Takes

Hating opposing women players is the best way to truly support women's sports

One of the best ways to truly support women's sports is by hating women that are playing on a team that's playing against your favorite team.

The NBA in-season tournament is essentially a way for LeBron James to get more rings

It was essentially the NBA was like, how can we make it so that LeBron gets more rings so he can feel like he's better than Jordan. Let's make a made up trophy in the middle of [the season].

Brooks Koepka is the hottest golfer in the world heading into the Masters

My, who's back of the week is Brook's Koepka. Yes. Brooks. Shout out Brooks. He won. He's hot. He's the hottest golfer in the world going into masters week. He's back. He won on the live tour. He battled off Patrick Reed to finish first place in Orlando.

The Hernandez family is officially back following Dennis Hernandez's arrest at ESPN

The Hernandez family is back. Is back af at long last.

The Lakers are a legitimate threat as they climb the Western Conference standings

The Lakers... they are climbing up the west... Seeds four through 10 right now are separated by four and a half games. Damn. And Lakers are right there at eight. Are the Lakers back? They have LeBron and AD.

Forte will be the Kentucky Derby favorite and has a great chance to win

I love Forte. I've watched Forte a few times... I think he'll be the Kentucky Derby favorite, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's gotta win today. But yeah, I got a good feeling about Forte. Yeah. That's, that's my pick.

Bobby Knight once had his players stop a scripted play for the movie 'Blue Chips' because he didn't want to lose the possession

The director come in the huddle and he says, all right, we need about 15, 20 minutes to set up the last play. So Penny Hardaway is gonna throw the lob past the Shaquille O'Neill and then they win... As we're leaving the huddle to go play defense. Coach Knight says, 'Don't let him get it. Grab him.' So they run the play... We grab Shaq, the ball goes out of bound and he's yelling the director's yelling. Cut, cut, cut.

Max will lose 20 pounds by Memorial Day

Memorial Day. Memorial Day, losing 20 pounds by Memorial Day Max. We've, we've done this before, but we're doing it for real this time... I just want it to be on the record.

Christian Yelich is on pace to hit zero home runs this season

Christian Yelich is on pace to hit zero home runs this year. Love to hear it. Fraud. No power in that guy.

The new MLB rules have made baseball watchable again

Overall, I think that what they've done is they've turned baseball into a game that more people will Congrats. We did it. We made baseball watchable again.

The San Diego Padres will win the World Series

My You wanna just say who our World Series champion is? Yes. San Diego Padres.

The Tampa Bay Rays will win the World Series

You know what? I'll say it. This is the year. I think the Tampa Bay Rays are gonna win it all. They've been knocking at the door where like they'll have a couple years where their advanced analytics will always work... I think they're coming back up this year.

The Chicago Cubs are 'sneaky not bad' and close to being a good team

I actually am very excited for the Cubs because I think they're gonna be, my line is sneaky not bad. Sneaky not bad is very close to good. You got young guys you can root for, you're building something. I got Mancini, Swanson... it's sneaky not bad.

Anthony Richardson is a better talent than Cam Newton was at the same age

Anthony Richardson is better than Cam Newton right now... When they were both this age, whatever age they were. Yeah... That SEC wasn't the same as today's SEC? No. It's much harder. It's much harder to win in today's SEC.

Asante Samuel is just bitter because the Patriots wouldn't pay him

He's bitter. He's bitter... He signed with the Eagles. And he was mad that he said the Patriots offered him half as much as like what he was should have been getting.

UConn will win the National Championship with back-to-back blowouts

I feel like we're in store for two UConn blowouts back to back... I get all I really need out of this Final Four is just one close game.

The NFL will eventually have a full international division including London and Germany

The NFL is apparently exploring an international division. An entire division, so expanding. Everyone's been thinking London's gonna get at least one team. Germany might get at least one team... they're looking at a full division that's just international teams.

FAU's brand of basketball is a fun, unselfish 'throwback' style designed to be entertaining

We have a fun style of play to watch. From day one we've wanted to be entertaining. You need to do something other than just win... to get people into a gymnasium when it's 80 degrees and clear skies out. We're very unselfish and we're a throwback team because we have a different best player almost every single game.

College basketball should have one universal ball for every team to use

It seems like we should have one universal ball for college basketball for every team to use... every game we go to we have to practice a different, we have a closet full basketballs, we have to practice with a different one every week depending on where we're playing. So I would think it's time for, for all of us to come together and... have one basketball for the betterment of the game.

