Takes

I am betting the Falcons as my underdog pick for Week 2

I'm back on my bullshit. I'm taking the Falcons as my underdog. I don't give a fuck... When you lose on a team, you then chase that team forever until you get satisfaction.

The Buccaneers' offense will be a lot better this year because of Bruce Arians.

I like Bruce Arians. I like Jameis Winston more than I like them last year. I think that the offense is going to be a lot better.

The Lions' defense will 'fuck up' the Cardinals in Week 1

I think the Detroit Lions are Going to be a little bit better than people expect. I think their defense is going to be very good and I think their defense will fuck up the Cardinals week one. Kyler Murray not-ready-for-prime-time.

The Dolphins +6.5 is a 'dog' that will cover against the Ravens because of 'Fitzmagic'

My dog is the Dolphins plus 6.5 against the Ravens at home. My seven-win Dolphins. Ryan Fitzmagic. It's early in the season. ... All I'm going off of is last year Ryan Fitzpatrick played well when he first got in.

The Jaguars will beat the Chiefs in Week 1

Every jackass out there is going to be betting on the Chiefs. Not me. I'm going to take the Jags and win because I'm smart.

An Eagles, Seahawks, and Ravens moneyline parlay is a lock that cannot lose

The Philadelphia Eagles at home against the [Redskins] win. Seahawks at home against the Bengals. The Ravens in Miami. All the money line parlay even money. How does that lose? It cannot lose.

The NFC North will be the toughest division in the NFL this year

I actually think the NFC North going to be the toughest division this year.

The Broncos are too low at 24 and will finish in the top 16 of the NFL

I think the Broncos are too low at 24... the Broncos are going to finish in the top 16.

The Broncos will stink and won't score points until they move on from Joe Flacco

Until they get away from Joe Flacco, they're going to stink though. They're not going to score points.

The Celtics can beat the Bucks in the playoffs

I was wrong about the Celtics-Bucks series. I said there was no chance in hell that the Celtics make it a series. I'm going to jump off that take now... I'd like to say I think the Celtics can beat the Bucks.

The Dolphins will hit the Over on their 2019 win total

The fact that there was only one person that picked their team to finish with a worse record than Vegas, that means that we have to take the over for the Dolphins. We got to fucking hammer that over on Dolphins.

The city of Philadelphia will turn on Bryce Harper within five years

I have a prediction. I think that the city of Philadelphia is going to turn on Bryce Harper within five years. Give it four, actually. I think that given Bryce's history... He's such a streaky player. He's got a little bit of an attitude sometimes. But when you're making this kind of money, there's a big, big target on your back.

Trent Richardson's Pro Football Hall of Fame comeback starts this weekend in the AAF

Hall of Fame comeback starts this weekend for Trent Richardson.

Jimmy Butler will go 'alpha' and have over 30.5 combined points, rebounds, and assists vs the Timberwolves.

I got a pick for you guys... Jimmy Butler's playing the Wolves for the first time... over 30.5 points, rebounds, and assists. He's going to do the same thing that he did in the practice. He's just going to go off. He's going to alpha the fuck out of him.

I'm taking the Cowboys to win or cover against the Rams

Cowboys at Rams. Rams are minus seven... I'm taking the Cowboys. And I'm just saying it out loud. I do this every single divisional round. I always overstate what I've seen from wildcard rounds. So in my mind, I always go to divisional round and say, well, the Cowboys are 1-0 in their last one, and the Rams haven't played in a week... So the Cowboys are hot.

I'm taking the Chargers to beat the Patriots

I love Phil Rivers in this game. I like their running game. I like their defense... I'm taking the Chargers, baby.

If the Texans get a first-round bye, they will go to the Super Bowl

I firmly believe that if the Texans get a bye, they will probably go to the Super Bowl. If they don't, no.

If Green Bay beats Chicago, they are going to the playoffs

Green Bay wins this game, and they're going to the playoffs. Because there are a lot of things that have to happen for Green Bay to make the playoffs, and they're all going to happen. But the big question mark is, can they win this game?

The Buccaneers will cover +7.5 against the Ravens

My walk of the week is going to be the Bucs. Maybe even sprinkle a little bit. The Bucs. [Against] The Ravens. Plus seven and a half.

I'm riding the Mark Sanchez train with the Redskins

I'm riding the Sanchez train. ... Really glad they didn't sign Kaepernick because he didn't fit the style of Mark Sanchez.

This is the week the Patriots propel themselves back to the top of the NFL

Everyone's been talking about the Rams, Chiefs, Saints. They've all been kind of shown as frauds. They have weaknesses. This will be the week the Pats propel themselves back to the top of the league.

I'm taking the Bears -3.5 against the Lions on Thanksgiving

Right now the Bears are favored by 3.5 points. I like the Bears. The defense looks legit... I would take them by 10.

I'm taking the Redskins +7.5 against the Cowboys on Thanksgiving

Listen, 7.5 is a lot to give to Colt McCoy. Colt McCoy, he's a cowboy killer... I'm going to take the Redskins.

I'm taking the under in the Redskins-Cowboys Thanksgiving game

I think the under's the way to go here. 40 and a half? Yeah, I feel like both these teams are going to struggle often. They both have good defenses.

The Cowboys-Falcons loser is eliminated from the playoffs

Loser leaves town... Cowboys-Falcons. That's the game. The loser of that game will officially be eliminated, similar to the Seahawks-Packers game.

The Vikings-Bears game will essentially decide the NFC North

I think the Vikings and Bears [is the game of the week] because I think that is going to be essentially the game to decide the NFC North because the winner of that will be in a nice spot going forward.

