Takes

Texas will make the College Football Playoff this year

I think Texas is gonna be in the college football playoff this year. I sprinkled a little future on them winning the title this year. I think they're gonna make the playoff.

This version of Alabama is not good enough to be a CFP contender

This version of Alabama is not good or not good enough to be a college football [contender]... Saban is the greatest college coach of all time, and he does adapt better than any college coach. But he has to adapt again.

Iowa will have an offensive explosion and hit the over against Western Michigan

I'm gonna take whatever the Iowa team total is. Bet the over on it. Because Ferentz is gonna keep his guys in. He knows in the back of his head, if it's late in the third quarter... they need to score some more points.

LeBron James will eventually find an excuse to not play for Team USA in the 2024 Olympics

This is just an ultimate future me problem. [LeBron] is making a promise just to make the promise. It's like Scott's Tots. And then next year he's gonna come around. He's gonna be like, yeah, but I just got done playing like full NBA season. We went to the playoffs maybe into the second round. Do I really have to play?

Taylor Swift fans (Swifties) are much more dangerous than Chiefs fans

Taylor Swift fans are fucking insane. And this is coming from a guy who had his most recent superfan go to prison for 30 years for bank robberies. Swifties are way more dangerous than Chiefs [fans].

Baron Trump will eventually be the first overall pick in the NBA Draft

How awesome would that be if Baron Trump was the first overall pick in the NBA Draft. We were right. It was gonna happen.

The Seahawks' secondary is extremely dangerous and overlooked

Seattle Seahawks, if they can get a pass rush generated, I think they're gonna be pretty good. Their secondary is bananas, bro. I'm talking about Their secondary is very dangerous. Woolen is, he's not getting a lot of credit. But that young man... I think he's gonna lock down some receivers this year.

The Carolina Panthers will win more than four games this year

They'll win more than four games... I think they could sneak in [to the playoffs]. I don't think it's a fluke. If the Panthers win more than four games, whatever little promo you did, I want some joggers.

The Carolina Panthers will win four or fewer games this season

Panthers are gonna win three games... I'll give you four games for the Panthers. Panthers are gonna win four games... If the Panthers win four or less games, we want some Steve Smith signed hats.

Calvin Ridley is on a mission and is going to 'ball' this year

Calvin Ridley is going ball. That's a man on a mission. And some corners are gonna have to deal with that man being on a mission.

Zach Wilson's ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes

Come on, Zach Wilson, his ceiling is literally Patrick Mahomes. That's a fact. If he plays to the best of his ability.

Al-Qaeda is the only one who could have written the Monday Night Football script

Running out with the flag... hard knocks... there was so much hope and hype. And, you know, talking about the NFL script, the only one who could have written that script is Al-Qaeda.

Tom Brady joining the Jets this season is a real possibility

Someone who has a lot of family based here coming out of retirement... Tom Brady. I mean, it could happen. It's the craziest thought. It really isn't. That's the only one. His kids are here. He has a place. That's the only person where it's like, yeah, let's take a chance on that.

The Commanders' defensive line is right up there with the Jets as the best in the league

The D is legit in DC. So, so legit. It's, we have an awesome defense. I'm not gonna apologize again for beating the Cardinals. Our defensive line is fucking awesome. We're probably amongst the best in the league. I would put us right up there with the New York Jets is having the best defensive line.

The Commanders will win 9 to 11 games if Sam Howell stays average

Sam Howell did enough. Sam Howell, he played just good enough to not lose. And I think if he can be average, if Sam can stay average, we should win like nine, 10, maybe 11 games this year.

The Bengals will still be there at the end of the year despite their slow start

I fully expect the Bengals to be there at the end of the year. It's just ex like, I also expected this to be a slow start for them. And they played about as bad as you can play.

The 49ers have the best roster in professional football

When you watch the 49ers play defense, and when they're humming they are so violent and so fast. Everything like every hole is just, is completely stuffed in a second. They're flying around. It just was a nice reminder like, oh yeah, the 49ers when they have a quarterback who can actually, who has an arm and I'm talking about literally an arm because Brock Purdy didn't have won the NFC championship game. They're the best roster in, in pro football.

Brock Purdy is a good quarterback on any team, not just the 49ers

I I I'm upgrading my Brock Purdy take from not just being good on the 49ers to just being a good quarterback. Yeah. I think he'd be, I think he'd be okay on any team. He wouldn't be as good obviously as he is on the Niners. 'cause he fits that system perfectly and it's a very quarterback friendly system. But I think he's just a good quarterback.

The Steelers will be a nine and eight team because Mike Tomlin finds a way

I still think the Steelers will be a decent team. They just played a really fucking good team. I think they'll be like seven and 10. No, it's Mike Tomlin so they'll be so correct that to nine and eight. 'cause they'll find a way.

