Takes

The Lions are currently the best team in the NFC

The Lions are maybe the best team in the NFC. I know that they're the Niners, I know. But the Lions didn't lose today and the Eagles and the Niners lost so we have to by law give the Lions their credit.

Victor Wembanyama looks like he's going to be the greatest player of all time

Victor Wembanyama has been playing in the preseason and he looks like he's gonna be the greatest player of all time. I've never seen anybody the way he plays basketball. He's crazy... He puts like a dome over the rim. It's insane.

Russell Wilson has played himself out of a Hall of Fame career

[Russell Wilson] stinks. He turtles so fast in the pocket. He threw for 95 yards. It was never close. I think they might bench Russell Wilson. He's played himself out of a Hall of Fame career as well.

The MLB will change the rules to help the Dodgers if they get swept again

Only thing I fear is that if the Dodgers lose again, they're 100% gonna get the rules changed to make it so that the Dodgers can be like automatically in the NLCS. 'Cause this would be back to back years.

NFL teams should fly to London earlier and use medically induced comas to acclimate

What should happen is the moment you get a chance, like maybe that Monday... you put your guys in medically induced coma, knocked them out, put them onto London time, get their body naturally acclimated, fly them over while they're all knocked out. And then you get there, you practice through the week. You use a copious amount of drugs to put them asleep at night and wake them up in the morning.

Bill Belichick is ruining the Patriots on purpose to make them easier to beat when he joins a new team

I think he's ruining the Patriots because he's gonna go somewhere else and then he'll make the Patriots easier to beat when he's at the next location. Vrabel to the Patriots Belichick to the Titans... Vanderbilt is where my dad coached Nashville is where I was born... It's coming home.

Zach Wilson is the third-best quarterback in the AFC East

I think objectively speaking, you can say that Zach Wilson is the third best quarterback in the AFC East. Big difference. Russell Wilson stinks and what we said, he looked okay the first four games, but he had to play a real defense for once.

Brock Purdy is a top five quarterback in the NFL

My overly direct take... Brock Purdy this year is a top five quarterback in the NFL. I like it. Top five. I think he's number five in the NFL right now... If he gets to a Super Bowl, I'm gonna say it. Brock Purdy might be elite.

Drew Lock will eventually make five Pro Bowls

I still believe in Drew Lock. I think I had a take that he would make five Pro Bowls on this show. So you're never wrong about a take until you give up on it. Let that be a lesson to the Giants fans out there. Yes. I still think Drew Lock could possibly make five Pro Bowls.

James Harden will do something so egregious that he ends up in jail by the end of the week

I think that James Harden will end up in jail by the end of this week. I think he's gonna do something. He's gonna do something so ridiculous that someone in the front office is gonna call the cops on him. Like I think he may just like show up on the court naked.

I won't believe the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce relationship is real until I see actual proof

The Swifties are at my door... for a clip on Monday that I, I said that I wanted to see until I, until I saw actual p and v, the relationship was not real to me. Let's just be clear, like it's similar to dinosaurs. Dinosaurs aren't real because I never saw them. So if I don't see, if I don't see sex, I don't think anyone's relationship is real in the world.

Soap doesn't actually work on your armpits

How come when you use soap, soap doesn't work on your armpits? Isn't that an interesting question? Take soap out of the equation. You're thinking about the soap. Take the soap out of the equation.

Brock Purdy is a top 10 quarterback in the NFL

He is a top 10 quarterback... I think Brock Purdy's a top 10 quarterback in the National Football League in 2023. Say it, everyone say it with their chest... I feel confident in saying this as of right now.

I would understand if the 76ers decided to trade Joel Embiid

It's not that I want to trade Embiid, but if we were to get like a very great offer... The Sixers are nowhere near [winning a title] right now... If that did happen, I wouldn't be like devastated. It would make sense to me.

You must fade any team the week after they score 70 points

I might just put this in my gambling portfolio: any team that scores 70, fade them the next week. If you score 70 points in a game on 71 plays, you can't tell me you don't go into the facility the next day like, 'We're the best, we'll just run the same plays.'

Wisconsin will beat Ohio State in Madison

Luke Fickle is building a monster. I stand by that. We're going to beat Ohio State. You hear that right now? Halloween weekend, night game, Madison. We're going to beat Ohio State.

