Takes

New Urban Meyer Jaguars stories will never run out

I hope we just never run out. Like every year it should just be, it's basically a time capsule. We should just open it up every year and be like, what's the new Urban Meyer anecdote from his less than one year in Jacksonville?

Jim Irsay is spending $20M to fly an orca for positive PR during the Jonathan Taylor drama

I just love Jim Irsay being like, I, I'm getting so much shit this week. I, my name's being dragged through the mud about the Jonathan Taylor situation. I need some positive press. Oh, I know what I'll do. I'll spend $20M to fly a whale across the country.

There is a 0% chance they successfully fly an orca in a cargo plane

I can't, there's, I I just, I know you guys are just fucking with me, but [there's] no way. 0%. 0% [chance this happens].

Notre Dame is the only winner in the current conference realignment mess

Do you know who actually coming out looking pretty good in all of this conference realignment? I never thought I'd say this. Notre Dame. They stay with their tradition. They're committed to being independent. They make all the money and they don't have to worry about it.

The Yankees treated Anthony Rizzo poorly by playing him through a concussion for two months

In the 53 games before this concussion, he had 11 home runs, was batting .304. In the 46 games since this concussion... he had one home run and was batting .172. It's just interesting the timing where it's after they're pretty much done for the season. They did my guy Rizzo wrong.

Amon-Ra St. Brown is going to have a huge year in 2023

I just got done throwing with St. Brown out in LA and seeing his progression this off-season. I'm like, that kid's gonna have a big year.

The 2018 NFC Championship non-call was not pass interference

Was it pass interference? No, not, it wasn't. Was it called Pass interference? It was not. I've had a million pass interferences that weren't called. ...

Dan Campbell is as smart as anyone I've ever been around in football

I've told people a million times, he looks like a meathead. He's big strong dude. He talks like he does, but he's as smart as anyone I've been around. It's some the art of war shit. Like, make them, make your opponent believe that you're unprepared and then he kind of likes it.

The Bears will lose to the Chiefs in the 2023 NFL season

I'll be honest. That's me being unbiased. [The Bears will go] 16 and one, lose to the Chiefs. That's fair.

The US Women's National Team will lose to Sweden in the 2023 World Cup

I'm gonna have to bet on the US women's national team against Sweden. I'm just gonna have to. They're gonna lose. Yeah, they're gonna lose.

Beating a video game is something that is only fun once

Beating a video game. Once you [beat it], you can't go back and beat another video... like yes you can, [but] it's not as fun. If you beat Goldeneye and you go back and you know all the secrets and stuff, it does not have that same allure. The first time you beat Goldeneye, you think that you are God.

Getting married is definitely more fun the first time

Getting married. It's definitely more fun the first time. ...When I intend to do it, I, I'll only do it once.

I learned how to run before I learned how to walk

I learned to run before I learned to walk.

Titty fucking is only fun to do once

I think guys, if you guys, the one person will agree with me... It is the man. We're doing it. Drum roll: titty fucking. It's simply fun [only] once. That is something that like you're in middle school, you dream about and then you do it and it's like, this isn't that fun. I've literally only done it once 'cause I was like, I don't need to do this shit.

Throwing a house party in high school is only fun the first time

Throwing a house party in high school. When parents aren't there. It's fun the first time you might get away with it. You might not, but you still had that one time. But then you can't really do it again. Or if you do it again, it gets out of hand. Your first one's a banger people, the bar's gonna be so high for the future ones that like you can only go downhill.

The Great Lakes region is the most valuable land on Earth because of its fresh water

The Great Lakes region is an amazing place for a pandemic. The fresh waters, it's like, it's probably the most valuable land on earth. No, but seriously, the fresh water source. If there was like a serious situation... we should bunk up.

All humans are animals, and you should look for the animal within you

Love you guys. All humans are animals. If you're ever feeling down, look for the animal within you.

The Mets will be World Series Champions in 2026

The team is not going to be pursuing free agents this off season or assembled team that can compete for World Series next year... 24 is looking to be more of a kind of transitory year... Definitely Mets all in '26. Remember this Uncle Stevie on this, on this podcast with the first report, Mets World Series Champions 2026.