Baker Mayfield was the best quarterback that nobody wanted this offseason

I feel like Baker [Mayfield] was the best quarterback that nobody wanted this off-season. I think people threw him under the bus way too soon. They put him on the junk heap too soon. I don't think he's gonna be like a top five, top 10 quarterback, but I think he'll be, he could be a good quarterback.

The Buccaneers can absolutely win the NFC South this year

The Bucs defense looked very good. I mean they were all up in Kirk Cousins's face all, all game... and then Mike Evans and Chris Godwin, like they, they absolutely can win the NFC South. And they proved it today. They went into Minnesota, which isn't an easy place to play it. It is. And kickers hitting 57 Yarders bombs... good job Todd Bowles.

George Pickens is my top pick to be the next great diva wide receiver in the NFL

George Pickens if he gets good, could be [a diva]. That's absolutely is. He's my number one pick for for next up in the Diva Draft... I feel like there's a difference between Diva and Wired Different. Receiver Antonio Brown, EZ Perfect. Wired him different.

I'm walking back my Justin Fields take; Trevor Lawrence is better

I would like to walk back a take. Permission to walk back a take. I think Trevor Lawrence might be better than Justin Fields. I'd just like to start with, listen, I had a lot of kidney stones for the last couple years and I finally pissed the last one out last night. So, it was probably the Stones talking last year. Now that I'm kidney stone free and I'm thinking clearly, I will now admit, I think, I think Trevor Lawrence is pretty damn good.

The Jaguars might schedule their way to a Super Bowl

And the Jags, Pete Prisco might just be right. They might just schedule their way to a look at the schedule, to the Super Bowl. Look at the schedule. Their, their, their defense is not that good. And they're offensive, but Josh, Josh Allen, I think Josh Allen had three sacks there.

The Dolphins vs. Chargers game was the greatest Week 1 game of all time

This is the greatest week, week game ever. This this was the greatest week one game of all time. By far. Dolphins 36. Chargers 34 Tua. All the Tua haters out there. T Anon expect us 466 yards, three touchdowns.

The single-game passing record will be broken this year

Norm Van Brocklin threw for 554 yards in 1951. That record. What a beast we need. We need to break that record. It's insane that it hasn't been broken yet. I'll throw a Pizza party. Yeah. For whatever quarterback breaks that record this year.

Don't judge CJ Stroud too harshly for his performance against the Ravens in his NFL debut

CJ Stroud... basically the worst place to start your career. Yeah. Against the Ravens who just, they, they're similar to the Niners where it feels like every time there's a pass into like the flat, there's six Ravens that are ready to just take your head off... so I can't You can't fully judge him based On Today.

Puka Nacua is awesome

I was very low on the Rams this year. and then Puka Nacua from BYU who just like didn't play last year. I, every game I was like, oh, is he gonna play? Is he gonna play? He's awesome. He had 119 yards and Tutu Atwell had 119 yards and they don't have Cooper Cup for a few weeks. And the Rams just dominated the Seahawks, which I was, it shocked me.

The Bears are going to suck for the rest of my life and the Packers will be good

This is probably the lowest I've felt in a very, very long time. Yeah, that was terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible. I, it's the same as it ever was. I am, I'm living in the worst version of Groundhogs Day possible. I had all the hope, all the expectations. I knew the defense was gonna suck. So I'm not that surprised that Jordan Love looked good. ... but yeah, that was really, really bad. And everything I was hoping for, I know it's a long season, but it feels like it's, the Bears are just gonna suck for the rest of my life. And the Packers are gonna be good for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do about it.

Jordan Love is average at best and the Bears are just that bad

I still don't think Jordan Love's that good. I don't, I think the Bears are just that bad. I think Jordan Love's average at best.

The Bears will finish 11-5 and beat the Chiefs

I do think the Bears are still gonna be good this year. And Justin Fields, he's, they're gonna open it up. They're gonna beat the Bucs. I'm now, I'm back. They're gonna beat the Bucs. And guess what? They're gonna be beat the Chiefs. They are. Chris Jones won't be playing still. The Bears are gonna be 11 and five this year.

The Patriots are going to win games that people expect them to lose

I'm just saying like, as bad as it was, I still think the, this, this team is gonna, you know, win some games that people expect 'em to lose.

Jerry Jones only made a hologram of himself because he is about to die

I also feel I, you know, I'm not like a huge Jerry Jones fan, but good for him because I think Jerry Jones is about to die. ... In at and t stadium, Jerry Jones unveiled a hologram Jerry Jones that's interactive. ... AI hologram. You don't make that unless you're about to die.

Novak Djokovic is the GOAT and Federer is a boy toy

The Joker 24 and counting. Joker's the best. He's the goat. I root for winners. I am a winner. I root for winners. Joker the man. Your little fucking boy toy. Roger Federer. Joker's Got you. Bitch.