Justin Tucker is washed up

I think Justin Tucker's washed up. He missed a 61 yard field goal. Everybody thought it was in... but yeah, it was like a yard short. He's washed up.

Swifties secretly want Taylor Swift's relationships to fail for the music

I think secretly Taylor Swift's own fan base is sabotaging her happiness... Swifties want Taylor to be happy on their own terms. They don't want Taylor Swift to find genuine happiness. They want her to be happy because she's found empowerment after a disastrous breakup.

Mark Davis hired Josh McDaniels to get Tom Brady's help with inheritance taxes

Mark Davis, we all know that he's probably not gonna be able to afford the inheritance tax on the Raiders... Do you think that he hired Josh McDaniels as the head coach to get Tom Brady involved in the ownership group so that Tom Brady could then contribute to the tax bill when the time comes?

The 49ers have already clinched a playoff berth after Week 3

The Niners have clinched a playoff berth. Congratulations to the San Francisco 49ers. That's huge.

Aaron Rodgers is having a better year than Deshaun Watson

There's a chance that Aaron Rodgers is having a better year than Deshaun Watson... Sean Watson is very bad.

Alabama is washed

Alabama's washed. Alabama is so washed. Done. Nick Saban is so bad at coaching football Big Cat. He is one of the worst football coaches in college.

Brandon Staley has turned from a 'nerd' coach into a 'pussy' coach

Brandon Staley is getting fired. Brandon Staley is not a nerd anymore. and I mean that in a, in a bad way. I liked it when he was a nerd. I liked it when Brandon Staley was going for Fourth Downs when it was like fourth and five doing crazy shit left and right now he's playing like a P word... He's a pussy. He's turned from a nerd into a pussy.

Justin Fields is not the guy and the era is officially over

It's over. It's over... The Justin Fields era. It's over. He's not the guy. It, it's, it's bad. He, It's probably the most disheartening, heartbreaking realization to be like, I put all my blind faith into this... I now officially think it's over. He doesn't seem like he's seeing the field well. I know the offensive line sucks, but again, it's Justin Fields. Like he has not made any of the steps forward that you wanted as a passer.

Micah Parsons is going to win NFL MVP

Micah Parsons winning M V P. Mika Parsons winning m v P... Lawrence Taylor was the last time that happened... It's not crazy.

The Bears vs. Bucs game is the biggest in Bears franchise history

I was premature. The Bears going to Tampa Bay is the biggest game in Bears franchise history. I'll just say that right now. I was a week early on my prediction of biggest game in Bears franchise history. This is a must win.

The Commanders defensive line is better than the Eagles defensive line

The commanders, I think, have a better defensive line than even the Philadelphia Eagles do. Rivera's gonna be on the war path and it's gonna be nice and I think the commanders in that defensive line, which is the best in the NFL across, across all divisions.

Baron Trump will eventually be the first overall pick in the NBA Draft

How awesome would that be if Baron Trump was the first overall pick in the NBA Draft. We were right. It was gonna happen.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.

I think Trevor Lawrence might be better than Justin Fields

I would like to walk back a take. Permission to walk back a take. I think Trevor Lawrence might be better than Justin Fields. I'd just like to start with, listen, I had a lot of kidney stones for the last couple years and I finally pissed the last one out last night. So, it was probably the Stones talking last year. Now that I'm kidney stone free and I'm thinking clearly, I will now admit, I think, I think Trevor Lawrence is pretty damn good.

The Bears are going to suck for the rest of my life and the Packers will be good

This is probably the lowest I've felt in a very, very long time. Yeah, that was terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible. I, it's the same as it ever was. I am, I'm living in the worst version of Groundhogs Day possible. I had all the hope, all the expectations. I knew the defense was gonna suck. So I'm not that surprised that Jordan Love looked good. ... but yeah, that was really, really bad. And everything I was hoping for, I know it's a long season, but it feels like it's, the Bears are just gonna suck for the rest of my life. And the Packers are gonna be good for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do about it.

Jerry Jones only made a hologram of himself because he is about to die

I also feel I, you know, I'm not like a huge Jerry Jones fan, but good for him because I think Jerry Jones is about to die. ... In at and t stadium, Jerry Jones unveiled a hologram Jerry Jones that's interactive. ... AI hologram. You don't make that unless you're about to die.

