Big Cat

Chris Webber was definitely betting on the Thunder-Spurs game

Chris Webber, I'm pretty sure Chris Webber was betting on this game because I've never heard anyone so emotionally invested in a game... It was clear that Chris Webber had money on this game.

Ryan Leaf and Johnny Manziel are bigger busts than a serial killer

I think Ryan Leaf and Johnny Manziel still are bigger [busts].

Steroid users should be allowed to use them as long as they don't work out

I think for steroids, you should be able to use them as long as you don't abuse them... If you use steroids, you can't lift any weights. This is the Pardon My Take 'use it, don't abuse it' rule. If you use it, stay out of the gym.

Pablo Sandoval is 'hurt' because he's fat, not 'injured'

I'd say he's hurt. I wouldn't say he's injured. I think his whole body is... he's just so out of shape. He's like, 'ow, I slept on it funny, I'm out for the rest of the season.' That's a fat guy thing. You start making up injuries in your brain.

Philip Rivers is using the 'Ultimate Chargers Mom' contest to hook up with moms in San Diego

I feel like Philip Rivers is about to hook up with some moms in the San Diego area. You're giving a guy who loves moms because he's got 10 kids. He loves sex. He loves moms. And you're having this guy do a photo judge and call a mom? I don't know, Chargers. Feels like a bad idea.

The NHL handshake line is the worst display of sportsmanship because it is mandatory

If anything, the hockey line is the worst handshake line because one, it's mandatory. So there's no like actual thought behind it. They just have to line up and do it. And two, they just go and they high five and say good game. The Heat and Hornets game today, guys are like hugging and talking and catching up.

You should tip the maid $5 if you stay at a hotel for more than one night

If you stay at a hotel for more than one night, you leave five bucks for the maid. ... Just dump [change] in and it will all even out. If you go to a bar, your first tip is always $2. ... And if you're at a wedding... you hand the guy a $20 bill to start the night.

Life.com is the most prestigious university in the world

I don't want to go recency bias on us, but Life.com is probably the most prestigious university in the world.

Laremy Tunsil's gas mask bong video is actually a positive scouting report showing he has great lung capacity and mental toughness

Nice lungs on him. If you're scouting him and you're like, damn, that guy can play deep into the fourth quarter. That guy can play at altitude is what it tells me. ... So that guy can be in a tight place. He can play in altitude. Mentally tough. He's got deep lungs. He can play deep into the fourth quarter.

You cannot win with an NFL player who has never tried weed

Your draft pick being a weed guy i think that you don't want to have a draft pick who's who's never tried weed everyone has a friend who's never tried weed and he's a loser and like when you pass the joint around you're like fuck this guy's a narc you start thinking about it you can't win with a guy who's never tried weed

Laremy Tunsil's stepdad is officially the worst stepdad of all time

If this stepdad really hacked Laremy Tunsil's every account he has, he's by far the worst stepdad of all time. So every other stepdad in relation looks okay.

Laremy Tunsil is a sympathetic figure because his stepdad leaked the video to screw him over

The fact that he has a stepdad in this issue actually works to his favor because I think right away, PR 101, get a stepdad that could somehow screw you over and then be like, yo, my stepdad's a dick. Automatically a sympathetic figure. ... everyone is like, poor Laremy Tunsil, we feel so bad for this guy because of the stepdad factor.

Chris Berman's pun game proves he still has his fastball

The Giants selected Eli Apple, Chris Berman. Right on the ball. Good to see that Berman still got it. He gets a little shit every now and then. He had Eli the Big Apple instantly.

Mel Kiper eats a slice of pumpkin pie every single morning

People forget that Mel Kiper eats a slice of pumpkin pie every single morning.

LeBron James has been doing steroids since the day he was born

Steph Curry's hurt, Chris Paul's hurt, Blake Griffin's hurt, you know who's never missed the playoff game? LeBron James. But LeBron James has always been huge. ... Always has been doing steroids probably since the day he was born. I've never seen a more clear steroid case in my life than LeBron James.

The person who leaked Laremy Tunsil's gas mask video deserves death

If we're in the trust tree right now, this guy deserves death. ... If he winds up like in a ditch somewhere like, yep, no one is going to cry about that. He's a scumbag.