I am putting all my money on the Saints to beat the Eagles

The Saints have always done the 'I'm going to step on your throat and you're going to thank me for it.' ... So all my money is going to be going on the Saints in this one.

Mitchell Trubisky will have a coming-out game against the Vikings

This is a coming out game for Mitchell [Trubisky]. Yes. Absolutely. He's going to put on a show.

The Redskins will win the NFC East

Now I want to point out that Mike Tanyer... ran a simulation of the rest of the season... And the R-Words still won the division. So don't jump the gun on the Eagles just yet. Now I'm 100% back in on the R-Words train after learning about the simulation.

Adam Thielen will have 147 yards and two touchdowns against the Lions

To me, this feels like an easy Vikings win. And it feels like Adam Thielen putting up like 147 yards, two touchdowns... I'm Thielen 13 targets, 9 catches.

The Redskins will finish the season with at least 10 wins

The bottom line is the R-words [Redskins] are going to go 10-6 minimum. Maybe 11-5.

The Chiefs will have a come-down-to-earth game against the Bengals

I think this is going to be the week where everything comes back down to earth. It's a little bit sloppy. They might lose, but they're probably going to be within the record.

The Dallas Mavericks will win over 34.5 games because they hired Haralabos Voulgaris

I've got my over at the Dallas Mavericks. I'm taking the over on 34 and a half. Dirk I think is out for a little bit... I'm going on this based solely on the fact that they hired that guy [Haralabos Voulgaris] who's a really good gambler to run their analytics department. If you can beat Vegas, then you can beat the Clippers.

The 2018 NFC Championship will be Bears vs. Rams

It's going to be Rams, Bears, and the NFC Championship game. And the Bears are probably going to beat them with that physical defense.

The 2018 Super Bowl will be Bears vs. Patriots

It's going to be Bears-Patriots in the Super Bowl.

The Chiefs will beat the Patriots outright in Week 6

Chiefs and Patriots, it's going to be awesome. We'll see if Mahomes is for real... I think the Chiefs win this one outright. I do.

The Jaguars vs. Cowboys game will go under 40.5 points

The under that I love, love, love this week is the Jags-Cowboys, under 40 and a half, because the Cowboys can't score, and the Jags have a good defense.

The Rams vs. Broncos game will go under 52.5 points due to the snow

My under is going to be Rams-Denver. So it's 52 and a half, but it's going to be in the snow. Snow football... I'm already mad at myself because if I get all worked up for a snow game and then I tune in and it's a flurry or if there's no snow, that's the most disappointed I'll be all year.

The Jaguars vs. Chiefs Week 5 game is when Patrick Mahomes finally 'comes back down to earth'

The game of the week is easy... the Jaguars versus the Chiefs. Defense versus offense. Mahomes—this is the game that he comes back down to earth.

I'm taking the Jets (-1) at home against the Broncos because people are overrating Denver's performance against the Chiefs

My favorite that I'm taking, I'm taking the Jets at home... minus one against the Broncos. People are going to be saying the Broncos are a good team because they played in prime time and they almost beat... the Chiefs. And then people are going to be hating on the Jets... I'm going to go with the Jets minus one at home.

The Eagles (-3) will beat the Vikings because I think Minnesota stinks

I got Eagles minus three. I think the Vikings stink.

Josh Rosen will be exposed as a fraud against the Seahawks

My pick's going to be the Seahawks, minus three... the Cardinals. Yeah, Josh Rosen's going to throw like four picks... After this week, he'll be exposed.

The Texans' season is over if they lose to the Giants

This is officially if the thing is, I'm pretty sure the Giants are terrible. And if the Texans lose to a terrible team, their season's over.

Bet the Redskins +3 because of the bad turf at FedEx Field

One, Aaron Rodgers, he says that his knee's getting – like he's afraid that it's going to get worse. And the Redskins' defensive line is pretty good... Aaron Rodgers' knee, the Redskins' turf. That's all you need to say for that game.

Josh Gordon won't succeed in New England if he couldn't in Cleveland

If you can't get your shit together enough to play for the Browns and for the Browns to release you—I think that if you can't get your shit together enough to be able to play on the Browns for six years, then you're probably not going to be able to play for Bill Belichick.

The Colts and Redskins game will be a shootout

Alex Smith like that's a perfect Jay Gruden's offense perfect he's just gonna dump it down dump it down maybe a couple shots deep every now and then I like the over I think it's gonna be a shootout.

The Bengals will be a good value this year

I'm also buying the Bengals this year. I think this is the perfect year for the Bengals to get Marvin Lewis another seven years. Joe Mixon, John Ross, A.J. Green, I actually think they're going to score points.

The Over 45 is a lock for the Titans-Dolphins game

For my over, I'm going with Tennessee and Miami. So it's at 45. Mike Vrabel... you always got to go with a new head coach because you don't have anything on film for him. They're getting away from the exotic smash mouth... so you can't score any fewer points than you did with Mike Malarkey. So I like Tennessee-Miami.

The Under 42.5 is the lock for the Jaguars-Giants game

I'm going to take the Jags-Giants under, 42.5. I think the Giants are going to try to run a lot. I think both teams are going to run a lot, so we're going to get one of those weird games where it's like 10-7 going into the fourth quarter, and there's only been 12 passes.

The Buccaneers will cover +9.5 against the Saints

For my underdog I'm going with the Buccaneers... They're plus nine and a half at New Orleans. This is one of the situations where every bone in my body says to take New Orleans so I'm going to fade myself and I'm going with the Buccaneers.