Kevin Durant is having the greatest mid-range season in 25 years

Kevin Durant is... arguably having the greatest mid-range season in the history since we've been tracking this for 25 years and he's breathing life into it and it's beautiful to watch... Kevin's almost 60% right now. It's incredible.

The Phoenix Suns could win the NBA title primarily using the mid-range game

Devin Booker on his team and Chris Paul on his team, the Phoenix Suns this year have a chance not only win the championship but doing it in the mid-range.

Nikola Jokic is giving up more points on layups than any player in the tracking era

He's giving up more points per game on layups as the closest defender of any player in the player tracking era, which is now 10 years. And so I brought that up because it's in the heat of this... chance for the Nuggets to finally get out of the Western Conference for Jokic to be a three time MVP.

No team has won a title with a defense ranked 11th or worse in decades

No NBA team has won the championship with a defense that's ranked 11th or worse in the regular season in a very long time... The Denver Nuggets are not checking that box. So... you get exposed if you play Giannis in a seven game series.

The Milwaukee Bucks are the favorites coming out of the Eastern Conference

They deserve to be the favorites. They have the best record without Chris [Middleton] a lot of the year. I think they, they deserve to be the favorites coming out of the East.

The NBA should bring back the 'one-and-one' free throw rule

When you make millions of dollars to shoot free throws, we, we don't need you to take one-on-one. Yeah. Like bring the one-on-one to the NBA. I think that's one thing we could do to actually increase the risk for some of these these guys.

The day Dan Snyder sells the Commanders is the best day of my sports life

It is one of the best days of my life. I would say Washington Capital Stanley Cup is day number one of my sports life Nationals, nationals World Series, probably number two. And then I would put Dan Snyder selling the team. ... Fuck it. I'm, I'm gonna put this number one. Okay. I think this is better. Number one, I think this is a better day because it opens up the entire future of my football fandom.

The Washington Commanders should temporarily revert to 'Washington Football Team' before rebranding as the 'Hogs'

I hope that Josh Harris... they buy the team. And I hope they're like, you know what? This name sucks. The commander sucks. Nobody cares about it. Hogs. And then I hope they say, okay, we need a year to figure out what the end name of the team's gonna be. So we're gonna go back to the football team for a year. And then the year after that, they announced the new team name. Hogs would be great.

If a sports owner has two teams, they will always have a favorite child

No. Because like, this will get into a situation where if you own two teams, like which one does [the owner] care about more? ... it's kinda like a Jerry Reinsdorf situation with the White Sox and Bulls. Like we, you gotta have a favorite child.

Lamar Jackson will not play on the transition tag

[Lamar Jackson] is not going to play on the transition tag. So we could end up being a situation where Lamar comes back to the Ravens and just doesn't play at all next year. Which would suck for everybody.

Dan Campbell could beat the fuck out of every other NFL head coach

Dan Campbell. Dan Campbell could beat the fuck out of anybody in this picture [the NFL coaches photo].

Brandon Staley looks like a creepy youth church leader

Brandon Staley looks like a, I think I said he looked like a youth church leader who kind of creepy shout because he's gotta a look that like, dude, just figure out Justin Herbert.

Mike McCarthy's body is composed of 90% fart

I said that he [Mike McCarthy] he's 90% fart in that picture. Yeah. His body's just composed the fart. ... if you took, if you did the 23 and me test, it'd be like 10% Irish, 90% fart.

I am fading the Oakland A's every single game this year

I think I'm gonna fade the As. Okay. All year long. So it's gonna be a combo, a parlay be of the under and taking the as. I think it's either to lose money line or, or lose by one and a half.

The Philadelphia 76ers are currently in a complete free fall

My hot seat is the Philadelphia 76ERs. They're in a complete, complete free fall. Lost four outta the last five they played. Yoic. Everyone's talking about Embiid versus Yoic for mvp. MBI wasn't even man enough to play. James Harden also didn't play kind of a bullshit excuse like calf soreness.

The Timberwolves are a solid bet to win the NBA championship at +15,000

I put a future on the Timberwolves. Ooh. 15 plus 15,000 Whoa. On these guys and they beat the Kings. ... No, I'm saying they win two series, then you can hedge out and make a shitload of money. ... All of a sudden I'm sitting on a gold mine over here.