The Jets will beat the Bills on Monday Night Football

Pretty nervous, but I think we're gonna win. ... I'm just going for it.

The Chiefs would have won the season opener against the Lions if Kadarius Toney didn't play

I actually think the Chiefs would've won that game without Kadarius Toney. He gave them an a pick six. He then dropped that ball at the end of the game where it was just easily catchable. He dropped that third down conversion when the guy ran across his face. If you just take him away and just have someone run routes but never get the ball, you win that game.

Matt Nagy is a major problem for the Kansas City Chiefs offense

I have one thing that Chiefs fans need to be worried about. It's one name and his name's Matt Nagy. Eric Bieniemy is no longer with the Chiefs and Chiefs fans, you saw Matt Nagy in all his glory on that third and two when they got so cute. That was a Nagy special. The idiocy of taking the ball outta Patrick Mahomes' hands on a third and two is mind blowing.

Eric Bieniemy was the 'system' for the Chiefs and now that he's in Washington, Patrick Mahomes will be exposed

Is Patrick Mahomes a system quarterback? Was Eric Bieniemy the system? Do I now have the system? Is the system belong to me now? All your system belongs to us.

Kadarius Toney will be removed from the Chiefs roster by mid-season after a blow-up with Patrick Mahomes

What's gonna happen is he's gonna have another bad performance... he's going to get mad at Mahomes for not throwing the ball anymore. and then by week nine, he's going to get disciplined by the team for yelling at Mahomes... and then he's gonna get traded, cut, removed from the team.

Joe Burrow will be rusty and struggle in Week 1 against the Browns

Joe Burrow misses half of training camp again. What happened last year? He threw four picks against the Steelers and lost in overtime. I feel like he's gonna be rusty again. I think the Bengals will be there long term. But I think this is a tough spot for the Bengals Week one with Joe Burrow coming back from not practicing at all.

Deshaun Watson is the perfect quarterback for the Browns because his off-field issues prevent the media from over-hyping the team

Deshaun Watson, everything off the field, I think he's the perfect quarterback for, for the Browns... because a lot of people don't wanna talk about the Browns 'cause of Deshaun Watson. So it tempers the Browns hype. And the Browns are one of those teams I put in the category of like never overhype the Browns.

This is a legacy-defining season for Kyle Shanahan where he must win the Super Bowl

I'm ready to say it. I think this is a legacy year for Kyle Shanahan. I think he has to win the Super Bowl or else his pristine championship pedigree has been tarnished. If he wins the Super Bowl, he will be the number one coach in the NFL. This is a legacy defining season for him.

I think Sam Howell will be a good quarterback for the Commanders this season

I think that Sam Howell is giving us every reason to think that he could be a good quarterback this year. Now he might suck ass... but I don't think he's gonna suck enough ass to not beat the Cardinals by seven points.

The Jaguars will win at least 13 games this season

Jaguar's minimum 13 wins... disaster if they don't... Trevor Lawrence is four and 14 straight up and seven 11 against the spread on the road. I know this sounds stupid about Trevor Lawrence, but I believe in these things.

The Ravens will demolish the Texans in Week 1

Texans, Ravens. So Ravens are going to demolish the Texans. I probably agree with that... I am Stroud boy... but yeah, Ravens throwing the ball down field. Yes.

The Week 1 Packers vs. Bears game is the biggest game in the history of the Bears franchise

I have said this on many platforms, but I do, it's a slightly hyperbolic, but I do think that this might be the biggest game in Bears franchise history. It feels so significant because it is the Packers, because it's Jordan Love's first real season, Justin Fields, big season hopefully coming up.

Justin Fields will have a better NFL career than Trevor Lawrence

I think [Justin Fields] is gonna be better. He's gonna have a better career than Trevor Lawrence. I'm gonna stand by that commitment. I said it for my balls one time last year. Not for my brain, but sometimes I'm fielding my feelings right now and it's coming from my balls.

The Chargers will be a good team for the first four games of the season before they get hit with injuries

The C words [Chargers] are actually healthy right now... I kind of believe in them in the first four games of this season... that's usually you can set your watch to it. That's when they usually have their first debilitating injury of the year to an impact player.

The Rams will be so bad this season that they will have a top-five draft pick

I actually think the Rams are gonna be really, really bad. Cooper Kupp obviously out. I feel like Matthew Stafford... I don't know what to expect. They're resetting the whole deck. I actually think, and quote me if I'm wrong, I believe that next year, come late April, the Los Angeles Rams will be selecting in the first round... maybe a little top five pick.

The New England Patriots will win 11 games this season

I have high expectations for this team. But the national media like yourself think they have no shot. I think they'll win 11. 11 [wins] and seven [losses].