You can only trust the weather in Chicago between July 4th and Labor Day

It's been classic Chicago because three weeks, two weeks ago, it was 80 degrees and beautiful. Now winter is basically back. And like I said, the only time you can trust Chicago weather is like July 4th to Labor Day.

Stephen A. Smith should argue against a mirror instead of a co-host

I actually think Stephen A. Smith should just argue in a mirror, like a dog looking at itself and barking. How great would that be? If we just put a really clean mirror in front of Stephen A. Smith, we're like, this is your new host, man.

Sam Bradford hasn't earned the right to be a starting quarterback

I can't comprehend where Sam Bradford's coming from to think that he earned the right to be a starting quarterback in the NFL.

Carson Wentz's corny Twitter presence is a major red flag

You got to watch out for guys like this who are just like a little too corny on Twitter. It's like the – it's like – what's it called? Draft Day. Great movie, by the way. What's he hiding?

I want my offensive linemen to be white and my defensive linemen to be black

I would like [6'6 guys who run 4.2s] on my offensive line, and I'd like the black guys on my defensive line.

Joey Bosa is a great draft prospect because of his name

I'm a big Joey Bosa guy just from the name. I think his name, I think that's a great name.

Russell Westbrook is an All-Star, not a NBA Superstar

Westbrook? All-star. I agree with [Mark] Cuban. Not a superstar. My criteria for superstar is a superstar has at least like 10 million Chinese people wearing their shoes.

Carmelo Anthony is a bum

Carmelo? He's a bum. ... He's a bum on the Knicks. And he wears bum hats.

Anthony Davis isn't a superstar because he claimed he couldn't get a date on Tinder

Anthony Davis? He's a bum. He's a bum right now. Did you see him on the thing with Tinder? He was saying he couldn't get a date. Now let me ask this: Does an all-star, a star, a superstar ever not be able to get a date? Anthony Davis is a bum.

Jimmy Butler is a bad leader and a bum

Jimmy Butler is an all-star, but he's also – he's got a couple bum qualities in him that have pissed me off. ... He's an all-star who thinks he's a superstar, which then makes that part of his brain bum-like. ... He is the leader of the Bulls now, yes, but he's a bad leader. ... All right, fine. He's a bum star.

San Diego is 'fake life' and not real life

San Diego is fake life. It's not real life. There's nothing real about San Diego. There are no fat people. I'm pretty sure no one has a job except if you're in the Navy. It's beautiful every single day. Everyone's just relaxed and like cool. There's no edge.

The Chargers should leave San Diego because fans living in paradise don't deserve a team

Just don't – I don't ever want to hear any San Diego fan ever tell me, like, we had a bad loss or boo-hoo, the Chargers are moving. You live in paradise. You don't deserve other things. You have the paradise to live with... I want you to lose the Chargers now.

Never plan dinners for a bachelor party

If you're planning a bachelor party, don't plan any dinners. I've never seen a party go from this was fun to just death. You sit down, you eat, and it's just like, okay, now I just want to go to bed.

The NBA first round should return to five-game series

I honestly think they should go back to the five games in the first round. The five-game series just felt more like every game means so much. And if you can win one game, it's like, ooh, maybe they can actually pull this off.

Sean Kemp will definitely be on the show at some point

We're going to get Sean Kemp on the show. That's my guarantee to the Pardon My Take listeners. We will get Sean Kemp on the show somehow, someway, at some point. Guaranteed.

If the Blues lose to the Blackhawks, the franchise should move to L.A.

If the Blackhawks do win tonight, Monday, they have to cancel hockey in St. Louis, correct? Every franchise has to move from St. Louis to L.A. It will be such an embarrassment.

Colin Kaepernick used steroids because he's too skinny now

My [Witch Hunt] is Colin Kaepernick. If you've seen a picture of Colin Kaepernick, he looks like a tweaker. He's super skinny. He's got a fro, which means he was doing steroids, and now he's no longer doing steroids. So Colin Kaepernick was a steroid user.

The only people to ever make Minnesota cool are Kirby Puckett, Kevin Garnett, and Prince

It's basically the list of people who have made the state of Minnesota cool are like Kirby Puckett, Kevin Garnett, and Prince. That's it.

