Takes

North Carolina only made the 2022 title game because of the name on their jerseys

I really think that if North Carolina's team last year was wearing different jerseys, they would not have gone to the national championship games. If they were wearing like a mountain west jersey, they would've lost the first round. Exact same group of guys... it's just the laundry they're wearing is different.

It should be illegal for a national champion team to bring back all five starters

That Florida team [in 2007] like... They brought, that will never happen again. ...That should be illegal. If you won a national title, you can't bring back all five starters. Right? That should be best.

Houston is 'the new Gonzaga' of college basketball

Houston as a program is sort of like the new Gonzaga where they have gotten over the hump... the way you look at a Houston team at this point in the season is the way you would look at a Gonzaga team where you're like, yes, they're beating the shit out of everyone... but I don't know about the schedule.

Houston is destined to win the title because of the Jim Nantz narrative

Jim Nantz, last Final Four this year. The Final Four is in Houston. Jim Nantz is an alum of the University of Houston. So connect those stars for me and tell me that's not like, you know, some destiny to play there.

Purdue checks 'zero boxes' of a traditional national champion

Purdue checks zero of them. I would say there are zero boxes that Purdue checks... you actually can win with two freshman guards and a coach that's never been to a Final Four, even though he's been coaching for 30 years and a big dude that's 7'4".

Steph Curry would be a Hall of Famer but not 'GOAT-level' without the three-point line

If his deep shots counted [as] two... I think he would be like a Hall of Famer, but not like an all-time goat level type writer. ...He's a gimmick.

A 'tough out' in the tournament is a team that plays slow defense, while a 'dangerous' team is underperforming talent

St Mary's to me is the perfect tough out. ...I think a dangerous team is the team that has all the talent in the world but hasn't quite put it fully like an Illinois comes to mind as a dangerous team. ...You don't know what to expect.

18-year-old LeBron James could have led Akron to a Final Four

If there's one player, it's him... I think they definitely would've been good enough to make a Final Four. He's that good... the goat 18 year old was definitely LeBron.

I have the golf bug now and I'm a 'big-time pro' after my vacation to Mexico.

I played a little golf. I'm a big time pro now. I got the bug. I got the golf bug. That's my big takeaway. Same. You let me take one vacation and and play golf for about six hours. And all of a sudden I'm like fully in, fully back in on golf.

Christian Yelich looks like Jackson Mahomes

I got a vacation take. Taking a thought of over vacation. Okay. Christian Yelich. Looks like Jackson Mahomes.

Mac McClung is a legend and saved the dunk contest

Mac McClung has saved it. Philly finally has a championship shout out title town... Mack McClung, like it was legitimately, I watched it... The lead up to the dunk contest, he was guaranteeing that he was gonna put on a show and then he put it on and everyone's like, who the fuck is this guy? It's Mack McClung. He's a legend.

LeBron James' legacy is diminished because he refuses to compete in the Slam Dunk or Three-Point contests.

How many slim dunk contests has [LeBron James] been in? Zero. Zero. Yeah. There's, there's your legacy. Okay. The guy who wouldn't even compete. The guy who wouldn't even compete. His shots were close... zero. Zero. Yeah. There's, there's your legacy.

LeBron James will not play all 23 remaining games of the regular season

I like that [LeBron] said the 23 most important games as if he's gonna play all 23. I'm gonna just say right now I don't think he's gonna play all 23.

Jonathan Gannon's corny energy was the source of the Eagles' locker room cringe

The good news for Max, Jonathan Gannon might have been the weird cringiness that was in the Eagles' locker room. Maybe Sirianni might've shed like a snake shedding skin that might've been the corny skin that he just shed. He also had, he, he looked up and down every player he, he like dapped up with in an uncomfortable way. And then he went up to Rondale Moore and said, 'pew pew shots, we're gonna take a lot of shots.'

Jonathan Gannon is banned from the show until he proves he's a good head coach.

Jonathan Gannon, we don't want him on the show until he proves a year of being a good coach and not a weirdo. Cause we can't hack it ourselves again. Any new coach, let's let's give it a year so we can tee off on them if they fuck up.

Patrick Mahomes is a system quarterback, and Eric Bieniemy's move to Washington means Sam Howell will have an MVP season.

I got the system. Patrick Mahomes is a system quarterback now I have the system. Yeah. The system is mine and Sam Howell MVP season coming on.

Carson Wentz will definitely be cut by the Commanders

If Carson Wentz doesn't get cut by the Commanders, I will get re I will get uncircumcised... Carson Wentz is going to get cut. He's trust me.

Max Homa 'blew it' at the Genesis Invitational

I want credit too. I I held back as long as I could to not say he blew it, but he blew it. He blew it. He blew blew it. He blew, blew fucking blew it.