The Mets will not contend for a decade

I also have a report from someone inside the Mets organization who contacted me and said... I'll never see a Mets playoff game won't contend for, for a decade.

Steve Cohen will buy his way back into contention this offseason

Uncle Stevie... after hearing that report, I was in the party like, sell everybody. Just buy everybody the next year. Like what's the point of being a rich guy if can't just buy people... he's gonna buy some people. Let's get [Ohtani]. Even though He is not a free agent.

The US Women's National Team are 'entitled babies'

No, you shouldn't be celebrating like that after you tie Portugal. Zero. Zero. You only won one game against Vietnam... So act listen, you haven't won shit yet. They're entitled, they're entitled babies.

If the US Women's National Team had any pride, they would rescind their invitation to advance in the World Cup

If they had any pride, they would rescind their advancement. If they win the [World Cup] with two ties, if they had any dignity whatsoever... I'm disappointed.

C.J. Stroud will have a better rookie year than Bryce Young

There were a lot of people out there who are in Bryce's that were coming at me and saying like, Bryce is not worse than [Stroud]. I think Stroud's gonna have a better rookie year. That's all I'm saying.

The reason Hank is grumpy is because the current weed supply has been nerfed by a virus

I actually know why Hank's grumpy... weed's on my Hot Seat. There's something called a hop latent viroid going around and it basically nerfs potent weed... the nerfing of the weed is going around right now... [it's] affecting like 90% of marijuana plants in the country.

Marijuana needs to be exactly half as strong as it is right now

The nerfing of the weed is going around right now... Which I actually think is wonderful. Yeah. I think it's, that's what weed needs to be. It needs to be exactly half as strong as it is right now. So you can still smoke it and do stuff.

Northwestern football should be given the death penalty

As a fan of Northwestern, I think they should be given the death penalty. True. I think that as Northwestern goes, we're more than a football team. We're, we're an institution that develops and builds young minds and teaches them to be ethical... death penalty to Northwestern.

College football is headed for a Big Two conference structure

Geographics do not matter in college football anymore. We're headed for the big, big two. Maybe big three... I don't know why we don't just do, we should just do NFL model and just have divisions... The big, the big 10 and the s e c of the conferences.

Davante Adams will be traded to the Jets at the deadline

Aaron Rogers took a $35 million pay cut. Right. Davante Adams... I'm very happy with the contract. I feel great about it on his contract. So hypothetically at the trade deadline, something were to happen. Like we have super teams now.

I should be one of the strongest, if not the strongest, quarterback in Madden

Strength... I should be one of the, if not the strongest, quarterback [in Madden] because I'm so, so strong. But they had me a little weaker, you know.

Losing sometimes helps more than winning does

The thing is, sometimes like a loss actually helps you. Yeah. Like, it, it refocus you. It's like, all right, we should not have, like what did we do during that week that caused us to lose that game? Like, why did we play off? Why, what caused things to go awry? Like, so sometimes those losses help more than wins do.

Wrestlers have a mindset where they feel they can kick anyone's ass

If you're a wrestler, you have that and you wrestle for, you know, a number of years, you develop that mindset of, you know, you feel you could kick anybody's ass. It's in a respectful it's a respectful mindset. Like, you don't use it unless you have to, but it's always In your mind of it's there.

Michael Jordan is the GOAT of basketball, shoes, and coolness

And it's Michael Jordan. Easy. Okay. Easy pick. Mike, mj, the goat. He's the goat in basketball. He's the goat in shoes. He's the goat in coolness. He's the goat.

LeBron James is on the Mt. Rushmore of GOATs

We're going with LeBron James... I like our list. It's a team effort. I value, I value my teammates picks.

Serena Williams did more for tennis than Tiger Woods did for golf

She did more than Tiger Woods did for golf.

My broadcast partner Kirk Triplett is not a nice person when the cameras are rolling

He [Kirk Triplett] is just not a nice person when the cameras are rolling. But I don't think that's any earth shattering news. Like he would admit that too. That's just who He is. And I've accepted that. But I'm proud of myself for not letting him walk all over me.