Matt Nagy is a major problem for the Kansas City Chiefs offense

I have one thing that Chiefs fans need to be worried about. It's one name and his name's Matt Nagy. Eric Bieniemy is no longer with the Chiefs and Chiefs fans, you saw Matt Nagy in all his glory on that third and two when they got so cute. That was a Nagy special. The idiocy of taking the ball outta Patrick Mahomes' hands on a third and two is mind blowing.

The Week 1 Packers vs. Bears game is the biggest game in the history of the Bears franchise

I have said this on many platforms, but I do, it's a slightly hyperbolic, but I do think that this might be the biggest game in Bears franchise history. It feels so significant because it is the Packers, because it's Jordan Love's first real season, Justin Fields, big season hopefully coming up.

Justin Fields will have a better NFL career than Trevor Lawrence

I think [Justin Fields] is gonna be better. He's gonna have a better career than Trevor Lawrence. I'm gonna stand by that commitment. I said it for my balls one time last year. Not for my brain, but sometimes I'm fielding my feelings right now and it's coming from my balls.

Mike White will win more games as the Dolphins starter this year than Tua Tagovailoa

My spiciest NFL take is Mike White will win more games for the Dolphins than Tua Tagovailoa. I just did this the other day. I'm rooting for him [Tua]... I'll take that back. No, I'll stand by it.

Tom Brady will come out of retirement to play for the New York Jets

Tom Brady comes out of retirement. And he comes out of retirement to play for the Jets.

Drew Allar is the best Penn State quarterback I have seen in my lifetime

Best, best quarterback Penn State quarterback I think I've seen in my lifetime. [Drew Allar] better [than Christian Hackenberg].

Justin Fields will be the Jalen Hurts of the 2023 season

We're then gonna reach for in round three... for Justin Fields. I have a feeling he's gonna be the Jalen Hurts of this season. We have to ensure that we get him.

Darren Waller will be right up there with Travis Kelce for tight end production

We are going to take Darren Waller. We're reaching in the fourth round. We're taking him... I think he's gonna be right up there with Kelce.

Tom Brady will eventually return to play for the New England Patriots this season

I will Tom Brady back to the Patriots. ... Tom Brady has been linked to conversations coming back to New England Patriots this year per us.

Herm Edwards is a total fraud for the mess he left at Arizona State

My who's back is Herm Edwards being a fraud because Arizona State has a bull ban... He's on ESPN giving speeches about, you know, upstanding character and doing the right thing. And he just left this mess in his past. So he is a total fraud.

Josh Allen, Joe Burrow, Jalen Hurts, Trevor Lawrence, and Justin Herbert are the top five quarterbacks in the NFL

Top five quarterbacks in the league right now. Sam Howell, Josh Allen—Sam Howell, no. Josh Allen. Josh Allen, Joe Burrow. Joe Burrow, Jalen Hurts, Trevor Lawrence, Justin Herbert, Justin Herbert. That's our five. Yep. That's our five right there.

Taylor Swift is either a cult leader or a terrorist

Is Taylor Swift kind of a terrorist? She might be kind of a terrorist. It feels like she's got, I'll tell you what, She is either a cult leader or a terrorist and she's very good at doing both. Whichever one it is. So anything that she does, I'm on her side.

Bijan Robinson is the best running back of all time

Bijan Robinson is the best running back of all time. That was a great, great performance by him. That's, he's a clip monster.

The Yankees should extend both Aaron Boone and Brian Cashman

I think they should extend Aaron Boone. Yeah. I think he's the steady hand and Cashman. I think Aaron Boone is a steady hand that the Yankees need to control their franchise. ... We official vote of confidence as they should extend both of them. Yes.

Stetson Bennett is a future Hall of Famer

First, right off the top. Stetson Bennett, future Hall of Famer. Yeah. He looks good.

Birds are not real and are actually government surveillance plants

Birds aren't real. They're government plant. Have you ever seen a bunch of birds go onto... Have you ever seen them on telephone wires? That's them charging. You've never seen a baby bird.

The female orgasm is a myth created by 'Big Orgasm'

The female orgasm. Not real. Big orgasm has been lying to you guys. Girls don't come. They just do it because they like to make us feel bad for coming too quick. Exactly... let's be honest, let's get real honest here. That shit's not real.