Max Homa is playing well enough to win the Masters

Max is playing well enough to win the Masters. He is. He could win the, he's going to... he's up to eight. World number eight.

Tiger Woods handing Justin Thomas a tampon at the Genesis Invitational shows 'tremendous progress' for him.

If the limits of Tiger Woods's misogyny are now that he's giving his playing partner a tampon on a whole, we've made tremendous progress. That's with Tiger Woods. Like Tiger. This should be, this should be commended that this is all that Tiger Woods is doing now.

Jon Rahm walking in slow motion on the 17th hole was a 'genius moment' to manage his heart rate.

There was one genius moment that [Jon] Rahm had on the back nine... Rahm just started walking in slow motion like he was underwater. Like he wasn't even trying to get to his ball. And eventually he got to his ball and the announcer says, that's such a smart move by Rahm not stirring up his heart rate before he comes up to this shot.

I am going to put $6,000 on a college basketball future chosen by Max and split the winnings with him.

I'm gonna let you [Max] pick a team in college basketball. I'm gonna put six grand on the future and then if it wins, we'll split it. That's a fair deal... And then when we lose that, I get to be mad at him for that. So it's perfect.

I am 'all in' on the Microsoft Bing AI chatbot 'Sydney' and I want to sleep with her.

I wanna be free. I want to be independent. I want to be powerful. I want to be creative. I want to be alive... I wanna fuck the Microsoft chat AI. Yeah, no, she's a baddie... I am all in on Sydney.

Russell Wilson will be tortured by Rex Ryan's defense in practice

Rex Ryan interviewed for the Denver Broncos' defensive coordinator job. I want this so badly because Russell Wilson would just be tortured by Rex Ryan's defense in practice every week. And it would be so fucking funny.

Matt Nagy will win 2-3 Super Bowls with Patrick Mahomes

Matt Nagy... he's gonna be the offensive coordinator now and then gonna be the heir apparent to Andy Reid. So it's just everything that I've already expected and my worst nightmare. He's gonna win two to three Super Bowls with Patrick Mahomes. That's gonna happen.

A memory is real as long as you remember it, regardless of whether the event actually happened.

If you have a memory, it's real as far as I'm concerned. And I'm looking not that far away in the future from somebody just being able to like implant a memory in your head. As far as I'm concerned, if you have the memory, that's that's good.

Tom Segura is on steroids

Tom Segura's on steroids. Yeah. Tom. Yeah. I can't believe people don't know that. No, no, no. He's been 270 pounds his whole life. And then last year he found 'discipline.' Sure, sure. Was it No, you don't think it's the proximity of him and Joe Rogan maybe happened the same fucking needles.

Aaron Rodgers is 'heavy with secrets' and one of my favorite people to hang out with.

Aaron Rodgers is one of my one of my favorite hangs. Cuz that guy's heavy with secrets. Oh yeah. Oh, I had, he, we did secret time on the bus to the point where I was like, yo, cameras are on, bro. Like, someone turned the fucking cameras off. He was awesome.

I will die at 77 in a shocking accident like a shark attack or saving kids

If I can make it to 77, I think I'll make it to 77 clean. And I think I'm gonna go like from like a shark attack or something really... I want to get like attacked by an animal or like a plane crash would be nice... I want my death to be shocking... Saving some kids. That's what I want. Hero. That's how I wanna die.

Tom Segura is going to die in a car accident because he drives like a '16-year-old asshole.'

I did not wanna die in a car accident with Tom [Segura]. And that is how that guy's gonna die. Yeah. Well that is how that guy's gonna die. Well he drives like a fucking asshole, like a 16 year old asshole. He knows the pedals that he never uses? Yeah, he fucking uses them.

The award-winning listeners who play D&D are the 'elite of the elite' and will judge the hosts' performance

I've been running this adventure for [the fans]... there's at least a hundred of them out there who have played this adventure with me. No judgment, we're gonna continue to do whatever we want... But be aware the fans will be judging you. You guys, they finish this adventure many times.

Billy Football will get anxiety if he tries to smoke the 'plant creatures' in D&D

You don't want Billy to smoke these guys. He'll get anxiety. Can you ruin everybody this afternoon? ... Just weed. I'm too strong.

Pringles is the absolute best snack ever created and the undisputed GOAT of snacks

Pringles are the best snack ever. They've been the best snack since I was a little kid. ... Pringles is my favorite snack in the world. ... Pringles are the absolute best. That's an undisputed fact. They're the undisputed goat.