The pinnacle of celebrity status is when nobody makes jokes about your death on Twitter

That's when you know you've made it. Like, Prince died. Everyone is really sad... Prince is no jokes. There are no jokes. David Bowie was the same way. You don't do jokes when Prince dies. So that's really, like, the pinnacle of celebrity is people don't joke about your death.

Tiger Woods loses his 'man card' for needing his dad to teach him how to drink water between beers

Tiger Woods, I'm taking your man card, first of all... Asking your dad to teach you how to drink a beer because you puked at a fricking frat party once? Man card again. How many times can I take this man card?

Stanley Johnson is actually in LeBron James' head by making LeBron think he's crazy

So you're thinking LeBron has probably read this and was like – like laughed it off, like, ha, ha, ha, ha, Stanley Johnson thinks he's in my head. And then there was a quick pause, and he's like, uh – maybe he is. I don't know.

Any future heroic act by JJ Watt will be a staged PR stunt

I wouldn't rule out J.J. Watt staging, saving some child from a burning building or something. If you hear a story in the next month that J.J. Watt ran into a burning warehouse and there were children and kittens and puppies and he saved them all, just be on the lookout for that. ... I want to be a pre-truther to anything heroic that J.J. Watt does in the next six months.

Conor McGregor's retirement is likely a cover for a steroid issue

I don't think people assume steroids enough anymore. And now this is going to be a hot take, but just follow me for a minute. Conor McGregor, he retired because he did steroids, right? Why isn't anyone saying that?

Rex Ryan should consider being Donald Trump's Vice President because he won't be coaching the Bills in four years

Rex Ryan might want to consider being Donald Trump's vice president because that's a four year job and there's no way he's going to be coach of the bills in four years.

Bill Belichick would be the best NFL coach to serve as a Vice President

Bill Belichick would be a damn good one, too. Because he actually – Bill Belichick would actually instill confidence in a candidate like Donald Trump, right? You'd be like, well, Donald Trump doesn't know what he's doing, but Bill Belichick does. I mean he knows what he's doing basically anything.

Johnny Manziel should go to law school and become his own agent

Johnny Manziel is agentless. He should start going to law school, become his own agent, show that he can be a responsible adult. If Johnny Manziel was like yeah I'm starting night school classes law school night school classes tell me people aren't like wow Johnny really got his act together.

Curt Schilling should be known for his failed business ventures rather than his social media posts

Curt Schilling needs to start bringing up that he bankrupted a video game thing and bankrupted the whole entire state of Rhode Island. I feel like people forget that, and he should be saying that more often. It's like, don't know me as Curt Schilling the racist. Know me as Curt Schilling the really bad businessman.

Big Cat winning the 50-50 raffle would be one of the last great sports stories out there

Big Cat winning the 50-50 raffle is one of the last great sports stories out there. I'm the guy always paying for the 50-50 raffle because I keep telling myself, Oh man, this will be the time I win.

The NHL first round is much better than the NBA first round

The major stories all come from the playoffs starting and the stark difference between how much fun the NHL first round is and how awful the NBA first round is. It's incredible to watch. If you are the eighth seed, if you're the seventh seed, what's even the point of being in the playoffs? Whereas the NHL seeds all across the board win playoff series.

Hockey Twitter and NBA Twitter fans are annoying for constantly comparing the toughness of their sports

Hockey Twitter will be like, well, Jonathan Toews said 'we' a bunch... then they'll make like awful memes showing how hard and tough hockey is and how soft and like a bunch of pussies NBA players are. When I think most of us can just say like we kind of enjoy all the sports. I don't really think I should have to choose between one or the other just because someone's able to stay on the ice with a broken leg.

Setting the tone is the most important part of being successful in the hockey playoffs

Setting the tone is so important in hockey playoffs. That's what everyone said. You have to set the tone. It's a very big part of being successful in hockey is setting the tone.

The NBA will lose its man card if they go to more than one ad on their jerseys

I'm going to take the NBA's man card once they start throwing these. If they go to more than one ad on their jerseys, man card time.

Every person nicknamed Beef in the world is a good time to hang out with

I think every person nicknamed Beef in the world is a good time to hang out with. Now I'm not saying you want them—when Beef comes to visit you, your wife or girlfriend probably rolls her eyes... but Beef is a great time to party with.

I agree that the Anaheim Ducks will win the Stanley Cup this year

I think Anaheim might get it right this year. [Big Cat]: OK, that's OK. I agree.