It's more fun to root for the worst team in the NBA than a middling team

There's something about being a fan for the worst team in the NBA that is like even more, it's more fun than being a middling team because you have like a couple young guys that that's all you care about is them playing well. ... Being in the no man's land of like making the play-in and stuff sucks.

Professional golf needs to bring back visors

Visors are a good look. I think we need to bring back visors. ... Gulf Digest had a study and they say for the first time in like 40 years, nobody in professional golf that's in the top 20 is a visor guy. ... we need one guy.

I would never tell my son I was on steroids because I'd want to keep dunking on him

If you're LeBron James and hypothetically if you had been taking HGH steroids... do you tell your son that... or does the dad instinct to always be able to beat your son in basketball supersede that? ... I would not tell Chris ever that I was on steroids cuz I'd just love Dunking on [him].

The Ravens management has completely disrespected and mishandled Lamar Jackson

Steve Bisciotti and Eric DeCosta have fucked the city of Baltimore in its ass. That's where I would like to start. The fucking treatment of Lamar Jackson is inexcusable. How the fuck are we gonna lose Lamar over Nothing. ... It's like a fucking fat guy with a little ass dick who's got a hot girlfriend. We lucked into Lamar... and then we just fucking have taken him for granted.

Lamar Jackson deserves the same fully guaranteed contract as Bradley Beal

The most valuable position, in the most valuable fucking league. And they're like, oh, because of an accounting issue, we can't pay these guys guaranteed money. ... A fucking MVP quarterback should be able to get the same contract as fucking Bradley Beal. He literally wants Bradley Beal's contract. Five for two 50. That's, are you kidding me? What the fuck are we talking about?

If Bill Belichick gets Lamar Jackson, the Patriots will win a Super Bowl

If he goes to the fucking Patriots, they will win his Super Bowl. They win. ... You take a guy who's been completely underutilized... and you put him with the Patriots, who now fucking Bill Belichick has something to prove. ... Belichick has that horse cock. That's why the Broncos wanted it.

The Celtics will not win a championship because Joe Mazzulla is too religious

The Celtics can suck my dick. I think ever since Joe Mazzulla... do you see where he, when the fucking, the Queen of England or whatever, or the prince came to visit? They asked about that and he was like, I, I thought the only royal family was Jesus, Mary and Joseph. And I was like, all right, they're gonna lose. No fucking bitch ass nerd who says something like that is winning a fucking championship.

Most remote workers only do about five to six hours of actual hard work per week

The working from home is like you only do half the work. You just basically fuck around all day and then... you can get your job done in like five to six hours of really hard work. That's just a fact. That's how America was built. ... You spent four hours on browsers, you played a bunch of SNES and Yeah. You just dicked around and looked at your fantasy team for 50% of the work week.

Most remote workers could finish their entire week's work on a Monday morning

If anyone figured out the fact that I could do my entire week's worth of work on a Monday morning, probably wouldn't be getting paid as much. Probably wouldn't have that job.

UConn will cement themselves as the best program of the last 25 years if they win this title

Going up against the team that will further cement themselves as the best team in the last 25 years. So in terms of multiple winners in the last 25 years, UConn has four. Duke and UNC both have three apiece. This would be UConn's fifth if they could finish the deal.

Nate Oats is officially on the hot seat

I'm officially putting Nate Oats on my hot seat. It's got to turn into go at least one year without a murder to get off this hot seat.

Players who play in Europe for 15 years often have a better life than fringe NBA players

I would actually say that a lot of players that end up doing the thing where they go to Europe and they play for 12, 15 years and they bounce around Europe all the time, they might have a better life than a guy that makes it to the NBA. Gets paid a shitload of money and maybe doesn't get, you know, doesn't sniff a championship. Maybe you're coming off the bench... going over and playing overseas in Europe or in New Zealand or Australia. That's probably a pretty good life.

Jerome Tang going into the FAU locker room was the classiest move a coach could make

Jerome Tang stole my heart going into the FAU locker room after the game and coaching him up and telling 'em how proud of him that he was. I just think that's the classiest move a coach could ever make.

Tall basketball players are actually at a disadvantage against normal-sized people

I've always been to the mindset that tall players are actually at a disadvantage against a normal size player like myself. Because it does take longer for their brain signal to go from their brain to their extremities than it would for me.

Luka Doncic should think about leaving the Mavericks

If I was Luca, I would think about leaving Dallas.