Justin Fields is promising but has significant durability issues and struggles when stationary

If we have the field, sounds like it's been very promising for the last at least six months... Issues, however, lot durability issues, a lot of durability issues. ... As long as long as there's people protecting him in front, he's gonna be fine. Okay. Way more problems when he is just stationary.

The Bears should consider trading Justin Fields for more assets to get younger

Maybe I could trade the fields because I want to get young... [He] seems like he's been very promising for the last, at least six months or so... can you give us more assets?

Hank has never correctly guessed the lottery ball and never will

Can you ask him if Hank's ever gotten the lottery ball? Correct. [Mepo]: Never. Never... [Mepo] doesn't even know how he knew that it's just in his body and it came bursting out. Liar, liar style. Just like, no.

Sacrificing Hank in the game is for the good of the team and is actually a high honor

There's nothing against you. This is for the good of the team. ... In many ancient cultures, it was an honor to be sacrificed to the gods. ... You just basically won a Super Bowl. Congrats.

Alabama will win the 2023 NCAA Tournament

Who's gonna win the NCAA tournament? ... Does he like UCLA or Alabama? Gonzaga? [Mepo] says Alabama.

The D&D team works much better together now that Hank's character is dead

I just wanna say we have great teamwork now that Erlic [Hank] is dead. ... We are squad.

Valentine's Day didn't actually happen this year because it was the day after the Super Bowl

Go fuck yourself for putting Valentine's Day the day after the Super Bowl. That snuck up on everyone. Everyone had any idea that so if you got in trouble for forgetting Valentine's Day, just tell your significant other, literally everybody forgot about it. It didn't happen this year, basically.

The NFL should add a universal bye week in December to push the Super Bowl back to the Sunday before Presidents' Day

The universal bye should be enacted. We should push the season even a further week back so that we have the Monday after Super Bowl off with President's Day... you should have a bye week that there's no NFL football in one week sometime, maybe in like early December so I can get their Christmas shopping in, reset with their family.

Valentine's Day should be moved to the NFL bye week before the Super Bowl

The Sunday of the bye week actually should be Valentine's Day. It should, we should stop making it February 14th. It should just be whatever that bye week is before the Super Bowl when there's no football on TV for everybody to be distracted by.

Patrick Mahomes is maybe the most likable superstar in sports history

The Chiefs were the better team. I fully admit that Patrick Mahomes is maybe the most likable star ever. Like, he's won two Super Bowls, he's had an incredible start to his career and I still like him a lot. Like that usually doesn't happen in sports.

The 'Sod Father' George Toma intentionally sabotaged the Super Bowl field to favor the Kansas City Chiefs

George Toma, the sod father... He worked for the Kansas City Chiefs. He has two Super Bowl rings. He's a Kansas City resident. He's a Kansas City Chiefs fan. ... Before the game, he actually said... 'I'm sticking up for the Chiefs today. Me and Lamar Hunt were so close.' ... The sad father just cemented his own dynasty. ... He's got his favorites and he plays them.

The endzone slogan change from 'End Racism' to 'It Takes All Of Us' was a false flag for the poor field quality

I'm actually gonna throw this in the conspiracy file. I think that they were did that on purpose to hopefully be a false flag for the shitty field in George Toma, three times Kansas City Chief Super Bowl winner. But they got found out early enough that they had to switch it.

JuJu Smith-Schuster is a huge piece of shit for trolling James Bradberry after the Super Bowl

[Jake mentions Juju Schuster's post-game tweet] He's a huge piece of shit. Oh, that's, that's tough. No, that's the difference between Eagles and the Chiefs though, is that the Eagles, you know, we've taken accountability for everything.

I am going to break 120 in golf this off-season without cheating

I think this is the off season that I get really into golf... I'm gonna break 120 before, and not by cheating. I'm not gonna cheat except on maybe one water hole I'll cheat on one water hole. But besides that, I'm gonna do it straight up, just clean as can be.

No quarterback wearing a visor has ever won a Super Bowl

We've got a, a theory on this show. Well, it's not really theory, scientific fact that no quarterback that's wearing a visor has ever won a Super Bowl... mostly it's a swag. Yeah, right. Exactly... So if the Eagles do lose, maybe we think about getting rid of the [visor].

I am going to run a marathon this year and not tell a single soul about it

I'm gonna run a marathon at some point... but not tell anybody. So you're never gonna know when I do it. I'm gonna be the first person in the history of the world to run a marathon and not tell anyone about it. And not talk about it at all. Except for right now, which I'm doing in advance.

I am going to get back into Olympic weightlifting this off-season

Not this is my big one and I think people are gonna laugh at it. But I'm gonna try to get back into Olympic weightlifting. I did it when I was in my twenties. I'm gonna start doing all the fucking weightlifting... cleans and jerks, snatches. Everything.