they stay together until it's always they do like a People magazine story about the couple. About nine months later, they're usually living in some really nice Nashville house and they're like, we love our new life... right when that comes out, they'll break up within a month.

Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith will eventually run for President together

I can see a world like 10 years from now, 15 years from now, where the two candidates for president are Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith. And then they run together. And then they're co-presidents.

Kyrie Irving will become a militant vegan within a month of hanging out with DeAndre Jordan

I got a prediction. You're going to turn Kyrie Irving into a vegan, like within a month. One month of hanging out with Kyrie and he's going to be militant anti-meat. Done. He's going to be throwing fake blood onto Russell Westbrook when he's walking into the arena.

Selling beer in Death Valley will make the crowd even louder

Take every LSU home game. Not that you wouldn't anyway, but the crowd is going to be very loud... Finally, finally, NCAA stadiums like this is ridiculous. It took this long. I'm like, hey, maybe we should sell beer at the fucking football game.

Jake Butt will suffer another torn ACL in the next 36 to 48 hours

We're about to, I'd say, like in the next 36 to 48 hours for Jake Butt, [torn] ACL. I hope not... the NFL is a much better place when there is a guy named Butt on the back of his jersey running around making plays.

The Browns are definitely winning the Super Bowl this year

Well, the good news is the Browns are going to win the Super Bowl this year. 100%. Hammer the Browns this year.

You cannot fire Joe Maddon unless there is a clear replacement like David Ross

Whenever you fire a guy, you have to be able to say, hey, we've got the next man up. Like, who is the one lurking in the wings? I think people think it's David Ross... if it's Rossi, then I'm all in.

I could catch a fish with my bare hands in an Alaskan river in one day

I said, hey, coach [Jeff Fisher], do you think that I could catch a fish with my bare hands in an Alaskan river? And he said, absolutely... One day. One Alaskan day. Catch it out of the water, kill it, eat it.

I don't think Chris Paul will stay in Oklahoma City because they aren't contenders

I just can't see [Chris Paul] really like – Thunder's not really in a position to be like a playoff team or at least contend so I don't know if I see him staying there. At this point in his career I'm sure like the ring is the main objective.

Brooks Koepka will win the British Open

Brooks Koepka is back and he's going to win the British Open. He's killing it. He's three under. He's not in the lead. Two strokes back. But his caddy is basically cheating because he's from Portrush.

Bronny James Jr. is a 'buy' stock for future greatness

This is the anti-pander pick, Bronny James Jr. I'm going to squat on that one. I'm going to buy that stock.

Bronny James Jr. will be a bust

You are forgetting that this is all about a mountain of greatness. Not predicting future greatness. I still went with Bronny James Jr. Plus, he's going to be a bust.

The Lakers will win a championship within the next two years

I think the Lakers will win it [a championship] within the next two years. I was going to say that. I think the Lakers will win it within the next two years.