Jonathan Taylor will eventually play for the Colts this season

Taylor demanded a trade afterwards and then the Colts now have him on a technicality basically saying, you better actually play for us. We're not gonna trade you... He will play. Yes. I think he will come and play.

'The Prestige' is one of the best movies of all time

Prestige is one of the best movies of all time. ... It's a phenomenal [movie]. ... Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman are rival magicians. Great twist, great turns, great female cast. ... That's not being coy. That's just like, it's a phenomenal [movie].

The Cubs will be buyers at the trade deadline

Cubs might be buying, they beat up on some bad teams. They're buying. ... Was electric. Yeah. Baseball's heating up.

The NFL's throwback jerseys (Oilers, Eagles Kelly Green, Seahawks) should be their permanent uniforms

The Oilers, they couldn't even announce them, right? ... They were coming back. The Oilers and the Kelly Green Eagles jerseys. Fuck throwbacks. Those should be the jerseys. ... And even the Seahawks, the Seahawks throwbacks should just be their jerseys.

I don't want to start a family because aliens will likely kill us all within five years

I like thinking that aliens are real because then it really is like there's no reason to do anything. 'cause like within five years, like the aliens are gonna just come up and fuck us off. ... Like starting a family. It's like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna have kids like aliens are gonna come and kill 'em all. Yeah. Like, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna keep doing my thing.

Aliens likely live at the bottom of the ocean

I think the aliens are from Earth, bro. ... I think they're from the bottom of the Ocean. ... The earth is really large and we haven't really investigated most of the oceans.

The Texans offense will be much better than people think this year

He's [John Metchie] back in training camp. He looks awesome. ... I'm just saying, I think, I think the Texans on offense this year are gonna be way better than we think. I like Stroud.

Travis Kelce is a pussy for fighting Jack Cochrane in training camp

Jack Cochrane's the dude who pissed off Travis Kelce. So shout out that guy for exposing Travis Kelce for being a pussy. ... That was getting into it. 'cause he got hit once just like a little bit after the play and he got pissed off.

John Ross was too fast for football

John Ross... he retired. ... Too fast for football. ... I actually think that like this guy wasn't that fast when you made it like the average speed. He was just super fast. Straight line. ... He was a gadget guy that just made him run really fast in a straight line and that that was the only thing he could do.

The Ravens will win the Super Bowl

I see a play like that. I'm like, Raven Super Bowl. Yes I have. I have the Ravens for the Super Bowl. I've bought into the hype. It won't burn me at all.

Success early in the NFL season depends on making the fewest mistakes, not the most plays

I always believe early in the season, it's not the teams that make the most plays. It's the one that make the least amount of mistakes early in the year. And as you go, then it becomes the teams that make more plays.

55 degrees is the ideal sleeping temperature

On the road. If, if I can get it. I mean, normally the lowest you can get is 55. Right. In a hotel. Right. But I got it at 55. ... man, if I could, I would [go into the forties].

Football is the greatest sport you can possibly play

Don't ever disrespect this game because it is, in my opinion, it's the greatest sport that you can possibly play, man. ... It's a team sport, man. You, there's blood, there's sweat, there's tears. ... Everybody's gotta be going the same way to have success. ... We owe it as players, coaches, anybody that's associated with to give it everything you've got. 'cause it is an unbelievable game.

Polar bears are 'huge pussies' compared to grizzly bears

Polar bears are huge pussies. They actually, every time they meet grizzly bears in the wild, they like run away. 'cause grizzly bears are about that action. They scrap harder than polar bears. It's because their population densities are higher. So they see other grizzly bears and fight them more.

I officially have zero ill-will toward Aaron Rodgers and think he's a great teammate now that he took a pay cut

Aaron Rodgers. What a guy. Probably the greatest guy ever. I'm so happy that I've never said anything bad about Aaron Rodgers. He took a $35 million pay cut for the Jets, basically a big fuck you to the Packers. I think I officially have like no ill will towards Aaron Rodgers anymore. This one cemented it for me.